Published at 25th of August 2019 11:26 pm

Book 4 Chapter 8 - Perfect White

This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml

In a tiny gap of about .3 seconds, a disturbance was created. In the second half, where concentration often tended to be broken, Shibuki had just made a miserable mistake in his seventh round.

During practice, there had been no problems with the reverse 2½ somersaults in pike position. Even so, the timing of shifting from the pike position to entry position was late, and he could not fully control the position until the end. Youichi, who had ended his performance two turns before Shibuki, was looking up at him from the poolside, and caught a cold drop of water from the splash that smashed up into the air.

It wasn’t a huge mistake. If it hadn’t been the well-built Shibuki, the splash probably wouldn’t have been too big. However, his saving skills came in here, and Shibuki fell to second place from his commanding first-place lead.

Camel Yamada took his place in the lead, and it was hard to believe, but he made no conspicuous mistakes today. Whether it was pink or tan, people couldn’t change so quickly just by changing one pair of underpants, but even though it was predicted that he’d be made to do his usual big blunders before long, so far only safe performances unfolded. His whole being was eerie, his movements without a trace of tiredness.

Following him in third place was Asama, and Ogawa in fourth place. Youichi predicted that they’d stay in those positions until the end. Rather, he was expecting that Nakayama of JSS Takarazuka might stir up the competition, but he didn’t manage to get his arms in position before submerging his shoulders into the water for his reverse somersault in the sixth round, exposing a shameful sight that couldn’t be called an entry, and was expelled from the fight for victory in one go.

If you performed safely you’d get safe results, and if you took risks it would be fatal. In the midst of an unconventional battle, Youichi always faultlessly laid out his nerves, extending them from the tides of the competition and the waves of luck, to the breathing of his rivals.

At these qualifying trials, the possibility of winning with 600 points or more still remained, and it could be Shibuki, Camel, Asama, Ogawa, Tomoki, or himself who does it.

Among us six, who has the highest degrees of difficulties for their remaining three dives?

Needless to say, it’s me.

Among us six, who has the most stamina left?

At first glance, it looks like it’s Shibuki. But, he has a bomb on his back. When you assess the total of age, fundamental stamina, hours of sleep last night (there’s a rumor that Shibuki met with that girlfriend of his last night), then the most energetic person is probably Tomoki. Tomoki’s stamina had already been proven at the Beijing training camp.

Among us six, whose obsession with victory is the strongest?

Everyone would think that “it’s me”. Of course I’m one of them, since I’m continuing to dive despite my high fever, but as soon as the story about going to Florida came up during the intermission, I felt the tide suddenly turn. Though the strengths of our obsessions are equal, the momentum may be in Shibuki.

Among us six, who is blessed with the most luck?

For today, it’s either Tomoki or Camel. Tomoki had the waves since the preliminaries, and currently Camel is riding favorable winds.

Among us six, who has the longest career?

Who has the strongest pressure?

Who has the best coach?

This brain exercise was normal, and he was always predicting the situation. Who was at an advantage and by how much, and who was at a disadvantage and by how much. Observe carefully, analyze, and make strategies. And yet…

While waiting for his eighth round at the foot of the dragon, Youichi’s body trembled with an intense chill.

And yet, even though his brain functions were normal, his body functions weren’t working normally at all.

His breath was hot. And yet it was terribly cold. He was thirsty. But when he drank water, he felt like throwing up. His body was sluggish and heavy, as though he was carrying a weight while diving.

He thought that he could dive the forward 3½ somersaults in pike position well in that condition. In the seventh round just before, right before his performance his feet were unsteady, and the world seemed to double and triple. But for just one moment, they overlapped each other clearly, and he dived without letting that opportunity escape. His body remembered the rotations in the air.

The results were told by the judges.

7 points. 9 points. 8 points. 8 points. 8.5 points. 9 points. 8 points…

The first 9 lit up on the scoreboard for Youichi on this day.

However, it was too late.

There were three more performances left. For Youichi to surpass 600 points in only three performances, even if all the judges continued to give all of his performances 9 points, it still wasn’t enough.

Could his body really do such a thing?

“I had never thought for even a second that I couldn’t reverse it.”

The boasting words he had said to Kayoko just a little while ago flitted through his mind in vain.

If he broke down, everyone would be agitated. He must keep calm until the very end in front of everyone. Even during this time, Youichi was still trying to be the MDC’s leader, and that was painfully ridiculous to him.

“The point was that there’s a switch problem.”

Where is that switch?

“Now, I’ve turned on Battle Mode.”

Don’t I hate these kinds of spiritualism?

“Listening to the Florida story, even I got motivated.”

