Published at 25th of August 2019 11:20 pm

Book 3 Chapter 9 - Boy’s Desire

This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml

“I first knew of diving when I was in second grade. What I mean is that I knew it with my own body instead of from TV or photos. Since my parents were both Olympic divers, there are some people who think that I was standing on a diving platform ever since I could toddle, but actually, I started pretty late.

“I had no interest in diving at all until I was in second grade, and my parents purposely did not try to make me interested. My mother was going to put me into the neighborhood’s boy’s baseball team once I was in third grade. My father…I wonder if he expected anything at all.

“I’m saying this myself, but since I was little, how do I say this…I didn’t seem very sportsman-like how I am now. Of course, there aren’t any kids who are sportsman-like before they start to do sports, but if both parents were Olympic athletes, who wouldn’t expect that? That seems like how the very incarnation of sportsmanship is born. Were they imagining that I was going to swear the athlete’s oath of fair play against the midwife or something?

“But, I was different. I didn’t hate exercising, but I had a rather introverted personality, and I liked reading books and playing games at home. Well, I was a normal kid, and people have told me I was a little quiet. So, I would have had no problems if I was born into an ordinary family, but since I ended up in a sports-oriented family by chance, how should I put it, there was a vague sense of disappointment floating around… ‘That child may not be suited for sports,’ I grew up having to watching my father complain to my mother.

“To be honest, it made me feel uncomfortable. Every time I met an old acquaintance of my parents, they’d talk about my genes and how I was a thoroughbred, speaking of me like I was a bean or a horse. Sure enough, I felt like they were expecting too much of me… For them, I was Fujitani Keisuke’s and Nakano Yoriko’s son above all. Because the diving world was the meeting place of those people, I didn’t feel like getting to know it at all.

“My father taking me to the Sakuragi High School’s pool was also a simple turn of events at first. My grandmother was hospitalized during the summer of my second grade, so my mother went back home for about two weeks. At that time, my father was the advisor of the Sakuragi High diving club, and there was practice every day during those two weeks as well, but he couldn’t leave me home alone. He told me I could just play on the poolside, and took me to practice for the first time.

“There, for the first time I saw what was called ‘diving.’

“To tell the truth, I felt like ‘Ah, so this is it?’ It didn’t change that much with TV. Back then, though I didn’t have a lot of confidence in my motor nerves yet, I thought it was curious. I thought that I could do that too.

“And so, I actually trotted up the steps, and dived down from the five-meter platform.”

_______________________________________________________________

“Wait a moment,”

Chairman Maebara, who had his eyes lightly closed while listening to the story as though he was imagining the scene, interrupted him for the first time.

“On the day that you first saw diving…you dived from the five-meter?”

“Yes. Well, I said ‘dive,’ but it felt more like falling.” Youichi confessed honestly. “But, I intended on diving on my own. At least while floating in the air. I was taken by surprise when I fell into the pool, and I never thought it was so deep, so I was incredibly scared… I nearly drowned and the high schoolers rescued me. That was really terrifying.”

“Weren’t you scared while diving?”

“Not at all. I thought, Oh, so the Earth looks like this upside-down.”

“For your first time, you dived from the five-meter and saw the scenery? You were very brave.”

“It was my first time, but I didn’t feel like I did anything special. I mean, I felt like I did something very ordinary. Or rather, it was really natural being in the air. Just like Brazilians being in Brazil.”

“Brazilians in Brazil…”

Chairman Maebara stared down at his feet, like he was peering into the other side of the Earth, and lightly shook his head as though he was keenly aware of that distance.

“Well, alright. Continue your story.”

_______________________________________________________________

“That was my first dive, but of course my father got angry. He told me not to recklessly imitate others. Well, that’s a matter of course. But, while he was angry, there was something different than usual in my father’s eyes. How do I put this…yes, he looked somewhat happy.

“After all, the club members said it. That as expected, I had good muscles, I was brave, and it was a big deal that I could learn to dive just by watching other people. At first, I thought they were just flattering me, when I looked at my father’s eyes, I felt like it wasn’t just that…

“So, from the next day on, I was also taken along to practice. I had a feeling that my father told me to do as I liked, but the club members took turns teaching me in different ways, and diving became more and more exciting… Even though I’m saying this myself, I really did have good muscles. That’s why whatever I was taught, I ended up doing it better than the person who taught me. Or I should say, I kept practicing until I was better.

“For two years, I went to the pool alongside the high schoolers. Initially, it seemed like my mother thought that she didn’t want me to go through the same hardships as she did, but I think she gradually came to support me… My father just watched without saying anything for a long time, and I didn’t know if he approved of me or opposed me at all.

