Published at 22nd of September 2026 7:18 am

Chapter 53 Right?

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I want her. I must have her. She's bewitched me, and all I feel is love and joy in my heart. I'd do anything for her, anything she asked of me. I'm sure of it; this is love. What a blissful experience this is, one I never would have been able to have if not for Emma, for Technologica. No matter how much of a hassle Emma can be, I have her to thank for this wonderful, blessed feeling. Is this what Maria felt for me? Her devotion and delusion make so much sense now. She was willing to kill for me, to completely abandon her morality and life in pursuit of my affection. She loved me.

My pulse is still racing, my heartbeat thumping erratically, and my mouth feels like Ive been swallowing bowlfuls of sand. This is the worst and best Ive ever felt. Claire. Claire. I mouth the word silently, getting a feel for the way my mouth moves when I say her name. Her resplendent light shines so brightly that it blocks out Bitchy Traitors entire body as the two walk in. Everyone is exchanging greetings, but I cant hear any of them. Someone, likely Sy, jostles me enough to break the spell this heavenly angel has cast on me.

Dude. Stop staring, Sy discreetly whispered through his teeth.

Claire, was it? Im Eryk, and its a pleasure to meet you, I said, ignoring him.

Hello, she replied shyly, sending my heart tumbling around my chest.

I will give you the world.

Alright, now that everyone is here, we can begin. Eryk, since youre new here, I'd like to go over a few ground rules. I ask that you remain silent when someone else is sharing and not repeat anything said inside this room anywhere else. Reminder: this is not an official counseling group, and there is no doctor-patient confidentiality here; it's an honor and trust system amongst the people gathered here. With that said, does anyone want to start the discussion tonight? Father Brandon asked.

No one speaks, the silence stretching out until Brandon lets out a chuckle that diffuses the potential awkwardness. Sylvester and Carmen join in, and everyone seems to visibly relax. Claire sits with her knees pressed against her chest, holding her arms around her legs. Its like shes trying to collapse into herself, make her body smaller, and hide. Its like seeing a hermit crab on the beach get startled and retreat into its shell. Shes uncomfortable about something. What is it? What can I do for you, Claire? Say the word. An ache goes through me at my inability to help this woman. I can cure what ails you, Claire. Just give me the word.

It hurts that I am unable to fix her problems. We don't have enough of a relationship to allow me to approach her and ask her what's wrong. We need to be closer before I can do that. For the first time in over two years, I'm going to have to learn everything I can about a woman in order to make her fall in love with me. If the current Eryk Blakely isn't what she's looking for, then I can become it. I'll do anything to make you mine. I need to find out her last name first, then I'll be able to do some sleuthing online.

Alright, since no one seems to want to talk, I don't mind sharing an anecdote with you all. As all of you except Eryk know, I am a widower; I lost my wife Alexandra five years ago. December is always a particularly hard month for me because of how much she loved Christmas and the holiday season. Our house was one of those that was fully decorated, all the bells and whistles, Father Brandon said, pausing as his breath hitched in his throat. She would make me get up on the roof and have me stringing up lights as soon as December first came around. We had the inflatables, the projectors, and the whole front yard looked like the North Pole. I hated doing all that stuff; thought it was a pointless fuss. Now, Id do anything to have bristles in my beard, and an ache in my back.

He pauses, taking a deep breath that comes out shakier than he'd like. He reminds me of my dad, albeit coping much better and healthier than he did. I guess I don't know if this man is drinking his days away and roaming his house like a specter trapped in a mausoleum. No, he's missing the dark, vacant look in his eyes. He's not haunted by his past; he's hurt by it. And that distinction is important, because if Daniel had been like Father Brandon, I mightve had a more normal childhood. I mean, Id still be me, but my dad mightve noticed how odd a kid I was. Father Brandons taking his sweet time before continuing, but no one looks to be in any kind of hurry. Therapy is a lot of waiting.

Take your time, Brando. Youve never rushed us, so theres no chance wed do it to you, Sy said, causing a smile to bloom across Father Brandons face.

Thank you, Sy. Grief is an ocean; sometimes the waves crash down and threaten to drown you, and other times the water is smooth and calm. The ebb and flow of it cant be controlled; nature does as it wants, but you can control your response to it. When the current grows stronger and it feels too tough, you need to make the effort to kick your feet and keep your head above the water, Father Brandon said.

I follow along with a few of the others and nod my head to his words.

