Published at 26th of March 2019 12:09 am

Chapter 34

In my short life of twenty-two years, I have never heard such a word, making me—— did not sleep well for more than a week in a row ……

Even when I fell asleep, I have some crazy dreams.

I dreamed about Zhuang Xu once.

Actually, I cannot say I dreamed about him because he did not appear directly in my dream at all.

I dreamed about Jiang Rui and I were in uncle’s small garden. I confidently asked Jiang Rui: “How? Is it almost there? Quickly, use your male’s perspective to help me analyze if I’ll have higher chance if I confess my feeling now?”

Jiang Rui was even more confident than me: “You should have confessed earlier. Is it necessary for my cousin sister to leave a more favorable impression before confessing?”

After that, I was on my way to look for Zhuang Xu in high spirits.

Then I woke up due to the extreme heat.

I sat upright on the bed holding the quilt tightly. I was very glad that prompted by a sudden impulse, I covered myself with an extra blanket today. Otherwise, the next scene will be the rejection of my confession.

I did not want to remember that scene at all.

I did not take it too hard at that time, so much so that I did not lose heart. On the contrary, I confidently finished making preparation for my next battle immediately.

The really embarrassing and discouraging moment happened after knowing about Rong Rong and his relationship, after sending the apology text message but receiving no reply, after he watched coldly when I was accused by Rong Rong, along with every moment accumulated over time ……

Speaking of which, I also planned carefully at that time ……

Collecting his information in a serious manner, asking his childhood friends about his interest and making Jiang Rui helps me to find out what kind of girl he likes. At night, I would lie down on the bed, staring at my own reflection, smiling one moment then fretting the next.

Lin Yu Sen said he expounded on his annual plan all night ……

Also like this?

I crawled out of bed, took out the mobile phone and searched for the photos and text messages he sent me when I was in Shanghai.

The Huangpu River at night. The half a glass of wine on the balcony. A picture that originally had seemed uncoloured by any emotion now suddenly seemed to bring a wave of melancholy.

“Thinking about how to adjust the annual plan.”

His text message stated that.

What kind of mood would he be in when he wrote these words?

Afterwards, once again what kind of mood would he be in when he said, “I’ll let you choose”?

I used to like Zhuang Xu very much, but if I have to go and tell him that I will let him choose between Rong Rong and me. Then you might as well kill me.

Why Lin Yu Sen can use such a firm tone of voice to say something like that?

I put down the mobile phone and lay on the table. I was obviously very sleepy but I knew that I will not be able to sleep well again tonight.

The result of a lack of sleep was feelings of listlessness all morning, but fortunately …… the manager was not in today. When I was having a meal at the cafeteria at noon, the aroma from the food also failed to perk up my spirit.

“Xi Guang, did something unhappy happened between Vice President Lin and you when both of you went to Shanghai to attend the wedding?”

I was surprised until I dropped the pork which I had just picked up on the table.

Yin Jie immediately felt heartache, “Aiya! You are wasting food, throwing away the braised pork which is so delicious. You don’t want it because of the fatty meat?!”

Who complained about the fatty meat …… I was frightened by you! Why did you suddenly speak the keyword when we were having a meal?!

When Yu Hua saw the dropped braised pork on the table, she also looked at me with condemning eyes. “Even if, you dislike the fatty meat, you can give it to Yin Jie or me. The braised pork cooked by the new chef is pretty good. A lot of restaurants outside also cannot cook until so delicious.”

“He is probably hired at a high salary.” Yin Jie was eating while mumbling, “Isn’t the company increasing the subsidy for each meal from the first day of this year? Hey, the company is so generous now so I think the year-end salary increment around the corner will not be too low, right?”

“It is hard to say because according to the senior employee, there was basically no increment last year.”

“The efficiency rate for the fourth quarter of last year was very good so it should not be no increment. Vice President Lin’s style is different from the former leader. You can see that after he came, the food in the cafeteria is more delicious.”

“This is not something which he can decide alone? It will be examined and approved by the head office.”

Seeing that the topic has changed to salary increment, I inwardly breathed a sign of relief. But who would have thought Yin Jie will change the topic back once again, on the way back to the office after lunch.

“Xi Guang, how did you offend the vice president again?”

“……No.”

“Then why did you pretend to have stomach ache, run to the toilet and did not come out when he asked you to go and record the meeting minutes the day before yesterday?”

“Why did you give me the things you’ve finished doing to let me send them together to Vice President Lin for signature?”

“Yes ah.” Yu Hua who was at the side added, “When I took the elevator with you last time, why did you look at your feet the moment Vice President Lin stepped in? Why did you run away before we even arrived at our floor?”

