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He wished that it had just stopped there. Jaeyoung began to feel a sense of crisis. It was desirable for a sunbae to regard their hoobae as cute, but to what degree was it acceptable? For example, it wasn’t an issue for him to laugh at how cute it was that Sangwoo had scribbled on his face. However, what if he felt the urge to bite the nape of his neck from behind?
Having thought about it for a long time, he wanted to remove the cap that seemed glued to the top of his head. But the moment he saw his bare face, rather than satisfying his curiosity, he thirsted for him even more.
If he could only remove that jacket as well. If he could only remove that t-shirt as well. If he could only remove those shoes and those socks as well.
How wide would those shoulders be? What shape would his toes be? Did he have a lot of body hair? What color were his nipples?
‘You were right, Sangwoo. I’m trash.’
When he thought about the things he wouldn’t say out loud even if he had a gun pointed to his head, he felt that it was really fortunate that Sangwoo didn’t have any superpowers. How many times would he have dialed his favorite 112 if he had been able to get a glimpse into Jaeyoung’s mind?
The worse Jaeyoung’s state of mind got, the harder he worked to not let it show on the outside. It was easy, as he had often been acting as a good sunbae. He could just change the way he talked making sure to soften his tone and laugh often. Then, people would think that Jaeyoung was kind. Sangwoo was no exception either, but he seemed to have gotten confused sometime between the red padded jacket and the green coat era. Meanwhile, without having a reason for it, he had been mean to the female student who was hanging out with Sangwoo. This had seemed childish even to him.
‘Your makeup is heavier than the last time I saw you.’
In the morning drama “My Sister-in-Law,” a striking line had been said with a vicious expression, and Jaeyoung had found it to be crazy. He had simultaneously thought: ‘Why are you pretending to be so close to him, for fuck’s sake.’
It was fine for a six year old to behave like that. When Jihye was still a snot-nosed little brat, Jaeyoung was already a high school student with a beard. He was already going crazy over the smallest and least significant things.
It had been around that time when he wondered if what he felt were feelings of love. Chu
Sangwoo was a really weird guy, but Jaeyoung had a habit of being attracted to things that piqued his curiosity.
However, there were too many problems. First of all, Jaeyoung didn’t really have that much time left. He had reapplied for grad school. He had already applied for that school once, and reading between the lines of the email he got from the person in charge, he believed that he would be admitted again as long as nothing major occurred.
A more serious issue was that Sangwoo was a male student. During his trip to Europe a few years ago, Jaeyeong had gotten caught up in the moment and slept with a tiny and cute-looking guy , but that didn’t mean he had ever decided to date a man. He could if he wanted to, but he had a hard time imagining it when his opponent was Chu Sangwoo. Especially when he was a guy who thought going to the movies with another man meant that the world was going to end.
In conclusion, it was impossible to think either this way or that way when it came to that guy. On the contrary, however, that was the reason Jaeyoung was able to behave the way he wanted to. He relied on the confidence he had from never crossing the ‘line.’ He used his image as a sunbae with a good personality as a shield and kept poking at Sangwoo even though it was obvious that he disliked him.
Time quickly flew by. He had just thought of messing with Sangwoo for a few days, but surprisingly enough, two entire weeks had been filled with lots of fun stuff. Even if it hadn’t been to the degree he had planned, he had nonetheless managed to get close to Sangwoo. As much as he had eagerly waited for the course correction period to end, Jaeyoung had gradually grown disappointed, regretting that this time was coming to an end.
That’s probably why he worked so hard on the Chinese skit. He had never before worked so hard on an assignment for a required general education liberal arts class. He had prepared costumes and props for the different scenarios, done translations, and worked on the documents. He had even given Sangwoo advice on how to pronounce things correctly. He had set more than ten alarms in case he wouldn’t be able to wake up. He had packed a bunch of props and headed to school.