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Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
She actually cried for a man who had caused the deaths of her siblings, and who had imprisoned her for many years.
She remembered that morning when the bad news spread into the Zhuge residence. Yue Shisan barged into the doors of Qingshan Courtyard, with dust all over his body, followed by the servants of the courtyard. Before they had time to react, they ransacked the entire place. Thereafter, the officials from Shang Lü Court, the yamen from the Great Temple Dwellings, the inspectors from the Elders’ Clan slapped various charges on the man’s head, which included malfeasance, collusion with enemies, obstruction of military orders, ruining the military’s reputation through insubordination, and even treason.
The reputation of the Qingshan Courtyard was torn to shreds. The guards of Yue ran around and visited Zhuge Yue’s friends from other families, begging them to clear his name, mobilize troops towards Yan Bei to continue their rescue operations and find him. However, no one was willing to help them, other than Zhao Che, who had suffered from a similar fate of losing the war and being despised by everyone. Even the head of the Wei family, Wei Shuye, shunned them and refused to see them.
Ultimately, even Zhao Che was exiled to the north while Zhuge Yue’s corpse was returned to Xia by Yan Bei. Although the Zhuge family had paid a huge ransom to claim his body, they expelled him from the family registry. Zhuge Muqing stood in front of the city gates as he accepted the verdict of the Elders’ Clan, whipping his son’s corpse personally, signaling his intent to sever ties with him. After Zhuge Yue’s death, he was unable to buried in the ancestral temple. His body was thrown into a mass burial site to be despised by many. His name in the military was erased as well. The female slaves of the Qingshan Courtyard were chased out as well, to be captured and sold by other slave owners. Their lives descended into turmoil as a result.
It had been a long time, but she remembered the times back then when she had gone through all this. Due to her utmost refusal to cooperate, the boss of the brothel hired two men to take her virginity forcefully. They leaned in close to her; she could remember their yellow teeth, and the pungent scent of alcohol emanating from their mouths. They were strong, with black calluses on their palms. Once they stepped into the room, they took off their pants, unable to wait further. Their pants dangled by their feet, exposing that sickly thing between their legs.
All her struggling and cries for help were to no avail. Although she had learned some martial arts from Zhuge Yue, she did it half-heartedly due to her mental state back then. Additionally, those strokes were of no use as she had been sedated. She could only look on in a daze as they ripped apart her clothes and inched closer.
To the opposite room was Lan’er from the Qingshan Courtyard; to the room behind that was the daughter of Zhuge Yue’s nanny, Zhixiao. All of their cries for help and the men’s laughter echoed around her ears. She had thought that she was numb and strong enough from all these experiences; she had thought that she had enough courage and backbone not to beg these shameless scoundrels. However, the moment when she was violated by the men, when the pain spread all over her body, she started to cry in humiliation. Like the other slaves in Qingshan Courtyard, she cried out for that man’s name.
“Zhuge Yue, save me!” She cursed at the two men, shouting repeatedly, “Young Master will avenge me! All of you will die terrible deaths!”
However, the men brushed it off casually and delivered another harsh truth to her: Zhuge Yue has died in Yan Bei. His body has been eaten by wild dogs.
That instant, she cried out, having been driven to despair. She suddenly remembered the past times, where he taught her to be literate, how to ride a horse, how to be a military strategist, and how to self-defend. Sometimes, he ordered her to sit by his side without doing anything. Regardless of her insults, he remained indifferent as he continued to sip at his wine, giving her the occasional irritated stare.
He had killed Linxi, Xiaoqi, and had imprisoned her for ten years. He had hit and scolded her; they had an ongoing irreconcilable feud. However, he did not humiliate her like that. He had saved her from the verge of death a few times by providing her with a safe haven to live. Despite her awkward social status, and despite knowing who this treatment was meant for, he was indeed protecting her. When she was young and living amongst these turbulent times, when she had nothing to her name, he protected her for so many years.
Through the most humiliating ordeal of her life, she called out for his name helplessly, hoping for him to save her. However, ultimately, he was unable to. He had died in the snowy lands of Yan Bei for her elder sister, in the hands of the Yan Bei army.
That night, she cried out loud in despair, like a young cub who had lost its mother. It was a heartbreaking sight. However, her sorrow only lasted for one night. Unlike Zhixiao and Lan’er, who killed themselves after that, she seemed to be enlightened. She started to learn how to play musical instruments, play chess, read, draw, and seduce men. She started to learn the necessary things in order to ensure her survival in this place. Since she could not count on anyone else, she could only rely on herself. Since she was destined to spend the rest of her life here, she was determined to make her life better. Since she was thrown into the life of prostitution, she was determined to become the most popular and in-demand lady.
With this, she managed to single-handedly plot against and kill the men who had humiliated her, two months later. As she watched the men die in front of her eyes, she felt an indescribable sense of elation and madness. She thought that she would continue to live her life in debauchery, up until she met him.
