Published at 3rd of September 2019 4:49 pm

Chapter 1

This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml

People grit their teeth to overcome pain. But when the pain gets to be too much, the back molar teeth begin to chatter and even gritting becomes impossible. Miyama Kyosuke discovered this personally. His pain was continuous, and it was intense. Up until now, his life was not one you could call ‘peaceful’. Both of Kyosuke’s parents had died of illness when he was in his second year in junior high school. And then, his only biological older brother had also passed away.

He was alone in this world now; literally alone as could be. What had happened to him was a great misfortune. At the same time his older brother had passed away, Kyosuke had become injured himself. He was caught in the explosion which had taken his older brother’s life, and because of that, Kyosuke had suffered bone fractures in several places and received terrible burns. Half a year had passed until he could hold things, and a full year until he could stand and walk.

He felt intense pain with each step he took, but in order to move forward, he gritted his teeth and endured the suffering. Every day, his only wish was to get his body back faster.

So that he could move faster.

So that he could gain power to grasp with his hands.

Because of that, Kyosuke endured this painful rehabilitation center and gritted his back molar teeth so much that they shook. He did all of this in order to get revenge on the man who had killed his older brother. There were still biting-lip-until-it-bleeds experiences to be felt in the future, but Kyosuke experienced plenty enough in this one year. At that time, only one man’s face flashed into this mind – the face of a tall, impossibly good-looking, wicked man in a dark suit.

* * * *

“How do you feel, Kyosuke-kun?”

Sweating at the rehabilitation center as usual, Kyosuke heard a voice behind him and wiped his face before turning around.

“Sahashi-san, sorry for always troubling you.”

Even before turning around, Kyosuke knew to whom the voice belonged to. And it wasn’t simply because he recognized the voice of the police detective who visited him at the hospital – the top detective, Sahashi Yukio, was the only person who ever came to see him.

“It’s nothing to apologize for.”

Sahashi was in his mid-thirties but clearly handsome. He was over 80 centimeters tall and dressed in a suit perfectly fit for his body. His rimless spectacles made him appear intellectual and elite. But his smile was friendly, and when he smiled it made people feel at ease.

“Your treatment seems to be going well. I heard from the doctor just now that you can fully walk now. But I also heard that you push yourself too much,” Sahashi said with a smile, but Kyosuke could tell how worried he was about him.

“I’m not pushing myself.”

Kyosuke was aware that his answer had come out cold, but it was because he was impatient. He could not afford to take his time. Right now, at this very moment, the man he hated, the one who had committed the great, unredeemable sin, was easily existing somewhere in this world. But the police detective Sahashi didn’t know about Kyosuke’s hatred towards that man. It seemed that Sahashi wasn’t aware that Kyosuke had such thoughts about trying to amend things.

A friendly smile appeared on his face as he looked up at Sahashi.

“……I’m sorry. I guess I just overestimated how much my body can handle……”

If he said the first thing that came to his mind, it would obviously sound like a lie, so he said more than fifty percent of the truth. In this one year, Kyosuke had become a master of this method of telling half-truths. Before this, Kyosuke had lost the will to live and had spent his days indifferently. But when he suddenly regained the determination to do things, it surprised the doctor and Sahashi. It was then decided that it would be best for him to go to the rehabilitation center. Afraid that it would damage Kyosuke’s newfound determination to do things, both the doctor and Sahashi had not asked him the reason for his sudden change at first, but because Kyosuke’s determination had not died out even when he couldn’t stand by himself and needed to hold on to something in order to just take a few steps, Sahashi had finally asked, “What is driving you?”

“……….”

Kyosuke had been about to brush this topic aside, but instead found that he couldn’t say anything fitting.

“Never mind,” Sahashi had smiled and stroked Kyosuke’s head. “I think that what you’re doing now would make your older brother happy.”

When Sahashi had said this, Kyosuke thought that perhaps he would make that his reason for his determination, but when he was about to say this, he had felt that his words would seem like a lie, since he wouldn’t be able to make them sound convincing enough, and he didn’t want to use his older brother in a lie.

