Published at 25th of March 2019 11:05 pm

Volume 7: Epilogue - Welcome back!

The next morning after we snatched Darkness away.

“The landlord’s missing?”

When Darkness who came over to my mansion to report this, I thought I misheard that.

Why’d that old man who kept crying Lalatina, Lalatina, disappear?

“Yes, the servants couldn’t find him anywhere.”

I was baffled by what Darkness said.

I thought the landlord would lay siege to our mansion with his private army first thing in the morning, and made preparations.

“For some reason, plenty of evidence indicating the landlord’s wrongdoings turned up. The one who gave Princess Iris the body swapping divine relic was him too. Some say the landlord couldn’t hide his evil deeds anymore and fled in the night.”

- I see.

“… And so, there’s no need to flee anymore. Put down your bags.”

I heeded the judgement of Darkness and took my backpack off.

Megumin and Aqua behind me put their luggage down too.

I was planning to find a faraway land to spend time as a farmer before everything settled.

“Forget it, this is great too… What’s the matter, Darkness? Come in.”

I rushed Darkness who was standing at the entrance and refusing to move… But she remained stubborn with an expressionless face.

“What is it, Darkness? Something happen?”

Megumin asked and Aqua shouted, ‘Ah!’.

“That’s right, Megumin wasn’t in the church from the start, so you don’t know! Listen! Darkness was bought by Kazuma! Kazuma shouldered Darkness’s debt and even said, ‘You’re mine now! Pay back my hard earned money with your body.’…! Darkness’s scared of what Kazuma might do and doesn’t dare to come in, right?”

“… Hah?”

“Hey, let’s talk a little. A lot of the details are wrong. No, your content’s correct, but the fine details are off. And the way you put it’s terrible!”

With a red glow in her eyes, Megumin looked at me as if I were trash. Darkness shook her head.

“… No, that’s not the issue. Kazuma did ask me to pay back with my body and called me a perverted Crusader though…”

Ah, Megumin has started chanting her spell.

Darkness suddenly lowered her head in a bow.

“Sorry. I troubled everyone because of my willfulness… Even I feel that I did something stupid. I hope everyone can forgive me…”

Aqua and Megumin rushed to Darkness’s side when they saw her like this.

“Let bygones be bygones, you’re back safely after all. I don’t mind. Kazuma might’ve lost plenty of things, but this man has the habit of not wanting to work if he has money. This is just fine.”

“That’s right, or rather… If this didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have been able to visit Darkness’s house. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have noticed that your father had been cursed! … That’s right, we need to find the criminal who cursed him! I suspect it was done by that masked devil. My divine eyes can’t be mistaken! Let’s teach him a lesson!”

Darkness stared right at me as the other two consoled her.

“I really owe Kazuma a huge favour this time. You abandoned everything and turned it into cash… It won’t be immediate, but the money Kazuma paid on my behalf will be returned by the kingdom in the future. When my father recovers, we’ll calculate the amount from the impounded property of the landlord. However, …”

Darkness’s face turned gloomy.

“… However, the intellectual property you sold won’t come back. You mentioned that you were planning to live peacefully as a businessman, but now…”

It’s about that, huh?

“Forget about that. I learned cooking too, so setting up a small shop and making dishes from my country will earn me some pocket change… Huh, wait, the money will be returned to me?”

It suddenly sunk in and I asked with a serious face.

“Yes, it will be returned. The entire two billion used. The compensation for the landlord’s mansion and the cost of the damaged buildings will be reimbursed to you. After all, these are all costs that arose in the process of protecting this town. It should’ve been borne by the landlord managing this land in the first place… But now that I think of it, why’d I accept the proposal of the landlord to pay up…? As if I was hit by hypnosis. Also, why are evidences of his wrongdoings popping up all over the place…?”

Darkness pointed out the illogical parts in confusion, but that wasn’t important.

It’s not important at all!

“Two… You say two billion…?”

So I don’t need to work anymore for my entire life…!

… Hmm, wait. There are twenty-four hours in a day and that service’s five thousand eris for three hours.

With two billion, I could spend my entire life in a blissful dream…?

When I was thinking about that, Megumin and Aqua closed in on me.

“Kazuma today feels really… Something- Really handsome! Hey Kazuma-san, I want an extravagant pet house for Emperor Zell!”

“That’s right, he’s really handsome. I always thought Kazuma’s a handsome guy. By the way, I want a magic item that enhances magical powers.”

“Ah, you are bunch of sluts who smelled gold! … Darkness, what is it?”

Darkness remained unmoved at the entrance as she watched our interaction.

“Really, just let it go. You worked hard to cover for us all this while, right? Although going that far by yourself yesterday was really maddening, I’m a little glad too, So let’s call it even. And the entire sum will be returned as well, so isn’t that good enough? Let’s write off what happened yesterday.”

To be honest, the money I’ll be getting back was so huge that I didn’t really care about these trivial matters.

And I’ve been holed up in the house recently, so I wanted to book that service immediately, then find the most expensive hotel room in town and stay there for a week.

But Darkness became gloomy when she heard the term ‘write off’.

“Which means… What you said about buying me’s void too?”

Megumin and Aqua closed in on me and stared at my face.

… S-Spare me.

“Of course it’s void! That’s it, forget about everything that happened yesterday!”

Darkness became more depressed when she heard that.

… Hmm?

Could this be the roundabout way of Darkness’s love confession, hinting at me that she wants to be my ‘property’?

Ignoring my expectations, Darkness lowered her head as if she was about to cry.

“… And, about that letter… The letter about leaving the party…”

… Oh, I see, Darkness was planning to leave the team.

Since yesterday’s incident is void, the thing about her using her body to repay me will be void…

… What, my expectation was wasted. Really, such things…

“What are you talking about, Darkness’s our important Crusader. We’ll never let her go, right?”

