Published at 2nd of September 2019 1:09 pm

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My name is Liu Fen. I’m already twenty two this year—sigh—and I still don’t have a boyfriend. But honestly, I don’t even want to look for one anymore. If only I could get a sex change. It must be nice to be a man. I’d definitely be a gay man.

The love between two men is real love, I’m telling you, not something your typical husband and wife have.

Oh, I’m a high school graduate. I tried to get into university for two years after graduation but had no luck. My family might be from the countryside but we countryside people are richer than those city people. All of us owned some sort of factory or something that made sheets, pillow cases or wool and stuff. The high-quality wool shirts that they sell in Shanghai all come from our factories. And I’ve heard that people in Beijing wear the down jacket that we make. I promise I’m not bragging. Oh, and this place might be kind of small but we’ve got a few McDonald’s and KFC’s already. Sadly, my family isn’t that well-off, but my parents only got one daughter so I’m not going to starve even if I don’t get into university. And I’m not ugly or anything. I’m pretty slim. Every summer, I only eat half a watermelon for each meal. I’m really skinny. I always buy S when I go shopping for clothes—M is too loose on me. And I’m a hard worker. None of my classmates know how to knit a sweater or how to cook, but I do. I’m actually pretty cultured too. I’ve always liked reading so I’m pretty progressive. I also studied Japanese before. Plus, what’s the big deal with university students anyways? A lot of the university graduates just come back and earn only like sixty or seventy bucks a month, which is pretty much the same as me.

But, you know…

I’m working in a video store right now. It’s not your typical video store, I mean, we have three locations. The boss says he’ll make me the store manager of one! My boss is good at running the business. A lot of people come all the way to our store to rent videos. Oh yeah, our store mainly provides video rental but we also secretly sell comics and romance novels. The business is really good.

My boss is kind of related with my family. But not by blood, okay?

My boss is a university graduate, you know, not the crappy kind but the really legit kind. He’s really good at English. He doesn’t even need subtitles to watch the raw movies. He also graduated from our province’s key high school. His family’s pretty well-off, too, and he is their only son. They have a cute little building. Nowadays, they’re building new things all over the place. If their land were to be bought out, they would get this really decent amount of money. His mom actually likes me a lot.

I’m actually pretty nice to him. He’s pretty hot too. He might not be like 180 cm but he is at least 175. Come on, Tom Cruise is only 168 so we shouldn’t be too harsh.

But I couldn’t just pour myself out to him and keep being too nice to him, you know. But I think he knows my feelings. He hasn’t given me any kind of sign yet. I just knew he looks down on me because I’m only a high school graduate. Like I care, hmmph! I’m going to find someone hundred times hotter, as hot as Lu Yi. Hmmph! Bet that’d make him angry.

But my boss generally treats me pretty well. I get about a hundred bucks a month and I don’t have to do a lot. I even get to read romance and BL novels for free. I swear I’m not stingy. Oh, BL? That’s danmei. You won’t understand. I won’t waste my time telling you because you won’t get it anyways. It’s just really good, okay? Especially the ones from Japan. It’s a bit smutty but it’s not smut. It’s art. My boss said so, that it’s art. I swear the guys in there are all smoking hot—all of them are guys too! And they do some you-know-what. Hehehe. I didn’t know that guys could do you-know-what. Teeheehee.

My boss didn’t know why so many people wanted to borrow these manga and novels so I let him take a look at a few. He laughed at me, saying that I’d be in university if I had the same motivation for it as reading manga. Who are you kidding? How can I go to university when I always failed math? But I noticed he didn’t have much of a reaction after reading it. Normally a guy would at least show something, whether it’s disgust or… Anyways, they would at least say something. Oh, and I noticed something strange about him. I mean, wouldn’t you think something is wrong with a twenty-seven year old man with a nice background who has never dated?

Oh! I remember the news report. There is one homosexual man in every ten.

But he didn’t really seem like it. He liked to be clean but nothing like that. If only he was. Why weren’t there any around me? This might be a small town but there were a lot of men. Well, Nanjing’s pretty close by and I heard there’s a lot around Fuzimiao.

Heehee. But recently, I’ve made just a small discovery. A hottie came to our shop the other day—hehehe—a really hot one. He must have been 180 cm and he was super fresh, a bit like Takeshi Kaneshiro. You know? Takeshi Kaneshiro? Especially the eyes. And he had a piercing on his ear. One ear had one and the other didn’t. He wanted to take my boss out to dinner and kept touching my boss here and there. Anyhow, it looked fishy to me.

Then, I told my boss’s mom afterwards. I call her Aunty Qian. Aunty Qian asked me the name of the person. I told her, “I think his last name is Shen. Shen Bing? Yeah.” Aunty Qian’s face turned sour. She told me afterwards that guy killed someone before!

I was so shocked!

Oh my god! An assassin!

And super hot, too.

I saw him a few times after that. My boss tried to act all high-profile and avoided me. Hmmph! You see these eyes? Twenty-twenty, I tell you! Those two were definitely up to something. It could’ve been illegal activities—but I didn’t think so. My boss is a very straight fellow.

The most important thing is that I saw the two of them walking out from the shop one morning. Holy mackerel, have we got something here? There’s only one metal bed in the shop that I’ve slept on before. It’s so tiny, even a skinny person like me is afraid of falling. How could two sleep on it? One on top of another? Oh my god! So I went to check out the bed. My boss had taken the sheets back to wash—to destroy the evidence.