If his older brother were alive, he would urge him to try to do his best in the rehabilitation center and would have rejoiced when Kyosuke had gotten the determination to do things, but his older brother was now dead. Perhaps in his older brother’s heart, feelings like anger, sadness, and regret had remained when he had been killed. Now, in his own heart, after having his older brother murdered, he felt the same. That anger and regret was the real ‘reason’ fueling his willpower, but Kyosuke acknowledged that only Sahashi knew about this reason.

“I understand how you feel, but you can’t push yourself so much. This institution is different from a police hospital. No doctor or administrate is urging you to leave. You chose to come here to recover, didn’t you?” Let’s take a little break, Sahashi insisted, and thinking it was a little annoying, Kyosuke accepted his hand and sat down on the sofa, which stood along the wall of the rehabilitation room.

Right away, Sahashi went to go buy himself and Kyosuke a can of coffee, and when he returned he said ‘Here’ as he handed him the can. Honestly, Kyosuke didn’t really like coffee with sugar and milk in it, but he had never told Sahashi this from the start, so Sahashi always bought himself black coffee but didn’t buy that for Kyosuke. To a person of age, such as Sahashi, a high school student was a ‘child’, and he was under the impression that children liked sweet things with sugar and milk, rather than black coffee. Sahashi was a ‘good-person’ and overly compassionate at times, but he had a self-righteous side to him as well, although that part of him seemed to be a necessary thing to have for his career. Kyosuke accepted the coffee, since it would be rude not to drink it. As usual, he accepted it with thanks.

“Thank you,” he said and pulled the tab on the can.

“I was touched when I saw that you could do that by yourself,” Sahashi said quietly and turned to look kindly at Kyosuke. “I’m surprised you’re recovering so fast. Just one month ago, I had opened it for you.”

“……Sahashi-san, you really take care of me…” I’m sorry, Kyosuke said and bowed his head. Seventy percent of him sincerely felt this way.

“Don’t be.” I didn’t mean it like that, Sahashi replied hastily, and Kyosuke bowed his head deeper.

“Not only did you find me another hospital to transfer to, you also frequently come to see me like this even though you’re busy…I’m truly grateful for this.”

“I’m not that busy……How do I put this…it’s more like you should be angry with me about whether the Japanese police are doing their duty or not,” Sahashi said, looking startled like he had just realized this, and then the next moment, with a sincere look on his face, bowed to Kyosuke. “I’m really sorry for what happened to you and for still not being able to arrest the murderer who took your brother’s life. Because of this, I think that you should resent us for not doing our duty.”

“No…” I wouldn’t do that, Kyosuke was about to say, but couldn’t. He lowered his head and beside him, Sahashi continued, with a sincere look on his face as always.

“Two years has flown by since then, but we still don’t have a single clue…I can apologize as much as I want, but I don’t think it would do you any good. I truly am sorry for this. The criminal investigation is still definitely going under way, so I just ask that you wait a little bit longer.”

“……….Okay……….”

As Kyosuke hung his head, his older brother’s hideously burnt corpse flashed into his mind. The April of the year before last, when it was time to welcome the blooming sakura trees, the explosion had occurred, taking away his older brother’s life.

Kyosuke had attended a metropolitan high school in Tokyo. He used to be an ordinary high school student. When he had been in his second year in junior high school, both his parents died from illness leaving his older brother, Syoichi, and him to live alone together. Kyosuke had always been an introvert and never had too many friends. Having received the shock from losing both his parents, he had become even more withdrawn, but his older brother of five years his senior had gently watched over him, never meddling into Kyosuke’s personal life, and had always been there to stretch out a helpful hand to him.

Ever since he was a child, Kyosuke had been mistaken for a girl due to his cute appearance, and his older brother Syoichi had also been good-looking enough to attract glances. Syoichi had been so beautiful, with his black hair and misty eyes, that even Kyosuke, being his younger brother, had also stopped to admire him for a moment sometimes. In terms of personality, Syoichi had been similar to Kyosuke. Although he had been beautiful, he had given off a strong impression that he didn’t like associating with people, since he always had his eyes cast down. After losing their parents, Syoichi had managed to scrape up enough money to pay for their living expenses and Kyosuke’s school expenses, and had always paid for his own schooling by working. When he had graduated from the university, he was able to receive a decent income by working at an enterprise company that was developed by his senpai from the university. However, that job had been hard. He had worked even on weekends, came home late on days end, and there were even times he came home after dawn. After the death of their parents, the brothers had moved from their single-family house, where the four of them had lived as a family, into a small apartment. The reason for this had been due to financial issues. Their parents had left them a small inheritance, but in order to pay for life insurance, the brothers had no choice but to sell their house.

