Published at 20th of January 2023 7:32 am

Chapter 187: Fear

This chapter is updated by NovelFree.ml

Jiang Ruan had no clear recollection of how she finally managed to fall asleep that night. Since Zhao Mei’s death, she had almost never had the opportunity to sleep in the same bed with someone else. Lying on the large bed, with someone sleeping next to her, should have been cause for alarm. Yet, after she took up the dagger Xiao Shao had gifted her, she did not stash it under her pillow. Insead, she stored it in a small box. From her perspective, sharing the bed with someone (i.e. getting married) was not a warm experience. For example, in her previous life, Zhao Mei and Jiang Quan lay in the same bed but had very different dreams. Furthermore, she herself had hoped to do the same with Xuan Li, but the bedfellow that she dreamed of was the very person who had hoodwinked her in the end.

She was very nervous at first, but Xiao Shao had closed his eyes very quickly and slept peacefully and quietly, such that Jiang Ruan could not help being surprised. Since he was the leader of the Jinyi Guard, Jiang Ruan could not believe that he was someone who could let down his guard. However, this young man was totally at ease as he slept, as if being beside her was the safest place in the world. As she continued to observe him, Jiang Ruan felt herself gradually calming down, and her complicated thoughts and emotions settled into a state of tranquillity that she had never experienced before.

The red wedding candles wept silently, and time moved on. At this moment, the bridal chamber held no air of flaming affection, nor of romance, but a kind of neutral warmth and comfort. It was as if all the deep-seated hatred and inhuman cold-bloodedness had been tamed by the brightness of the celebration to become a mere wisp of smoke and flame.

At dawn, Jiang Ruan opened her eyes when the first faint ray of light entered the room, and was surprised that she had slept soundly through the night. Unconsciously, she turned her head, and the first image that met her eyes was the incomparably handsome visage of that young man.

Perhaps because she had just woken up and was still at ease, Jiang Ruan didn’t think about why she didn’t look away, and so naturally turned her body and propped her chin up with one hand so that she could assess the young man before her in detail. Xiao Shao slept peacefully, and his sleeping posture was very good, possibly due to good training when he was a child; even in his sleep, he exhibited an air of noble elegance. On top of that, this elegance was a few degrees less cold and detached than when he was awake, and had a kind of gentle grace. Her gaze slid down, following the line of Xiao Shao’s long, delicate, and perfectly straight eyelashes, skated across the line of his extremely straight nose, down his thin lips, his knife-cut jawline, and finally landed on his fair, jade-like collarbone.

This man had truly been born good-looking. The sunlight slanted into the room, adding a faint golden glow to his appearance, and causing him to look almost god-like in his beauty. At some time during the night, his snow-white inner clothes had parted, exposing his skin, as white as porcelain and as lustrous as jade. Because his skin was mostly concealed under his clothes, there was an irresistible urge to reach out a hand and touch it. Jiang Ruan stared at his skin in a bit of a daze, her mind seemingly muddled, as her hand stretched out to touch. Where her hand made contact, the skin was smooth and firm, slightly cool to the touch, like a first-rate bolt of silk; it was a truly comfortable feeling.

“Like what you see?” A low, husky voice sounded abruptly in her ear, causing her to start in shock and retract her hand like lightning. When did Xiao Shao wake up? He glanced at her with a half-smile before sitting up and gathering his collar. Jiang Ruan had already been somewhat ashamed, but when she observed his final movement she felt a little anxious – why did this situation look like she had lustily forced herself on a young man from a good family? What was with that expression on Xiao Shao’s face- had she come on to him aggressively?

Xiao Shao was delighted at how she looked as if she had swallowed a fly. His mouth lifted at the corners, and he reached out to pat her on the head. Perhaps because the sensation was quite nice, he stroked her hair a few times before saying, nonchalantly, “Shall we call your maidservants to enter?”

