Published at 25th of March 2019 11:56 pm

Volume 3 Chapter 3: Captive Part IV

When I enter the room, she bounces up from the bed and turns those blue eyes of hers towards me.

“What a relief. You’ve safely awakened,” I blurt out thanks to how relieved I am.

When she was brought to the mansion, she was completely out of it. Supposedly she had just been chemically induced into a sleep, but I hadn’t been able to rest easy without seeing her awake like this.

There was something I needed to tell her now that she was awake.

“Katarina-sama, I sincerely apologize for our violent conduct towards you. However, I pledge to safely bring you home once everything is over, so please live here until then,” I apologize, bowing towards Prince Jared’s fiancée, Katarina Claes.

I knew perfectly well that even though I was doing this for Ian-sama, I wouldn’t be forgiven for disappearing a noble lady with no involvement with the events at hand. And so, even though I knew I wouldn’t be forgiven, I thought that I ought to begin by apologizing.

After listening to my words, Katarina looks to be deep in thought for a while. Eventually, the word “… Kidnapping…” slips from her mouth.

I was very surprised. I hadn’t thought that she would realize the situation she was in when I hadn’t yet explained her anything… according to the rumours, Katarina was brave and strong as well as being infinitely forgiving like a saint, but it seems that in reality she was also pretty capable.

“I am truly sorry. However, I pledge to not harm you,” I apologize again. Though I of course understand that there was no way I would be forgiven.

After listening to my words, Katarina, with a serious expression, goes deep into thought again.

“Um, so about how much will my ransom be?” she says.

“…Ran - som?” I ask, unsure what she meant.

“Yes. Ransom money for my kidnapping. About how much has it been set to?” Katarina says, sporting a severe expression and puffing out her chest.

“… Ah, no. We do not plan to ask for that kind of money,” I hurriedly deny. It seems Katarina thought that this kidnapping was motivated by monetary motives. .

“Uh… you don’t want money? Then why did you kidnap me?”

It’s just as Katarina says. Without knowing why she was kidnapped, she would probably be worried and unable to rest easy.

“… That is…”

I was the one to drag her into this mess. I ought to explain things to Katarina. Thinking that, I tried to open my mouth…

“Selena-sama, we’ve confirmed Katarina-sama is safe, so let us return your room,” says my butler Rufus, placing a hand on my shoulder. Immediately, I felt very strongly that he was right, I really needed to return to my room.

“Rufus… you’re right. Well then, I will be returning to my room.”

“Um, wait a second…”

“I’m sorry. Lana, I’m leaving Katarina-sama to you. Katarina-sama, if you need anything, just ask Lana. She’ll do whatever she can,” I say before leaving the room with Rufus… but on the inside, my feelings were hazy and unclear.

************

Once I leave Katarina and return to my room, I zoned out for a little while for some reason. My memory felt a bit murky at parts.

While I was in that state, lunchtime passed by, and so I wasn’t able to prepare something befitting her station for Katarina. After learning that she had apparently eaten in her room, I felt incredibly guilty.

Katarina is probably overwhelmingly stressed and worried, what with being brought to a strange place like this and being shut into her room – all without even knowing the reason why.

Although she looked fine when she was in front of me – she seems to be as brave as the rumours say – by now, she may be crying. Thinking of that makes my heart ache, even though this is something I decided to do myself.

I need to make sure that Katarina can at the very least enjoy herself the best she can. I’ll prepare the highest quality food for dinner.

When Rufus and I enter the room that had been prepared for dinner, Katarina is already sitting on a chair.

“Katarina-sama, are you feeling well?”

“Ah, yes, thanks to you.”

“I am so very sorry that I was unable to prepare anything particularly delicious for lunch, and had you eat in your small room,” I apologize for what had happened in the afternoon and lower my head.

“No no. Really, I’m completely fine,” Katarina responds, putting on a brave face. There’s no way she’d be fine after getting kidnapped for some unknown reason and being forced into a room… I’m pushing her too far. My heart aches even worse.

“… I’m very sorry for making you push yourself.”

It’s pretty pathetic that I can’t do anything but repeatedly apologize like this.

