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Kara no Kyoukai (Light Novel) - Volume 1, Lingering Pain - VIII

Volume 1, Lingering Pain - VIII

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I eventually convince Miss Tōko to at least go out and find Shiki, and so we head out in her car. With Broad Bridge being the largest construction project that the Asagami’s are involved in, and with plenty of places to hide, we conclude that it’s the likeliest location for Fujino to seek refuge, and the likeliest place for Shiki to be. Miss Tōko runs red light after red light in her off-road buggy, and when we near the bay shoreline the bridge comes into view, looking like a giant squeezed and twisted it with his hand.

Nearing the front entrance, we’re stopped by a security guard. Miss Tōko starts to argue with him while Shiki, with bloodstained left arm, emerges from the corridor behind the guard. Wordlessly assessing the situation in a glance, she braces and delivers a running tackle to the guard, dealing him a particularly nasty blow to the head. He is knocked out instantly, a victim of Shiki’s particular style of negotiation. She greets us.

“Yo. Somehow, I thought you’d be here,” Shiki says. Her face is pale, whether from the cold rain or the blood loss, I couldn’t say. I had a moun- tain of things to say to her regarding this whole ridiculous hunt, but when I see her at the brink of collapsing, I’m at a loss for words. I try to extend a hand to support her, but she swats it away with her own.

“Might as well have finished it with one hand tied behind your back, I see,” says Miss Tōko, surprised. Shiki grants her a glare of dissatisfaction.

“Tōko, that girl had a last surprise. She developed some sort of remote viewing spell in the end. That and her other power makes for a dangerous combination if left alone.”

“Remote viewing? Like scrying or clairvoyance? That is bad. She’d be able to hit you with a spell even if you were hiding behind cover. Wait—‘ifleft alone’?”

Shiki sighs. “Well, her pain insensitivity switched back on at the last moment. Fucking unbelievable. Without pain, she just denied me the plea- sure of seeing her suffering face. So I said to myself, ‘what the hell, why don’t I just kill her disease while I’m here’. So I saw the lines on her disease, cut ‘em, and here we are. If you hurry and get a hospital on the line, she still might make it.”

At first I thought I didn’t hear correctly, but the only thing I understand is that Shiki didn’t kill Fujino Asagami. I immediately pull out my cell phone and dial the number of Fujino’s doctor that Miss Tōko gave me, just to make absolutely sure they’ll send out an ambulance. I’m not entirely sure they could make it in this storm, but if it comes to that, I’d take Fujino to a hospital myself. Luckily, her doctor happily replies that he’ll come imme- diately, saying that he’d been worried about the missing Fujino. He might have even been crying while talking to me. I’m glad to know she has at least one person on her side in this world.

Oblivious to my joy, Miss Tōko and Shiki are having another one of their odd conversations behind me.

“Nice job stemming the bleeding with your sleeve,” says Miss Tōko, admiring Shiki’s handiwork.

“Yeah, and since it can’t be fixed anymore, I killed it too for good mea- sure. Figured since you were a puppet maker mage, you’d be able to make an artificial arm.”

“No problem, but that’s coming out of your paycheck. I always thought you looked a bit too normal compared to your Arcane Eyes of Death Per- ception. As an added bonus, I’ll even imbue it with the ability to touch ghosts and other things in that state of being.”

I wish they’d stop talking about all that occult stuff. Gives me the creeps. “They said they’re sending an ambulance. It’ll be a lot of trouble if we stay here, so do you wanna go?”

“With pleasure,” Miss Tōko replies, shivering in the rain. Shiki remains silent. I’m hoping the reason for that is that she wants to see Fujino Asa- gami off properly.

“I’ll have to stay here, since I’m the one that contacted them and have to give them a situation report. Both of you can probably go.”

“In this miserable rain? You’re a strange one, aren’t you, Kokutō?” Miss Tōko gestures for Shiki to follow her. “Shiki, let’s scram.”

“I’ll pass, thanks.” Shiki replies, which promptly has Miss Tōko smiling mischievously at us all the way back to her buggy.

“Shiki, make sure not to kill Kokutō just because you couldn’t take a shot at Fujino, all right?” She starts the car, and though I can’t hear her from here, I see her laughing even as she backs it up and drives away. In the shade of a nearby building, me and Shiki seek shelter from the summer rain, and before long, the ambulance arrives.

