Published at 2nd of September 2019 1:04 pm

Chapter 12

This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml

Author's note:

I welcome everyone to look for discrepancies. Wrote this in a rush so there probably is a lot of errors. Feel free to give me any opinions or hopes for what kind of ending you want after reading this. I will take it into consideration and alter accordingly. It won’t be much more until the ending.

Binbin had a seven-day break but we couldn’t be together.

I had to watch the shop in the day and this kind of business had no day-off to speak of. Normally, I would think that it was cool being able to do business and watch stuff at the same time but now I felt trapped. I couldn’t always stay at the shop at night and Ah-Fen would come to take over my shift which meant that I had to eat dinner with my parents back home.

He, on the other hand, could only hole up in the back room and rummage through my stash of manga there because I didn’t want people seeing him in the shop. If he really could not handle it, he would frolic about at his buddies’ places. However, whenever I went back home at night, he would make a puffy face and ignore me starting from dinnertime, making my legs feel as heavy as lead, as if I would be a big asshole if I left.

Yeesh, dating was seriously hard. I used to worry that I would bring shame upon my parents if word got out but now I was more stressed about not being able to cling to him every second of the day and be lovey-dovey.

Why was it so hard being gay???

After seven days of suffering, I decided to buy a house and get my own den.

People really change when they are dating. I had been prepared to stick this life out as a single hermit and when I got old I would be an old hermit. I would live in my parent’s small, two-storey house and after I see them off and become immobile myself, I would sell the house and move to a nursing home. Buying a house was something I had never even considered. Even the money I saved each month was confiscated by my ma for wedding funds.

My ma said during New Year’s that I had six, seven thousand in the bank. It would be enough for the down payment, right?

Once I made up my mind, I settled on a two-roomer at a new development near my shop: fourth floor, downtown area, two hundred and twelve per square meter, seventy-eight point seven squares, seventeen thousand in total including all the extra fees and stuff. The salesperson was especially enthusiastic, probably had never seen another person as straightforward as me, and calculated the mortgage for me down to the cent: sixty-five hundred down payment and two hundred monthly.

I could afford it.

When I went back to ask my mom for the money, oh boy was she delighted. Her son was growing up and knew that he had to prepare a home for a family. No girl was going to marry a man with no house! I told her, it wasn’t like that, but she wouldn’t hear a word of it as she clamoured about something like inspecting the house for me, checking the fengshui and haggling for a better deal. She even said that she would pay the remaining ten thousand. In the words of my ma, what do you mean, mortgage? Us Qians aren’t so poor that we need to owe money.

Luckily, my dad stopped her with a roar: Our son’s hitting thirty. He can spend his own hard-earned money. You’ve got no business sticking your nose in, woman!

With the keys in hand, I went into my very own den. I installed lighting and activated the hydro. I bought a big, two-person bed and brought over some of my things from home. I moved in on the same day.

There was a thousand or so left in my savings. Without further hesitation, I bought a Lenovo and a cell phone.

I called him and was so excited that I couldn’t speak.

“What’s up? Ge, speak up!”

“W-we have a home now.” It just rushed out of my mouth.

“Huh?”

“You know, the new development when you take a left turn from my old shop. Sixty-seven, suite 402. I bought a big bed too. The bed sheet is blue, super soft. We don’t have to be hobo lovers anymore. I bought a computer too. You studied that before right…”

I said so much but I did not hear anything from the other end. I had made him cry again.

Only after we hung up did I realise that I didn’t tell him I was calling from my cell.

The rascal was super busy the following months. No breaks. Cell phone was always off, too.

Looking at the new home made me feel downcast. I did not have a good time if he was not there. I couldn’t cook that well either, so I ended up going back to my parents’ place.

Was I being too naive?

The sound of him gasping for air was still echoing in my ears.

What was he doing? Fighting and killing people? He gave me a few calls but he never talked about his job. He just kept saying, it’s good, everything is good, don’t worry about him and he’ll be back when he gets time. How could I not worry? My heart practically flew to Shanghai. However, I was actually quite busy with three shops to run. I did not even have time to stock up on merchandise and had to pre-order it and get it delivered.

Time usually passed super duper fast for me but during those months, a day felt like a year.

Bored out of my mind, I started using the computer.

And I became a netizen by the end of 2000.

Not long after I went online, I read Beijing Story. I had already read all of the BL novels and seen all the gay films in the shop but those were all from outside of Mainland China. The only legitimate Chinese-made gay film had to be West Palace, East Palace—super dark.

I did not get a wink of sleep that night.

I missed him like crazy.

You and I would never be like that! Never!

I even went on a website for gay people.

Even though I was one, I had never been in the circle. It was as if there were only the two of us in the entire world. All of a sudden, the circle was right there. Gay meet-ups were all over the place in Wuxi and Suzhou, let alone Shanghai.

He was 183 centimetres tall, good-looking, young, strong and in Shanghai.

I realised I was starting to feel self-conscious.

And I missed him even more.

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