Even after we began eating, Katarina acted like absolutely nothing was wrong. I grew worried and told her that she didn’t need to force herself to eat, but she just smiled at me in response. She even asked me whether I was okay after seeing that I had barely touched my plate, even though she’s probably going through much worse than I am… Katarina is truly like a saint, just as the rumours say.

When we were almost finished our meal, Katarina asks me that question again.

“Um, Selena-sama. Why did you bring me here? You said that you would bring me back once everything is over, but what in the world do you mean by ‘everything’?”

It was to be expected – there’s no way it wasn’t bothering her. She probably felt terribly helpless from being stressed about it this whole time.

And yet she desperately pretended to be fine… my heart aches for her even more – I feel so guilty I don’t know what to do. At this point, the best thing to do is to tell her everything.

“Yes, of course. You must feel ill at ease not knowing anything. At this rate, you won’t be able to sleep…The truth is, I brought you here because…”

Immediately after I say those words, my butler Rufus cuts them off.

“Young mistress Selena, dinner is over, so let us return to your room. Katarina-sama, I’m sure you’re tired so sleep early,” he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. I suddenly feel very strongly that I shouldn’t tell her everything after all.

… That’s right, I shouldn’t tell her everything. I should return to my room, like Rufus says.

I need to listen to what he says – after all, he’s a kind person who taught even someone like me a way to help Ian.

“… Yes, of course. Then, Katarina-sama, good night.”

I need to return to my room and rest… but I wonder why, my feelings seem hazy and unclear again.

************

It seems after I returned to my room, I zoned out on my chair again. I wonder if it’s just my imagination that I seem to do this a lot nowadays.

When I come to, I realize that it’s already well into nighttime. My room was completely dark too. When I think that I should move to my bed to sleep, I recall those blue eyes looking at me in worry. “Are you okay?” she had asked me… Katarina-sama!

For some reason, I had completely forgotten about her after I returned to my room. A saint-like girl who was kind to even the person who kidnapped her and trapped her in a room. How could I have forgotten her? I’m really the absolute worst.

She’s probably tossing and turning, unable to sleep in her worry and stress…

I need to go to her, I need to be by her side so I can do what little I can to help her.

I quickly slip out of my room during this late hour when everyone’s asleep. As I quietly walk through the dark mansion, I feel like my head clears for some reason.

When I reach Katarina’s room, for some reason a maid was standing in front of it. It was Lana, a maid who I had recently hired to help out with the kidnapping and was now serving Katarina.

She had a very serious expression on her face – she seemed like she had been guarding the entrance for quite some time. But when I ask her whether she had been here all this time, she responds that she had just woken up.

When I tell Lana that I want to see Katarina, she tells me to wait a little bit then enters the room. And then, after a short while Lana says “Come in,” so I enter the room.

“… Selena?” Katarina says in a somewhat dazed voice.

“Yes. Katarina-sama, I’m very sorry to visit you at this time of night. But I was just so worried that you were having a sleepless night, filled with unease…”

When I draw near, I see Katarina rubbing her eyes. She was probably crying… what have I done?

I decided then to tell her everything to try to ease the unease and worry in her heart, even if only by a little.

“… After dinner, for some reason, I began to feel really strongly that I shouldn’t tell you why. But now I think that it’s really not right to tell you nothing after all…”

“Um, so you’re talking about the reason you brought me here? As I thought, Selena-sama, you know why?”

“Yes… I am the one who planned this kidnapping, after all.”

I begin explaining everything to an extremely shocked Katarina.

“I am trying to force Jared-sama to renounce his right to the throne by kidnapping you.”

“… Forcing Jared to renounce his right to the throne?”

“Yes. To have Ian-sama be the next king…”

************

It happened a few months ago. A young man called Rufus Brode was introduced to our household by distant relatives. He was a splendid young man who was attentive and good at his work, and would even serve me well – despite how I was a failure ignored by the rest of the household. He would take my failures in stride, back me up, then talk to me kindly.

Before I knew it, he had become my confidant.

After hearing of my strong desire to help Ian, no matter how, he told me “I shall aid you with your desires.”

Then he thought up a plan… to force Ian’s rival princes to renounce their rights to the throne, allowing Ian to become the next king.

When I first heard that plan, I thought it was an atrocious thing I couldn’t possibly carry out. But as Rufus passionately reminded me that it was all for Ian and that there was nothing else I could do to help him, I slowly began to accept the plan.

