Published at 11th of January 2023 10:40 am

Chapter 1455: Was An illusion

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Where am I lying?

Why am I surrounded by darkness..

I vaguely heard someone talking, but I couldn’t hear clearly what they were saying.

I’m a little tired. Forget it, I won’t listen anymore. I feel like I’m going to disappear soon, but before I do, I have to think about my life.

My life… is actually quite interesting.

I’ve never known who I am.

So, naturally, I don’t know what my name is.

Perhaps, I don’t have a name.

It’s so strange. How can there be someone without a name? In my understanding, it seems that everyone in this world has their own name.

But, I don’t have one.

I also couldn’t remember why it was like this. It was just a vague memory. It seemed… that one day, a long time ago, I had given my name to someone else.

Willingly.

I felt so stupid. Why would I willingly give my name to someone else..

I don’t know. Maybe there was a reason.

Sigh, my thoughts seemed to be a little chaotic. Let me think about it… These things would always echo in my thoughts. It seemed to be very important, but I couldn’t remember it. I just couldn’t remember it. There was no other way.

What I could remember was my childhood.

My childhood, I defined it as the life before the age of twenty. In this ordinary world, like other children, I experienced school, played, and experienced seemingly childish games again and again.

But the people around me seemed to always tell me to study hard, to do this, to do that… I was a little bored at first, until one day, I looked at the rain falling from the sky and suddenly became curious about why it was raining, what is rain.

My teacher gave me the answer to this question, perhaps it was from that day on, I was filled with curiosity about the world, about everything, I liked to ask why, I liked to get the answer, that would make me very satisfied.

For this satisfaction, I began to read seriously, study seriously, it seemed that there was a desire to push me, let me to obtain all the unknown things.

Every time I gained new knowledge, every time I solved a why, I will be especially happy, especially happy, I feel that I seem to be a lot different.

Perhaps because it is too ordinary, so I am more infatuated with this kind of what I think is different, so I work harder to learn, to master all the knowledge I can.

This kind of life lasted until I was twenty years old. At that time, I always wanted to show off, whether it was in front of friends, teachers, or the opposite sex.

I always seemed to want to show that I was different. Even in the depths of my heart, I always felt that I was different from others.

Even though… I didn’t have an outstanding appearance, didn’t have a rich family, and was just a very ordinary existence among ordinary people, this didn’t affect my heart, which was inhabited by a little bird.

This little bird flew in the sky, free and at ease. It was my sustenance and also the wings that made me feel different from the rest.

But in the end, at that time, I was still somewhat polarized. The leap in my thoughts and the ordinary reality made me like to be silent most of the time.

It was also at that time that I met a girl. She was my classmate from the next class, and also my first secret love in life.

Secret Love was happy, and secret love was bitter.

But I was willing.

Because, this made me like to express myself more, all the time… I still remember that time, it seemed that expressing myself was an instinct in my life. I even longed for myself to become a hero, i longed for myself to become the world’s favorite, I longed for myself to be the center of attention, and thus to attract her attention.

So, every time I gave a speech, I worked very hard and was very infatuated, until this secret love ended.

It ended without a hitch. In the end, the other party didn’t know that I had a secret love for her.

On the day of graduation, I was very sad. I also mustered up my courage, but in the end… I still silently lowered my head. Perhaps this was a magic spell. Later on, in the higher halls of learning, I still had a secret love for her.

During this period, I also fell in love with fortune-telling. Every time I was unhappy, I would find a fortune-teller, sit in front of him, and take out some money.

There was a small trick, which was that you couldn’t give it first. Then you could receive countless praises, countless praises, countless words of good fortune, and so on. This would make me especially happy, and after the end, give my pocket money to the fortune teller.

This life, continued for a few years, before graduation, I received the first love letter in my life, very happy, but I do not like that girl.

Until after graduation, I have my own job, my self-performance impulse, seems to reach the limit at this time, so I work hard, hard performance, hard to get recognition.

That period of life, now recalled, is also quite interesting, because in my hard performance, I met a girl, we fell in love.

Love, is a cup of bitter coffee.

