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What do you mean the series isn’t over, since the representatives were chosen?
It seemed as though even snow was fluttering down in midsummer.
For the chosen Youichi, the tentative decision for the Olympic representatives was too sudden, an unforeseen major event.
“Congratulations. Although this is still kept as a secret, the Olympic representative selection committee have chosen you and Teramoto Kenichirou as Sydney representatives today.”
August 31st. He would never forget the excitement of that moment when his father, Keisuke, told him that the night before next semester’s opening ceremony on the next day.
The tentative decision for the Olympic representatives?
Me?
To the Olympics?
“Really…?”
He had thought that someday it would be great if this day would come. No, he always intended to grasp it with his own hands. But honestly, he didn’t expect the opportunity to come so soon.
His pulse rapidly sped up. His heart pounded excessively. His feet wobbled, as though the axis of his body was knocked out of order, and something hot welled up around his stomach. This condition might be what people called a “storm of joy” or something like that, and Youichi thought about it for a long time, but as he was calm by nature, he quickly returned to reality.
“But, why?”
From where the first squall blew through Youichi’s head, there was a question that everyone should have if they were involved with competitive diving.
“Aren’t the Sydney representatives decided from the qualifying trials in April or May? Also, it is just Teramoto-san and I…who is the last person?”
“The representatives are only you and Teramoto. It is true that Japan had a limit of three people, but for some reason this time that was cut down to two people.”
Despite the fact that his own son made the representative position his own, Keisuke had a heavy expression across the table. As he was the head coach of the MDC, was he weighing the good fortune of his chosen son, and the bad luck of his students?
Youichi also had mixed feelings. The fact that Teramoto and Youichi were chosen also meant that at this point, the chances for Tomoki and Shibuki to go to Sydney had disappeared.
“Do Tomo and the others know this?” When Youichi asked that, the crease between Keisuke’s eyebrows deepened.
“When I called Coach Asaki a while ago, Okitsu also happened to be there. She told him the gist of it, and she will also talk to Tomo and Reiji about it tomorrow. She is a young woman who was raised in a country where some kind of cancer notice is natural. I was going to hide it until an official announcement, but…”
“You were going to keep quiet until it gets leaked out?”
“No, you can understand even from such a prompt decision that there are complicated, hidden circumstances to this representative selection. I think it is better to encourage those children in vain until an official opinion comes from the JASF.”
“Hidden circumstances?”
“But, since this happened it can’t be avoided. Tomorrow I will gather everyone, and explain as much as I can. If you have something you want to ask me, do it then.”
He couldn’t give only his son special treatment. That was the principle of the consistent Keisuke, and Youichi’s wish as well.
“Understood. Well, tomorrow then.”
With Youichi’s agreement, the talk would be held over to the next day, and when Keisuke headed for the bathroom with a tired expression, he was replaced with Youchi’s mother, Yoriko, who was washing the dinner dishes.
“Congratulations for being an Olympic representative, Athlete Fujitani. Who do you want to share the joy you’re feeling today with?”
“My mother in heaven.”
“I’m still alive, you know.”
“Then why did you keep quiet, even though you knew?” Youichi glared at Yoriko, since she didn’t breathe a word of this big news while they were eating dinner together until a while ago.
“That’s because your father said he wanted to tell you himself. Plus, I felt a little strange.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because there’s no way that all three of us, parents and child, would go to the Olympics…It doesn’t it feel a lot like that we are a sinful family.” (1)
It appeared that his mother, also a former Olympic diver, had a different type of complicated feeling from his father. The pupils of her slightly wet eyes were blurred in a strange way. For Youichi, whose real feelings weren’t coming out yet, the two of them seemed like they were rolling an illusionary snowman.
The decision for the Olympic representatives—
He went back to his room and sat on the edge of his bed, carefully turning this unbelievable fact over and over in his head.
Even as he turned it over and over again, he still couldn’t believe it.
Sometimes, he saw athletes who were active on big stages commenting that “it suddenly felt real after reading the next day’s newspaper,” and until now he always thought that they had a couple of screws loose. But now, for the first time Youichi could empathize with them. It was the same as looking at a large nearby tower and being unable to fit its whole length into your eyes; the view of the person who obtained their excessively large luck had their field of vision blocked by it. When one checked the papers for facts seen through the eyes of others (“Athlete So-and-So, Immoveable Gold!” “Coach Also Cries Tears of Gratitude for Selfless Silver!” “Magnificent Bronze Dedicated to Second Mother!” etc.), for the first time they might be able to understand the volume of what they earned.
However, the newspapers wouldn’t report that at only the stage of a tentative decision, so Youichi didn’t have any means to confirm his own good luck.
Once the Olympic representatives have been decided, he wouldn’t be thinking about the phone ringing off the hook, or the endless stream of congratulatory gifts pushed at him. But still, what was this stillness? Youichi, who spent all his days with diving ever since he was little, had no friends with who he can share this good news. The only people he was close with were his fellow diving teammates, but they were also his rivals.
Tomoki. Shibuki. Reiji.
When he thought about them, Youichi’s chest felt stuffed up. How would they, who had their chance to go to Sydney passed up so quickly like this, react to this rapid development? What would be the thoughts of Shibuki, who returned from Tsugaru to fight again…?
That’s no use, Youichi panickily scolded his secret thoughts.
Everyone would lose someday. He could understand the feelings of losers if he became one. Until then, he must push forward with the thoughts of a winner.
His parting gift to the losers was only his retreating back as he continued to sprint full speed ahead without any hesitation.
In order to not waver, in order to not stay still, Youichi wrapped himself in his black sportswear, and went jogging after dinner.
In his neighbourhood, there were a number of jogging courses that he could choose for himself, depending on the weather, his physical condition, the time that he had, and other factors. Youichi felt like whichever he chose, he could run it with his eyes closed. He had gone running many times, for many years.
Today, the road was slightly wet due to a rain shower, and because dusk had already fallen too much, he decided on a middle-distance course that ran alongside the main road, avoiding the small road with bad footholds and the date spot.
Jogging alone was lonely, and he was embarrassed about it at first, but now it seemed more embarrassing to jog with someone else.
Because he was alone, he could hear his own breathing.
He could be sensitive to muscle strain and pain.
Beneath the sky sprinkled with stars, while kicking at the ground at a constant pace and concentrating on the sounds of his sweaty body, Youichi finally had his strong emotions about being chosen as an Olympic representative well up in his chest. Because I spent my time like this everyday, I got my hands on the representative position.
When he started diving in the summer of second grade, he didn’t want to lose to anyone in any way, and he always boldly faced off against divers with bigger bodies than him. If the kid next to him did entry practice five times, then he’d do it more than six times. If there was a kid who held a handstand for ten seconds, then he’d hold it for twenty. Then the years passed, his teammates quitted diving one after another, and before he knew it he was standing at the top of the MDC.
And after that he fought with himself. If he decided to do a hundred push-ups today, then in order to win against the him who had made that decision, he’d do a-hundred-and-ten. If he decided to jog for an hour today, he ran a minute or two longer. He used his force of will to hold down his body that shrieked that it couldn’t continue on any longer, and imposed on himself the endeavour to always surpass his limits.
His field of vision was distorted by the sweat pouring from his forehead.
While running swiftly through the neighborhood submerged in deep purple darkness, Youichi felt like he could now pump both his hands in the air and shout, “I did it!”
Right then, never in his wildest dreams would he had thought that the day would come that he would fight that illusionary snowman.
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Translation Notes
1. I would just like to say this sentence confused the hell out of me. “ずいぶんと業の深い親子って感じじゃない” maybe I’ll be enlightened on this later?