“No need,” Jiang Ruan said as she sat up. She was only wearing her snow-white inner garments, and she ignored Xiao Shao as she took clothes out of the box and walked behind the screen. In the morning, the screen displayed its usual image of mandarin ducks playing in the water. Even so, as Jiang Ruan walked past and noticed the wedding clothes draped over the screen, she remembered the previous night’s embarrassing situation and could not help feeling a little breathless. For some reason, she did not call Lian Qiao and the others in because she was unwilling to let others see how she and Xiao Shao were interacting the day after. She knew it was unnecessary and pointless, but Xiao Shao was, in the end, a man, and nothing had happened on their wedding night. Therefore, it would be difficult to be comfortable in front of others, no matter what.

While musing, Jiang Ruan changed her clothes, and walked out from behind the screen to find that Xiao Shao had also already changed. Because it was the day after their nuptials and they were entering the palace to visit Empress Dowager, Xiao Shao could not wear his customary black clothes. Instead, he selected pale red court robes, on which the embroidered white python was baring its fangs menacingly, lending him an aristocratic air. Although his natural demeanour was both cold and detached, the robes made him appear to be like a jade-like noble, with an extraordinary temperament and the righteousness of a young pine tree. Jiang Ruan had also donned a magenta colored jacket and skirt on which were scattered white butterfly lanterns. Her collar was stitched round with fluffy, white rabbit fur, and her small face, no bigger than one’s palm, was rendered even more exquisite, while her beautiful eyes sparkled infinitely as they moved.

In this way, the two of them looked to be wearing matching outfits. Jiang Ruan felt it was somewhat strange that Xiao Shao did not require anyone to wait upon him, but, having thought about it further, she concluded that he was accustomed to executing all sorts of tasks, and was definitely not one of those young masters who insisted on being waited upon hand and foot, and even being fed. But then she saw that his collar was still open and walked over to help him close it.

She performed this action very naturally, but Xiao Shao was slightly taken aback. While Jiang Ruan dipped her head, her natural scent was impossible to ignore. Her fingertips, fair and unblemished, tidied his collar with tenderness and delicacy, such that Xiao Shao felt his insides go soft for no reason, and the urge to kiss her forehead presented itself strongly.

The idea had no sooner popped into his head than Lian Qiao’s voice was heard outside, asking, “Miss, are you awake? This servant has brought hot water.” Xiao Shao paused, and Jiang Ruan called out, “Come in.”

Lian Qiao and Bai Zhi entered bearing basins of water. When they saw Jiang Ruan and Xiao Shao’s movements, they were taken aback. Lian Qiao lowered her head to fight back her smile, and merely remarked that Xiao Shao and Jiang Ruan indeed looked like an ordinary married couple. She had initially been anxious when her young miss had met Xiao Shao, with his cold personality, thinking that relations between them would be respectful but frosty. However, when she walked in just now, the expression on Xiao Shao’s face as he beheld their young miss had indubitably been full of tenderness.

Bai Zhi’s temperament was calmer. She looked towards the bed and saw that it was neat and tidy, with no sign of any stain on the handkerchief*. Immediately, she understood what had (or had not) transpired, and did not know whether she should be nervous or relieved. Her face momentarily betrayed her complicated emotions.

*元帕 (yuan pa) – handkerchief stained with the bride’s blood from the wedding night, used as proof of the bride’s prior chastity (as the blood would be from her torn hymen). There were only two reasons why the handkerchief was not produced – the bride had not been a virgin, or the newlyweds had not consummated their marriage yet.

But, no matter what, in the end, this was Jiang Ruan and Xiao Shao’s private matter. Before the two of them had finished freshening up, Steward Lin had already sent someone with their breakfast. It was simple, plain congee with a few side dishes, but every dish was exquisite and refined. Steward Lim himself entered the room and his eyes promptly darted everywhere around the room. When he saw the wedding clothes draped over the screen his face paled, then turned further green when he took in the neatly arranged bedding. After his face had changed colour a few times, he could no longer repress a long sigh as he looked at Xiao Shao; he was so close to beating his chest and stamping his feet.

Xiao Shao did not even look up, and did not even seem to realise Steward Lin’s attitude. Jiang Ruan would also not react to Steward Lin of her own accord. This old rascal had no self-restraint or self-respect, and was always speaking outrageously- even Jiang Ruan was constantly rendered speechless by his words. With his current state of mind, Steward Lin was already on the verge of collapse, so Jiang Ruan buried her head in her breakfast and did not spare him a glance.

