Published at 26th of May 2026 7:21 am

Chapter 153: Vain Hope

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How much did you see? I start after extending a concealment spell over us and going back inside. If were doing this, we should at least make sure were working with the same information.

I was seconds too late, his voice cracks as he looks away with shame. I ran as fast as I could when I got your message, got to your clients base, then tracked that flower, but I got to the basement just in time to see you get stabbed I collapsed. Maybe other knights first reaction would be vengeance. To kill everyone in the room Other knights can run faster. I never regretted not boosting my strength like everyone else until then.

I shrug. Other knights couldnt have tracked the scent as quickly, which Im certain was the larger limiting factor. You got there as fast as was reasonable. I didnt exactly give you much time.

Yeah, maybe why didnt you wait to go in?

I meant to I just I messed up. Relied too much on my spells and got caught Oh, right. Take this. Itll let me know where you are sense around you, rather. I couldnt tell if you had gotten my message, so I guess I wanted to do something. Probably should just keep it in a bag so I cant accidentally spy on you, then take it out if you get a message.

Yeah I guess that no. Well do that later. Were avoiding the issue by drowning it with details. I saw you die, Malichi, and then you came back. You said youre Anars chosen now and and I dont know what to do anymore.

I I dont know either. I saw his orchards, Allan. I saw hundreds of figures rotting, forms intertwined and merged into wood. Was bound to the same trees and now I have to send more.

Does that upset you? he says with a trace of hope. To experience the fate that youve sent so many to?

I I shake my head, more as a refusal to answer than a refusal of the hope. I dont know. I mean, should it? Anar promised me immunity to that fate.

And you believe him? That when its your time, you wont find yourself hanging from those trees? Emotion starts to build, scorn or reproach. Maybe something similar, but not so negative. Chastising, at the very least.

I shrug, Hes not known for breaking overt promises.

And what about his promise to the one who sacrificed you? The basic premise of his whole divinity is the promise that if you sacrifice to him, you will gain power. But that man sacrificed you, and all he got for it was a blade in the heart.

I scoff at his clumsy attempt at causing division Am I even adverse to division being made, or do I just want him to come up with more convincing reasons than an obvious attempt to plant a seed of doubt? You arent going to convince me of anything by talking like a solicitor, especially when Im far more familiar with his writings than youll ever be. The sacrifice ritual is simply a divine contract, and like every divine contract, it is gained only with the approval of the divinity granting it. The fact that hes accepted every other sacrifice to date can only be said to be a pattern, not a promise. In the same way that the sun failing to rise would only be a broken pattern.

Except the sun god did make an official promise to its repeated rising, he points out without seeming to know why. Just another desperate prod.

I chuckle. Im pretty sure that despite their claims, the sun god is only the god of the sun as metaphor, and lacks any ability to affect the actuality of it. Especially since its rising is due to the motion of our planet, not its own. As such, their promise is meaningless.

Rightno, no youre right. He closes his eyes as if looking inward and chastising himself. Im just being reflectively contrarian. Thats not helping anything. Lets go back. Even assuming that Anar will keep all of his promises to you, do you feel nothing at seeing the fate youve inflicted on them?

Why should I? They were my enemies. Theyre enemies of my homeland. Why shouldnt they suffer?

All of them were? His voice rises as he presses.

I shrink back. In their way,

Malichi! he snaps, You told me youve sacrificed your own people.

Collaborators! I scoff.

He scoffs back. Selling bread is enough to be called a collaborator by you. Mere indifference is enough. I look away, unwilling to respond, giving him time to press, but with a softer, though still chastising, voice. And what about your friends you made since you came here? If you grow your new cult like you said you intend to, how will you control it? How will you ensure that none of your underlings will sacrifice someone you care about? How will you feel then?

My mind goes back to Ibil. We were comrades, at the very least. I didnt think of anyone as a friend back then, but I guess he was alright. At the very least, there are people in my present friend group for whom I hold lesser emotions. But that wasnt enough to stop me from sacrificing him. Of course, I told him I needed the sacrifice to escape. But thats not why I did it. I did it because I knew how pleasurable it would be if I could convince him to be willing.

And he was a commoner. My new friends are all nobles and mages. Ones even technically royalty. How sweet would they be if a similar situation arose? Do I care about any of them enough not to sacrifice them in the moment? Emilly? Ellen?... Ser Terry?

How much of a paradise could it be for me if I have to see his face among the trees?

It doesnt matter I say in barely a whisper as my voice cracks.

Why not?

Because I wasnt speaking lightly when I said Im Anars favoured. We made a contract officially denoting me as such. An unheard-of thing. But along with this unprecedented pact is an unprecedented price. I now have a quota, one where he will kill me if I dont meet it.

He looks stunned. Can he? Just directly kill a mortal in the mundane world?

I shrug. There are other contracts with fatal penalties.

Yes, but those are all things of frenzy. Things that either require the mortal will themselves towards death, like with the god of vengeance, or that constitute a betrayal of the gods essence. Theyre not something so pedestrian as failure to perform acts so routinely that they could be counted in a ledger.

Okay, sure. It might not be just instant and direct death. But Im certain he can curse me in a way that is just as good. Invert the boons hes given. Send a demon to hunt me down.

