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He couldn’t express it well in words.
He himself didn’t even understand it.
But, something was caught in his heart.
It was like acne on his cheeks.
Like a stain on his shirt.
Like a fluorescent lamp that was about to go out.
Like the reply to a missed letter.
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It was the next day that a small shock ran through the MDC. Youichi, who was usually almost never late, was suddenly absent from diving practice. It was an everyday occurrence for any other club member, but when Youichi did it, it immediately became a scandal.
It started with a chronic headache. For years, Youichi had been afflicted with a dull pain at the back of his head. The usual pattern for it was to recede and intensify, like waves, and eventually going away, but on that day, it was an huge unbearable wave that persisted on and on.
Nevertheless, if it was the usual Youichi, he would have endured that pain with the force of his will, and he would have gone through practice without anyone the wiser. However, on that day, even his reliable will was complicit in him skipping practice. Ordinarily, he would have tried to go to practice “no matter what,” but now he did not even try to show up at all.
It seems I want to take a break from practice. The moment he thought that, he was extremely surprised. Taking a break from practice. It was as if this was the first time that he knew he had that option.
In truth however, when he went home and gone straight to lying down on his bed after school, it wasn’t a big deal to just take a break. He was also very surprised by the fact that it wasn’t a big deal.
He was even more surprised when Keisuke, returning from the MDC’s practice, did not try to reproach him for skipping practice without permission.
It wasn’t just Keisuke. Though Yoriko, who brought dinner to Youichi’s room since he didn’t even try to go out of it, heard about it from Keisuke, she didn’t try to touch on it at all.
“He seems to have become more unstable after the Olympics representatives were suddenly decided. Normally it would have been something that happily motivated him, but he is difficult. Leave him alone for a while.”
Difficult. From an early age, Youichi had continued to be described like that by Keisuke. Though he’d admit that he was somewhat obstinate, he didn’t think that he was especially difficult. But in his dad’s eyes he was practically Dazai Osamu (2), just because he didn’t have a clear-cut, sports-oriented disposition.
Perhaps Keisuke wanted a son who was bright, cheerful, simple and easy to understand, with whom he could pound mochi in the New Year. While eating the dinner that Yoriko brought—vegetable-based home cooking with the calories precisely calculated—Youichi thought that his father, who took pains over his own far-from-ideal treatment, was pitiful and laughable.
If I keep missing practice like this, what’s he going to do?
Youchi was suddenly interested in what Keisuke’s response would be when he was confronted with an unfamiliar situation.
That wasn’t really the reason, but he was absent from practice the next day as well.
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“Hey, what’s up with you?”
On his third day off from practice, Shibuki called out to Youichi down the high school hallway.
“It’s not like you to keep missing practice. Did you get a cold?”
Though they were both in the same grade at Sakuragi High School, since they had different classes and their classrooms were also far apart from each other, they almost never met each other in school. Even if they did happen to bump into each other, they only said something like “yo” and it was rare for them to talk in the hallways.
“Under the influence of Uranus, Leos are at risk of water-related accidents this month.”
Shibuki ignored Youichi’s joke. “As soon as I came back from Tsugaru, the Olympics representatives were decided, my rival wouldn’t come to practice…it’s a pretty awful story. Is it true that you’re switching to be a commercial tarento (1) now?”
“Commercial tarento?”
“The elementary schoolers are making a fuss about it. You going to Sydney is already well-known in the club. My roommate was shocked that five people immediately wanted to go to the Olympics, influenced by you. You’re a star.”
“Star…”
“By the way, my roommate is worried as to whether or not you’re burned out. As soon as you got the right to participate in the Olympics, you suddenly got exhausted and turned into ashes.”
Youichi sighed. A lot of people were prattling on about a whole bunch of things that he himself didn’t know about.
“If that’s a joke, then it’s funny, but if you’re serious, then tell Ooshima-san that that’s too stupid. Maybe when I win a gold medal, but I’m not going to turn into ashes just because I can go to the Olympics.”
“Well, after you are going to be a…”
“Were you going to say commercial tarento, you idiot?”
“Then why aren’t you coming to practice? What are you thinking?”
“Because I don’t know that, I’m trying it out.”
“What?”
“I don’t know why, but I suddenly don’t feel like practicing. Since it’s the first time I’ve ever felt like that, even I’m perplexed by myself. What the hell am I doing? In fact, if I take a break, I’ll know. I’m just testing that out. So, I guess this is the test period.”