After Syoichi had begun to receive a high salary, the two brothers began to consider moving again. Syoichi had suggested to Kyosuke that they move into a better secured apartment complex, but because Kyosuke had been preparing for his high school graduation exams, he had refused, saying it was fine where they were now. Although it had been true that he was preparing for his exams, the actual truth was that Kyosuke was secretly sulking at his older brother, because they hardly spent any time together since his older brother was always so busy. But thanks to his older brother’s high salary, they could pay for financial expenses, and also thanks to this, Kyosuke’s dream of attending a university was going to come true.

Kyosuke had dreamed of becoming a doctor someday, but tuition was expensive for the Department of Medicine, so he had given up on attending a university. However, his older brother, who had known about Kyosuke’s aspirations, had cheered him up by telling him, “It’ll be alright”, because he was certainly going to support him until Kyosuke became a doctor. After seeing his older brother’s proud smile, Kyosuke had devoted himself to his studies everyday in order to be accepted by the Department of Medicine right after graduating high school. He was going to do it for his older brother, but right around that time, the apartment, the two had lived in, had been blown up.

The night of the incident, his older brother had come home at two in the morning as usual.

“Were you drinking?”

As their two futons lay side-by-side in the middle of the eight tatami mat room, Kyosuke had smelled alcohol when he peeked out of his futon. He had heard his older brother call out to him, having just come home.

“Did I wake you? Sorry.”

To Kyosuke, it had seemed that his older brother sounded drunk. Because his job was hard, his older brother frequently went out drinking with his clients and often returned home smelling like alcohol.

“Should I get you some water?” Kyosuke had asked, getting up from his futon, and his older brother wearily replied, “……Thanks.”

It seemed that his older brother was not a good drinker, but often came home heavily drunk. Kyosuke had always thought it was pitiful that his older brother was being made to drink. That had probably been the case as well that night. Feeling sorry for his older brother, Kyosuke had headed towards the kitchen. The moment Kyosuke had opened the refrigerator door, he had heard a crashing sound of the window breaking. Immediately, he dashed back into the room where the sound had come from, wondering what had happened and had been blinded by a burning flash of light. Half the room had been detonated by a hand grenade, which had been thrown in through the window.

Syoichi had been directly hit, so he had died instantly and Kyosuke was thrown back by the blast. He had been burnt by the flames and had suffered from burns all over his body. Because this had happened deep in the night, at two in the morning, there had been no witnesses present, and because the whole apartment had been completely destroyed by the fire, there was no means of gathering evidence either.

Perhaps the person who had thrown the bomb into Syoichi and Kyosuke’s apartment had been going after the two or maybe it was a random killing, now after two years, there were still no clues that lead to the murderer. Sahashi originally had not been part of the criminal investigation. It was about one year ago that he was placed in charge of the incident. Although he frequently visited Kyosuke and told him about how the investigation was progressing, it could hardly be called ‘progress’. He sincerely apologized to Kyosuke about this every time he saw him.

Today as well, Sahashi deeply apologized for how useless the police were, but to Kyosuke, this frequent apology seemed like Sahashi was just acting. Kyosuke didn’t think Sahashi was being thoughtless, though, and even Kyosuke himself was acting. So he told Sahashi what he always told him.

“It’s not your fault, Sahashi-san. Besides, you’re very kind to me. I’m sorry that you always have to apologize.”

“Of course I have to apologize. I’m the one in charge of the investigation, after all. It’s my responsibility that the investigation continues,” Sahashi said looking his most serious and tried to bow his head again. Kyosuke opened his mouth to stop him as he wondered if they were going to have the usual recited conversation again today.

