Published at 16th of January 2026 8:13 am

Chapter 128: Aspired lives

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So, Monroe says, exhaling sweet-smelling smoke as she leans cooly on the balcony, staring out into the young night covering the capital and listening to the bustle of it all, did you get what you wanted from the Grenhal boy?

I shrug. I didnt have anything in mind going in but yeah. It went about as well as could be expected.

Good for you, she says emotionlessly, without looking my way.

Theres some tension here that I dont know how to address, so I just stare out over the bustling city with her. I didnt expect them to all be sheep, I say, having finally come up with something that seems worth saying.

She chuckles. Yeah, me either. I was expecting Greg to extend his invitation to the Talhals. There are three of them that have the right level of skill, though only one of them would have been a wolf. So, I was surprised when he said that he took you as a dual patron. Doubly surprised when you showed up with nearly double the enhancement level than the last time we met.

Sorry if I disrupted your plans. I needed better contracts for the academy exam, and saw no reason to end them after, I say, mostly truthfully.

She shrugs. Its fine. I was hoping to form a trade deal with the count, and the young lady had a friend I was hoping to be introduced to. But I suppose I took more coin sharing it with only one person instead of two. Besides, if it was that important, I would have stopped you.

Why didnt you? I ask.

It would have been rude, not to mention distasteful to make the better player lose Speaking of, another reason I was surprised you came was because of that scene with your cousin. I thought he disapproved of you gambling.

I make my own decisions. Besides, I think Ive proven that Im capable of keeping myself out of debt, no?

She laughs, finally looking at me. You think he got upset because he was afraid youd lose too much coin?

Its what he said.

Hah! If you believed that, then maybe he should have been worried. If you got into debt, he would have just paid it and used it as a lesson not to get in over your head. Its practically a rite of passage for nobles in this city to get bailed out and chastised by an older relative.

I scrunch up my face in confusion. Then why doesnt he want me to gamble?

Because you have the talent, kid. You have the potential to become like me.

Is that a bad thing? I ask, confused.

Heh, I certainly dont think so. But it does become a major part of who you are. But thats not all. Its a matter of Look, why do you think there werent any full knights at the table today?

I tilt my head in thought. I assumed that they would only be at higher tables.

She laughs. Kid, there arent many tables higher than what you just beat. They werent exactly first-rate players, nor second-rate really, but they were all comfortably either third or fourth rate. Which sounds like an insult until I tell you that theres probably only a couple hundred at their level in the city, and a couple dozen second rates.

And first rates? I ask.

She shrugs. Its easiest to say that its limited to the six of us who get together to play once a year on Longday. But to answer my question, the reason why knights seldom play this game is because committing oneself to get good at it, I mean really good at it, seems to hinder further progress as a knight. Some say its about knightly ideals, though I never put much stock in that though maybe I should have.

I raise a sceptical eyebrow. But what does that have to do with me? Im not a knight nor aspirant, so there should be no hindrance.

She smirks. Im getting to that. What drives knights to advance is contested, but I think your cousin would claim its all about aesthetic experiences. Which, I guess is as good as any word for it. Your cousin did manage to find something aesthetic about the game and became very good at it. But what he enjoyed was being a target, to have people go after him and survive stronger for it. Its why he provoked all those duels with knights when he was still a squire.

I think most knights are like him. They dont enjoy using their superior senses to just take from everyone. In fact, they find it miserable. Whereas I do enjoy it, at least a little. Which I think is why I never advanced past squire.

I turn my head in surprise, assessing her. I didnt realize you didnt seem that enhanced at Allans party.

She chuckles. You really do need to get better at hiding your enhancement, at the very least so you can better spot it in others.

I nod, thinking to back then and still finding no clue. Allan never really taught me.

Im not surprised, after all, he never bothered with it. His lopsided knightly ability is what makes him famous; why hide it?

Will you teach me then? I ask, hesitant to request such a favour from her, but knowing how vital it might become.

She side eyes me, then shrugs. Sure, maybe. Ill think about it. Back to the subject, though.

Right, I say before she can continue. I dont really think that what you said makes sense. I mean, its a knights job to take. Maybe not coins, but certainly lives. So why would taking the lesser of the two be worse for their development?

She shrugs. Maybe because it is the lesser of the two. But also, be more precise about that job thing. What exactly do you think knights do? Or rather, who do you think its their job to kill?

I raise an eyebrow, walking away from the balconys edge to a chair a few steps back. Well, everyone, no? All their enemies at least. I certainly didnt notice them discriminating in Caethlon.

She nods, sitting beside me. Yeah, sure, theyre not going to not kill an enemy peasant if they get in their way. But thats not their job. Their job is to kill mages. To charge up a hill at a line of casters trying to kill them, and hope that the armour that they went into debt to buy will be enough to keep them alive just long enough to reach them. The mentality to do that is incompatible with constantly seeking easy prey.