I suddenly felt a rush of energy. If this was real, he’s never going to get rid of me in this lifetime! Because I got leverage!

But after that I didn’t see the person come again.

Until the New Year’s, that is. One second. Let me clear my throat and drink some tea.

See, it was quite a coincidence. I’d planned to go back home in the countryside for New Year’s but then my dad and mom moved out to the town. We bought a small apartment in town and kept it empty the whole time. We only moved in this year. So, I had to watch the shop for my boss. No breaks even during New Year’s. But he gave me double pay—he still had some good in him. Oh yeah, that’s right. It was the fourth day of the new year. I have a really good memory. So, um, my boss called me (on my cell!). I have a cell phone that can send Chinese text messages. My boss wanted me to buy some medicine and food and bring it over to his new place. It was so weird. I wanted to ask some more when he went crazy on me, telling me not to tell Aunty and if I did, he’d kick me out. How could he be so mean? I only watch the shop for him. I’m not his nanny.

In the end, I brought the things over. I’m just a nice person. Then, when he opened the door, I’d only leaned my neck over a bit and he started yelling at me. He said, “It’s your sister-in-law inside. You’re welcome to say hi!”

Hmmph. Never try to prove what nobody doubts. I hadn’t thought much but I grew suspicious after he said that.

Then, I got up really early the next morning. I didn’t go to see him on purpose. I was just passing by his neighbourhood when I saw that hottie that I hadn’t seen for a long time leaving on a taxi. And he had come out from the building where my boss’s place was!

Not that long after, my boss came running out, wearing cotton pjs and indoor slippers. It was obvious he was chasing after someone. You should’ve seen how frustrated he was—as if someone stole four hundred bucks from him.

I just knew something was going on with them.

After the holiday season, the hottie came back. My boss also went missing for a few days before that. He had even closed the shop. My boss always said that the Qian Jr’s Video Store does not close, in storm or in hail, during holidays or breaks. But just look at him! He closed the shop and just left, and even told Aunty that he was going to stock up on videos. He was just lying to her just because she’s old. I mean, there are no videos out there. You just call and order it if you wanted some.

Something was fishy!

After he came back, the hottie started watching the shop for us.

So I started testing him. First, I showed him some danmei novels and gave him an especially intense one for him to read. He went to the backroom and read in private while giggling the whole time. I have no idea what he was laughing about. Then, he came back out and asked me if I had anymore. I said there are a lot where that came from. Hmmph, I hadn’t even given him my most favourite, most awesome one to read. The ones that Japanese people wrote are the most you-know-what. I didn’t even give those to him. He then asked me if I’ve read any and I said I have. He stared at me like I was a monster and then asked me, “You don’t think it’s gross?”

“Are you kidding me,” I told him, “This is real love. Tons of people read this. It’s very popular right now.”

He reacted as if I had told the funniest joke. When my boss came back, he showed the book to my boss. The two of them went to the backroom. I snuck by to eavesdrop and I heard something like “it’s just bullshit.” Do you know how many young souls you just smothered right there? After that, I didn’t hear much from my boss but the hottie kept laughing his ass off. Then, I heard three words.

He said, “Let’s try it.”

“Let’s try it”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They came back out and the hottie asked, “Ah-Fen, why’s your face so red?” I didn’t even know what to say.

The two of them became even more obvious to me. The two of them would always touch each other when they had nothing on their hands. To other people, they were good friends of course, but to me, that was not the case. It was so suggestive. And what kind of friend touches their friend’s thighs?! The hottie could cook, too. I saw with my own two eyes the other day I went over to Aunty’s house to eat. My boss squeezed his butt when he was cooking!

How could that be? The hottie was blushing too.

Poor me.

I don’t even have anyone to tell.

Sigh.

I think about those two every day. I decided that I want to support them, give them strength and my best blessings.

They must be “real love”. Think about it. An assassin, a super hot one, working at a video store. Oh my, oh my. It’s real love. It’s remarkable.

How come my boss is so lucky? He’s not that good-looking and yet, he fished himself such a hottie—an assassin too!

How come I have no such luck? If only I can become a man. I’d definitely be a ton times better than my boss. I’m really not bragging when I say the hottie and I are super-duper close now. I told him my pay’s not that high and he talked to the boss for me. The boss raised my pay by twelve bucks. He’s just so nice.

Also, the most important thing I know you want to ask me is which one of the two is the uke and which is the seme. Heehee. Based on my observations, the probability of a young seme is very high. See, he’s an assassin while my boss is only a wisp of a man. Plus, he’s a lot shorter than the hottie. It’s the classic toshishita semesituation. But I don’t think my boss’s butt is that perky and his waist circumference is 29 inches. Tsk tsk, he still needs to lose some weight. Still not pretty enough.

But, this kind of uke is pretty popular right now. A lot of books have them. My boss is pretty nice and he has a good temper. Sometimes he’s a bit slow but he acts smart. But really—heehee—I think ever since I knew he’s the uke, I’ve stopped being mad. Obviously being the uke is better than finding a woman. Hmm, that hottie, though. If only my future boyfriend is half as hot as he is.

---FIN---

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