I think those are metaphors but I understand I Just tell me one thing, Malch. Do you want this? Is this what you would choose for yourself, if you werent forced into it? Theres such pleading hope in his voice.

I cant stand to look at him, and the pain Im putting him through. I turn and look out the window. It doesnt matter, does it? I am being forced, so I might as well enjoy it.

I force myself not to turn as I hear him approach from behind. To give him his opportunity. But instead of the expected blow, he embraces me. Squeezes me tightly as he wraps himself protectively around me. As if wanting to shield me from my fate with his own body.

I want to yell at him for his weakness, but just let myself be shielded instead.

We can find a way out, he pleads after a moment, tears falling on me from his face, Tacyn can

I tear myself from his grip, turning with a look of scorn that I know to be misplaced as I give it. Hes watching, Allan! Whatever means he has to smite me, hell use them before I even step foot in her temple. The moment I even intend to go through with it. There is no leaving him. Not now.

I I dont he swallows hard and looks away, eyes wide in dismay.

I want to return his hug, to lie and say itll be alright. But I press instead. So, what are you going to do now, Allan? Now that you can no longer mitigate my worst impulses? Will you turn against me? Try to strike me down Kill me? If so, Id advise you to wait. Im much stronger than you right now.

He whimpers like a beat dog. No, I would never

Dont make open ended declarations, Allan. So, what then? Will you help me? Hide me? Aid me in my killings? Make sure I dont get caught? No? Then perhaps youll just ignore it? Pretend you dont know. Like you pretended not to hear all those rumours about the horror my side committed in Caethlon?

I assumed it was just imperial rhetoric Until you confirmed them. His lips quiver as he speaks.

And what are you going to do now that Ive confirmed my true nature? Or at least, of what I will become? I say pitilessly, though I feel myself ripping as I do.

He slumps his head, gazing at a spot of blood on the floorboards. I I dont know.

I hold my gaze on him for several seconds, then sigh, almost whimper as I deflate. If you dont know, how am I supposed to?

We stand there in silence for a while, then I slump down against the wall and sit in silence. He follows suit a moment later, sliding down next to me. We soak in the disquiet for minutes, saying nothing. Just staring at the bodies still laying in the next room over, still under my concealment. I feel myself leaning my head against his shoulder, completely drained.

Eventually, he breaks the moment with a cracked voice. I wanted to save you, Malch but I guess I didnt even know the first step.

Yeah, I know. Neither did I.

Whats the quota?

Whatoh, um, one soul a month, from me and the cult.

He nods. That gives us time.

I raise an eyebrow, but dont muster the same ire as before. Time for what? Anar will be watching me constantly from now on. I apparently delight him. I cant even think about leaving him and I dont even have a strong desire to at the moment.

Are you certain about the thinking limitation? The standard position is that gods are just as limited in perceiving our thoughts as any mortal mage. At least, there arent any contracts breached by wrongful thinking. His voice regains some vitality to it. His mind is moving past despair to try to approach the problem.

I shrug. Maybe not. But then again, I am his favoured. I dont know the details of any gods contract with their favoured. Who knows what the formalized connection might allow.

Then it sounds like you need to talk with someone who does know. The vitality in his voice grows to a faint hope.

I shrug, not infected by his shifting mood. Why? I cant get out of this, nor will I try, I say, as much to the growing pressure Im feeling on my heart as to Allan. Its as if someone has reached inside of me and is squeezing. First gently, then more forceful as the conversation persists. In fact, that might be a more literal description of whats happening than I would like.

Yeah, of course, he says, reading something in my face, and continuing with a quite reasonable tone. Almost as if he is speaking to the building pressure in my chest that he has somehow perceived some indication of. But, it doesnt sound like Anar has gone over the details of the contract. Im assuming that it was the pact type bound by a symbolic act, rather than a paper signing sort?

I nod.

Then surely Anar would not oppose you talking to your new peers to figure out the details of your new arrangement?

I focus my perception inward to the pressure on my heart. Theres a moment of hesitation, but the pressure eases, somehow conveying a sense of amusement as it does. As if Anar knows full well what Alan is trying to do, but is willing to let me try anyways. Knowing full well that theres nothing that will come from it.

I suppose Ill try to find someone whos willing to talk about it. Though that might be difficult. In the meantime, I need an answer. Where do we stand now?

I I can still help you stay undetected in general. Just dont involve me in any sacrifices, and he looks around at the bodies and sighs. Ill help with this, too. I mean, you didnt actually sacrifice anyone here, so I guess thats fine. But you really need to learn how to stage a scene better. As it is, its obvious that the bodies were positioned by someone else. The blood splatter is all wrong to start

I smile as he patters on about the various details of the false crime scene. We spend about ten minutes making minute adjustments until I insist that we leave. He wants to continue, but I point out that eventually their divinations will see through my concealment spell, and theyll find the bodies. Not to mention the growing time of death discrepancy.

We part ways with a promise to meet up again before the weekend is over, and I go back to my newly acquired cult. Similce is waiting for me at the entrance when I arrive. Theres a smell of fresh blood on her, a streak of it on her cheek.

Any strays? I ask, making a wiping motion on my face, mirroring where the blood streak is on hers.

She wipes it with a hand ker chief and nods in polite thanks as she examines it. One. Its dealt with. She does not look happy when she says it.

Good, I say, going to move past her, but then stopping. I think we need to talk.

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