Im not so certain. After all, Ive seen plenty of knights charging in Caethlon, and it was seldom against mages. Still, I nod, thinking I understand her at least. Okay, but what does that have to do with me? Im not a knight. It shouldnt hinder my development to prey on the weak.

True, she says, leaning back, and there are certainly a couple of high-level mages at that yearly game I mentioned. But while you arent a knight, Allan is. It works the opposite of how youre thinking. Its not that knights dont play the game because they know it will hinder them, but that the type of people who can get to the top of the game dont become knights. He doesnt want you to become one who takes from easy prey because he views it as innately unpleasing, and doesnt want for you to live that life.

We sit in silence as I contemplate what she said. I suppose her insight into him somewhat explains some of his baffling behaviour, but why does he care what sort of person I become? Its my life, and he doesnt even care if I succeed at the thing Im putting so much effort into achieving.

Okay, I say finally, so what are you getting at? Why does it matter if he approves?

She shrugs. Probably doesnt, I was curious if you being here meant you two had a falling out.

I exhale, exasperated. How come everyone asks that question? As if my relationship with him is foremost in everyones minds? The others I understand, but you? What do you care if I never speak to him again?

She shrugs. Hes a popular figure. Im sure you didnt realize, but you gained a small amount of notice just for your association with him, even before the Empress gave you that dagger. Some social currency could have been gained before by spreading the rumour, but nw itd be a metaphorical fortune. Especially since a prevailing theory is that the empress gave you a gift because of a secret association with him.

You dont believe such drivel, do you? I ask, feeling nauseated at the thought for some reason.

She chuckles. Well, its not like hed be her least handsome paramour to date. But no, Ive heard no indication that shes been in any of her moods as of late. So, its unlikely that shes taken anyone, much less a baronet. Still, he is a person of interest in the rumours, even if most dont believe that particular one. As for me, I mostly wanted to know if your presence tonight indicated a persisting revolt against his prohibition. She looks at me expectantly.

I feel like standing and stepping away under her assessing gaze, but force myself to keep still. I dont know. Maybe. But again, why do you want to know?

She shrugs and returns her gaze to the sprawling city. Well, if you did intend to keep gambling, theres a game in a few months I was thinking about inviting you to.

Where you could no doubt take all of tonights winnings? I ask dryly.

She smirks. Such a distrustful mind. No, I wont be playing that night.

Then why do you want me to go?

She chuckles, Well, I will be betting on which player will win with my fellow top players. Bringing someone new will give me an advantage. But mostly its just good to introduce people to social circles, and Ill likely gain prestige for bringing in the bearer of that dagger, especially if you win. She glances to my waist.

Do you think Ill win?

She shrugs. Probably not. Theyll be better players than tonight second-rate rather than third. I dont know which one you are exactly yet, but at the very least youll have a chance. But tell you what. Since Ill be sponsoring you, Ill reimburse half of your losses. So, what do you say?

I hesitate, tempted by the offer, but feeling like saying yes would be a lasting change. One made while Im in the midst of uncertainty. I think I need to talk with Allan again before I decide if my revolt is to be made permanent.

She nods. Fair enough. If you want my advice on it, keeping your relationship with that man is probably worth more than the coin you might gain doing this. But if you choose to break ties with him anyways for whatever reason that caused the fight, keep me in mind Ill even throw in a few incentives. Show you how to hide your boons better, and get you invitations to some lower stake games.

Now that is tempting. Surely Allan wouldnt oppose a few games if it could help them mis or whatever he wants. I need to know how to hide my enhancements better, and she seems to be an expert. But if I do go back to Allan, how will it be? He cant be my handler if he doesnt believe in the cause, but maybe he can be an ally a friend. Would I let a friend prevent me from pursuing such a minor vice?

I nod slowly. Alright, that sounds enticing enough. I suppose I agree tentatively. Just dont arrange anything yet. But if I do go to your second-rate game, I dont want my losses reimbursed. Ill play worse without the threat of ruin. And it wont be as fun.

She smirks. You really do have the instinct. Good To entice you a bit more, Ill give you a clue for hiding your boons better: Start with your breathing, everything else will follow.

I raise my eyebrow, questioningly. And what exactly am I supposed to do to my breathing to get the rest to do what I want?

She chuckles as the last bits of moonleaf burns away in her hand and she tosses away the ashes before turning and going indoors. Youll have to figure that out yourself unless of course you take my deal. We can do lessons on the weekend.

I stare at her go and withhold a groan, turning to look back one more time over the city. I need to speak with Allan, especially after so many people have said so much about him since last we met. I think, maybe, just maybe, I can see an inkling of a clue to explain what he does. Just enough to give hope that we might be able to reconcile. But Ill need to talk to him first before I can be sure.

But not yet. I have too many things in motion predicated on our break. I need to set them in place now. If I speak to him first, I might not have the resolve to do them

Tomorrow though. Itll be busy as I take care of the things before school resumes. But Ill talk to him after.

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