If you could win just with motivation, then there’d be no losers at all.

This was what it would be like if he spoke his true thoughts.

“I’m sick of this. I want to give up on everything. I want to sleep right here like this.”

To be honest, even now his body still longed for a bed. White sheets. Soft futon. Warm blanket. It was a strong temptation. How comfortable it would be if he just laid his body down over there. When he stops standing on his wavering feet. When he stops going up the steps and dive. When he stops throwing his body that was growing cold into the water. At least when his hair was dried.

Stop what you want to stop, and relax in bed. Forget everything and abandon yourself to an enchanting sleep. Just that alone would release him from all of his suffering. In an instant. Completely.

But he couldn’t choose that.

Because, if he slept to his heart’s content, when he woke up on his bed, he would have lost everything.

In an instant. Completely. Everything.

_______________________________________________________________

Truthfully, Youichi had admitted a long time ago that last night’s practice was the main cause of everything.

There shouldn’t be anything that could be allowed to hurt your body on the eve of a competition. It was just as Kayoko said. It was a thoughtless, meaningless, stupid act.

And yet, he lost his composure and couldn’t stop himself from acting rashly.

He wasn’t particularly without confidence for the completion of his performances. Rather, he was filled with confidence. The SS Special ’99. Because that dive, which Keisuke had declared absolutely impossible, was made possible by him in just two weeks.

He had acquired a new dive. The key was exhausting the phrase “practice until you can do it”. However, he knew that alone was not enough for this time’s SS Special ’99. That was why he needed Kayoko’s help.

The point was to overcome his fear. Youichi had already mastered the technique of rotating 2½ times while in pike position. The forward 2½ somersaults pike. The backwards 2½ somersaults pike. Both were dives he was good at. Nevertheless, there was no mistaking that his body shrivelled when doing reverse somersaults because he was dragging along the memories of his past incident. Kayoko also pointed that out, telling Youichi to dive with reverse somersaults over and over again until his body believed implicitly that “reverse somersaults aren’t scary”.

On the first day, he only dived the reverse straight dives from the five-meter, again and again. On the second day he did reverse somersaults in tuck position, and the third day he did them in the pike position, all from the same height. The fourth day he did 1½ somersaults in tuck position from the seven-meter. The fifth day, in pike position from the same height. The sixth day, it was 2½ somersaults in tuck position, from the ten-meter.

And when he finally began practicing 2½ somersaults in pike position—the SS Special ’99, there was only a week left before the competition. Even though he was of course very impatient, when Youichi stood at the head of the diving tower, he noticed that his body wasn’t afraid of the reverse somersaults that he had always escaped from anymore.

After that, he did nothing but practice his new dive while Kayoko’s angry voice reverberated. And so on the second day after arriving in Osaka, Youichi finally succeeded at diving with no splashes.

Naturally, his body was exhausted. His resistance had weakened, and he recognized the initial symptoms of the flu on his face. But, he was always getting tired before the competition, and if he got the flu, he could drive it away with the feeling of tension. Anyways, now he wanted to show off to everyone his new dive and his new self immediately.

However, his heart’s excitement dissipated at the moment that Tomoki said that sentence on Mount Rokkou yesterday.

“Because we will protect the MDC. That’s why, Coach, you don’t have to worry about being unemployed.”

It was a very Tomoki-like consideration with regards to Ooshima. It wasn’t anything special.

Even so, in Youichi’s throat that only let pass green salad, for some reason it felt like it was burning at that moment, as though it was pierced by many little bones.

Afterwards, the small bones doubled when he was informed by Reiji of Kayoko’s resignation from the MDC.

It wasn’t just his throat. It was his esophagus, stomach, and intestines as well. The little bones pricked him everywhere, and he couldn’t feel at ease for even a second.

He completed the SS Special ’99. He overcame his long-standing trauma and his self-confidence was satisfied. For him, that was perfect. But, he felt like he forgot something important.

After leaving Reiji’s room, Youichi went to the single room where Keisuke stayed to search for that something. He was told to show up there if he had time at night.

Keisuke was writing a manuscript on a dimly lit desk. He was probably contributing something to the JASF bulletin. The room’s interior, lightly illuminated by the sidelights on the floor, was a size smaller than Youichi’s and Tomoki’s twin room, so the warm air from the air conditioner was extremely cumbersome.

“Today was a fine day for an outing.”

To Youichi, who was standing in the doorway, Keisuke spoke like he was dictating the continuation of his manuscript.

“Huh?”

“How was it there, in Kobe.”

“It was fine.”

“Were you able to relax a lot?”

“I guess.”