I would like to ask why did you observe so carefully!

Can I merely do not want to exercise my little heart?

I looked at them in silence for several seconds. Finally in order ‘to silence them’ and ‘to shut their mouth’, I made a difficult decision.

“How about we go out to eat squirrel-shaped mandarin fish and gorgon fruit tonight?”

“Don’t try to change the topic! Actually, you don’t seem to have offended the vice president, can it be …… Aiya, why are you beating me? I did not manage to say anything yet. You must have a guilty conscience!”

Yin Jie was about to blurt out something but my mobile phone rang. I went to the side to answer the call. Dr. Fang’s indignant voice immediately came through: “Little Nie, treat me to a meal la! I want to reveal some secrets to you. That scoundrel junior brother said that he’ll help me to write my thesis, but hung up my phone now! He is destroying the bridge after crossing the river!” (a Chinese idiom meaning abandon one’s benefactor upon achieving one’s goal)

Thus I stood Yin Jie and Yu Hua up that night and sat face to face with senior brother Fang in a restaurant in Guan Qian street.

“Scoundrel, I helped him so much, but he hung up my phone! Little Nie, you must see clearly this person’s true colors, the face of a man but the heart of a beast!”

“He is the one who made you stayed in the hospital for ten days. I’ve very good medical ethics.”

“……”

“In addition, he would hang around the hospital, not leaving to discuss medical cases with us. Of course, he also helped me to write some medical records, discharge summaries and so on …… what else? Oh, our eating together? These were also orchestrated by him, surely you must have known. As to kidnapping you to attend his junior sister’s wedding, I need not say more on this kind of unscrupulous thing?”

“…… No need.” I hesitated for a while, “But senior brother Fang …… you really came to reveal secrets?”

Dr. Fang winked and said, “Aiyo little Nie, you’ve shown improvement after mingling with my junior brother for a long time, pretty good!”

He was not embarrassed by the exposure. Instead he was all smiles when saying: “I am doing this purely because I am bored. Also, with his current appearance, I fear it’ll affect the temperament of my thesis, you understand!”

…… Actually I did not really understand as thesis also has temperament?

I poked at the fish head which I had unintentionally taken, “He …… told you?”

“He is an outwardly cold but deep and passionate inside individual. At that time, if it were not for wanting my help so he has no choice, he will not tell me that he is courting a girl. With the current situation, is it necessary for him to say anything?” Senior brother Fang whined, “When I called him, he said one word ‘busy’, then hung up. This is clearly a case of no face to go back home to see the elders (an idiom meaning too ashamed).”

So there really were ‘elders’ …… (I think she’s saying that, there really are elders that would be nosy enough to pry into his personal situation, i.e. Senior Brother Fang)

Senior brother Fang looked at me curiously, “Little Nie, since my junior brother is not up to your standard, your requirements are so high.”

“……”

Why did I need to discuss my love affair issues with Lin Yu Sen’s senior brother here? Senior Brother Fang looked so daft and nosy, but I surprisingly didn’t find there to be anything wrong with this at all. Why would that be?

“You have to pay insurance premium in order to enjoy the benefit.” I said in a low voice.

In this world, there is nothing more disturbing than get something for nothing.

“What benefit? What insurance premium? Little Nie, why I can’t understand what you said? This profound feelings is more and more like my junior brother.”

“…… Senior brother, eat fish la!”

I attentively used the serving chopsticks to pick up some squirrel-shaped mandarin fish for him.

Senior brother Fang ate at lightning speed. After two bowls of rice, he already put down the chopsticks and said contentedly: “I am on night shift today, so I won’t be sending you home. But I’ve already sent a message to junior brother. He’ll be here in a moment to send you back for me.”

I was dumbstruck for quite a while: “Senior brother, you are being too obvious ……”

Senior brother Fang was not even a little ashamed when he said: “Really? Oh I am sorry. As a surgeon, I am normally very meticulous in performing surgery. Thus I am particularly simple and rude in my daily life!”

While listening to him talking nonsense, suddenly I sensed something. I looked up and saw Lin Yu Sen. He was walking across the noisy lobby towards us.

Senior brother Fang followed my line of sight, turned around and took a quick glance. Then he turned back and said: “Did you see? In those days, when my junior brother carried his lunch box to have his meal, his handsomeness mesmerized the whole cafeteria. Although he is a little older now, he still looks as good as before, right?! Little Nie, you think about it. If you’ve captured him, then all the senior and junior sisters in the entire medical school will be envious, jealous and hate you from a far. So many emotions you would stir up! Are you excited? Delightfully satisfying, yes?”

