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She remembered it all now.
The nightmarish six or seven years of marriage felt like countless hands reaching up from the abyss, trying to grab her and drag her straight into an endless darkness. Bohemia lost count of the number of her escape attempts, but this time, she had failed because of compassion, unable to bear leaving the children, including that disgusting creature Baby Bao, behind. She wanted to tear her hair out and scream.
Baby Bao was too close, and her breath sprayed on Bohemia’s clothes, sticking to her skin like a miasma through the fabric.
“Back off!”
Unable to bear it any longer, Bohemia spun around and slapped Baby Bao’s round head in the darkness. “I’m not your mother. I’ve never given birth to such a disgusting thing like you. Close your eyes; don’t look at me!”
Baby Bao’s big head was instantly sent flying, her slender neck almost breaking. After a brief pause, she turned to her husband and whimpered.
“Dad… Daddy.”
Bohemia was disgusted by the child’s sticky and shrill voice as if hearing it for the first time. It felt as if she had stuck her fingers into the crushed belly of a dead bug and stirred it vigorously, letting the slimy, sticky stuff get under her nails.
“She hit me.” The little shadow of a child approached her husband, appearing both wronged and full of infinite dependence and admiration, hugging him. “I hate her the most, but I love Daddy the most, Daddy, Daddy.”
“Well, as long as you love Daddy, that’s enough.” Her husband bent down, gently pulling Baby Bao’s arms away from him, and asked, “Mommy is a bad person, so we can’t let her do whatever she wants, right?”
“Yes!”
Bohemia staggered back two steps, letting out a long, howling, and angry wail. It seemed to drain all her strength. When her feet went weak, she almost fell to the ground. Her husband quickly stepped forward, supporting her with one swift move.
“Don’t get too upset,” he whispered in her ear. “I didn’t know that Baby Bao… would turn out like this.”
“But you must be happy, right?”
Bohemia pushed him away and retreated into the hallway. With eyes fixed on the two shadows, she felt trapped in an abyss, deprived of sunlight. “From infancy, she only smiled at you; her first word was ‘Daddy,’ and the older she got, the more abnormal she became… you must be happy, right?”
“You already know,” Her husband said, almost pleading, “I don’t care about these children. I just want you to stay, be with me, like before.”
Upon hearing this, Baby Bao became anxious and coquettish, leaning heavily against him. “Daddy, Daddy!”
Bohemia sneered.
“Like before? Are you referring to when we first got married? Let me tell you the truth; less than half a year into our marriage, I already sensed something was abnormal with you. I knew you would secretly read and return the diary in the dresser drawer. Otherwise, why would I choose to keep it in our shared bedroom? And I deliberately wrote those lovey-dovey words for you to read. I felt nauseated just writing them!”
To her surprise, her husband only tilted his head.
She wanted to say the harshest and most hurtful words to pierce and retaliate against him. “I hoped that after you read the diary, you would think I still loved you, that my avoidance of you was just shyness, and you would become careless about my whereabouts so I could have a chance to escape!”
Her husband sighed. “Is that so?” the little shadow in the hallway came closer. “And then, you accidentally got pregnant.”
Bohemia had retreated to the small round table. As soon as she heard this, her blood boiled.
“Was it an accident?”
She grabbed the photo frame from the table and threw it at her husband and daughter one after another. “I’m asking you, was it an accident? Didn’t you have a bag of starch-made pills inside your desk?”
Her husband hesitated for a moment.
“Starch?” He slapped his forehead. “Oh, right, starch. So, you found my starch.”
‘bastard.’
Bohemia lost her strength, slowly squatting down as if experiencing substantial physical pain, forcing her to curl up. “Three in a row…” she sobbed like an injured animal, “I had three children in a row… all because you secretly put starch pills in my medicine bottle…”
In the pitch-black house, there was a few seconds of dead silence. Her husband walked silently to her, followed by Baby Bao, still holding onto her father’s clothes, burying her head in them, and deeply breathing in his scent.
Even though their expressions couldn’t be seen in the darkness, Bohemia could feel the greedy pleasure in Baby Bao when she touched her father. It was like desire being satisfied only halfway, yet still impatiently craving more.
“Motherly love is truly great,” her husband said in a low voice. “When you were pregnant, you couldn’t leave, and even more so after giving birth to a baby. That’s why you stayed.”
Faced with this unsuitable and sudden baby, Bohemia felt like crying and laughing. The day she would gain her freedom seemed further away, but at least she didn’t have to struggle alone anymore. For the first time in her life, she had someone she truly loved and who truly loved her, someone connected to her by blood, someone she could share her breath with—at least, that was how Bohemia felt at the time.
For Baby Bao, she decided to endure a little longer. When Baby Bao was no longer a fragile baby and no longer needed around-the-clock care, she would take her and escape, taking her daughter away from this man who was suffocating and psychologically abnormal and letting her grow up healthily in another place.
When Baby Bao was six and a half months old, she spoke for the first time.
She said, “Daddy.”
Bohemia suddenly stood up, turned around, and shook the door, but it was locked tight. As she twisted her head, she realized that Baby Bao had silently crept up again, pressing a small dark hand against the door. She seemed afraid the lock wasn’t enough and wanted to add her own strength to ensure that her mother would be forever imprisoned here.
She grabbed Baby Bao’s shoulder and exerted all her strength to push her away, throwing her heavily into the hallway.
“You are not my daughter,” she roared, “not! You are just like him, half-human, half-monster, born abnormal!”
Her husband gasped.
“That’s unfair,” he said, sounding a bit aggrieved. “I am quite good-looking, you know. When we took Baby Bao to see the doctor… he just said that this child might have developed abnormalities later.”
“D-daddy?” Baby Bao was lying in the hallway, her voice tinged with crying. “It hurts…”
Her husband didn’t turn his head.
“What’s the matter? Your mother only used a little force, and you can’t move? Come to my side.”
“I can move.” Baby Bao trembled and immediately propped herself up, crawling on the ground toward her father and her mother, who was blocking the door. “Daddy, I’m coming.”
Bohemia watched as the rustling sound on the ground got closer and closer, feeling like she wanted to vomit out her stomach, tears, and cold sweat all at once.