Their father-son relationship, where traditionally they had never been able to see eye to eye, had gotten steadily worse ever since Youichi gave up his Olympic representation right. To Keisuke, reproving the JASF was like going against the government. In addition, Youichi had also incurred the wrath of the president of Mizuki, who held the MDC’s lifeline. Every time their faces met, Keisuke’s eyes reproached him for his disrespect. Finally, he raised his objections to the SS Special ’99, unfolding yet another battle with Youichi, who stubbornly refused to give up. Though it was true that Keisuke’s attitude has softened after they came to Osaka, this was the first time that they were alone together like this.

What the hell does he want me for?

Youichi gave a suspicious look at Keisuke as he crouched down to the side of his desk to search for his black leather travelling bag.

No matter how much of a disrespectful son he was, for the time being he was the ace of the MDC, and the favorite to win tomorrow’s championship. Did he wanted to bestow him father-like words of parting, and grant him wisdom on occasion?

However, when Keisuke turned around he had an old camera in his right hand, and a roll of film in his left.

“What’s that?”

“I was asked by the JASF’s public relations department to take pictures at the Namihaya Dome. I am not really skilled with machines.”

It appeared that he wanted him to put the film into the camera.

Youichi gave a wry smile and quickly set the film. Then as he returned the camera to Keisuke he got up, and then returned to where he was again. Even now the little bones still tormented his intestines, restraining him to that spot.

“If…” He boldly began to ask a question to the profile of Keisuke, who had turned back towards his manuscript. “If the results at tomorrow’s qualifying trials meant that the MDC would have to shut down, what are you going to do?”

Keisuke rested his fountain pen for just a moment.

“There is talk from Otaru University that they would like to welcome me as an instructor.”

“Otaru?”

He had never heard of popular universities for diving in Hokkaido.

“Are you going to teach diving in Otaru?”

“No, I will lecture on international sports science.”

“International sports science?”

“MDC is a club that the former chairman of Mizuki built through a hard struggle, by pouring his overflowing passion and private funds into it. Since it was forced to close by my own inadequacy, that is my own way of taking responsibility.”

“What does that mean?”

“Just that the old guard is fading away. That’s all it is.”

The small bones became sharp needles, running about Youichi’s body.

He didn’t know why and where it hurt so much.

“Are you…actually going to quit being a diving coach?”

No response.

“What, you’re going to quit diving, that’s…”

There was a mountain of things he wanted to say. And yet before he knew it, he picked up the first small stone from the base of that mountain and threw it.

“But, you can’t even put film into a camera though.”

“I’ll ask your mother to teach me slowly.”

Bitter laugh lines were carved around Keisuke’s eyes.

“At any rate, my teaching methods were old. You were probably aware of that. Fortunately, even if I am gone, Coach Asaki and Coach Ooshima will still be at the MDC. Even if the MDC’s name disappears, even if there is no training center, Tatsumi and Sakuragi High School will never disappear. Unless you let your passion die out, no one can take diving away from you. There is no need to worry.”

No, you’re wrong. When tomorrow’s competition is over, Asaki Kayoko will return to America. Unless one of us wins the championship with more than 600 points, the MDC you desperately tried to protect would be lost along with its name. All because I returned the Sydney representation right.

If he expressed that anger loudly, it might be unexpectedly satisfying.

But, without expressing it, Youichi silently left Keisuke’s room, keeping it in his chest like always. When he returned to his room Tomoki was already asleep, and for some reason his heartbeat was disturbed by that even breathing, and then before he knew it he was running for the hotel pool with his nylon bag in hand. He actually didn’t really remember bumping into Reiji along the way. His head was in disorder, he felt pressured, and he didn’t know what he was doing.

While still not knowing, he repeatedly engaged in practice in the heated pool. Timing and form practice for jumping out. As he lost his judgement of ascertaining timing and form, he only blindly kept moving his body in order to prevent himself from standing still and thinking.

If no one from the MDC could win with more than 600 points tomorrow…

The MDC would be forced to effectively disintegrate in midair, and everyone in the club would lose their place to go.

The dying wish of the late Mizuki chairman, who had poured his heart and soul into the establishment of the MDC, would turn into bubbles, and the Japanese diving world would lose another precious training place for young athletes.

And his father, who devoted his entire life, devoted everything from morning to night, from New Year’s Day to New Year’s Eve to diving, would be sent to a dry teaching podium without a drop of water for the remaining years of his life.

As he thought about such frightening things more and more, it seemed better to have the little bones that had turned into needles turned into knives, cut up his own flesh, and continue to finish off his exhausted body.

_______________________________________________________________

I did a stupid thing.

He came to his senses when he dragged his limp body back to his room and saw Tomoki’s sleeping face.