“Senior brother, don’t scare her.”

With an affable voice, Lin Yu Sen has already arrived at our table. His light gray coat accidentally brushed against the hair on my shoulders.

Suddenly I felt the whole atmosphere was different now.

He took off his coat, draped it over a chair next to him and gracefully sat down: “I’ve not eaten yet. Do you mind if I eat the remainder of the food?”

“Little Nie is paying today, so if she has no objection then I also won’t object.”

I quickly shook my head. Then I stared at the fish head in my bowl and studied carefully how to eat it.

Before I could come up with a solution, senior brother Fang had already wiped his mouth and went away. Lin Yu Sen continued to eat in silence, like he was very hungry. It was understandable since year-end was approaching. The company always has a lot of matters for him to settle and the expansion of the factory ran into a problem. In addition, he has to go to the headquarter in Shanghai for the annual meeting. Also, President Zhang did not deal with the day-to-day running of the company. Hence, he was extremely busy ……

If he was not so busy, I will not be able to dodge him so smoothly …..

“Let’s go.”

“Ah …… okay!” I stood up at once and reached for my purse but Lin Yu Sen stopped me.

I cannot help but look up at him. This was the first time we made eye contact today.

In a short period of time, suddenly I noticed quite a lot of details not previously observed. For example, his eyelashes were surprisingly very long, resulting in the eyes appearing particularly deep bottomless.

“Let me pay.”

“But I am supposed to treat senior brother Fang today ……”

His pair of bottomless eyes watched me attentively, “In the past, I was jesting with you, but I am so obvious now. Don’t tell me I’ll still let you pay?”

I did not know how I should reply. I quietly withdrew my hand. I looked at him using his credit card to pay the bill, then followed him out of the restaurant.

When we came out, the coldness and lively atmosphere hit us in the face simultaneously.

I shivered a little. Lin Yu Sen glanced at me, “I parked my car in a parking place not far away.”

“Oh.” I answered.

After walking a few steps, Lin Yu Sen said: “I did not know beforehand that he’ll look for you today. You don’t need to care about those things he said.”

Did not need to care?

“He said I did not need to be hospitalized for ten days at that time.”

Lin Yu Sen said ‘ah’ and smiled, “So he leapfrogged to snitch on me.”

“Is that really the case?”

“Yes, I was impatient at that time so I did not consider medical ethics and agreed to all kinds of unequal treaties.”

I was unable to respond again. I found myself seriously underestimated Lin Yu Sen’s calmness and …… shamelessness. I thought he would at least feel embarrassed about it. However, suddenly I thought of my action quite a while ago. When I liked a person, I also seemed to be so frank and direct.

I could not help but start to think, if I met Lin Yu Sen first, what will happen?

Will I fall in love with him at first sight?

Will he like me first, or I will like him first?

Two straightforward people, will we hit it off ……

That probably will also be very good ……

“It will be good if I met you first.”

After saying that, I was upset. How did I unconsciously blurt out my thought? These words were really not very appropriate.

Why I behaved abnormally whenever I ran into Lin Yu Sen nowadays?

As expected, Ling Yu Sen remained silent for a very long time. A street lamp cast shadows on his face. His appearance seemed particularly deep, mysterious and hard to fathom. I felt a little uneasy, so I painstakingly looked for a topic to say: “Are you helping senior brother Fang to write his thesis?”

He only replied me after a while, somewhat faintly: “Ah, his thesis is related to one of my previous research topics. I’ll give some suggestions only.”

Suddenly I remembered something which has been puzzling me, “Does senior brother Fang know about your ……”

Lin Yu Sen immediately understood my meaning entirely and said faintly as before: “He knew because I had a car accident on the highway which is nearest to Suzhou. Thus I was sent to his hospital directly.”

Suddenly I was a little angry at Dr. Fang.

“Then he still asked you to write his thesis!” It was exposing people’s scar!

He was a little surprise, tilted his head and unexpectedly laughed. The gloominess he had been feeling dissolved with her one sentence, “I’m facing up to the reality of a life with a handicapped hand. More than a year of being melodramatic about it was already enough, don’t tell me I have to be melodramatic for a lifetime?”

I was slightly stumped for words.

This person always unintentionally exuded a kind of imposing manner.

“Actually, I’ve been reflecting over the past few days.” He heaved a sigh and said, ‘I was too impetuous on that day, scaring you.”

All of a sudden, he jumped to this topic, destroying my pretense. Thus I mumbled: “No, no.”