“But, during the summer of fourth grade, when he was persuaded by the former chairman of Mizuki to switch to the MDC, he spoke to me for the first time. He asked me if I would like to dive for real at the MDC. It was the first time that he admitted that he acknowledged me.

“That was the year that I won my first victory at the Junior Olympics in the under-12 category.”

_______________________________________________________________

“There’s just one thing,” It was there that Chairman Maebara interrupted his story for the second time. “Just a while ago, I was curious as to whether or not you hated the diving world where the names of your parents were well-known. Didn’t you think that the presence of your parents would become heavier and heavier as you continued to dive?”

“Surprisingly, that wasn’t the case. Or rather, I was freer on the water than on land. On land, people were more likely to judge me based on my blood and my parents’ careers. But, once I’m standing on the platform, I’m the only one there. Just my body. 1.4 seconds is too short to watch me while comparing me to my parents. Everyone is simply evaluating me as Fujitani Youichi.”

“Simply?”

“If I flew higher than usual, then they would evaluate that I flew higher than usual. That simplicity feels good, and my body gets lighter and lighter.”

“I see. So you feel lighter on the water than on land, is that it?”

“Somewhat like an amphibian.”

“You grew feet for yourself to use freely, and liberated yourself from the pond of your parents’ binding spell.” Chairman Maebara murmured with a pensive face, then lowered his eyelids again.

“Continue your story.”

_______________________________________________________________

“Since I entered the MDC, I practiced more than before, and took weight control and health management into consideration. At any rate, as I was one of the first students, I was enthusiastic about teaching and being taught. What I mean is, it was especially because I had something that made me like everyone’s leader from the beginning.

“My father invited some people from Sakuragi High to join the MDC, when they became university students they stopped coming to practice as much, and in the end it was always me who was the oldest in the club. That’s why no matter what, it felt like I had to take the initiative to do everything and pull everyone along… At first, I didn’t hate acting like a big brother over everyone else, but there were still times when it was hard.

“For example…an accident occurred in the spring of fifth grade. I messed up my reverse somersault, hit the back of my head hard on the platform, crashed into the pool, with blood trickling out, and the MDC guys were already making a huge stir… Because everyone was making such a huge racket, for a moment I wondered if I already died, but by the time the ambulance took me to the hospital, the bleeding wasn’t a big deal compared to the wound.

“The problem was the mental after-effects. It’s a common story, but I had gotten afraid of diving. I remembered the sound from the moment of impact, the pain, and the smell of fresh blood. So, something like just looking at a diving tower was enough to make my feet frozen, and I thought that I could not dive at all. At that time, I thought about quitting diving.

“But, the old man wouldn’t let me. He spoke to me. He said that the shock of that incident was being dragged out within everyone at the MDC. Everyone became timid and afraid to dive. If I stopped diving like this, nobody would be able to overcome this.

“In other words, it’s for the MDC. That person is always like that.

“So, I dived. Partly desperately. Since my role as leader was instilled within me, I’m weak when I’m appealed to there.

“As a result, that drastic measure worked successfully, but to tell the truth, even now I’m not very good at the reverse somersault. Frankly, I’m still afraid of diving. The back of my head that I hit still hurts from time to time… The doctor said that it’s mental because my wound was healed, but since they didn’t explain all the parts for expanding my mind, I didn’t understand at all.

“Hah.

“Pardon me, I’m a little tired from talking.”

_______________________________________________________________

Youichi interrupted himself to hold some Oolong team in his mouth. His mouth became heavy instantly, and it took him a while to open it again.

Why am I talking about this? Even the weaknesses that will become fatal to me as a diver if I carelessly reveal them…

A simple, but important question went through his head.

Chairman Maebara was watching the situation with half-shut eyes, and seeing that he wasn’t about to resume his story, opened his mouth like he was taking over for Youichi.

“To tell the truth, that day when you won your first championship in the under-12 category at the Junior Olympics, I was also there at the venue.”

“What?”

“I was asked to help out with the swimming competition. I did not have the spare time to watch the diving competition closely, but I remember clearly the fourth-grade you ignoring the fifth and sixth graders present and winning the championship. At the time it was just a small event.”

Youichi stared at him blankly.

“You know a lot.”

“You are the son of Nakano Yoriko and Fujitani Keisuke. Everyone had been anticipating you since before the competition started. As you said, they were expecting too much from you. However, your diving was not an imitation of Nakano Yoriko’s or Fujitani Keisuke’s. You had already acquired your own diving. Everyone hoped that you would continue to grow steadily like that. And indeed, you looked to be growing steadily after that. But,” Chairman Maebara’s voice lowered, “nobody knows what goes on within a person. Thoroughbreds and workhorses both have their own trials.”

