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Sleeping Bunny (Light Novel) - Part 3
Part 3
This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml
They kissed every time they met, hiding from other peoples' eyes. After they kissed lightly many, many times, it felt insufficient so their kisses became deeper and deeper.
When he wrapped his tongue around the man's, he wanted to know more about deep inside of him. He wanted to see and hold everything about him. More, more. Like a spoiled child, he wanted more. He didn't know that love would make one so greedy.
He had a date with the man in the afternoon. So as soon as his Saturday afternoon classes were over, Kouchi grabbed his bag and stood up. But someone stood in his way so he couldn't hurry out.
"Just give me few seconds."
It was Endou. Until recently he thought her huge eyes were the cutest thing in the world, but now they just looked dumb. He learned that there were eyes that made his heart beat much more faster than hers ever could
"Sorry, but I'm busy."
Thus refusing, he stepped aside. However, he stopped when he felt her clutching at him. Thin fingers were tightly holding on to Kouchi's elbow.
"Did you promise to hang out with someone?"
"Uh, yeah. I'd feel bad if I made them wait."
Endou stared into Kouchi's eyes.
"Who are you meeting?"
He told her that he was busy, but ignoring him, Endou got closer to Kouchi. The girl in front of him was starting to really annoy him.
"What's it to you? You don't know them, Endou."
"You're going to meet Mr. Takahashi, aren't you?"
She suddenly got right into the heart of the matter. No one should know about this secret. He didn't tell even Kakimoto that the man was their school's teacher. He couldn't lie for few minutes. Kouichi stared at Endou's forehead as if he wanted to bear a hole into it. His throat felt dry.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You shouldn't lie. I saw you last time."
He was scared to hear exactly what she saw. What did she find out? Endou innocently smiled.
"I saw Sensei and Satomi kissing. You guys were at Maebashi Park the night before, right?"
Kouichi grabbed Endou's arm and left the classroom. He dragged her to the northern stairway, where people rarely came. There were still people left in the classroom, and others might hear them.
"So you guys ARE going out. The person who sent you that letter was Sensei, right? Why didn't you tell me?"
She pretended that she was mad, but she was laughing a little. Endou lightly glared at Kouchi.
"Just what made you change your mind to go out with a guy? Or did you always swing that way, Satomi?"
Endou's blunt words caused pain in his heart. Of course he wouldn't like a man. He came to love him because it was HIM. He couldn't help but be attracted to him.
"Tell me. You've lied to me, so I think I have the right to hear it."
"I don't want to talk about it," he shortly replied. Endou wanted to hear it half-jokingly. Her eyes were full of interest. Just what did she want to do after hearing his story? Or did she just want to be entertained? The thought made him pissed off. Endou sighed when Kouichi clammed up.
"Okay. If Satomi won't tell me, then I'll go ask Sensei."
"Hold on a second."
He grabbed Endou's wrist when she turned. She's going to ask that man? That's not even funny. He knows nothing about Kouchi being a student, nor the fact that Kouichi already knew about his lies. If he learned the truth this way, even HE would be angry.
"No, let me go! You're hurting me!"
He didn't let go of her arm.
"Don't even think about asking him. If you do that, I'll NEVER forgive you."
"What's with you? Looking all scary like that. What's wrong with wanting to hear what happened?"
"Anyway, just don't."
Endou sniffed.
"Oh, wow, you're SERIOUS about this. That's kind of sick. Doesn't it feel disgusting to kiss with a guy?"
It felt like someone whacked his head. At first Kouichi thought it would be really sick, too. But he really, really wanted to kiss him, so he couldn't do anything about it. He easily crossed his own taboo. He kissed him because he loved him. He never questioned that logic. But from Endou's point of view, men kissing each other was nothing but disgusting. She'd never understand how Kouchi felt.
He didn't want to talk to Endou any more. Kakimoto's words popped into his mind.
[You shouldn't play around with someone who's serious.]
He knew that too well. He understood what he meant now.
"If you don't tell me, I'm going to tell everyone in our class that you're going out with a guy--our school teacher on top of that."
Endou might have been only joking, but Kouchi did not have the presence of mind to just accept it as a joke.
He grabbed Endou's arms and violently shoved her against the wall. Her huge eyes trembled in shock and fear. He heard her breathing in sharply.