We watch as the EMTs load Fujino into the ambulance. From our dis- tance, I can’t get a good look at Fujino, so I can’t confirm whether or not she’s the same girl I met on the night of the 20th, as I’ve been suspecting. Somehow, I think it’s for the best.

Shiki, wet and cold from the rain, has her empty eyes fixed intently on Fujino Asagami. The night is slowly shifting into dawn, and while listening to the sound of the rain, I air a question. “Still can’t forgive her, right?”

“She’s dead to me. Got no business with the dead,” says Shiki frankly, but without malice. So she’s decided she no longer cares. That might actu- ally be the best possible result for both their sakes. Shiki throws her glance in my direction. “And you? You’re the one that keeps saying that murder is bad no matter what the reason, right?” It almost seems as if the question is directed as much to herself as to me.

“Yeah, but I sympathize with her. To be honest, I’m not feeling anything towards the corner boys Fujino killed.”

“Well, isn’t that surprising. I was hoping I could hear the dulcet tones of your familiar generalizations.” I don’t know if Shiki wants me to be angry at her or not, but it doesn’t matter. She didn’t kill anyone. I close my eyes and try to listen to the sound of the raindrops falling.

“Well, take it or leave it. I still think that, despite her losing her way, she’s still a normal girl. When she looks back on this, she won’t be selec- tive about what she chooses to remember. She’ll remember what she did, warts and all. And even if she does give herself up, the case is absurd. No one can prove she could have done the murders, and she won’t be pun- ished by society. But that’s what’ll make it so difficult for her.”

“How so?”

“Because I think sins are things people individually carry, a burden that we ourselves make for our own fair share. Our sins become heavier the better our wisdom and common sense, and the greater our happiness. The same goes for Fujino Asagami.”

“Man, this is why we call you a big softy. So you’re saying a man without wisdom and compassion doesn’t know the weight of sin?”

“I suppose. But see, there isn’t a person in the world that doesn’t know the weight of a sin. Maybe some people to whom the weight of sin is light instead of overbearing, but the weight is felt all the same, a small sin in the scope of their similarly small compassion, but enough to plant the doubt in him. And soon enough, that doubt grows into something they regret. Though the size differs for each person, each sin carries the same purpose.”

Even for Keita Minato, whose fear of his own sins almost drove him to madness. He has fear and anger, but also regret and guilt. He might never be able to atone, but he can try, at the very least. “It certainly seems easier to not be blamed by society for your own sins, but if no one will judge you, then you carry it yourself. The memories never let the seed go away. You yourself believe that the soul doesn’t exist, Shiki. Guess that means that you can’t heal the wounds in it either.” I conclude with a smile. “And if no one forgives you, you can’t even begin to forgive yourself. The wound in your soul only keeps growing, never healing, like Fujino’s lingering pain.”

In a rare show of contemplative demeanor, Shiki remains silent and actually listens. Without prior warning, she steps out of the shade of the building roof and lets herself be washed over by the rain. “Alright, Mikiya the Poet. You say there are no truly bad people, since compassion and wis- dom always makes them remember their sins. But what about me, who, need I remind you, isn’t particularly compassionate or wise. Can you let a person like me run free?”

“Well, there’s no curing stupidity. Guess I’ll have to carry your sins in your place,” I say earnestly. Shiki glances at me blankly, looking very much surprised before casting her eyes downwards.

“Now I remember. You always used to joke with a straight face back in the day. I swear, Shiki was terribly annoyed at that.”

“Well, I think I can carry the sins of at least one girl with me,” I argue. In a rare show of humor, Shiki chuckles.

“I’ll tell you one more thing,” she adds. “I might have burdened myself with a sin today. But in return, I found out how I wanted to live, and what I want. It’s vague and fragile, but for now, it’s all I got. And it turns out it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, and that makes me just a little happy. It’s a little, teensy, weensy bit…of homicidal intent that’s leaning in your direction.”

That last sentence makes me grimace a little, and yet Shiki still looks beautiful smiling under the rain. The storm is already subsiding, and by morning it will all probably be over. Me and Shiki spend just a few more precious moments there alone, Shiki, smiling, letting the summer rain wash over her like a salve of forgiveness, and me just looking at her.

It is the first real smile she showed me since she woke up less than a month ago.

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