“Even so, I think that it’s still going smoothly.” Youichi replied indifferently. “There was only one incident, and the injuries were minor. I didn’t suffer from shoulder and back pain, nor have my eardrums ruptured. Of course, there’s the slump, but everyone has that kind of thing…if you were expecting some kind of sob story, I won’t speak anymore then. Or rather, I am not sure why I am talking about this.”

Maybe he was tired from talking so much. Youichi was assailed by the self-hatred that came after one talked about oneself too much. He had been hoping that he might be able to move Chairman Maebara’s heart by desperately talking, and the content of the long story for that purpose seemed to have become ridiculously half-hearted.

However, it seemed that the other party hadn’t lost in Youichi yet.

“I don’t mind stories outside of diving. We still have time, and it’s quite entertaining to listen to your story. If you like, even the story of your first love is fine.”

Youichi gave a dry smile to Chairman Maebara, who was urging him on.

“There’s nothing outside of diving. No normal friends, no normal family, no special girl, no vacation memories, no interests, nothing. There’s nothing for me except for diving.”

“Nothing?”

“Yes.”

“What a lonely story.”

For a moment, Chairman Maebara’s eyes were as defenseless as an infant’s. “No, not exactly,” Youichi said lightly.

“It’s not a big deal if you got used to it, and I came to think that was fine. Because…”

“What is it?”

“Are you going to laugh?”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“Then I am not going to tell you.”

“I’ll swear to God.”

“It’s because I have a dream.”

“Ah?”

“Because I had a dream, I was alright with having nothing except for diving.”

“A dream.”

“A dream to go to the Olympics.”

The stretching and shrinking thread connecting the two had become tense again.

The feeling that he couldn’t kill even if he tried and tried gushed out of Youichi’s mouth.

“Every time I turned down an invitation from my classmates, I always thought this in my mind. All for going to the Olympics one day. On the school trip at night, everyone confessed the name of a girl that they liked, but I couldn’t even match the names with the faces. Still it was fine, because I had the Olympics. No matter how tough practice was, even if I failed, I was okay if I thought about how the Olympics were waiting ahead. I…wanted to one day surpass my father at the Olympics. That dream supported me.”

Silence wrapped the two of them as they locked eyes.

It was the first time that they had been silent that long.

Before long, as if to ascertain the heaviness of the atmosphere, Chairman Maebara tilted his wrinkled head slightly.

“Shouldn’t you have fulfilled that dream then, I think?”

“I should have. Yet, I don’t feel that way. Even though I had dreamed of it so much, even though it was always in my mind, even though I worked so hard for it…yet, even though I could go to the Olympics, I’m not very happy about it at all. It feels a little like it’s happening to someone else, so I’m not excited about it.”

“Here,” Youichi raised his voice, grasping at his own collar, “I don’t feel fired up here at all.”

Anxiety from the Olympic nomination.

Doubt and conflict.

A long slump.

All of those thoughts recurred in Youichi’s head, pressing harder against his chest than his fingers.

He, who had gone to this conclusion at the end of that suffering, might perhaps be the world’s biggest fool. His father would have despaired if he knew, and everyone in the MDC would be disappointed as well. But, whatever he said to anyone, he wasn’t able to get swept away like a chess piece without a will…

“You can’t get excited? That certainly is fervor,” Chairman Maebara murmured, after a silence even longer than the one before. His eyes showed pity for the first time.

“You said you wanted to make the Olympics your own. If you were reselected as a representative through a competition, then the Olympics will become yours?”

“I don’t know. But I think that it wouldn’t feel like it had nothing to do with me, at least like it seems now. Besides, in order to revive my spirits which has temporarily fallen to the bottom, I feel like I have to do that much…”

Youichi’s hope, which had fallen apart once, revived his breathing again and quickened his heartbeat.

Even if he used up all of the praying power in his lifetime, that would be fine.

Youichi stared at Chairman Maebara with thoughts that resembled prayers.

Chairman Maebara looked away from him for the first time.

“I cannot say I don’t understand your feelings. But, the Olympics aren’t just for you. As you are trying to defend something, everyone else is also defending something. And I as well have something I have to defend.”

The End.

Youichi’s right hand slipped from his chest, and drooped down onto his thigh in an odd shape. The thread that had been stretched to its limit had been severed, and Youichi slumped back onto his chair. If possible, he wanted to crawl into the bed next to him and go to sleep forever.