"I'd never forgive you."
Her thin face slowly paled.
"Why did you become so serious? What a moron."
Her voice shook. She tried to act tough, but he could tell she was scared. He knew that, but he didn't care. He roughly threw down Endou's school uniform jacket. Endou looked at her jacket on the floor, disbelief written across her face, but she looked more and more like she would cry until she collapsed to the floor.
He left the crying female and walked down the stairs. Only anger blazed in his heart.
The man noticed right away that Kouichi was in a bad mood. He didn't pay attention to the man's words, and even when he asked him something, his replies were half-hearted. Kouchi himself made no attempt at conversation. The man lightly tried to strike up a conversation again and again, but when Kouichi didn't respond at all, he stopped talking.
Even at the movie theater, Kouchi didn't say even one word to the man. Sitting next to him and staring at the movie screen, he kpet thinking about the incident during lunch time. Endou had been crying. He had been beastly. No matter how angry he was, he couldn't believe he'd be so awful to a girl. He felt disgusted at his reaction and violent response.
What upset him even more was Endou's words.
'Are you for real? That's totally gross.'
Her half-amused eyes. It felt as if she had raised her nails and scratched at his heart with all her strength. He finally learned his lesson after he became the 'victim' and became depressed.
He had been no different, if not worse. He had been making fun of them, laughing cruelly. If he had not met this man and totally became obsessed with him, if he had not fallen in love, he was sure he would've been still laughing.
Eyes full of morbid curiosity. The only thing he did was to fall in love, but that was enough to tear him apart. He was hurting others. He was changing. But he didn't want to stop loving him.
I left my hometown became I wanted to forget the man I fell in love with, the man said. He had no idea how he felt as he made that decision, but did he became sad and cry? Kouichi suddenly realized that he was jealous of the man's first love that he had never even met, and he bitterly smiled.
They always parted at Kase Station. The man and Kouichi slowly walked down the sidewalk illuminated here and there by few road lamps. Even though it wasn't very late, when they came out after the movies it had became completely dark.
While Kouichi was thinking about variou things by himself, the man's expression slowly crumpled. By the time he noticed, he had lowered his head, not even raising his face towards him.
In front of Kase Station, Kouichi stopped walking. The man also stopped.
"Aren't you going to buy your ticket?" The man asked after a long silence. Kouichi grabbed the man's hand. The startled man tried to pull his hand away, but Kouichi didn't let go of him.
"I want to go to your home."
The man looked surprised, and then he lowered his head.
"...It's too late today."
He had been clearly refused.
"Just for a little while."
"My room is dirty. Can't you come next time?"
His voice sounded like a sigh.
"What are you going to do if I say that if you don't take me today, I'm never going to see you again?"
The man looked up at Kouichi. His eyes looked sad.
"Are you threatening me?"
He didn't answer. He learned exactly how to act and how to talk so that the man couldn't refuse him. He thought it was only temporary solution to the problem acting like this way, taking an advantage of his knowledge, but...
"Just for a little bit, then." The man said, lowering his head. His tone didn't sound welcoming at all.
The apartment building was 4-floor high made out of concrete, and the man had a room on the second floor. He slowly climbed the dimly lit staris after the man.
The room was small, but clean. At the entrance, a kitchen about 2-tatami big was situated, and connected to that was Japanese style room about 6-tatami big. The room was organized neatly and there wasn't even dust on the floor.
Even though it was a narrow room, next to the wall were two large bookcases, and it was crammed with literature and new novels.
"Wow, look at all those books."
"It's my hobby. I'll make you come coffee so sit and wait," the man coldly said and disappeared to the kitchen. He chased after him and tightly hugged him from behind.
He dropped the kettle to the sink, and upset the water inside. Only sound of water flowing filled the room.
"What are you going to do if I say I don't want to go back?"
The man started to tremble.
"You can't do that."
He didn't say no. Sudden desire filled his body. It might have been only bravado. He forced him to turn around and when he tried to push him away, he stopped him and tightly held him.
"Can I kiss you?"
"No."
"Why?"
Their lips were not even 10cm away from each other. He stiffened in his arms. The man looked at Kouichi with terrified eyes. Ignoring his look, he kissed him. He gently eased his tongue inside.
