Published at 6th of July 2026 6:59 am

Chapter 161: Gaze in parallel into the night

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I join him on the ground, lying perpendicular to him with my head resting on his chiselled stomach. His laughter bounces his abdomen and therefore my head, but it doesn’t feel bad. It feels like being seen, but in a good way. A connection that only we’ll ever share.

His laughter dies down into heavy breathing, still fatigued from the ritual experience. Feeling the same, we just lie there, face up and breathing together for a time as we simply are together, watching the night sky and listening to the quiet bustle of the capital. He occasionally strokes my hair, splayed out and mopping his sweat accrued by the surprising intensity of the ritual.

It feels good. It feels safe. Like all of my plans and machinations can be put aside for a little while.

After a while of this, Terry props his head back up to look at me, but waits for me to turn my head to him to say “Mal… would you like to fuck?”

I blink in surprise. “I don’t know,” I say, not in hesitant refusal, but in frank admission of ignorance. “It’s not something I’ve thought much about. At least, it’s not a habit I’ve been planning on forming.”

“A habit?” he chuckles. “I suppose that’s one way of describing it.”

“Isn’t it the most apt? I thought it was basically like taking a drug or a particularly hot bath – something one knows is done for pleasure, but doesn’t elicit bodily cravings for until one experiences it directly. Therefore, like with any other pleasure activity, the question of whether to fuck is best answered by careful analysis of one’s existing pleasure habits, social/economic conditions, daily stressors and other factors.” He starts laughing, forcing me to prop myself up fully to look down and get a more direct look at his face. “Is that not accurate?”

“Well, maybe not wholly inaccurate. Though I hate to break it to you that most people experience ‘bodily cravings’ for it without direct experience.”

“They do‽” I shout, falling back onto his stomach in shock. “Why did nobody tell me‽”

“Well, I don’t know. Are you sure you haven’t, well, I don’t know, experienced any yourself?” He finishes suggestively, as if fishing for a compliment.

“Maybe?” I blink several times as I examine my memories. “I suppose there were a few experiences that your theory would explain. Are you talking about a sort of relaxed tension?”

“Um… yeah, I think what you’re describing would fall under it.”

“I see…It would seem I’ve fallen prey to an epistemic trap then.”

“Is that so?” he says with a smirk.

“Yes,” I continue, trying to remain calm in face of the embarrassment. “It is a bit shocking, since I try to avoid them, but it seems my effort was futile. I assumed that the bodily cravings didn’t work like that, so when I had them, I assumed that it must have been something else. A looping error that couldn’t be fixed with any amount of direct observation. How disturbing.”

“Well,” he says as he gives my hair a playful ruffle, “don’t beat yourself up too much. I’m sure that sort of thing can happen to the best of us.”

“Oh, I know, but that doesn’t make it any less shocking when you realize it happened to you… Terry?”

“Yes, Malichi?” he says, beaming smile at the omission of his honorific.

“Would you like to fornicate?”

He snorts at the direct question in a way that conveys he finds it endearing. “I did want to, yeah, but not anymore. Or, not at the moment, at any rate. I guess after all you said, it would feel like it would be taking advantage. Since it seems you’re only now figuring out the basics. Conversely, though I find it unlikely, it’s conceivable that you’re actually right about it. In which case, I’ll be the one needing to figure things out.”

“I guess we both better do some research on the matter then.”

He laughs, once, and ruffles my hair again. “If anyone else said that, I’d assume they were telling a joke.”

I give him a squinting side eye. “I tell jokes.”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant. I mean…sigh. Never mind.”

Part of me doesn’t want to drop it, but a bigger part fears that it might end the moment. “Right… speaking of research, that mental linkage was unexpected. Perhaps the bodily cravings we spoke of added a symbolic link? Or is that maybe another part of fornicating that’s just normal, but nobody bothered to tell me?”

“What? Literally feeling what your partner feels?” He asks with wry amusement.

“Yeah, I mean, people do talk about becoming one, don’t they?” I say, a little defensive at his amusement.

“As far as I know, that’s just a metaphor.”

“As far as you know?” I ask, questioning his caveat.

“Well, I haven’t done it myself yet, so I guess I wouldn’t know.”

“Really?” I turn to face him briefly before reposing again. “You seemed somewhat confident back when you thought that was why I invited you.”

He laughs. “Just a show. I mean, with how confident you were being, I would have been embarrassed if I wasn’t. Besides, people do like to talk about this stuff, so I had an idea of what to expect, even if I was completely wrong.”

“People talk about it? Not to me.”

“Well, I can’t comment on that…” he trails off awkwardly, then shifts approach. “Isn’t your cousin a well known rake, though? Hasn’t he discussed this stuff with you?”

I shake my head. “I think he wants to keep me from that part of his life. He thinks I would take to it with too much intensity, or maybe that I’m just too young. Though he’s probably a good place to start with the research. Though perhaps I should start with mental magic. I’m rather interested in repeating that experience. Maybe put off fornicating until I figure it out?”

“That sounds like it might take a long time,” Terry says with a playful disappointment.

I shrug. “Maybe, but don’t worry, you’re at the top of the list for when I do start.”

He laughs. “Maybe work on your phrasing with that in the future.”

“Oh… I feel like I’m talking strangely. It’s weird, like my thinking is coming to me slower. I’m worried.”

