Published at 16th of July 2026 6:32 am

Chapter 163: Deserts

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Whats the problem? I ask her after casting my silencing spell.

She hesitates for a moment before looking me straight in the eyes with a daring flair. Martha left.

Who? I ask, not recognizing the name.

She sighs, exasperated. The old woman. Which, the fact that you still dont know their names probably has something to do with why.

Right why are you telling me this?

She looks at me with a mix of disbelief and subdued anger. So you can deal with it.

Okay, but why? Ive already given instructions on how to deal with deserters. Why havent you hunted her down yet?

She breathes deeply and closes her eyes before opening them to glare at me, taking a confrontational step forward as she counts with one raised hand. First, no you didnt. You gave me instructions for what to do for one batch of deserters. You did not indicate that you meant that to be a lasting policy. Second, I didnt hunt her down because that would be a fatal mistake. The others view her as a grandmotherly figure. Killing her would collapse the cult in a week days, probably. Third, this is what you get for playing absent father, just like I warned you. You cant just shuffle us off to the side for a month and tell us to stay put while you go off doing who knows what. Staying in the same building all this time has destroyed morale.

Are you saying that wasnt necessary? I scoff. You know that the authorities could still be looking for them. Until they learn to counter divine and conceal themselves, the lair is the only safe place for them.

Perhaps if youd take them out to sacrifice more

Which is just as bad, I interrupt. The reason why Anar gave me so much time with the first quota is because he knew we needed to stay low. If we start sacrificing again, itll just draw more attention, even if we dont get caught. Im just fixing Tallows mistakes, and you need to make them see that.

She scoffs. Tallow didnt make a mistake. He made an action with a strict time limit for staying in this city in mind a time limit which you have far surpassed. If you would just lead the cult out of this dangerous place

You know why Im not doing that.

No, I dont know why. Youve only given us vague statements about how were unimportant to your goals. So, guess what, your unimportant children have decided you arent important either.

For the last time, youre not my children.

In that case, you shouldnt mind when we leave. I doubt anyone will report you, so just let them go.

You know Id rather kill you all than let a single one of you leave.

Pfff. Then youd lose the entire cult instead of just a few, and upset Anar. Look, just talk to her, get her back, but without threatening her. If you dont, then Im leaving. You can try to kill me if you want, but that will just buy the others time to get away.

I bite my lip, finding this has somewhat soured my good mood from my encounter with Terry and subsequent gift planning. Fine, do you have any suggestions then?

Not really. I always found it odd that she joined and could never quite figure her out. Didnt stop her from making herself a central part of things, though. The others are rather upset at her leaving. Just dont try to manipulate her; shell see through nonsense. Maybe not right away, but when she does, itll just put you right back where you started.

No threats or manipulations, I smirk, feeling fatigued by her requirements already, that doesnt exactly leave me much.

It leaves you talking with her like an equal. Finding out what she wants and getting it to her. Get her to come back because it really is what will be best for her. Got it?

Shes clearly exasperated with having to spell it out, so I just nod. Right, I guess I better get going then before she talks to the guards Speaking of, before I leave, I hear the guards are tightening their grasp around here again. Have you heard anything about that?

She nods. Heard about it going to the market and did some divining. It wasnt hard. Im surprised you couldnt manage it.

I shrug, not rising to the barb about my ability. My abstract divinations require more time. What do you know?

Well, supposedly some Caleshnite cultists have come to the city.

Ah, that would explain it. What exactly have they been doing?

She shrugs. Nothing too disruptive. Supposedly, theyve just been doing some theft, possibly to support their dying movement. Mid-grade magic items, mostly. Apparently, theyve been doing pretty well at taking the stuff undetected, but messed up their last heist and killed some minor noble. Id expect them to be leaving soon, so it shouldnt be that much of a problem. The guards wont be able to find us, and if they did, we dont have anything to link us to them.

Hmm I stroke my chin, considering trying to find them myself, but decide against it. The group should have common cause against the empire, being from a kingdom that was conquered shortly before Caethlon. However, their obsession with their demi-god leader supposedly makes them erratic to deal with. Not people safe to make alliances with, and I dont have anything going on that would benefit from trying to use them. All right, good to know. I guess I should go save my cult then.

I find her quickly enough via divination in a small apartment. I sneak in through a window and find her resting on a stool next to the fire.