Although bitter, but also sweet, just drink to the end… it seems to be unable to distinguish between a little more bitter, or a little more sweet.

My first love, ended.

It was also at that time that I learned how to smoke in this world and was attracted to the alcohol in this world. From then on, cigarettes and alcohol became a part of my life.

I was still trying my best to express myself. However, the impulse in my heart seemed to fade with each passing year. It was also at this time that for some unknown reason, there were more members of the opposite sex around me.

The second love, the third love, the fourth love, and the cup of bitter coffee seemed to be linked together. I drank it again and again until one day, I met a woman, a tall woman, her crescent-shaped eyes made me feel very comfortable.

I thought, maybe this is the last cup of coffee I drink in my life.

We fell in love, and we got married.

At that time, I felt that I could see my old self at a glance. It was very relaxed, very comfortable, and very beautiful..

Until one day, many years later, the mirror shattered, and the marriage came to an end at this time.

I couldn’t tell who was right or wrong, and who was to blame.

Pain, struggle, clenching my teeth, metamorphosis… became the main theme of my time. The Little Bird in my heart also flew higher at this time, touched the sun, and received sunlight.

Perhaps fate liked to joke with people. In my later life, many members of the opposite sex appeared in my world. Some of them were tall, some graceful, some gentle, and some domineering… They were all very beautiful and outstanding, they came in groups, and left in groups. The cycle repeated itself, but it also made me somewhat confused.

Because in the end… I picked up cups of bitter coffee, like smoke, like wine.

Smoke, lung injury.

Wine, liver injury.

The opposite sex… Sad.

But I still like smoke, still like wine, still have a vision of love..

Until, when I was forty years old, I suddenly found that in fact, compared to the opposite sex, I prefer to chat with friends, talking about the past, pointing to the future.

Every drink, I like to pull friends, brag together, laugh together, ridicule together, together like teenagers.

Perhaps it was this change that made me have more and more friends. I listened to their stories, and they listened to mine. We would talk freely, and we would tell each other.

Perhaps I would be a little guarded, or perhaps I would keep some secrets, but that didn’t matter. Happiness was the most important thing.

At that time, I learned that everyone was a book. Everyone had a story, and everyone… was actually lonely from the bottom of their bones.

The more I learned, the less lonely I seemed to be.

My friends included men and women, Old and young. There were all sorts of people, but it didn’t matter. A sincere smile was the power to break everything.

Gradually, more and more friends liked to talk to me.

Gradually, my smile became more and more clear.

Gradually, I seem to have found a way to make themselves happy.

Talk, in my life at that time, beyond the knowledge, beyond performance, beyond love, has become the most important part of me.

This is a kind of sharing, perhaps the heart of the squeeze to a certain extent, like water overflowing, not only I need, many people… need.

In this sharing and sharing, I passed year after year, I do not know when, I no longer like to talk, I began to pursue comfort, this comfort includes the spirit, also includes the material.

I think, is when my hair began to turn white.

I no longer limited to what to do, no longer limited to what to think, everything that makes me feel comfortable, I will think, will complete, I began to like to see the blue sky, began to like to see the white clouds, i began to like to see the sunrise, but I do not like the sunset.

But the night sky, I also like.

Like to sit in a rocking chair, drink a glass, casually take a book, read, while enjoying the air, enjoy the time, enjoy everything.

I no longer stay up late, I began to get up early.

I no longer obsessed with why everything, because many I have the answer.

I no longer want to express, because I see too thoroughly.

I also no longer want to continue to speak, because that way, it will be boring.

I also no longer want to think about the opposite sex, because looking at them, I just smile, there may be some memories in my eyes, but the figure in the memories, may not even be clear.

My only pursuit is to make my life more comfortable, a little peace of mind, as if everything in this world, in my eyes become better.

This kind of life lasted for a long time… until one day, I touched my face and felt many wrinkles. I looked at my hands and saw many wrinkles and patches.

My eyes also became a little dim, and everything around me became blurry. However, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I still tried my best to straighten my body. The smile on my face was still beautiful.

But… outside the mirror, I knew, I was afraid.