He ruffles my hair again, and I look up to see him smirk. “I don’t think it’s bad. It’s probably just the mood. I like it. You’re more relaxed, more open.”

I squint my eyes in confusion. “Do you mean open in a good way?”

He once again laughs. “Most people view openness as good by default.”

I squint my eyes and shake my head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well, maybe just in these sorts of situations.”

“Yeah… maybe,” I say, dubious, but with a lasting smile.

We drift back to peaceful silence, the rustling tree swaying overhead. I feel both of us drifting to sleep. As we do, my mind drifts with the swaying tree, back and forth between the person beneath my head, the kiss we shared and the strange sense sharing phenomena.

Maybe the ritual was just inherently prone to random linkages, or hooked onto our residual link from the mind whisper spell several hours prior – as unlikely as it seems. It is about binding, after all – him to the symbolic concepts and to me. I just need to figure out how to… “Oh!” I find myself saying out loud.

“Hm?” he asks, half asleep.

“Um… nothing, I just think I figured out how to invert the ritual.”

He forces himself back awake from the grogginess. “Invert? What do you mean?”

“Well, I can’t use the ritual on myself as it is, but the… person who gave it to me hinted that I should be able to alter it. It baffled me, but I think I needed to go through it to figure it out. I need to perform it again, at least four times total, maybe five. Then I need to have the people I’ll perform it with partake in the ritual I’ll design.”

“I see,” he says thoughtfully, suddenly sitting up and forcing me to decide whether to do likewise or slip down to his lap. His tone says he’s thinking of something serious, so I decide on the former. He flexes his arm several times, clenches his fist and does a few experimental swings. “It is a potent ritual,” he says, slowly and clearly having something in mind.

I shrug. “It should only be about as much as basic boon.”

“Hm… maybe a bit more, though a basic boon is bigger than most give it credit. I’ve certainly never received such a large jump in ability just with my knight training… Would you be willing to perform the ritual on Clara?”

“I…” tense at the thought. “I thought she was out of town with her family.” I lie smoothly, resisting the urge to glance away.

He shakes his head, face flushed slightly with shame. “We had to tell people that for… well, the stuff I won’t talk about. She… well, I guess I need to tell you if I’m asking a favour. She had syranthuse poisoning. We didn’t tell anyone because then we would have to explain how she got it. She’s still weak though, anomalously so. We had hoped that she would recover by now, but she’s still a ways off. But if you performed this ritual on her, well…”

“It might be enough for her to appear normal,” I finish for him, solemnly looking away.

“Yes,” he pleads. “She was so excited about coming here. Having to wait on the side while her grades slip is tormenting her.”

I inhale sharply and look him in the eyes. “I’m afraid you’re asking more than you realize.”

“It’s not possible?” he deflates as he asks.

I shake my head, trying to undo the distress I caused. “No, it’s possible it’s just that I haven’t adequately described how the ritual is to be inverted. I’m not certain yet, but it seems to be about trust. All of the subjects of the normal ritual must participate, and I must give them a chance to betray me. Likely design the ritual with a symbolic act, performed in secret with no way of knowing if it’s done correctly afterwards. If everyone does it right, then I’ll get power at no cost to them. If one person does it wrong, though, then I’ll be cursed – weakened permanently – while everyone else receives an even larger boon than they did in this ritual.

“I trust you, Terry, and would have chosen you even if I knew about this beforehand. However, I don’t know her as well. So I need to trust you for her. Tell me, Terry, when the time comes, will I be able to trust her not to betray me?”

He hesitates for a moment, looking away in thought as if under a great burden, but then nods emphatically. “Yes, you can trust her. If you help her, she will be in your debt, and she has repaid every debt I have known her to be under – even those that cost her more than you can know.”

I smile lightly, trying to convey a lack of hesitation at his given word. “Then I’ll do it.”

“You will? Thank you.”

“Just… I am going to have to ask a favour of you in return.”

“Anything,” he says instantly, then hesitates. “Other than bring harm to you or anyone else I care about.”

I grin at the addendum. “I wouldn’t ask that, though it’s good to clarify. Are you sure, though? Even with the caveat, ‘anything’ covers a lot, and you might not like what I request.”

“I swear,” he pounds his chest in near ritual fervour, “on my honour as knight (whatever that’s worth) that I will do any favour that you ask of me. Anything.”

I smirk at him falling into my trap and say haughtily, “Let me buy you a set of magic full plate then.”

He snorts in surprise at the subversion of the obvious expectation. “I think you might have fallen into another one of your ‘epistemic traps’. Traditionally, me owing you a favour means that I give you something, not the other way around.”

“Yeah, but, I knew you wouldn’t let me buy you such an expensive gift unless you were honour bound to accept it and… well, I want to keep you safe.”

He grins at my proclamation, finding it… I don’t know, but he quickly shifts to a more serious expression. “Thankyou, Mal, for, well, everything. I don’t know how I could repay it.”

I grin inn answer to his inquiry and my hand snakes out to grab the back of his head, which I pull towards me for a deep kiss. It feels different from the first one, and not just for the lack of the sensory phenomenon. I liked submitting to his earlier impulse. It felt like being enveloped, like being safe. I like initiating the kiss too. It makes me feel in control. Either way, it feels good.

 

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