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LiEat – The Lie-Eating Dragon and the Forgotten-Color Songstress (Light Novel) - [ ??? ]
Chapter 9
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I hated myself.
I was slow, and there was nothing about me worth complimenting. I had no hopes for the future, either. I had nothing. But still, that was fine.
...Since even so, I had nothing to worry about.
But when I met you, I felt something change. I didn't gain anything visible to the eye, but I felt like you had given me something. And while I hadn't ever doubted that I had nothing before, I was embarrassed with myself for being that way.
The day I met you, I felt saved by your voice, happily singing from a park bench. I remember that moment clearly.
So I thought, "I want to be a person who can give something to you."
You may have already forgotten that, but I don't mind.
"Really?", the bluebird asked from beside me.
It was a quiet night, with only the rustling of trees. I'd come out to the mansion's garden to talk to the bluebird.
"I sure don't see it that way, myself."
She doesn't see it that way. Why is that? I don't know. Yet...
"As many times as I think it over, deep down, I feel like it's best that it stays this way."
"Huh." She nodded, her blue wings blown by the cold air. "You... Phil, you think things are best this way. You really think that, huh."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Happiness isn't something that lasts very long," the bluebird mumbled with a lonely, somewhat pained look.
"Are you hurting, perhaps?"
"Me? Yeah, when I look at you guys now, I really hurt inside."
"I mean, I don't."
"Nah, well, I said "you guys.""
So, then... not just me?
"Who were you talking about besides me?"
"I meant... hmm. I won't say for now. Since I'm sure you'll figure it out soon."
She made her answer vague with an implication of deep significance . I felt my heart become a little hazy.
Just then, the bluebird suddenly coughed violently. I looked at her with surprise. She slowly lifted her head and gave me a smile. It made my chest ache.
"...I suppose you are the one in the most pain."
"I'm fine. I mean, I was born for this. This is nothing if it's for you, Phil."
Why was the bluebird exhausting herself so for my sake? It was always this way since the day we had our meeting.
The bluebird in the fairy tale gave happiness not to just one person, but many townspeople.
Right now, there were people in town who seemed happy, but about just as many who looked unhappy. Surely it wasn't this way before I met the bluebird.
"I don't suppose that to make someone happy, someone else has to be made unhappy... Surely not, yes?"
I aired a worry to the bluebird. She took a deep breath to calm her breathing.
"My ability doesn't require anything like that. Just... well, I guess you could say this ability can cause both happiness and unhappiness."
"What... do you mean?"
"If you knew what happiness really was... I wonder."
The bluebird stared at something far away. What did she mean by those words?
"Well then... I'm going to bed now. Phil, you need to get Mischa up early again. You better sleep too."
"Ah... right."
On rare occasion, I would come to meet the bluebird at night like this.
The day I first met the bluebird, she told me "I'm nocturnal," so when I wanted to talk, I met her at night. But after a while, she said "It's no problem to meet during the day," and night meetings became infrequent.
Tonight, I had felt like enjoying the night breeze, so I came to the garden. Then she came peeking over the fence, so we talked.
After saying goodbye to the bluebird, I lifted myself up from the brick wall around the flowerbed.
"If you knew what happiness really was... I wonder."
Those words swirled in my chest all the way back to my room.
What would happen, indeed?
Would I be able to keep being happy like this? Or would I perhaps become unhappy?
...I wondered if the bluebird knew what happiness was.
Those words of hers made it difficult for me to fall asleep that night.