“Sahashi-san, you brought me to this hospital. Because of that, I can now walk. I can’t thank you enough for this.”

“That’s nothing to be thanking me so much for,” Sahashi gave him his usual smile and then reached to stroke Kyosuke’s head.

“I’m glad we found this nice hospital. Besides, you’re in charge of the hospital admittance fees, so you shouldn’t be thanking me.”

“……Thank you.”

This orderly hospital had quite a high admittance fee. The reason Kyosuke was able to pay for this was because his deceased older brother had applied for life insurance. Kyosuke had no idea about this, so he was amazed when he had heard from Sahashi that he was granted one million yen2 worth of insurance money. Not only did Kyosuke not have a single relative, he had been confined to bed rest at that time, so Sahashi had become his guardian and had undertaken all of the negotiations with the insurance company in Kyosuke’s place. Kyosuke certainly was a victim of the incident, but the police did not give such thoughtful aftercare to every one of the victims. Even though Kyosuke truly felt thankful to Sahashi, since he guessed that Sahashi did everything simply because he was a caring person, he felt some doubt and wondered if perhaps Sahashi was going a little too far.

Perhaps there was another reason for his kindness? Perhaps he was planning on pocketing some of his insurance money for himself. But when Kyosuke had overheard the doctor and the nurse talking about Sahashi’s background, he thought that maybe that wasn’t it. Sahashi’s job was to oversee the eastern side of the country. It seemed that he represented the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. Although he himself was indeed remarkably skilled at his job, his father held a seat in the parliament and his uncle was a manager of an enterprise. In fact, it seemed his whole family was rich. But even at thirty-four years old, Sahashi was still unmarried, and despite how many women were vying to be his wife, he had no intention of marrying, so he refused any marriage proposal. Even though Kyosuke should not have heard this information, he couldn’t help but overhear it from a gossiping nurse. One time, the pushy nurse had even directly asked Kyosuke with a request, ‘I want you to introduce me to Sahashi.’

This man, marvelous in both looks and personality, had a promising future and a budding career, so Kyosuke could not think of a single reason as to why this man was so concerned over him. However, Kyosuke had no reason to refuse, so he decided he might as well accept it and think of this as simply the man’s benevolence.

“Anyway, don’t be hasty. Let’s take it slow, okay?”

Although Sahashi, busy as he was, frequently visited him, he never stayed long. Today, as well, he told him a ‘see you later’, and left with a smile. A strong urge to shout after him and stop him from leaving welled up in Kyosuke’s chest.

“The murderer in that incident is Kanou, the wakagashira3 of the Okawa. Please arrest him immediately and sentence him!”

The police still had not gotten to the bottom of the truth about that incident. Kyosuke had tried to tell Sahashi the name of the murderer, who had blown up the apartment he had lived in and murdered his older brother, but thought against it every time.

The reason for this was simple. He knew that even if the police knew the man’s name, they wouldn’t be able to arrest him. The person who made him believe this was Kanou, who had told Kyosuke himself that he was the murderer.

Two years ago, Kanou had appeared before Kyosuke while he had still been at the police hospital. Perhaps he had been taking a risk, but Kanou had shown up in Kyosuke’s room at the police hospital. At that time, Kyosuke had been in a daze; still in shock and refusing to accept that he had lost his beloved brother and was now all-alone in the world. Although Kyosuke could not get out of bed himself, he was relatively conscious. When the detective had told him that his older brother was dead, Kyosuke hadn’t believed him and had demanded to see the body. However, the detective had pushed Kyosuke’s wish aside, telling him, with much difficulty, that because the damage to the body had been severe, it would be best not to see him. It seemed that he had been concerned about Kyosuke’s condition, since Kyosuke had suffered serious injuries. Nevertheless, Kyosuke had pleaded and pleaded, so the detective had brought him a wheelchair and had taken him to have a conference with his silent older brother. This ‘older brother’, however, was no longer the one Kyosuke had known.