“Right, forget about that now. Darkness likes pretending to be retarded sometimes. Isn’t the only place you can be right here with us?”

… Damn it, they said it first.

But Darkness was poking her index fingers at each other in front of her chest, looking up at me with an uneasy gaze.

She wouldn’t relax unless I said it myself.

Before I could speak, Darkness already started.

“E-Erm! My only strong point’s defense, I’m a Crusader who can’t even hit the enemy with my attacks… However, … However, may I… May I join your party again…?”

I smiled wryly at Darkness who wasn’t used to using formal speech.

“Of course… Welcome back.”

She answered-

“… I-I’m back!!”

With tears in her eyes, Darkness showed a relieved smile-

“… Hey Kazuma, you still think it’s a pity, right? Letting Darkness pay you back with her body has some elements of lewdness, right?”

Aqua, who was the best at not reading the mood, raised this point with a giggle.

What the hell was this girl saying?

“Speaking of which, you announced to everyone that Darkness’s yours, right? What’s that? A confession of love? Like the time Yunyun said she wanted a baby and when you got tamed by Iris so easily in the capital, and now this. Why are you so easily won over? And you tried to make a move on me when we were sleeping together in the Crimson Demon Village too. You’re too frivolous. Be more serious about life.”

Megumin was displeased as she complained.

… What was she talking about?

Was this jealousy or what? You should make it clear.

Act like the girls in a harem anime, make it easier to understand.

… Darkness’s expression was also turning strange.

She still looked uneasy, but her eyes shifted between me and Megumin who were acting as if we were having a lover’s spat.

“… B-By the way, when Kazuma broke into my house last time, I almost crossed the line with him…”

“Eh?”

Darkness revealed something unnecessary with an embarrassed face, making Aqua and Megumin yelp.

“H-Hey, don’t… Don’t say it… That was just a failed attempt…”

Seeing my weak rebuke, Megumin and Aqua yelled again.

“Failed attempt?” x2

I walked right into that.

“Hey Kazuma, are you retarded? Megumin and I were working hard to bring Darkness back! What were you thinking?”

“Kazuma. You didn’t go to bring Darkness back, but went there for a night raid? Your stock value as a man has fallen into the abyss! Just what the hell were you doing?”

What was with that? Leaving the teasing of Megumin in the Crimson Demon village aside, I didn’t do anything wrong this time.

Darkness became fidgety with an embarrassed face.

“Although I said night raid… He only barged into my room late in the night, covered my mouth before I could scream and pushed me down onto the bed. Then pressed me down so I couldn’t resist with my other hand… During the intense struggle, my clothes tore open and my stomach was toyed with.”

“Eh?” x2

“Hey, wait! No, that did happen! But…!!”

“?” x2

When she heard my protest, Megumin pulled away from me in a flash.

“I already know that Kazuma sees Darkness with lusty eyes, but to think you’re actually a man who’s fine with any woman… I thought Kazuma was a weakling but had an honest side. I thought you were somewhat serious that time, but you just wanted to get laid, huh? You can frolic with anyone in bed as long as it’s a woman, right? You trash!!”

I wish she could let me say my piece too. If this goes on, I’ll become the biggest trash of them all.

Before I could explain to Megumin, Aqua followed up with another attack…!

“That’s right, when I was sleeping beside Kazuma in the stables in the past, this beast kept ogling my body!”

“That’s definitely impossible.”

“Why?”

Pushing Aqua who was on the verge of tears and attempting to strangle me with one hand. Darkness was embarrassed, but was still snickering happily.

This woman, she just wanted to get back at me because of the failed night raid and me using her voice to spread all kinds of rumours.

As Darkness crossed her arms and snickered at me, watching me struggle helplessly-

“… You were the one who enticed me, asking if I wanted to become adults together…”

I chastised her softly.

“!!” x2

“T-T-That’s wrong? I was thinking that since I was marrying the landlord, I might as well…!”

“You admitted! Darkness admitted that she started it! What a twist! …Well, I can read the mood too, so I’ll bring Emperor Zell’s egg to suntan in the park!”

“Darkness, you shameless slut! You were acting all prim and proper like the female lead in a tragedy, but you were actually just flirting around! I was wrong to worry about you!”

“Wait…? W-Wait a moment, stop!!”

Megumin poked Darkness’s cheek with the tip of her staff and Darkness glared at me with resentment.

It seemed like she still wanted to go at it.

I held back Aqua who was trying to leave with an egg in her arms and brought up something I didn’t want to point out before Darkness cooled down.

“… Hey Aqua, a question. How does a family registrar for marriage work in this country?”

I suddenly raised a different topic.

“Why are you asking that? First, on the morning of the ceremony, the couple will submit the family registering documents to the relevant authorities. In the afternoon, they’ll then hold the ce-re-mony…”

Aqua seemed to have realized what I was trying to say.

Megumin, whose expression turned stiff, noticed too.

“…? What’s the problem?”

Only the unworldly noble lady couldn’t keep up.

Megumin was probably trying to console her.

“I-It’s common to see people who’ve divorced once nowadays, yup!”

Darkness finally noticed and raised her head in shock.

An aristocratic lady, a masochist, a virgin and a divorcee. Just how many traits does this girl want?

“Erm… How should this be interpreted? Darkness was abducted in the middle of the wedding. The next day, the groom had already run away. Theoretically speaking, Darkness was abandoned by that old man.”

Aqua’s words that bore no ill will made Darkness tremble violently for a moment.

She then looked at me uneasily…

“Well… Family registry’s just a trivial matter anyway. Don’t worry about it… Deserted-Wife-Ness.”

Darkness turned and ran away bawling.

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