On the day that she met Zhao Song, she was touring together with a wealthy merchant on a lake. The fat man, aged over 50, was a pervert. Under the sight of everyone, he ripped her clothes apart. In a state of panic, she accidentally scratched his face. In a fit of rage, he threw her into the lake.
The weather in Zhen Huang was still cold in the fifth month. The surface of the lake had just thawed; the temperatures were still icy. She was wrapped in thick clothes; her limbs started to become numb. She did not know how to swim, as she started to sink towards the bottom of the lake after a few attempts of futile struggling. As the sunlight, sky, and clouds started to fade away, being replaced by desolate darkness and an endless surge of icy cold water, her breath started to slow down. As she was on the verge of death, she thought of Zhuge Yue when he died. Did he feel the same way, cold and lonely, with only a slight feeling of warmth in his heart? Were the last remnants of warmth about to disappear too?
However, as she prepared to take her last breath, someone grabbed on to her waist. She was pulled up to the surface of the water by someone else. As the sunlight reappeared and shone on her, she coughed and panted for her life, unable to contain her elation at having been rescued from the brink of death.
Zhao Song was standing beside her, talking to the page boy who had been drenched all over. As she looked at him, he turned around and looked back calmly. A feeling of shock consumed him as he frowned. Bizarrely, he laughed and remarked, “What a coincidence. You look like one of the people I knew in the past.”
Back then, he said those words with a smile, but she felt the sorrow in his voice. His expression was calm but cold.
Just like this, she was adopted by him. He was a fallen prince, but he was part of the royal family after all. She had finally been stripped of her status as a slave, obtaining a sense of freedom which she had desired for over ten years. However, ultimately, she willingly became a slave under him. After he knew this, he did not stop her, choosing to respect her decision instead.
In a flash, many years had passed.
She was unable to describe her feelings towards Zhuge Yue. Through time and tide, through the resentment and reliance towards him, their relationship had developed into something that was too complex. She was unable to comprehend it, nor was she willing to. However, she was fully aware of her feelings for Zhao Song. There was no such thing as gratitude nor thankfulness. All she wanted was to be with him, hoping that he would notice and remember her. However, her wish did not come to fruition.
She had loved only two men in her life, but both of them were in love with another woman. This woman was her sister, whom she was largely indebted to.
Fate was cruel and liked to make a mockery of people indeed.
Hence, she felt all these complex emotions towards her sister, who she had always remembered to be brave and determined. The moment that she saw her, she was almost unable to contain her emotions.
However, all this did not matter anymore. Everything was over; she was about to leave with him. All other worries were gone. So what if there was a disparity in their statuses? So what if he was fallen? So what if his heart already had another person in mind? She was determined to follow him. Anything could stop her, but not extinguish her efforts and determination.
She looked up at him. It was the first time in four years that she dressed up like a woman in front of him, applying make-up to face this noble but fallen prince. Her eyes were bright; her face was beautiful. Her smile was radiant under the sunlight, as she laughed and said, “I’m not making trouble. I just want to follow you.”
Zhao Song rejected her coldly and retorted, “What are you following me for? Go back.”
Xiaoba did not even look him in the eye as she handed a knife over to him.
“Kill me then.”
Zhao Song frowned and ordered his page boy, “AhJiang, get her off the carriage.”
“Whatever,” Xiaoba turned around decisively and replied. She tidied the documents in her hand and continued in a lively voice, “I already have the full set of documents. I have a document for myself to travel about legally. I’m no longer a slave whose freedom is restricted. I have money and food with me. You can chase me away, but you cannot stop me from following behind you. I will follow you all the way to Qianghu. If you don’t want me, I will find a place to live around you. Although you are a prince of Xia, you cannot stop a law-abiding civilian from going out to tour.”
She looked at him calmly, with a carefree expression, devoid of any panic or unease. The clear but stubborn look on her face contained a few elements of spitefulness, as she resembled a wilful gambler.
Zhao Song suddenly felt his heart ache as he looked at her, remembering the first time that he had waved that person away, but seeing this similarly stubborn girl in front of him. His voice was low and cold as he stated calmly, “Do you know that once I leave this place, I will no longer be a prince of Xia?”
Xiaoba’s heart started to ache. She looked at Zhao Song’s fallen face as she felt the passion burning within her heart. However, she did not show it, choosing to sneer coldly instead. “Your identity is none of my business. Forget it if you won’t let me follow you. I’ll leave now. At most, I’ll follow behind alone.”
As she finished her sentence, she turned around and prepared to jump off the carriage.
Suddenly, a long hand grabbed at her fair waist. His hand was bony but strong; his skin was fair while there were a lot of calluses on his palm. Although it was his left hand, it was unusually agile.