All right, what do you want then? I ask, coming up behind her to sit on a second stool in front.

She raises an amused eyebrow. Typically, its the one whose home is being barged into who asks that, not the one whos barging in.

You know what I mean, I say, casting a zone of silence. What do I need to do to get you back into my cult?

Im surprised you even want me back.

I dont, I instantly admit with a nonchalant shrug, but others do, and itll complicate things if you dont return.

Well, you certainly know how to make an old woman seem wanted, dont you? she laughs.

I sigh, picking up the fire poker and stirring up the logs. Look, what do you need? Are you unhappy that Ive reduced the number of sacrifices? The heat should be dying down, and Ill be able to lead you on hunts more often soon. Especially now that the guards are distracted with something else.

She grins, largely toothlessly, and shakes her head with a light crackle. The sacrifices were nice, sure, but Ive been around the city a few times in my day. Ive had actual drugs, and theyre just as good.

Then you havent had good sacrifices. Let me guess, Tallow gave you the scraps? Other desperate commoners in the low sections.

She nods. Maybe, but then again, Ive had some good drugs too. Better than what Ive got from Anar, and likely easier to come by. No, thats not what Im looking for.

Then what are you looking for? I asked you before why you joined the cult. You didnt answer then, but Im going to insist you do now.

She shrugs. What other reason is there? Tallow convinced me that I wanted a family again. Something Ive lost twice now, thanks to you. So, why should I stay?

I cant destroy something that never existed. Family is a lie Tallow told you to make you easier to exploit.

She rolls her eyes. Obviously. Listen kid Hierarch, I knew Tallow was a liar the moment he opened his mouth. But I thought maybe if enough people believed him, the nice lie might become true. And it did for a time. It helped that Tallow lied to himself most of all. I think he actually believed it in the end. That we were his children in spirit, twisted as the idea may have been in his strange head.

And you expect me to follow in his madness? I scoff.

She shakes her head. No, of course not. Though I didnt expect you to kill him either.

H came here to kill me, I point out, though I dont know why.

Yeah, sure. Whatever. Im sure youve went to lots of places to kill people. So its all even. That doesnt mean I should just keep hanging under you by default.

I shake my head. Its not by default. Anar chose me. Something that has never been done before.

Uh-uh. So how does that affect me? I came to the cult for the fake family. Now I cant even have that. What else is there for me? Itll be better for me to go to Tacyn now before I die of old age.

Repeated sacrifice does extend ones life, I counter.

She shrugs. Yeah, whatever. But is the few extra years better than the guarantee of a moderately pleasant afterlife?

Then why go to Anar at all, if youre concerned about that risk?

She shrugs. The fake family was nice. Besides, you have to do something bad enough to make a contract with Tacyn. The way I see it, Im under the influence of multiple gods. I didnt know where Id end up after whatever contest theyd have for me. Some might be better than her halls, others worse. But doing a bit of Anar sacrifice then throwing myself at the silent mothers feet would guarantee a decent eternity.

Have you done that already then?

She shrugs and laughs. Nah, I figured Id wait around and see what youd have to say. I mean, going to her before you decided wouldnt help, since her grace cant stop a sacrifice; right?

As far as I know, that is correct, I say offhand as I begin to contemplate.

If she does go to Tacyn, then I wont need to worry about her betraying me. She is the mother of silence, after all. Part of her contract is an oath to not speak of the things that led you to her. Which only adds to her great irony of often causing the very acts that she seeks to forgive. How many people have gone to Anar because they knew they had her as a way to avoid the consequences?

So, I wont kill her, not if I want any hope of preserving whats left of my cult. Her leaving will be bad enough, but knowing I let her live might keep one or two of them under me though I will demand those who leave go to Tacyn as well. But then, Anar might not be too happy about that either.

Sigh, why did Anar give me this task anyways? Im not a leader and definitely not a recruiter. Maybe if Ive experienced being recruited Id have something to go on. But I wasnt recruited; I was abducted. I was hardly recruited into the resistance either. I just blithely followed the person who took me in. How am I supposed to know why people would join a cult of Anar when theyre already too old to become a mage?. Sure, they gain some power, but less than most gods unless they sacrifice dozens. Sure, its easier to maintain, but most gods arent that strenuous.