With this cold shoulder, Steward Lin felt the heavy blow to his self-esteem and stomped off in a huff. Once outside, as he looked up at the sun, tears sprang to his eyes unbidden. He bawled, “Master, Furen, this old servant has disappointed you –”

“How was it?” Jin Er jumped down from the roof beam with a ‘whoosh’ and asked, “No intense steamy actions?”

“Not a damn thing!” Steward Lin responded furiously to the question. He said, “Young Master and Young Furen are so innocent that it’s impossible for anyone to be more innocent than they are.” The passion-filled scenes that everyone had anticipated never materialised, so why had Xiao Shao left orders earlier that no one was to be allowed to eavesdrop outside the bridal chamber? No one would be willing to keep watch over the bridal chamber only to see this pair sleeping with the comforter over them, causing their entire band of servants to suffer a sleepless night to no avail. Young Master, please grow a heart.

“I knew it,” Jin Er crowed in exultation. Looking at his colleagues above him, he stretched out his hand and said, “If you agree to bet you must be prepared to admit defeat ah, if you agree to bet you must be prepared to admit defeat, how much did you all bet yesterday?”

He had really made a bet on what Xiao Shao would do with Jiang Ruan in the bridal chamber! When he heard this, Steward Lin was even more incensed and instantly bellowed, “No gathering people for betting pools in the Wangfu!” As he thought about the situation with Xiao Shao and Jiang Ruan, he could not help feeling deeply worried once again. That screen and such a beauty like Jiang Ruan would have been enough for any gentleman, could it be that his master had some problems in that area? Terrified at the very idea, Steward Lin wiped the sweat off his brow and quietly resolved to ask Xia Qing all about it later and demand some medicines to try.

* * *

After breakfast, Jiang Ruan and Xiao Shao intended to enter the palace to visit Empress Dowager Yi De and the horse carriage standing outside had been prepared earlier. Although Steward Lin was full of regrets about the non-consummation of their marriage, he had nevertheless made arrangements for the first days after the wedding with extreme care. As expected, the horse carriage was once again Steward Lin’s style – extravagantly ostentatious.

After Jiang Ruan seated herself in the horse carriage, she could not help but ask the question in her heart. “Is the Wangfu very rich? How can Steward Lin spend money with such an open hand?”

Jinying Wangfu’s ledgers, past and current, had all been given to Jiang Ruan to examine. Although one could say that the Wangfu was rich, understandably, she could not gauge the total amount of wealth it had. Thus she did not have a clear picture about all of the matters pertaining to the management of the Wangfu.

Xiao Shao had grown accustomed to seeing Jiang Ruan’s customary astute nature. It seemed there was nothing on this earth which she could not do, and it was rare indeed that there was something she did not know how to handle. Even in his amazement he felt that Jiang Ruan, like this, was rather adorable. With a smile, he replied, “En, there is a lot of money.”

His words, spoken in a deadpan fashion, annoyed Jiang Ruan. She had originally thought that the richest household was the imperial household, but if the steward of Xiao Shao’s fu could spend money so generously, then there are those who are rich, and those who are filthy rich. She glanced again at Xiao Shao and, emboldened by anger, smiled and said, “So much money, how much do you plan to share with me?”

Her original intention was to tease Xiao Shao. She never imagined that he would look at her silently for a moment before saying, “All the money in the Wangfu is in your hands. However much you want, you can have, Wangfei.”

The last word ‘Wangfei’ was pronounced clearly, and Xiao Shao had even slowed down deliberately. The voice was distinct and mellow, causing one’s heart to skip a beat. The corners of Jiang Ruan’s mouth lifted slightly, and Xiao Shao gazed at her steadily, his pitch-black eyes sparkling as if embedded with little diamonds, and with a hint of amusement. Jiang Ruan turned her head, coughed lightly, and said, “Many thanks.”