His older brother’s corpse had been burnt to the crisp and he didn’t look like his older brother anymore. In fact, he didn’t even look ‘human’. Upon seeing this, Kyosuke was so shocked that he had lost consciousness right on the spot. In the end, several days later Kyosuke had found out through the dental identity verification that the thing he had seen was in fact his older brother. After autopsy had been performed on the corpse, it was cremated, and the ashes were delivered to Kyosuke’s room in the hospital. The apartment the two brothers had lived in was completely destroyed by the fire and he didn’t have a single relative he could turn to. His older brother’s death had come as such a blow for Kyosuke that he wasn’t able to speak for quite some time.

As the investigation regarding his older brother’s death continued, new evidence had emerged, confusing Kyosuke so much that he shut himself up in his own shell even more. In order to determine if someone specifically targeting his older brother had really caused the explosion, the police had to look into Syoichi’s personal background, but what they had discovered about his older brother and the kind of things he had done, were not what Kyosuke had expected.

To Kyosuke’s understanding, Syoichi worked while attending the university, and when he had graduated from the university, he had worked at a company of his senpai. At least that was what he had thought, but what he actually learned was that as soon as their parents passed away, his older brother had dropped out of university in the middle of the term and worked at various part-time jobs just to scrape by. When he turned twenty, he had begun working in the night scene, but one year later, he vanished from the bar he had been working at as a bartender, and no matter how much the police had investigated, they could not locate his place of employment after that.

“So…does that mean it was a lie that he was working for the new company his senpai from university had established?” I can’t believe this, Kyosuke had said, looking dazed, when the detective in charge of the incident at that time told him all of this hesitatingly.

In addition, Kyosuke had also learnt from the police that that senpai never existed. The police questioned Kyosuke if he had any clues about his older brother’s latter job. When he was being questioned, Kyosuke had revealed to the detectives that his older brother had come home late often and had even worked on weekends, but it seemed that the detectives had not found this information to be too useful and were still unable to verify what kind of work his older brother had been doing.

This was not the older brother he had known. All these years, he had been deceived by his only blood relative in this world whom he had loved more than anyone; whom he had trusted more than anyone. The truth had given Kyosuke a great shock, and never mind about losing his voice; he had lost his appetite as well as the will to live for anything. Both the doctor and the nurse had been concerned that he wasn’t eating, so they tried to talk with him, only to receive no response. At that time, Kyosuke had just laid still on the bed, as if awaiting his death. He had cried, reminiscing on the memories he had with his older brother. And he had cried, realizing that those memories had been false. Just as his condition had been growing worse, that man had suddenly shown up in Kyosuke’s hospital room.

“You are Miyama Kyosuke?”

Half-conscious, Kyosuke had heard a low, baritone voice.

“……….Who are you……?”

It had been already dusk and dim inside the hospital room. Because of the light coming in from the hallway, Kyosuke had not been able to clearly see the man’s face at first, but he could tell that the man was tall with a nice build. The man had been wearing a black coat, and this had reminded Kyosuke of a shinigami4.

Am I finally going to die? He had thought. I can finally go to where my big brother is.

When he sees his older brother in heaven, the first thing he was going to do was ask him why he lied. As he had absent-mindedly thought these things, the man had approached his bedside and fixed his stare at Kyosuke. As his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, the man’s face had become visible to him. He was handsome, with black, deep eyes and a stiff expression. He had a high nose bridge and thin lips. Although he was handsome, his face held no expression and made him seem like a puppet. That was why Kyosuke had thought he was a ‘shinigami’. At that time, as Kyosuke looked up at him, the ‘shinigami’s’ lips moved.

“Miyama Kyosuke……you almost died, huh?”

“……….”

Perhaps he was going to be taken to Hades. So be it, Kyosuke had thought and stretched out his right hand from underneath his bedspread straight towards the man.

He had wanted the man to grab his hand and take him to his older brother. As Kyosuke prayed for this, the man’s monotonous voice rang in his ear.

“I would’ve liked it if you died. Let me be clear: Don’t investigate into this.”

“……….?”

This man showed no sign of taking his hand and instead seemed to bear malice towards him. Yet even more than malice, the man bore a grudge; an intent to kill. Realizing this had given Kyosuke a chill. Feeling frightened, Kyosuke tried to pull his hand away, but the man had firmly caught his wrist.