But fine, she wants to feel like shes family. I dont know why she would want that or what it would even really mean if not a system of mutual exploitation, like Similce said. But if she wants that, then she can have it. In fact, what is she even talking about me destroying it?

You do see the contradiction in your actions though, dont you?

She raises an amused eyebrow. No, pray tell.

I comply with the suggestion. You claim that I destroyed the sense of family, yet the only reason I want you back is because the remaining members see you as a grandmotherly figure. Therefore, to gain the pseudo-family you so desire, you should come back; unless youre saying you despise the remaining members?

She smirks. They werent my favourites, but I see your point.

Good, I say, standing and patting my pants as if dusting them off even though theyre self-cleaning and the place isnt that dusty. Its settled. Youre coming back with me. If you need the family sense to be enhanced, we can give you a title and a place in the hierarchy to cement it. Grand Matron would be appropriate Do you think youd be good at recruiting?

She smirks. You think itll be that easy?

I shrug. Why not? If youre dissatisfied with this family, you can be in charge of selecting who we add to it. Though you should only go out with Similce to make sure nothing goes wrong.

Thats well and good, but I still havent agreed to anything.

I see, I say, my enthusiasm towards the solution slipping away into embarrassment. What do you want then?

Hmmm she intones, stroking her chin, to invert the question, I suppose.

Youre rather articulate, arent you? I say, deflecting the deflected question.

She nods. Yes, I wasnt speaking metaphorically when I said Ive been around the city. Now answer the question. What do you want with my family?

I stare down at her, my head at a slight incline from my standing position. Feeling awkward and embarrassed at my haste to leave, I sit back down with a huff and shrug. I dont know. Im only doing this cult thing because Anar told me to. I could have killed you all in that state, but I didnt. It would have been simpler just to start a new group and hope that satisfied him. I already have candidates in mind. But it seems that my mercy resulted in expectations that I dont understand. Why should my letting you all live mean I need to continue things in the way they were before?

She shrugs. It doesnt, but you cant expect us to stay in overwhelming gratitude for your mercy unless you come up with something to fill the gap.

The power and pleasure of sacrifice should be more than enough, I snap, a bit more forcefully than I intend. Rather than soften, though, I force through pretending that I truly feel as vehemently as I spoke.

She smirks, seeing through me. Its not, though. You see, sacrifice is a benefit, but it comes with guilt. Without something to absolve the guilt say a false notion of family to make it a us versus them thing then the benefit is self-cancelling. Its not a problem that can be solved by sacrificing more to drown your cult in pleasure because each act increases the guilt at the same time as the pleasure. The pleasure might keep them for a short time out of a greed that whelms the guilt, but thats a state that reverses itself over time. Hence family.

I stare at her with bafflement. If you understand that, how did you even bring yourself to decide to join in the first place? How can the absolution function with understanding of it?

You sound like youre seeking absolution yourself. Why did you pursue sacrifice so forcefully that Anar chose you as his champion?

I scoot back in the stool in an instinctive desire to retreat from her question, dismissively shaking my head. I have my own reason to justify sacrifice. Unfortunately, its not something that I can transfer to the others.

Why not? A cause is a cause, is it not?

I shake my head. No, it is not.

Hmmm then do you intend to use this cult to further this cause that you wont even share?

Maybe. Its still early days.

But you want to, you just dont know how useful well be How important is this cause to you then?

More than anything, I say immediately, then hesitate with a raising of her eyebrow, Ser Terrys face flashing in my mind, though I immediately reject the notion. Hes pleasant, but hes not Caethlon.

I see, she smirks, misunderstanding my retroactive hesitation. More important than furthering the cult?

I dont know, I say after a moment.

She grins and gets up. Very well, I suppose I had best return then.

I blink in surprise, it being my turn to remain sitting as she makes to leave. Just with that? Why?

She smirks. Well, mostly I just wanted to know that you had something else going on other than Anar. It gives me hope that youre a person and not just a killer. But I also find your uncertainty endearing Though people will see it more and more as a vice when you get older, so be careful.

I look at her in bewilderment. Once again, I seem to have stumbld into leadership success. If I understand her correctly, she is returning because I lack full commitment to the cult, which doesnt make any sense. I should be happy that I wont have to hunt down everyone, but the encounter just leaves me exhausted.

The only thing that made any sense today is that I am going to buy Terry some very good armour. I suppose that will have to be enough.

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