I became very timid, I became very cautious.

I knew what I was afraid of, because sometimes after waking up in the night, I seemed to be able to see the shadow of death, silently looking at me outside the window.

It seemed that they were calling me, waiting for me.

I didn’t want to follow them.

Even if some of them were old friends of mine.

I didn’t want to see them. I was scared.

I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted to live… The urge to live made it hard for me to breathe sometimes.

At this time, I would pay attention to my old friends who were still alive, to tell them to take care of their health, because… I didn’t want to see them go.

This will make me more breathless, more afraid of the arrival of death.

People, why should there be death.

I often think about this question, also wondering what I am afraid of, is it really afraid of death..

The answer is yes.

But behind the answer to this yes, I have another answer.

I am afraid of loneliness.

I Go, I will be lonely.

I’ll be alone when they’re gone.

This fear of death, this fear of being alone, has turned into a force, that seems to fill my entire body, to sustain my existence, only… my body seems to be riddled with holes, and when this force emerges, it dissipates, at a speed visible to the naked eye, along those holes.

I want to keep them, but I can’t.

It seemed that I didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed. I could feel the smell of death permeating me. My desire, my everything, seemed to be disappearing.

At that moment, I suddenly understood a truth.

Fear was of no use.

That day, I remember, I seemed to have the strength again, so I tried to sit up, dressed very neatly, walked to the yard, walked to my rocking chair, and finally sat on the rocking chair, looking at the distant sunset.

The autumn wind blew, and it was cold, causing the tree branches in the courtyard to sway slightly.

On that tree branch, in this season, there was only a yellowing leaf. It rolled up and persisted in not falling down.

I looked at the setting sun and the only leaf on the tree branch. Suddenly, I felt that everything was beautiful. Gradually… I smiled.

In this smile… I saw the setting sun. I saw the moment when the sunset passed. The only leaf on the tree branch fell.

It floated and floated… just like my rocking chair.

Until it floated in front of my eyes, covering my eyes and all the light, causing this world to end in my eyes.

But my consciousness didn’t seem to dissipate.

It was pitch black all around me. I didn’t know where I was, or maybe I was still in the rocking chair..

It was precisely because my consciousness was still there… that I had this memory of my own life.

I thought that my life might not be exciting to others, but to me, it was the only one.

And it was also at this moment that I seemed to hear a call, a voice..

It was as if someone was calling me, telling me to wake up..

However, I couldn’t hear it clearly and could only recognize it based on my feelings. That voice was somewhat familiar, as if I had heard it before in the past.

“What is he saying… ?”

“Speak louder, I can’t hear you.”I tried my best to speak towards the darkness. Perhaps it was because of my hard work, but gradually, when my consciousness was about to fade, my voice became clearer.

“Hope… you can live forever and be free.”

My thoughts shook violently!

“Hope… you can live forever and be free and happy.”

My consciousness stirred up huge waves!

“Hope… you can live forever and never forget your original intention.”

My soul rumbled!

“Hope… you can live forever and be happy.”

My soul shook the celestial ring!

“Finally, I will return the name Wang Baole to you.”The familiar voice reached his ears… and the body floating in the starry sky suddenly opened its eyes! !

“My Name Is… Wang Baole!”

The final chapter

The thick Saturn ring.

Wang Baole stood silently in the void where he had awoken. There was a complicated look in his eyes as he stared into the distance. After a long, long time… he raised his hand and touched the space between his brows.

After a long while, Wang Baole sighed softly. He seemed to have known all along. He lowered his right hand and made a grabbing motion. A bead and a wine gourd appeared before him.

Wang baole stared at the bead and remained silent for a long time. He raised his left hand and held it gently.

The size of the bead was exactly three inches from his palm. It was everything to him, and it was also his world.

Finally, he picked up the wine pot with his right hand, put it to his mouth, and took a big gulp… he shook his head bitterly and silently walked toward the Sea of stars in the distance.

His back was lonely and bleak, and he walked farther and farther away.

“I’d better… continue on this lonely road…”

In the end, it was an illusion

Who was the gift and who was the calamity..

The book was finished

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