“It hurts…” Kyosuke had cried out, grimacing from the firm grip on his wrist, yet the man continued speaking above him.

“Do you understand? Forget about your brother’s death. Don’t go seeking the reasons unless you want the police to know that your brother was involved with the yakuza.”

“…Huh….?”

The pain in his wrist had prevented him from thinking clearly so that what the man had said didn’t sink in. Kyosuke didn’t understand. As the man coldly looked down at Kyosuke, who could only look back at him, he said, “I ordered to have your brother killed.”

“What……!?”

Now Kyosuke understood. He had tried to sit up and grab the man, but even though he had wanted to, he wasn’t able to do that because of his haggard condition. Kyosuke had no choice but to lay there on the bed and look up at the man, who had sneered and violently let go of Kyosuke’s arm.

“It hurts!” Kyosuke had inadvertently cried out again when the man had roughly tossed his arm back down. At this, the man had sneered again and began to say things Kyosuke had never dreamed could be real.

“Your brother knew too much inside information about the Okawa. That’s why we had to dispose of him. If you want to tell this to the police, go ahead. That is, if you’re fine with them knowing that your brother was involved with the yakuza.”

“……….” The yakuza? That’s ridiculous! He had thought, but was unable to speak. However, the man in front of him continued.

“Shinjuku is our territory. If you value your life, don’t go near there. I am Kanou, the wakagashira of the Okawa, and if I so much as see a glimpse of you there, you won’t get away. Understand?” The man had said and quickly averted his gaze as he left the room.

“……….Urgh!” Kyosuke bit his lip, unable to bear the pain that had seized his whole body when he had tried to get up and chase after the man. Meanwhile, the door had already closed and the man had disappeared from Kyosuke’s sight.

“…A dream…?” he had muttered, yet being fully aware that this was reality. This conversation had been so sudden that he was unable to fully grasp it. But he had understood and found out the name of the man who had killed his older brother. He then repeated that name.

“Kanou…from Okawa….”

At the same time, he had drilled the unfamiliar word ‘wakagashira’ into his head. Kyosuke had reached out towards the call button and was about to call the nurse. He was going to get the nurse to contact the police and tell them everything that had happened in great detail. But……his hand was not moving like he wanted it to. Although he had been desperately impatient to tell them, he suddenly remembered what Kanou had told him.

“If you want to tell this to the police, go ahead. That is, if you’re fine with them finding out that your brother was involved with the yakuza.”

“….That’s……ridiculous!” He had blurted out, and his hand, holding the call button, fell down on top of his body. That his older brother had been involved with the yakuza was absolutely unbelievable! However, he didn’t think that a yakuza would come all this way to visit him just to tell him a lie. The purpose of Kanou’s visit had probably been to threaten him into silence. It had seemed that he had threatened him to make sure that he, who had failed to die, would not do anything unnecessary.

“I would’ve liked it if you died.”

Kyosuke had shivered as he recalled the man’s indifferent tone of voice and cruel eyes. Had his older brother really been involved with the yakuza? I can’t believe it, he had thought. But the fact remained that no matter how hard the police searched to find what kind of a job his older brother had been doing, there were no answers except for this now ‘unbelievable’ result. His older brother had been earning a lot of money since about one year ago. Where had that money been coming from? What if his older brother’s source of income had indeed been coming from the ‘Okawa’?

And had the ‘Okawa’ taken his older brother’s life? What had happened to his older brother? Why did his older brother have had to die in such a brutal way? He wanted to know. A strong urge to know had welled up inside Kyosuke.

From that day on, Kyosuke had willingly begun working hard at the rehabilitation center. And after that, with the help of Sahashi, he had transferred to this rehabilitation center and was recovering until he could lead a somewhat normal life again. There was only one reason for Kyosuke becoming so desperate – it was to avenge his older brother. He was going to go to Shinjuku and find out once and for all if his older brother had been involved with the Okawa. In order to do that, first, he had to get better, not wait around to die; he had made up his mind that he was going to live.

That was his decision.

Senpai: An upperclassman.

2 One million yen is about $0,000

3 Wakagashira: Title of the second in command of a Yakuza family

4 Shinigami: Death God

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