And so, I decided to begin by setting the plan to kidnap Katarina in to motion.

************

I told Katarina about my motives and goals for the kidnapping, holding back only the things about Rufus. After all, if I told her about everything Rufus did for me, Rufus would have to shoulder the blame as well – I would feel too guilty to let that happen.

After listening to my story, Katarina looks deep in thought for some time.

“I really don’t think that Jared would renounce his right to the throne even if you use me…” she finally says.

“That can’t be, it’s well-known that Jared-sama loves you very much. He’ll do anything for you, Katarina-sama,” I respond in surprise.

Jared’s love for Katarina is well known in high society. Jared looked incredibly happy escorting Katarina at his birthday party as well.

“I’m so envious that he loves you so much.”

Loved by Jared, and admired by so many others… in comparison, I’m…

“I’m truly envious.”

The words slip from my mouth unconsciously.

A failure like me can’t support her fiancé like the other fiancées do. After that thought crosses my mind, I suddenly feel incredibly sorrowful.

I feel so wretched and pathetic and before I realize it, tears were falling from my eyes.

“S – Selena! What’s the matter - are you alright?” says Katarina, coming to my side and wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

“… Katarina-sama… to worry about me, even after what I did to you… you really are a saint, just like the rumours say. In comparison, I… I’m just a failure. It’s no wonder that Ian-sama ended up hating me.”

Katarina is called a saint at the academy. She cares little for noble titles and treats everyone equally – someone filled with forgiveness.

I thought that people were exaggerating things because she’s a prince’s fiancée and a duke’s daughter… but she’s so kind to her kidnapper, even though she’s probably the one who wants to cry the most. She isn’t even angry – she’s just rubbing my back.

A saint – Katarina truly is a wonderful person, just as the rumours say.

No wonder Jared loves a lovely person like her.

I slowly calm down a little as Katarina rubs my back.

“My apologies for losing my composure…I just became a little envious of how close you and Jared-sama are…”

“Envious?”

“Yes. How wonderful it must be to love each other and support each other… I’m not just envious of you and Jared-sama… Geoffrey-sama and Suzanna-sama, Alan-sama and Mary-sama… I’m so very envious of all of you for having the kind of relationship where you support each other on an equal level.”

As Katarina rubs my back, all the thoughts I had kept locked deep inside come spilling out one by one.

“Suzanna-sama is praised as the most intelligent woman in the country, Mary-sama is praised for being a perfect example of a noble’s daughter, and Katarina-sama, you’re praised for being saint-like.”

They all have the talent and skill worthy of being a prince’s fiancée.

“In comparison, I don’t have anything that makes me stand out at all… my magic is weak and I’m not that smart… I’m a useless fiancée who can’t support Ian-sama – no, worse. I’m nothing but dead weight to him… So I wanted to help Ian-sama, even if it was only with something little… so I planned this kidnapping. Katarina-sama, I’m so very sorry.”

Right now, I can’t do anything but apologize. But of course…

“I am naturally prepared to accept the consequences once everything is over and done with.”

“What? Consequences?”

“Yes. I will dissolve my engagement with Ian-sama, and turn myself in for my crimes.”

That was something I had decided to do the moment I set my plans into motion. Once you renounce your right to the throne, you can’t get it back – this is the way it’s been for a long, long time. Thus, so long as Jared renounces his right, even if my crimes became public, that fact would not change.

And so, once everything’s over and done with, so long as I was able to help Ian out even a little… I’ve more than resolved myself to live out my life as a criminal.

“W – why?! You did something like this because you love Ian-sama and want to help him out, right? But now you’re saying that you’ll dissolve your engagement and turn yourself in… are you alright with that?” Katarina exclaims in a loud voice, seeming surprised.

“Yes. This was something I did independently due to my attachment to Ian-sama. I’ve resolved myself,” I respond firmly.

“Even if you did it independently, you two are still engaged, aren’t you?”

My heart aches at Katarina’s words. That’s true, right now we’re still engaged. However…

“… When I was young, I was chosen to be Ian-sama’s fiancée because we were close in age and I had magic… but like I said before, my magic is weak and I’m not even good at studying. In the end, even my parents and other relatives began saying that it might be better for someone else to be the prince’s fiancée. It can’t be helped. The other princes’ fiancées are all perfectly capable of helping their fiancés, but I’m no help at all – I’m just a burden.”