* * *

When the two of them entered the palace to see Empress Dowager Yi De, she appeared to be very happy. Over the past few years, Empress Dowager Yi De had increasingly shown a more benign side in front of Jiang Ruan. Today, Xiao Shao and Jiang Ruan arrived together and perhaps because Empress Dowager Yi De viewed them as a ‘perfect couple’, a title which she had bestowed, with great satisfaction she kept telling Yang gugu, “Look at this pair, a talented man and a beautiful lady, such a well-matched couple, looking so fine together. Seeing the both of you so well-suited for one another, aijia is truly, perfectly content.”

Although Jiang Ruan had yet to consummate her marriage with Xiao Shao, this was something Empress Dowager Yi De could absolutely not know about. Consequently, in Ci Ning Palace, she behaved in a shy and tender manner, like a new bride who was dearly loved by her husband. Nothing looked amiss at a glance, but this act seemed to somewhat shock Xiao Shao, for there was a stiffness to his expression.

Empress Dowager Yi De treated them with great generosity. Apart from the congratulatory gifts she had sent before the wedding, on their visit today, she conferred another set of rewards. Moreover, she was obviously in high spirits. Jiang Ruan noticed that there was something different in the way Empress Dowager Yi De looked at Xiao Shao. This was not the way one would treat a regular court official; her eyes looked like those of a grandmother gazing upon her grandson, full of affectionate devotion. Because Jiang Ruan had been with Empress Dowager Yi De for a period of time, and had more or less come to a clearer understanding of Empress Dowager Yi De’s temperament, witnessing such a situation gave rise to both surprise and suspicion, but she showed no sign of this.

Upon leaving Ci Ning Palace, the Emperor’s personal eunuch, Eunuch Li, sent someone with the message that the Emperor had some matters to discuss with Xiao Shao. As it was certainly a discussion of court affairs, Jiang Ruan had no reason to go with him. Eunuch Li further hinted that this discussion could take quite a long time, so Jiang Ruan told Xiao Shao to go on ahead; she would be fine leaving the palace and taking the horse carriage home.

She had lived in the palace for a period of time, so she knew her way around without having to send for any palace maids. With Lian Qiao and Bai Zhi, she set off to exit the palace. They had just reached the promenade of the imperial flower garden when they saw two beautiful women in palace garb walking towards them from a distance. The two young ladies also saw them, and before Jiang Ruan could say anything, one of the young ladies called out in surprise, “Da Jiejie!”

It was Jiang Dan. Today, she was wearing an apricot-colour silk brocade dress embroidered with white cranes in flight, with tinkling ornaments looped around her waist. Her jewellery looked quite valuable. It seemed that her life in the palace was pretty good, so the news of her gaining the Emperor’s favour was true, after all. The dress of the woman with Jiang Dan was a shade inferior, and her formerly lovable expression was now exactly the same as the smiles on the faces of every palace lady – imbued with several degrees of pretence, such that one’s true self could not easily be seen. This was Dong Yinger.

Jiang Dan looked at Jiang Ruan and smiled, giving the appearance of friendliness. She said, “Da Jiejie, Dan niang was unable to leave the palace to present you with your wedding gift during the festivities last night, and is truly ashamed. However, Dan niang sent someone with the gift, perhaps Da Jiejie liked it?”

It was merely a set of jewellery. Jiang Ruan had looked briefly at it before asking someone to toss it into the box. She smiled faintly and said, “I like Noble Consort Jiang’s present very much, thank you.”

“No need to be so courteous,” Jiang Dan said as she pulled at Jiang Ruan’s hand. “You and I are sisters from the same fu, so naturally we have to support one another. Of course, I am very happy that you have become the Jinying Wangfu’s Wangfei.”

Jiang Ruan did not want to waste her breath on Jiang Dan. To deal with such an annoying person as Jiang Dan, she simply stood to one side, totally at ease, without saying anything. Jiang Dan had never done anything for no reason, so today’s encounter was absolutely not because she wanted to reminisce with Jiang Ruan or curry favour; she had to have an intention. Why not find out what she really wanted.

