Published at 25th of August 2019 10:19 pm

Book 1 Chapter 10 - She’s So Sad

This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml

Two days later, Kayoko, in a bright red dress, suddenly intruded into Tomoki’s home. His ears were used to the sound of the wind chimes swaying by the window, and on TV the weather girl informed the end of the rainy season, while images of half-naked people crowding the beaches of Izu and Enoshima at the peak of summer were projected on the screen.

That morning, Tomoki, who had secluded himself in his room to drag out the depression rainy season, was told that “Asaki-san from MDC has come here.”

Though Megumi had come up the stairs to tell him this, he wasn’t very much surprised. Yeah, that’s right, he thought, glancing out the window like it was someone else’s problem.

The Asia joint training camp of his deepest desires. The qualifying trials that he was betting on to gain the right to participate at the Big Event was the next day. Despite this, Tomoki was absent from yesterday’s practice without permission. In addition, he didn’t pick up the calls from Kayoko or Coach Fujitani. His parents didn’t interfere in things related to diving and let him do what he liked, but Kayoko couldn’t stay silent, and remarkably made an early surprise visit.

Tomoki had imagined again and again what Kayoko’s stern face would look like when she would rudely break into his sanctuary. Her carefully arranged eyebrows would be arched; her lined eyes, resembling the ones of a carnivorous animal, would glare down on him; and her red lips would tremble as she grinded her teeth in anger, which he could almost hear at any moment now; Kayoko would reproach Tomoki with her entire body.

“Do you understand how important this time is right now?”

In reality, Kayoko had taken one step into his room, and Megumi, who had been showing her the way, escaped downstairs as Kayoko fixed Tomoki with an fierce glare and barked at him.

But, that was only the first cry.

“What…”

Vacant, uncaring eyes. A slackened mouth. Loose skin. When she laid her eyes on Tomoki lying on his bed in his pajamas, as though the him from three days ago was a completely different person, Kayoko’s voice suddenly changed.

“What happened?”

Tomoki raised himself up and leaned back against a pillow propped up at the back of his bed.

“You don’t have any strength at all, huh.”

If Kayoko had been a more weak-willed woman, she might have given up on the joint training camp dream right at that moment. But for her, who had once been forced to scribbled out the words “to give up” in her dictionary with her pen in order to bury it, problems were for savoring the pleasure of overcoming them.

“Everyone experiences this kind of thing, not just you.”

Kayoko sat on a chair prepared by Megumi, and set about to observe the Tomoki’s state in earnest. Eventually the angry look she had before changed into a softer tone of voice.

“There’s just a little more until the important competition. The stronger their enthusiasm for betting on that competition is, the more they will put pressure on themselves. You want to win at all costs, and you want to be selected as a member of the training camp. Those feelings get too much for you, and the balance of your mind is disturbed. In addition, in your case you were also under pressure to perform the 3½. Up until now you were barely able to do the 2½, and now you have to attempt the 3½ on the big stage that you’re betting on to go to Beijing. That alone isn’t great. It’s no wonder that you’ve lost your nerve before the competition.”

However, Kayoko continued on fiercely.

“But, this is a trial that everyone must overcome. You are well aware that diving is a sport that requires more resilient mental strength than any other. You stand on that platform alone. Failure is unacceptable in those 1.4 seconds, but still, it seems that you are also one of those people fearless enough throw yourself into the air. With that mental strength, there’s no reason you can’t bear this little pressure. I know you can do it. You can definitely overcome this. After that, you’ll believe in yourself!”

To Kayoko’s powerful words, Tomoki said, “My brother stole my girlfriend.”

“What?”

“The girl I was going out with was stolen by my younger brother.”

Kayoko’s mouth stayed in an awkward shape.

“Your girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“Stolen?”

“Uh-huh.”

“By your younger brother?”

“By my brother.”

Kayoko breathed in heavily, then exhaled again.

“Are you stupid?”

Needless to say, Tomoki knew best about his own stupidity.