I have no doubt that sooner or later, a more worthy candidate will be chosen as Ian’s fiancée.

“And I’m sure that Ian-sama hates someone useless like me already.”

Everyone says that Ian, who rarely meets me and is cool and detached when we do, already hates his fiancée. It’s unfair to Ian to tell him to fall in love with a failure like me compared to the other princes’ fiancées.

And yet, I still wanted to help Ian. After all, even if he hates me, I still love him…

“Hey, Selena-sama. Have you ever asked Ian-sama about this?”

“What?!”

I was very shocked at suddenly being asked something I had never even considered before.

“Have you ever asked Ian-sama about what he thinks about you?”

“H – how could I ask something like that?! But Ian-sama is always cold to me, and everyone around us says that Ian-sama probably already hates me…”

That’s right, it’s what everyone says so it has to be right… just what is Katarina saying?

“But that’s just what the people around you say, and not what Ian-sama himself said, right? It could be just your imagination that he’s cold to you, too.”

“… But.”

I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to respond to this completely novel idea.

Is it just my imagination that he’s cold to me? Is everyone else wrong?

“Feelings are something that can only be understand by one person – the person who holds them. So if you want the truth, you need to confirm things with Ian-sama himself!”

“… Confirm things?”

“Yes, you need to talk with Ian-sama!”

You can’t know someone’s feelings unless you ask them yourself? Talk with Ian-sama? Could I do such a thing…? Would it be a good idea for someone like me to do it even if I could?

When I look up, Katarina’s pure blue eyes look straight at me.

“Hey, Selena-sama. You’ve been saying this whole time that you’re a failure, but I don’t think so. You worried about me – basically a stranger – so much that you couldn’t even sleep, and you have enough resolve to throw yourself in jail for the person you love. Selena-sama, you’re kind and strong and not a failure in the slightest. You’re a lovely person,” says Katarina with a kind look.

I’m not a failure… I’m a lovely person?

“… No one has ever said anything like that to me,” I murmur, looking dumbfounded.

Up until now, everyone always called me a failure. I was barely ever praised, and even when I was, I could tell it was just pretty lies.

But I could tell that Katarina wasn’t lying. Her eyes, still looking straight at me, seem truthful… and her words slowly sink into my mind.

“Then I’ll say it as many times as you want from now on. So, won’t you please become my friend?”

I stare blankly at the hand held out to me.

This woman may truly be a saint.

“… To say such things to your kidnapper… Katarina-sama, you truly are just like the rumours say…”

My chest burns. I feel like if I take this hand, I’ll be able to change things.

“… If you’re alright with someone like me, then I’d gladly become your friend,” I say, taking Katarina’s hand. It was a very warm hand. I continue, “… Katarina-sama… I think I should properly talk with Ian-sama himself without worrying about the people around me, like you said.”

Before now, I had never even considered it. No one had ever suggested something like that to me. Even if I had thought of the idea, I would have probably been too scared to actually do it. I may have flinched at the very idea of someone like me doing something like that.

But, now, I think I can do it. I feel like Katarina is giving me strength through our joined hands.

“Yes, let’s start from there!” Katarina says, looking straight at me.

“Yes,” I agree, suddenly feeling bright and happy.

Katarina… loved by many, called a saint. A strange person… I feel like her words and her straight gaze hold some kind of strange power.

“But before that, I need to end this idiotic kidnapping I did. I need to repent for the crimes I’ve committed thus far.”

I need to start from there. Even if my engagement is dissolved, it can’t be helped. I feel like if I talk with Ian properly like Katarina says, I’ll be able to change things.

“I can keep it all a secret if you’d like.”

The saint is so very forgiving. However…

“Just how kind can you be, Katarina-sama? But I’m afraid I cannot take you up on your offer. I must repent for the crimes I’ve committed.”

I need to repent for my crimes, then talk with Ian.

“Well then, I’ll immediately return you to Jared-sama. I’ll go make preparations.”

I head to the door. I feel so refreshed – my chest pains are no more. I feel like I could do anything right now.

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