Sure enough, Jiang Dan caught her slightly impatient expression and smiled all of a sudden. She said, “Speaking of which, people’s opportunities are so different. At that time, when Da Jiejie returned from the rural residence – to say something that may be crossing boundaries – back then, how many people were waiting for Da Jiejie to become a laughing stock? Da Jiejie unexpectedly is now Hong’an Junzhu and Jinying Wangfei. Then Eldest Brother left home for so many years without any news of him, and suddenly he has become a great General with outstanding meritorious service. On the other hand, Second Sister and Mother, have long become dead bones. Just like Thirteenth Highness in this place; initially he was just an unremarkable prince, but now he is under the Emperor’s protection. It is indeed thought-provoking how a person’s fate can change so drastically. If there really is reincarnation, who knows how the situation will change.”

Jiang Ruan’s eyes flashed on hearing these words and she glared at Jiang Dan closely. Slowly, she said, “What did you say?”

“I said, if there really is reincarnation, how will the situation change; will it be a completely different fate? What end will Da Jiejie come to?” Jiang Dan’s tone was sweet, but she had lowered her voice, and there was something odd about it. Seeing the sudden change in Jiang Ruan’s expression, Jiang Dan giggled and said, casually, “Dan niang has something else to do and won’t chat with Da Jiejie any longer; Da Jiejie, go safely.” Having said this, she turned and left. Dong Yinger lowered her gaze, which had never been directly trained on Jiang Ruan, and left as well.

* * *

In the horse carriage on the way back to the Jinying Wangfu, Jiang Ruan stared unblinkingly at the little table in front of her, while Lian Qiao and Bai Zhi stared at her nervously. Ever since Jiang Dan had spoken with Jiang Ruan, Jiang Ruan had been rather distracted, and her grave expression caused Lian Qiao and Bai Zhi to feel that something was off.

Jiang Ruan was naturally bewildered and suspicious. Jiang Dan’s words were loaded; they would not have signified anything to someone else, but to her, they were like a bolt from the blue. Jiang Ruan had hidden the secret of her rebirth deep in her heart, a secret that no one had been able to touch. Today, to hear such words from Jiang Dan’s mouth, was surprising. Jiang Dan would not have spoken such words for no reason. What had she discovered? Could it be that she also had been reborn?

She was lost in thought, with her brows tightly knitted. In Lian Qiao and Bai Zhi’s eyes, this was something highly unusual. Jiang Ruan had never expressed her emotions, whether of joy or anger; even if she had encountered some earth-shaking situation, no sign of perturbation could be seen on her face. Now, she was staring at the little table in front of her, but her gaze was unfocused, as if she was lost in frenzied thought, such that Lian Qiao was even able to sense some part of her foreboding. This was truly too peculiar.

“Why do I feel as if Miss is possessed?” Lian Qiao whispered to Bai Zhi. “What did Fourth Miss say just now to cause Miss to be so keyed up? I didn’t hear anything that sounded wrong.”

Bai Zhi’s expression was solemn as she said, “I don’t know why, but I feel some kind of dread.”

Jiang Ruan felt the more she seriously pondered the crucial point, the greater the chaos in her mind, such that she could not clearly understand even what Lian Qiao and Bai Zhi were saying right next to her. Jiang Dan’s words were like a curse, and what was reverberating inside her mind and driving her mad was the memory of her previous life: the news of Jiang Xin Zhi’s death, being dragged out of the main palace hall by Jiang Quan, falling down the nine steps in a sorry state, hearing them coldly declare that she was the demoness causing national calamity, watching Jiang Su Su’s crazed expression. That was when she had been made a ‘human swine’ and witnessed with her own eyes Pei’er struggling and crying out as he was beaten to death with rods, until she had finally been made to take poison.

The scenes revolved endlessly in her mind, round and round, each one stained with blood and tears. The terror of what she had not yet gained and what she had already lost flooded her, and she could only feel her hysteria growing, and a fretful anxiety encircled her for no reason.

“Miss, Miss, what’s wrong with you?” Lian Qiao said as she patted her back anxiously. Jiang Ruan was staring fixedly, but her expression was frantic.

Her throat filled with an unexpected sweetness and she spat out a mouthful of fresh blood with a pu on the snow-white tablecloth of the little table in front of her, the spray of blood standing out in shocking contrast. In the very next second, Lian Qiao shrieked.

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