“Being confessed to, and dating, and even though I don’t even know if I like her or not, and now that it’s all gone, I feel like I really did like all those other stuff.” Tomoki muttered to Kayoko, who was too amazed to speak. While wondering why he was telling this to his diving coach, once his mouth started to move there was no stopping it. Maybe people wanted others to listen to them when they were broken-hearted. No matter who they were.

“I’ve never experienced things like having fun going out with someone or feeling in love, but I know only the pain of a broken heart perfectly, and now I feel like everything that’s sweet has been taken away by my brother.”

“Do you know that something is important only after you lose it?”

“Um…I think so.”

“That’s a lie. Only as soon as you lose something does it seem somehow important. You would have treasured it from the beginning if it was really important, so you wouldn’t have lost it.”

“That’s hard though.”

“You are only cheating yourself. You know exactly what’s most important to you right now.”

“I know. I know, but…I don’t have the strength.”

He was fully aware of what Kayoko wanted to say. Indeed, right now this wasn’t a situation where he could just say that he was broken-hearted. Nevertheless, no matter what he did, he couldn’t get Miu to leave his head.

He received her confession, and they started “dating”, but he never once cherished Miu during that whole year. He never made her happy or pleased her. He found calls and dates to be too troublesome, and as a boyfriend he was too uncooperative. That’s why Miu moved her heart to the cooperative Hiroya. She went out with Hiroya, who used all of his effort to make her happy and please her, and so the two of them had kissed in the blink of an eye. It was a perfect happy ending in their world. Tomoki had no right to blame them.

He knew that in his head.

Even so, his heart couldn’t just settle down.

What the heck should I do? He thought to himself. He believed that he should be strong on a mental level. He hadn’t felt pressure, and he was free from any odd straining. He never thought that there’d be a pitfall like this.

“This is just cliched advice, but…” Kayoko told Tomoki’s tormented profile, “if you keep on worrying endlessly like this, you’d only fall into the depths in more quickly. So, won’t go back to diving soon so that you can keep your mind off of this?”

“Diving, diving, diving. That’s all you think about.”

“Heartbreak, heartbreak, heartbreak. That’s all you think about.”

Their spiteful gaze collided with each other’s.

“You’re satisfied as long as I’m diving, no matter what happens to me.”

“Yes, I’m satisfied as long as you’re diving, even if your brother stole your girlfriend. Because I’m a diving coach.”

“You’ve only ever lived for diving, so you never fell in love. That’s why you can say that.” Tomoki became more obstinate as Kayoko kept talking about diving, until he unintentionally escalated his words. I went too far, he thought too late, since Kayoko had already stood up from her chair.

Above her red as fire dress, her cold as ice eyes pinned Tomoki down. He thought that she was going to leave just like that, but Kayoko stepped to the window opposite the door, looking up at where the weak morning light shone through the curtains. Although there was a more definite morning if she opened the curtains, but she didn’t.

“I was eight when I came across diving for the first time.”

Eventually, unexpected words spilled from her lips. It was her past that Kayoko had sealed up so far.

“When my family lived in the New York suburbs, I was invited by a local friend. It was a one-day class to experience diving. Once I got there, I was immediately fascinated by it. It was the first time that I’ve ever felt so good, that my heart pounded so much, from everything. I made up my mind, on that day, that I will become a top diver. When I went home and told my parents about it, their eyes both went wide. Just like your grandfather, they said. That was the first time I learned that my grandfather used to be a diver. Moreover, he was a former Olympian…I was so ecstatic, since this was fated, decreed by the heavens, and I immediately started to go to the local DC. Before long, I dived everyday. I dived day in and day out. I definitely didn’t have time to fall in love. But I had fun. I found myself growing steadily. Every time I memorized a new technique, I felt proud, like I increased the stamps on my passport by one.”

Kayoko finally faced Tomoki here.