The man tried to pull away, but he held him and continued. He searched for the man in his warm mouth. He touched and wrapped his tongue around the man's small tongue inside. Like a coerced, tiny child, the man hesitantly responded to Kouichi.
He wanted to see him. He wanted to touch him. Not fighting his urges, he loosened the buttons on his shirt. When he made a direct contact with his skin, he jumped in his arms. Trying to be gentle with his touches, he started to touch him through the fabric of his cloth. The man suddenly started to protest. As if it had all been part of a nightmare, he started to squirm and push away violently, so Kouichi had no choice but to let go of the man.
"How come?"
The man collapsed, his back against the sink. He hurriedly gathered his partially opened shirt and covered his mouth with his hand. He was trembling a little.
"Don't you want to do it with me?"
"I can't," the man replied in a small voice.
"How come."
"I can't."
No matter what he asked him, the man would only say that he couldn't. After few minutes of futile exchange of simple words, the man finally clutched his head. He wasn't sure why he was hesitating, but... he gently hugged the man. Of course the man resisted. But when he realized that Kouichi wasn't trying to do anything else, he soon calmed down. Kouichi waited. He gently patted his cheek and his head, and like soothing a baby he patiently waited. He waited until the man would lift his head and look at him again.
After a long time, the man finally looked at Kouichi in the eyes. He gently stopped his caressing fingers.
The man put a little distance between himself and Kouichi.
"I've... lied to you all this time."
The man tightly closed his eyes.
"My name... and the fact that I told you I'm a office worker... it was all a lie."
He opened his eyes as if he wanted to see Kouichi's reaction. His face was pale.
"Why did you lie?" he gently asked, so that the man won't be scared. So that the man could tell him anything.
"I'm a coward. I'm so scared of being hated by someone else. Even if I was going out with someone, I can't stand thinking about breaking up with him someday. So even at this age, I've never dated anyone before. I thought that was fine. Anyway, I knew that I couldn't love normally."
The man looked like he didn't want to hear his own voice, and covered his ears.
"I've told you before, haven't I? About my friend, whom I had a crush on. He married. When I heard about that, that really was a shock. When I thought about how only I would be all alone from now on, too, I couldn't stand it; I was so lonely... So I've sent a letter to that magazine. I wasn't going to lie in the beginning. But you were five years younger than me, and I knew there was no way my first meeting would work out well, so I lied without thinking about it too much."
The man had his head lowered. A droplet of tear dripped down his cheek.
"But that won't work any longer. No matter how much I lie, I'll get hurt. I think about you every day... I can't even concentrate on my work... Today you were so cold to me, but you suddenly changed your mind and tried to hold me. Your fickleness is going to drive me crazy. If we become deeply involved, I don't know what's going to happen to me."
He embraced the man. He was so cute that he kissed him again and again, tightly holding him.
"You must be sick and tired of me."
The man hugged Kouichi back. He clung to him like a drowning man.
"I'm so sick and tired of you, I don't even know what to say."
"But... Please don't hate me."
He covered his lips. He touched him. The man no longer refused Kouichi, who desired him with ferocity of a storm. Slowly, little by little, he accepted Kouichi.
The light shining through spaces between the curtains was too bright. Foreign scent made him open his eyes. Ceiling of an unfamiliar room. And something warm in his arms. At the beginning he wondered what the heck it was, and puzzled over it with his hand. The gentle curves reminded him that he touched this form again and again yesterday night.
He gently lifted the sheet. It was definitely the man who was curled up and sleeping. His eyelids were a little red. He didn't know how to do it, so the man was in a lot of pain yesterday, but when he forced himself inside he screamed. Kouichi felt so good that his eyes couldn't focus, but the man kept crying.
His body overlapped the sleeping form. He held him and eased his finger inside between his thighs. He touched and then gently squeezed it. The man squirmed, and then opened his eyes.
"What...are you doing?"
The man tried to twist away.
"It still hurts."
He tightened his hold. The man trembled. His tiny breathing became quicker. His body started to get heated up again, and started to have scarlet tinge to it.
"Cut that out. It's already light outside..."
"I want to see you."
The man started to protest, but he lifted him up to his lap and made him face him.