“I don’t get it,” Shibuki said, uneasily folding his arms. “It’s fine if you don’t,” Youichi replied, flicking his hand. The female students walking up and down the hallway repeatedly glanced at the two who were facing each other in the middle of the hallway. The large, wild boy, and the smart, beautiful boy. They might have been too different to understand each other. But…
“I don’t get it, but it doesn’t matter. Come to think of it, I also skipped a lot when I was in Tsugaru, so if you want to take a break, then you should.” Shibuki continued, revealing white teeth that contrasted against his brown skin, burned by the sun of his hometown. “But I’ll just say this. I came back to dive with you and Sakai once again. If I compete against you guys again, the stage can be at either Sydney or Tatsumi or the school pool. But it’s no use without you.” Shibuki stated forcefully. Youichi found it hard to meet his enlivened eyes.
Shibuki had suffered from a back injury, and though he temporarily ran home to Tsugaru, he returned in order to dive again. Right after that, the Olympic representatives were chosen, and though there was no reason that he shouldn’t be discouraged, he was still trying to dive.
That tough heart, that wholesome spirit that directly cheered on his rivals, that athlete who Keisuke would probably cry with pleasure over, all of that was too refreshing, too difficult, for the current Youichi.
_______________________________________________________________
“Tomo-kun sent flowers.”
Yoriko told Youichi two days later, when he returned home from school.
“They’re celebratory flowers to congratulate you on the Olympics. That’s rather tasteful of him, isn’t it? I decorated your room with them.”
Yoriko was a part-time worker, so she may either go or not go to the JASF for work, but ever since Youichi started taking a break from practice, she was strangely always at home. He wondered if she was watching her son, who was acting suspiciously.
Shaking off his mother’s watchful gaze, Youichi went to see Tomoki’s flowers.
Youichi’s room was a corner room on the first floor. Because he was an only child, the Western-style room with nearly eight tatami mats was leisurely used. However, as it also served as a training room, there was no carpet laid on the wooden floor, and there was as little furniture as possible.
Light red moth orchids that scattered a noble light above his desk greeted him in the empty room.
“Orchids…”
That Tomo, it’s not like he’s a perverted old man from Ginza (3)…
Youichi stared at the gorgeous, out-of-place potted plant.
For flowers, ordinary cut flowers were enough. No, it wasn’t like Tomoki to send flowers in the first place.
Youichi felt a strange uneasy as he read the included short message of “Congrats on the Olympics. Tomoki.” Though Reiji had said that Tomoki was acting strange before, he certainly wouldn’t be buying orchids in a normal state-of-mind.
Worried, that night he called Tomoki after waiting for the time when the MDC practice ended.
“The orchids arrived. Thanks. Because of you, I can live like a prince everyday.”
Although he tried to make a joke, the voice that responded was stiff.
“Sorry for doing this so late. I didn’t say anything about congratulating you yet, and I thought that I should do something, but I didn’t know what to do…I thought that since I’m congratulating you, I should give you flowers, so I talked with Hiro, checked on the internet, and moth orchids seemed like the fanciest, but…are they really fancy?”
“They’re definitely gorgeous. But weren’t they expensive?”
“It’s alright. Mom and Dad both pitched in half of the money.”
“So, you weren’t the one paying for them?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“…”
Tomoki’s voice didn’t have its usual brightness, and Youichi also wasn’t in a good mood, so their conversation quickly came to a standstill. Only Tomoki’s slow breathing could be heard from the receiver.
Right before Youichi, unable to bear the silence, was about say “bye” and hang up, a hoarse voice suddenly spoke up.
“Youichi-kun, why aren’t you coming to practice?”
“Under the influence of the moon, Leos shouldn’t go up to high places this week. Much less diving.”
“Well, are you coming next week?”
“…”
“Our club is hopeless without you. It doesn’t feel very proper…hey, are you coming next week?”
“Ask the stars.”
He lightly dodged the question, and hung up with a “bye.” Even after he turned off the phone, Youichi could still hear Tomoki’s ambitionless voice.
When he was still in elementary school, when Youichi won his second victory at the Junior Olympics, Tomoki was in even higher spirits than Youichi, and he had a high fever the next day. Every time Youichi won the Middle School Championships, he proudly raised his chest and boasted as though he was the one who had won.
This time’s Tomoki was a second-hand message and orchids.
Youichi didn’t have the head then to happily accept that gift.
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Something was caught in his heart.
Like overextended claws.
Like broken glass.
Like scribbles on a desk.
Like a phone that only rang once.
_______________________________________________________________
Translation Notes
1. A tarento is a type of celebrity in Japan who appears on TV a lot, mostly on variety shows and such. Not really famous for any reason.
2. You all probably heard of Dazai Osamu, the great Japanese author, from Bungou Stray Dogs or somewhere else. He’s had a pretty “interesting” life (multiple suicide attempts, a bunch of different mistresses, etc.) You can read more about him on wikipedia
3. Apparently, there’s a lot of places in Ginza (district in Tokyo) where you can buy moth orchids for some reason