Tomoki was peacefully sleeping. It looked really pleasant. He made a face that said that tomorrow’s competition can’t not be fun. There were no shadows there, just a straightforward dream to Sydney that was shining.

At that moment, Youichi was assailed by so much regret that it could have broke him down.

Now that he knew the MDC’s plight, what he had to do wasn’t to give himself up to temporary measures. It was to have a peaceful face and have a good night’s sleep at any cost like Tomoki. It was to preserve his strength for tomorrow’s competition. It was not cloud his straightforward dream to Sydney, no matter what.

I did a stupid thing.

Youichi collapsed, pressing his head against the floor, as the knives within him turned back into needles, the needles turned back into little bones, and the little bones crumbled into nothing.

However, perhaps Youichi could no longer be able to turn back into himself from some time ago.

_______________________________________________________________

His already weakened body was turning hot, and chills ran down his back.

The second person going in the eighth round, Moriya, had finished his performance. The third person going after him was Tsuji Toshihiko. Tsuji seemed to be also diving from the five-meter platform for this turn.

You have to go up the steps soon. You have to bring himself up to that height of ten-meters. Youichi’s head which was normally functioning was urging on his body, which wasn’t normally functioning. I know, I know that. I have to go up in order to dive. That’s the principle of the thing. But, my legs aren’t moving. Even though I don’t know if I can even stand upright, I still have to move these feet. To keep moving constantly upwards and upwards. And yet, going downwards is the end in just an instant. Even if all my efforts are rewarded in an instant, it can also turn into bubbles in an instant. What a fleeting game. Who would get involved in a sport like this? I would. Yes, I had on that summer’s day. I flew from the Sakuragi High diving tower for the first time. During the summer of second grade. That was the moment. I was hooked with a single try. That day where my dad looked at me for the first time. After that, I lived and breathed diving every day. Hope and disappointment were all on the water. I didn’t care that I lost everything on the land. Friends. Food. Love. Studies. Club activities. Days off. I lost so much that all that’s left is me simply honing myself. I was just pushing my body on without casting a glance aside. Forward. Forward. Forward. But, is that okay? Isn’t it fine to just rest for a little bit? I know that Asaki Kayoko isn’t going back to America. Even in the unlikely event that the MDC’s name disappears, that ideal ass isn’t going to disappear from Japan. Tomoki and Shibuki also grew rapidly. The future of the Japanese diving world is great. Therefore, maybe I should just give up on the koalas already, and have some fun playing with the Ezo red foxes in Otaru…

“Fujitani.”

The voice in his head had covered over the unfamiliar voice from the outside.

Youichi absentmindedly lifted his face up, his eyes narrowing at the white particles pouring from the ceiling. An unchanged familiar face with its back to the grains of light—and yet a boy he rarely ever heard talk was looking down at him from there.

“It’ll be your turn soon. Let’s go.”

It was Pinky…er, Camel Yamada.

Youichi questioned his ears. His relationship with Camel had always been antagonistic, and they distanced themselves from each other. Both of them liked to show off and couldn’t settle down unless they were number one, but Camel was the type to joke around while Youichi was more taciturn. They couldn’t stomach each other’s ways of expression.

“There’s no time. Come on, go.”

Forcefully urged on again, Youichi immediately responded.

“I can’t. You go ahead.”

“I really want to do that, but my turn is after yours. If you don’t dive, then I can’t dive.”

“Just skip over me and dive.”

“It’s not that simple,” Camel sniffed. “Because it’s such a rare memorial day, let me enjoy this fully until the last.”

“What?”

“We’ve confronted each other for countless times so far. But, today’s the first time I’ve defeated you in the preliminaries. It’s the first time in my life that I’m diving after you on the big stage of a finals. I want to savor this feeling of superiority until the end.”

Youichi held his head in his hands.

“Hurry up and go. You’ll get disqualified as well.”

“Nope. I, who passed the preliminaries in fourth place, have the right to dive after Fujitani Youichi, who passed the preliminaries in fifth place.”

“Shit, there’s another idiot here…”

“Shouldn’t I be the one telling you that?” Camel shot back. “In the first place, these qualifying trials were set up thanks to one idiot rejecting his Olympic offer. We are now once again competing for the dream that was once crushed in a conference room somewhere, on our field. With that alone it’s already OK, isn’t it? I’m diving after you. If you’re not gonna dive, then I’ll go home and sleep while watching TV.”

Youichi lifted his gaze again at that light and heavy voice. His eyes grew accustomed to the ceiling lights, and the contours of the blurred venue were once again formed.