"No, I don't like this."
He kissed him and gently patted his behind. The man startled in his arms, again and again. When he explored the inside with his fingers, pain crossed his face and he tightened up. He tried to loosen him up again and again, patiently waiting for him to soften.
"Lift your waist up a little bit."
The man looked like he was going to cry, but he sat up. He wrapped his arms around the man's waist so that they would overlap more easily. When he slowly brought him down, the man easily swallowed Kouichi. His eyes met the man's eyes.
"Somehow, I think I became weird."
"Why."
"I'm doing this kind of thing..."
He moved his waist. The man let out a small cry and moved his body backwards. He kissed the ends of his chest. He thought his red, sensitive nipples and the man's nervous erection pressing into his stomach were all erotic and beautiful.
He usually met the man on Saturday nights. Kouichi made an excuse that he had work so he couldn't make it the other days, and the man believed that lie without any suspicion at all.
They made a date the week before and met one week afterwards. They repeated it. Every Saturday night, they spent the entire night holding each other. They didn't need awkward words that took time.
His body had been stiff the first time they've had sex, but the more they slept togther, the more he softened up. He even gently seduced him.
When they met, as if to make up for the time they haven't seen each other, the man chattered about this and that to Kouichi. He didn't know his man was such a talkative creature.
The man seemed hesitant to do so, but he learned little by little how to act childish to Kouichi. If he wanted Kouichi to touch him and make him feel good, he indirectly begged him for it. He seemed to be aware of that, because he muttered as if embarrassed, "I've never acted like this to anyone else before."
That made him feel embarrassed yet happy. The man had confessed all of his secrets and while being fluidly held, he seemed relieved. Kouichi wanted to confess everything, too. Now that the man had told him everything, there was absolutely no need for him to continue to lie.
But the man was really bothered by their age difference. He said again and again, five year difference is like nothing, but the man just uneasily smiled. If he knew that he was actually ten years younger than him, and a student at the school he teaches on top of that...
He was not someone with strong and bright personally who would just laugh off the ten year difference and enjoy the secret love between a student and a teacher. He was so concerned about how others were thinking; there was no way in hell that he would tell him that he was a high school student.
He didn't think he could continue to keep his secret, but he wanted to avoid telling him until he at least graduated high school.
"There's a kid in my school who has the same name as you do." The man suddenly said, as if the thought came to him while being held by Kouichi. After sex it was hard to move away, so he had been hugging him and running his fingers through his hair fondly.
"I'm not in charge of him so I don't know how he looks, but the name and the way it's spelled and pronounced are all same."
He stiffened. The man cocked his head when Kouichi stopped moving.
"Are you that surprised?"
The man looked up at Kouichi; he couldn't say anything. As if trying to hide his shock, he kissed the man.
"Don't go easy on him just because he has the same name."
The man laughed a little at Kouichi's words.
"No way. Um... If I ever see him, I'll tell you if you guys look anything alike."
His eyes had absolutely no suspicion of him. His heart hurt. He tightly held him. No matter how many times he held him, no matter how many times he said he loved him, he couldn't get rid of this anxiety in his heart.
If the man knew that he was a high school student... He thought again and again. The man would say, 'Let's break up.' If he only says he wants to break up, that wouldn't be so bad. He would have a chance to talk it over with him. If he suddenly disappeared on him, there would be nothing that he could do. He's someone who ran away from his first love because he had been so crushed with his own feelings, not even bothering to try to confess to him. There was no guarantee that he wouldn't run away again. He would be abandoned... The thought made him sad.
Kouichi knew the man was scared of him growing tired of him and abandoning him. But he was just as afraid, if not more, of the man running away when he discovered his lies.
He couldn't think of any solutions. No matter what he did, the ten year difference would not disappear, and he would be found out someday. So... he wanted to hurry up and become an adult. He wanted to become an adult so no one could say anything to him. No matter what anyone said, no matter what anyone did, he would be able to protect the man to the end. He wanted to hurry and become that kind of an adult.
"How many was that?"
Kakimoto asked, grinning, as Kouichi sat with pissed look on his face.
He glanced at his interested friend.
"The third one."
"I take it that you rejected her again. Don't you feel like it's a waste?"
"Not really."