Outside the window, the too-bright sun was uselessly and cheerfully shining. The skyscraper street that was bathed in that sun became blurred white at the bottom of a haze-like smog. The crowded, bustling city also seemed extremely inorganic from the twenty-seventh story window, looking like a monochromatic photo snatched from the stream of time.

Suddenly, he noticed Chairman Maebara standing before him, holding a can of beer with both hands. He held it out for the other party to pull open the tab, and although Youichi reflexively accepted it, he didn’t think he had any energy left to drink it. He didn’t think anything would change if he drank beer.

“As I said before, I want medals. As the Japanese diving world needs them, my policy remains unchanged.” The chairman sat on the edge of the bed and watched Youichi’s empty profile as he poured his beer. “But, if you are going to be absent from the Sino-Japanese Goodwill Competition, I’ll need to work out some kind of new plan. As you said, I can’t give the offer to a diver who didn’t participate in the competition.”

“…”

“If you absolutely are going to be absent, it’s regrettable, but I must withdraw my unofficial offer. Instead, how about I’ll give the representation right that you’ve thrown away to a Japanese diver who scored more than 600 points at the Sino-Japanese Goodwill Competition? As you know, 600 points isn’t a superficial score at all. Teramoto is the one person who could probably clear that with his present, true ability. However, there’s no reason for athletes who cannot obtain that level of scoring domestically to compete at the Olympics.”

“…”

“Of course, there’s a very good chance that nobody except for Teramoto can go beyond this criterium. In that case, it can’t be helped. There’s no choice but to wager the right to represent floating in space and to carry out the competition once more.”

An unseen force flicked Youichi’s back.

“Competition?”

“The Sydney Olympics representative qualifiers.”

“!”

Youichi gasped in surprise, as something sparked like beer bubbles within him.

“It’s up to you whether you will participate in that competition, but the criterium is the same 600 points. The representation right will be given to only one player who won over 600 points. In the situation where no one could surpass that criterium, it cannot be helped. Teramoto will be going to Sydney by himself. Alright?”

Chairman Maebara’s old eyes had a strange glint as he stared intently at Youichi.

“It’s not easy to take back something you had thrown away once. In order for you to go to Sydney, there are two essential conditions. One, there must be no diver other than Teramoto who clears over 600 points at the Sino-Japanese Goodwill Competition, and two, you win with over 600 points at the next qualifiers. These are incredibly tough conditions. But, if you can get through them, you will…” Something caught in his throat and he coughed to get it out, concentrating his strength on his mouth. “You will certainly be excited. The Olympics will be your own, and your dream will shine again.”

Chairman Maebara held his can of beer up to his eyes.

Youichi was somewhat absentminded, shakily imitated the toasting gesture, and carried it to his mouth like he was taking restorative medicine.

It was as bitter as the tears that were about to flow.

“Does it taste good?”

“Not at all.”

Chairman Maebara nodded, satisfied, and moved his gaze to his watch.

“It is exactly eleven o’clock.”

_______________________________________________________________

Right when he said that, a knocking sound came at almost the same time. When the secretary in the two-piece suit came in along with reporters and cameramen and others, Youichi was still in a daze, like he was in a dream. It seemed like he couldn’t believe that something extraordinary had happened, and he was the one who caused it.

Just before leaving the suddenly noisy room as though driven away by the reporters skillfully setting up their lighting equipment, he spoke to Chairman Maebara falteringly.

“Um, there’s a lot of…how do I say this…”

“You don’t need to say anything.” Chairman Maebara interrupted him quickly while checking his necktie in the mirror on the wall. “Please give my gratitude to your mother when you go back.”

“Huh?”

“I was threatened by your mother, who was once called the Madonna of the diving world. She said that if I didn’t allot some time for her son, she’ll accuse me for touching her butt in the past. It’s already been a long time since, but I want to make it a good memory.”

Chairman Maebara’s implication-laden laughter trailed Youichi as he got into the elevator, and as it descended to the lobby floor, his head was still encased in a thick membrane. Even though he stepped out of the elevator when it stopped, he didn’t feel like he dropped his feet down on the ground.

When he left the hotel, the sun, about to rise to the zenith right then, hit his skin.

The sky was shining.

The atmosphere was shining.

The asphalt, the street trees, the lined-up buildings were all shining.

As he took the wind that was disturbing that light, right then, Youichi suddenly felt an eye-dazzling sense of freedom.

I lost something, and then I gained something, he thought. What I lost is much greater than what I gained. However, what I didn’t want was lost, and what I did want was gained. Something I wanted unbearably…

On the ground where people continuously came and went, and time galloped at the speed of light, only Youichi was standing without the slightest movement, continuing to bask in the heat descending from the sky. Like a stake that was once in a while driven in, he stood there stock still for a long time.

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