“Pinky…”

“Stop calling me that. Thanks to you I felt like turning over a new leaf. From today on I’m born again as Rakuda Yamada (1).

“Let me call you Camel, at least.”

“It’s not camel-colored, it’s rakuda-colored!”

“…”

“What is it?”

“There was a genuine idiot here…”

Even while the two were arguing with each other, Tsuji and Kaburagi finished their performances, and Youichi’s turn drew closer by the moment.

My head hurts. My body feels heavy. My feet feel sluggish. But… Youichi listened carefully to the voice of his body. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes, it didn’t seem likely that he didn’t have even a small handful of reserve strength left. For about ten years since second grade, he had saved up on hidden reserves of strength for times like these. Search for them. They have to be somewhere. There’s a key to open that lid.

“What’s wrong, Fujitani.”

Camel placed his hand on Youichi’s shoulder.

“If you’re not going up the stairs, then I won’t as well. It’s no problem. Okitsu, Sakai and Maruyama would probably not go up the stairs as well if they had to skip you.”

When he was told that, he turned around to look and sure enough, right there were Tomoki’s, Shibuki’s and Reiji’s grim faces. Eyes that were watching him, probing him, and were at a loss as to what to about him. This isn’t a situation where you should worry about people.

The moment he thought that, his feet reflexively started to move.

Right foot on the step, ow, he thought as he lifted his hips. Left foot on the step, ow, he thought as he lifted his hips. A steady repetition. It was simple if he tried doing it. They were watching him. He braced himself for the first five steps just with that indication. I am terribly self-conscious, if I do say so myself.

However, from the sixth step on, it was only his own battle.

“Are you going?”

Camel’s voice came from below the stairs. Oh, since it came to this, then I have no choice but to go, Youichi answered in his head. Even if he crawled, he could only drag this body upwards. The moment they left the land, the diver lost all support and had nothing. Without borrowing anyone’s hands, walking on their defenseless bare feet, each of them carried their respective dreams, and respective loneliness. A steep runway (2) that turned and twisted. When they finally reached the top, they were a pilloried, shamed criminal before the spectators and judges, quickly pulled up to the platform without the time to rest. Neither hiding place nor escape existed on that open summit. If the dreams and loneliness carried on their shoulders were too heavy, there was only one way to escape. To plunge themselves into the water below. It was an utterly cruel game. As well as rousing. Tension. Fear. Exaltation. Pressure. All of those things directly pierced into the skin without being blocked. In addition, there were the winners and the losers. The ones who shone and the ones who got obscured. Those who controlled themselves and those who blundered. Everyone was distinguished clearly. How refreshing and simple to understand. Yes, I love this cruel and rousing game. I fell in love with it ever since I was little. That precarious cliff edge. That numbing feeling of isolation. That pleasure of expressing yourself to the limit, of overwhelming the spectators with flawless lines. Oh, I’m getting excited just thinking of it. I knew there was something wrong. It’s ridiculous to give up on the Olympics just because of a high fever. When it felt like he was just about to fall off the edge, it wasn’t his normal head or his body that was saying things at the last minute. He had forgotten the instincts that would one day lead him to sprout. Leave the earth, seek the air, return to the water. Before those instincts, there were headaches, dizziness, and wobbly feet. I can go. I can still go. Go closer to those white lights. Until my vision becomes pure white. Like snow. Yes, I can let my own snow fall with my own hands. Snow that will bury the pool and the dragon and the stands in perfect white—.

When he reached the top of the dragon, Youichi who was shivering from his chills before began to tremble with excitement.

I want to dive immediately.

I want to be embraced by the water.

I can’t wait for the whistle to begin the performance.

His restless heart aroused, Youichi waited impatiently for that moment.

Even if 1.4 seconds later, that tension returned to the beginning again…

_______________________________________________________________

Rankings as of the Eighth Round (Cumulative)

① Okitsu Shibuki (476.49 points)

② Yamada Atsuhiko (456.24 points)

③ Asama Takashi (447.96 points)

④ Sakai Tomoki (435.69 points)

⑤ Fujitani Youichi (426.51 points)

⑥ Matsuno Kiyotaka (407.82 points)

⑦ Ogawa Shinobu (407.34 points)

⑧ Tsuji Toshihiko (393.57 points)

⑨ Nakayama Masahiko (373.83 points)

⑩ Maruyama Reiji (355.98 points)

⑪ Moriya Kazuteru (351.72 points)

⑫ Kaburagi Shinji (337.47 points)

_______________________________________________________________

Translation Notes

1. Rakuda is Japanese for “camel color”

2. The original word here was “hanamichi” (花道) which means “elevated walkway through the audience to the stage” in kabuki

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