Every night, I close my eyes and dream of the life me and her would have had. And every morning, I wake up, and the dream is gon,e and my wife is still dead. Ill lover her for the rest of my life, and if you asked me what I thought of my life without her, Id tell you it is objectively worse. But just as I love her, she loves me. So I live my life in honor of her and the man she married. There is no simple fix to trauma and grief, no ten easy steps to getting over your ex, no self-help guru to teach you how to forget the lowest point in your life. You need to process your trauma. You need to live with the grief. And that means making the conscious effort to get out of bed, to eat healthy, to go to work or class, to keep up your connections and friendships, to be and exist as a human. You arent going to get better by lying in bed all day and sleeping more than half your day away. If you want to live, you have to actually live, he said with tangible passion.

Hes quite the serious man, and if he is any indication, then Alexandra mustve been an incredible person. He loves his dead wife, something Im not sure Daniel does. My dad still grieves my mom, but I dont know if he actively loves her. I cant ask either; itd be incredibly tasteless and just make him sad for no reason.

But what if thats too hard? Claire asked. What if Im not strong enough? Forget kicking my feet; I feel like Ive already drowned. Every movement I make is heavy and hard. Its taking everything I have to keep up with my classes and get out of bed. Youre saying Im always going to feel like this. Then whats the point of even trying? Cause right now, I dont feel alive. I feel like a fucking walking corpse.

My heart sinks. It actually physically hurts. I dont know how to fix this. I dont even know what to say to her. How do you convince someone that life is worth living? Ever since I gained my powers, I have known exactly what I had to do to make my goal a reality. Every relationship Ive ever had has been carefully managed and controlled. It wouldnt be boasting to say I havent hesitated or felt aimless since triggering. This is the first time in my entire life that I dont know what to do. Technologica is a problem, but Im working on it. The Cowls and Capes of Quinstin arent a match for me. The lack of powers available to me is easy to solve. A race war fueled by public paranoia will be enough conflict to trigger hundreds. But right now, sitting here surrounded by these strangers, I feel sad at how helpless I am to help this incredible woman.

Oh, honey, Bitchy Traitor said, rubbing Claires shoulder.

That could be me. That should be me. The others all mutter ther support, following the Bitchy Traitor. I can correctly identify the emotions Claire is displaying; I can read the anguish through her body language, but there isnt anything I can do. I have no way of relating to her or offering her closure.

If you cant find the strength within yourself, let the love that other people have for you fuel you. I cant say that I understand what youre going through or feeling, but I can tell you that people would miss you. No matter how much you hurt right now, you cant imagine what it will feel like for the people you leave behind, Sy responded seriously. To be clear, Im not trying to put you down or make you feel bad. I just want to give you the perspective of what your loved ones will feel if youre gone.

Damn it, Sy.

Sy is correct. Someone once said that suicide is like a grenade going off in a group of people; it leaves everyone wounded. Claire, this is a safe space, but if youre struggling with thoughts of killing yourself, Father Brandon started to say.

I-Im not, Claire interrupted. Im not gonna kill myself. Im just asking what Im supposed to do when it all feels hopeless.

The relief I feel at her announcement of a lack of suicidal ideation is extreme. But it is quickly replaced by the feeling of hopeless, again. I guess we have that in common. But thats not enough to form a connection with someone. I cant just walk up and say that I know how sad she is and that makes me sad too. Maria wasnt suicidal; she was depressed and had low self-esteem. How can I make Claire love me if she doesnt even love herself? Its becoming increasingly clear that my lack of information about her is the problem. Eryk Blakely isnt equipped for whatever this is. This isnt the sort of thing that I can handle like when Im Nobody.

Wait, thats it. I just need to tackle this problem as Nobody. If I can figure out what is making her depressed, I can remove it permanently. If its a person, Ill kill them. She mentioned university as a stressor; I can help her study or cheat or fix her grades for her. If she isnt getting it, I can blackmail the professor. This is doable. Even if it is just a chemical imbalance in her brain, that can be fixed with an antidepressant prescription. If she doesnt like taking pills, I can have Kai inject her with the nanomachines and create a program to regulate the chemical production in her brain. If it is a body dysmorphia issue, Kai can perform the surgeries to make her look however she wants. I love her exactly the way she is, but Ill do whatever it takes to help her. Thats the whole point of love, right? To care so much for someone, theres nothing you wouldnt do to make them happy. Right? Whatever she desires, I can make it a reality. I will give you the world, Claire. No matter the cost, I will pay it. And if I can't, then I'll make everyone else pay the price. That's what being in love means. Right?

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