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Kay sighed.
It was a new year and with things more or less being settled, she felt rather restless.
She had gone on dates with Ronaldo three times, as per the requirement of her mother and there was no spark. Well, they had fun but nothing more than that. After the third obligatory date, she said her goodbyes and would not see him again.
However, she didn't quite tell her parents that.
She did, however, say that she was okay with Ronaldo but nothing great.
"We'll see," was what she told them when in reality, she had already struck him off.
The routine and predictability of everything was rather boring.
Who would have thought that once Kyle's revenge plan had come to an end, there was this rather 'emptiness' to her life? There had been purpose before and she had lived her life being guided towards that goal.
Though it would be unfair to say that Kyle had ruled her life, but in actual fact, it did form a large part of her life.
What was she to use her skills for now? The hacking skills, that is. The MIB organisation. What about those? They basically ran by themselves now and it wasn't like they were spies!
Kyle was also back, so it meant that he was back in charge. She felt redundant being there even though she knew Kyle didn't mind. However, she felt that it's best she step down so that the people would also not feel conflicted or divided.
Feeling slightly agitated by the thought that her life now had no meaning or direction, Kay picked up her phone and called up her bestie. To her relief, he picked up the call quite quickly.
"Busy?" she asked.
Lance laughed, as he placed the phone between his shoulder and ear, shuffling some documents on the table, "Always. You should be busier than me though. What's up?"
Kay sighed, "You up for a drink later on?"
Lance looked at the time and agreed, "Same place, say, in about an hour?"
"That fast?" Kay asked.
"Hey, when my best bud is asking me out, who am I to refuse?" Lance asked, "Gotta go. See you when I see you."
Kay smiled and put down the phone, feeling better. She was looking forward to seeing Lance so she quickly went to get ready.
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As Kay walked into the club, people's heads naturally turned towards her. The men looked at her appreciatively while the women, with envy and some with disdain. Though granted, there were some women who were giving her flirtatious looks as well.
Kay ignored them all, of course, as it was just one of those things.
She headed straight to the VIP room that she knew Lance would have booked earlier. Though one said 'room', it was actually just a partition on the upper floor, away from the crazy dance floor full of people grinding and moving to the beat.
When Kay neared her destination, she could see Lance already there on the sofa, being flanked by two good-looking men that Kay assumed were escorts of the club. On the coffee table in front of Lance, were some drinks.
"Kay, sweetheart!" Lance shouted upon seeing her, "You're late."
Kay looked at her watch, "What? By one minute?"
"Late is late," Lance said with a shrug.
She snorted, and said as she pointed to the two men beside Lance, "Not interrupting anything now, am I?"
Lance grinned and then patted their knees, "My friend is here. Next time, guys."
Kay watched with amusement as they left dejectedly and she plopped herself next to Lance, "I'm surprised that you arrived so early. To already be having company by your side? to fool around before I came?"
Lance didn't answer, but instead, took a big swig from his drink.
She sighed and patted his lap, saying, "Bad day, huh?"
Lance forced a smile and tilted his head towards her, "We're here for you, not me. What's with the SOS?"
"We're friends, Lance," Kay said, "We're here to talk, drink and just let loose. I may have called the SOS, but you're also in need of it, I think."
She took a glass from the table, "Vodka?"
"Of course. Smirnoff Green Apple, your favourite," Lance replied.
"You do know me well," Kay replied, lifting the glass.
Lance clinked his glass to hers, "Of course. To friendship."
"And sob stories," Kay said, continuing their line.
"Secrets to the grave," Lance finished up and they drank together, then slammed the glass onto the table.
Leaning back on the sofa, they were silent for a while.
Kay turned to look at Lance and asked him, "Is it bad of me that I am feeling not satisfied with my life?"
"What do you mean? Not satisfied?" Lance queried back.
Kay sighed.
"Just that," Kay replied vaguely, "I feel dissatisfied."
She spread out her arms, then using her hands, she waved at herself, saying, "Not trying to sound narcissistic, but look at me. I'm young and gorgeous. I'm so rich that I don't have to think twice when spending money."
"I am at the top of my class and can even take the helm and steer the CEO of Smith Industries when Kyle isn't around. Heck, I don't even have to work because my passive income is enough to last me till the day I die."
"Yet, at the end of the day … I am not happy," Kay said, "I know I have a lot to be grateful for, and I am. I know I am so lucky while there are starving people out there, or those who are struggling with life …"
"So, you feel guilty for feeling what you feel," Lance said, "Thus, suppressing your emotions and causing you to feel more dissatisfied and guilty. It's a vicious cycle."
Kay took another drink and sipped it this time.
"You've just had it too easy, Kay," Lance said.
Kay glared at him, "What do you mean by that? Easy? You think I've not faced any harm or suffered?"
She could tell him a story or two about the past. How she had nearly been r*ped when she was barely in her teens. The time she had gone with Kyle to confront Kazuya. Or when they were attacked when she had gone to see Reimonna, Kai Sheng's mother. Or the attempted kidnapping in the airport of Country M and her actually killing someone.
Lance shook his head, "No, I'm not saying that. It's impossible for you to have never faced some sort of danger in your life. It could be something small like crossing the road during a red light."
"No, when I said that you've had it easy, I mean that you've never truly failed spectacularly in anything," Lance replied, "You're bright. You work hard. You basically can get anything you want if you put your mind to it."
"How do I put this?" Lance said, thinking hard, "I'm not saying that you've never failed but it's very rare that you do; and even if you do, you have someone backing you all the time to catch you."
"In short, you don't have the same fears we normal people do," Lance continued, "You don't have the same sort of risks as you're always cushioned in life."
Kay placed her elbow at the side of the chair, and put her head on her arm as she listened. Perhaps Lance was right.
She did have an easy life when he put it that way.
Especially when she thinks about Joseph.
That is one thing she is unsure about, one thing that she does not know whether she could be successful in wooing him in the future. Whether she even had a chance with him in the future.
If she was faced with this sort of feelings for everything that she did, she'd probably either go crazy or have a bigger sense of achievement when she manages to get it. To be able to face risks and pick herself up when she falls.
Kay sighed, "I guess you have a point. Maybe that is why I'm restless as well. I don't see the challenge. I have no challenges in life."
"Yes, you do," Lance said.
"What?"
"Your challenge is to ask yourself: What do you want to do in your life? I feel that you've always lived your life for other people, not yourself," Lance said, "All the choices you made and all the things you did - wasn't it for your brother?"
"He never forced me to do it!" Kay said, quick to defend Kyle.
"I never said he did," Lance replied, "But it's about time you figure out: who is Kayla Smith?"
Kay was silent.
Lance was right.
Even though she had learned to live without Kyle while he was in Country M, she still lived her life for him.
She now had to think about herself.