Kouichi settled deeply into his chair and pushed backwards. The pipe chair couldn't handle his weight and made squeaking noises. It has been about two months since he started dating the man, but recently Kouichi got confessed to often by girls. All in a row, on top of that. It had never happened before, so it was really weird.
"I think you've somehow changed."
To Kouchi who cocked his head, Kakimoto muttered with sigh in his voice, "Not that your face changed or anything, but how should I put it. Like, you've became stable or something?"
He smiled ironically. Before he started to go out with the man, it had been his dearest wish to get a confession from a girl, but now it was just annoying. He lifted his head at a presence and was startled.
Endou was quietly listening to the two's conversation, one of her hands on Kouichi's desk.
"Um. I just need a second."
Uncertain fingers pulled at Kouichi's shirt sleeve.
Kouichi slowly stood up.
"Are you still dating him?"
"Something like that."
Endou dragged Kouichi to the center garden, which was a prohibited area. Even though it was prohibited area, there was a chair probably made out of marble under a shriveled up wisteria tree.
"Oh."
Endou sat on top of the chair, which was covered with dried leaves.
"You've became quite famous. They say that Satomi is so cool. Even though you're not... Or maybe other people's things just look good."
Her tone sounded challenging.
"But..." Endou looked up at Kouichi. "Just what part of him do you like?"
He didn't have to ask, what part of whom?
"Everything."
Endou approached Kouichi and slapped him. Even though she hit him, it wasn't a whole-hearted thing that would make a slapping noise.
"What an idiot."
Endou was the one who hit him, yet she was the one who looked like she would cry.
"I didn't tell anyone."
Endou's shoulders trembled, and huge eyes glared at Kouichi.
"Don't look down on me, idiot."
His heart ached as he looked at her running back. He finally realized why she had called him out. She was the same as the other girls, except Endou did not say the words "I like you" that troubled Kouichi.
"Why did Endou call you out?"
"Nothing."
He was cold to the audience who asked him right away. Kakimoto grinned meaningfully.
"Satomi, someone's calling you."
Tanaka waved and called him. Annoyed by being called out again and again during lunch hour, he stood up.
"Who is it?" he grumbled. Tanaka cocked his head.
"I don't know. I heard our homeroom teacher asked him."
At the unhelpful words, he stepped out to the corridor, sighing heavily.
Their eyes met. His legs didn't move. His lover's eyes took on a color that he had never seen before. If he had to describe it, it would be grey. A steel grey.
"I saw you at the garden. I was hoping that I had seen wrong, so I came here, but."
His voice was quiet.
"I see, finally. Why you never told me your phone number no matter how long we've spent together, and also why you wouldn't want to talk about your work."
"That's..."
"Here's hand-outs that Iwamoto-sensei gave to me. Please hand it out to everyone before the classes are over."
His tone was gentle, but his teeth had been clenched. He shoved the print-outs at Kouichi and turned away.
"Hold on!"
His hands slipped at his hurry. The papers scattered to the floor. While he had been trying to pick them up, the man had disappeared from his sight.
"What are you doing?"
While he was picking the papers up, one by one, he became numb. He was so anxious that his palms became all sweaty, yet his head was blank.
"HEY!"
At the angry shout, he came to his senses. Kakimoto lightly smacked Kouichi's head.
"Stop spacing out. Who's that?"
"That's..."
His lover. It was his lover who was timid and sweet like a bunny. It was the worst scenario possible. His vision darkened. The dizziness made him want to throw up.
"Don't say crap like you're going out with him."
It was a question. Kakimoto's words were beyond cold; it was freezing like ice.
"Yeah."
"What the hell are you thinking?"
"Shut the fuck up!"
"You shut up. You can't figure out anything unless I tell you."
"I know! I know he's a man, I know he's a teacher and I know he's ten years older than me. I know only too fucking well!"
He gathered himself into a ball and covered up his ears. He didn't want to hear anything. He didn't want to say anything.
"You're weird."
If I'm weird, you guys are weirder. He stood up and glared at Kakimoto.
He shoved his shoulder aside and entered the classroom. Kakimoto said something behind Kouichi's back. But he ignored him, as if he couldn't hear. He thought it was useless explaining to someone who could never understand him.