“But, eventually I came to my limit. Even now I’m very confident in my natural intuition for diving. Whether you yourself are performing, or watching other people’s performances, you can intuitively understand where the faults are, and how to fix it. But it isn’t always possibly to do that, even if you know it in your head. It’s different, and you know it shouldn’t be like that, and it’s irritating when your body that doesn’t move the way you expected it to. The more I grew, the more irritated with myself I got. Even so, I was active in my area and as such I received some small medals. The coaches encouraged me to progress more. But, it was no good. I knew better than anyone about myself, and where my limits were.

“When I was fourteen, my family returned to Japan due to my father’s work. That took me away from diving. When I told my grandfather that I wouldn’t be diving anymore, he seemed a little lonely, but my parents were relieved.

“After that I concentrated on studying for entrance exams, and I enrolled into a high school in Tokyo with no problems. I enjoyed high school life as it was. I hung out with my friends, fell in love casually, and tried out a part-time job. But my heart was never fulfilled. I always felt like something was missing, something was always unsatisfactory. I guess it’s just my nature. I might have needed something I could do with all my strength.

“One day when I was in my third year and still hadn’t decided on my course in life yet, Grandfather called me. ‘I’ve decided to create a diving club in Setagaya,’ he said. Could you imagine my feelings then? It was like the morning suddenly dawned at night.”

While talking, Kayoko raised her right-hand high to open the blue curtains.

It’s been a while since he faced the morning sunlight. Tomoki reflexively squinted his eyes from the glare.

“Grandfather had said that he had long forgotten about diving. He was trying to forget it, but when he met a young boy, his old passion for it had been revived. In order to nurture that boy, he wanted to contribute his saved-up fortune from up to that time to the Japanese diving world.”

“That boy…”

“I’d asked him. Who was that boy? Grandfather answered me. He was Okitsu…”

“Okitsu Shibuki.” Tomoki said the name before Kayoko did.

Kayoko turned around, and noticing the power that dwelled in Tomoki’s gaze, smiled.

“Yes, it was Okitsu Shibuki. It was he of eight years ago that became Grandfather’s driving force to create the MDC.”

“Did the president see Okitsu-kun dive eight years ago?”

“Yes, at the sea of Tsugaru. Only that one boy managed to kindle a fire in the chest of a former Olympian who had forgotten about diving.”

Tomoki nodded and swallowed a breath. Eight years ago, Shibuki would have been in third grade. Speaking of which, it was around that time when his father and grandfather died at an incident at sea.

“When he returned to Tokyo, Grandfather told me that he saw the grandson of the former genius diver. That child is an unknown talent who will grow thoroughly. And in order to nurture that talent with his own hands, he fiercely began to get to work.

“Of course, that wasn’t the only reason why he started the MDC. He must have wanted to do something about the diving world that continued to be sluggish. While Grandfather was young, he had never fulfilled his dream of winning an Olympic medal. He talked about wanting to entrust it to the next generation. I was struck by that enthusiasm, and I returned to the diving world that I was once separated from.

“To be honest, at that time I also missed the water. Even though I gave up on my dream of becoming a top diver, I never threw away my wish of wanting to be connected to diving in some way. When Grandfather invited me to try being a coach, I thought that was it. He said that if I became a coach, then I might be able to demonstrate my natural diving intuition to my heart’s content. I resolved to leave for America. I also wanted to have a solid core of my own if I took my position in the MDC, not just because I was his granddaughter.

“For six years, I learned the know-how of coaching at a DC in the New York suburbs. During that time, Grandfather established the MDC, and despite it being under deficit management, the number of students grew. However, there was only one…no matter how many times Grandfather scouted that child, he never joined. That was Okitsu Shibuki. It’s quite ironic. After all, Grandfather died without ever obtaining the person who he had requested for the most.

“I returned here when I learned of Grandfather’s sudden death, and honestly, I had no idea what to do. Grandfather, who wanted to make the Japanese diving world prosper in tandem, had passed away, leaving behind the MDC that Mizuki only saw as a burden. Even more than that, there was no Okitsu Shibuki. Even though I never carried that burden, there was also a way for me to master the skills of coaching in America as it was without having to carry it. Still, I wanted to see Okitsu Shibuki once before returning to New York. I wanted to see the boy who got Grandfather so serious.