“Who said no? Barely a few days but dark circles have appeared below your eyes.” He looked at me with gentle and self-blame eyes, “Xi Guang, I’m sorry. I should not have said those words when you are completely unprepared. I’m very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused you.”

Suddenly I stood still and stared blankly at him.

Why what he said sounded so familiar, as if …… I had said them before.

——I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you and Rong Rong are together. Otherwise I would not have talked to you like that. Hopefully, it didn’t cause you any inconvenience.

Suddenly I felt a surge of sadness.

The one type of apology that absolutely should not exist in this world is the one where you are apologizing for your feelings of fondness.

“Don’t say like this!”

How could I tell him that his fondness — his feelings towards me — was very precious. Even though I dared not accept it, I very much cherished and respected it, and was very touched by it. My feelings of unsettledness and disquiet were because I was unable to return the feelings and not because I was desperately trying to avoid him.

However someone who was awkward in speech like me, all I can do now was to repeat again and again, “Don’t say like this.”

He also seemed to be stumped for words for a few seconds, probably because my reaction scared him. A trace of annoyance appeared on his face. Unexpectedly, he looked a bit helpless, “Okay, I won’t say like this. But what should I say? Causing you to be on the brink of tears, why do you like to cry so much?”

“Don’t apologize.”

“Okay, I won’t apologize. I just …… seeing you dodging me so hard.” He smiled, “In the future, I guarantee I won’t be like this.”

“In that case, don’t dodge me anymore, okay? You’re tired like this, but I am also very exhausted in cooperating to let you dodge me.”

Huh?

Could it be that I succeeded in dodging him these past few days, not because I am smart and quick-witted?

He forced a smile, “I’ve to think of reasons to go to the factory and Shanghai every day. I can’t think of an excuse to go to Shanghai again tomorrow, so how about not dodging me anymore?”

Suddenly I felt a twinge of guilt and casually nodded, “Not anymore.”

“Really?”

I nodded again.

“Ah, in that case, will you accompany me to work overtime today?”

I nodded …… until I realized, “Ah?”

In the end, I found back the rhythm of my interaction with Lin Yu Sen through ‘daily’ overtime work. After finished overtime work, I finally did not have insomnia at night anymore and have a good sleep.

Waking up in the morning and looking at myself in the mirror, the dark circles have already disappeared. I seriously thought about how high was the possibility that I am suffering from working overtime obsessive-compulsive disorder. Why on the contrary, my complexion looked great after overtime work, but washed out when not working overtime?

Today should be a busy day.

Lin Yu Sen has not been in the office for several days, so a lot of work has accumulated. He has been sitting behind his desk all morning. If I turned around, I can see his tall and straight figure behind the glass.

Of course, I will not turn around for no reason.

I also have a lot of work, preparing budget in the morning. The prizes that will be given away during the annual meeting were delivered in the afternoon. Together with my colleague from the Logistics Department, we collected and checked the prizes downstairs.

Little Duan was my colleague from the Logistics Department. I was on fairly familiar terms with him. He did the inventory count, whereas I verified with the checklist. While doing that, we also chit-chat. All of a sudden, Little Duan mentioned about a movie, “I don’t know if you had watched it before. I heard it is very exciting. If I don’t watch quickly, it’ll be replaced very soon. On Saturday, I ……”

“The movie is not suitable for her to watch.”

Suddenly a genial voice can be heard.

Little Duan and I turned our head at the same time, looked over and saw Vice President Lin Yu Sen and several executives from the Factory Department standing behind us.

All eyes were focused on him but he appeared unperturbed. He leisurely continued: “She fell asleep halfway through in the cinema last time.”

I:”……”

Very good, all eyes were focused on me now, except Lin Yu Sen.

He acted like he did not say those words at all. He paused for a little while, then continued to walk towards the direction of the elevator. While walking, he was also briefing the executives around him about work, “You go and talk to the construction side that the plan for the drainage system has to be altered again …… ”

If it was not for the lost in space expression of the executives, I really wanted to doubt whether those words spoken just now were merely a figment of my imagination.

The group of executives left very quickly.

Leaving Little Duan and I to look at each other. In the end, Little Duan gave an embarrassed smile: “Did you really fall asleep while watching this movie?”

“Yes.”

Seemed like …… also leaning on his shoulder.

“Actually, I just want to ask you whether you’ve watched it and is it good. On Saturday, I want to go and watch it with my girlfriend.”

“Actually, it is not bad. At least the first half is pretty good. I fell asleep because ……”

Because the breathing next to me was too comforting ……

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