“After the funeral, I went to Tsugaru by myself. And just as Grandfather did before, I saw his diving with my own eyes. I saw the figure of a boy diving into the raging waves of the Sea of Japan.

“On the way home from Tsugaru, I no longer hesitated. I have to take over the MDC. The dream that Grandfather could not fulfill…I will train that boy. With my mind set on that, I’d decided to stay in Japan.”

Tomoki knew what happened after that. Kayoko struggled against the Mizuki executives for the survival of the MDC, and after getting them to agree to let the MDC to survive on the condition that it got the right to represent at the next Olympics, she appeared before Tomoki and the others with such a cool face that never showed any signs of all that happening behind the scenes.

“In other words, everything was for Okitsu-kun?” Tomoki’s voice was hollow. He felt unexpectedly lonely, after learning the facts that he had never known up until now were all centered around Shibuki.

However, Kayoko’s story wasn’t finished yet.

“Please listen until the end. When I decided to take on the job of coach at the MDC, certainly the only thing in my mind was Okitsu Shibuki. But on the day where I first went to see the practice scenery of the MDC, an unexpected miscalculation occurred.”

“Miscalculation?”

“I remember, that day…I met with Coach Fujitani, and visited Tatsumi’s pool for the first time as well. It was exciting. Though I wasn’t expecting much, I faced my future students for the first time. What was the level of the MDC? Would there be a child who could motivate Okitsu Shibuki? I wanted to find out as soon as possible, and I went in energetically. But that day, I never dreamed of meeting a talent who was comparable with Okitsu Shibuki…no, who might even be able to beat him.”

“Beat…Okitsu-kun?”

“That one person was Fujitani Youichi. A champion with a very well-known pedigree. I heard the rumors, but I didn’t think he would be that far above the rest. It wouldn’t be strange at all if that kid seized the right to represent at the Olympics. I truly thought so while I was watching the practice.”

Kayoko turned around to face Tomoki and continued.

“On the other hand, I saw a boy whose performance was extremely imperfect and unskilled, but was peerless only in potential. It was you, Sakai Tomoki.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You.”

Their gazes that had just passed each other met. Embarrassed, Tomoki tried to laugh it off vaguely, but it didn’t go well.

“Don’t believe me? That’s fine. But I know that you have a natural, unique disposition as a diver. You have so much potential that if you felt like it, you would be able to take over the whole world. My heart was pounding when I first saw you dive. It beat as fast as when I saw Okitsu-kun in Tsugaru.”

“Feeling like that for me…”

“From then till now, I have never doubted my own intuition. No, ever since I became your coach, my confidence in it had only grew. I felt like I was nurturing a blessing from heaven. 3½ is just the beginning. When you use up all of your unpredictable potential, you will obtain the best dive that will shake the world. A super dive that no one else has ever been able to do. Even though it’s that much…hiding that much on such a big scale…”

When Tomoki saw Kayoko tear up, he realized just how badly she had been hurt. She didn’t talk about her past to be immersed into her memories. She was moved to anger at seeing her student who wasn’t aware of his own blessed gifts, and thoughtlessly had a broken heart.

“And yet, you threw away diving so easily just because your brother stole your girlfriend. You can’t dive. You can’t fight this weakness. After all, you aren’t able to overcome the box of that small world.”

A dark, disappointed gaze. When Tomoki couldn’t bear it and looked down, Kayoko turned towards the doorway, her business already just finished.

“If you want a girl so bad, you should just make a new girlfriend quickly and shack up with them.” *

Tossing that out coldly, she quickly left the room.

When the rough footsteps receded further downstairs, only the hum of the air conditioner disturbing the stagnant air in the room was left. While he knew that nobody was watching him any longer, Tomoki wasn’t able raise his head up because he felt guilty and ashamed for not saying anything at all.

He was now in the deepest part of the bottom of the ocean.

He was painfully aware of that as he gripped his dark blue bedspread.

This was the bottom.

Share