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“—I don’t think I’ll come back here again.”
That voice of Elni was so quiet that it was about to be erased by the blowing wind.
Elni had waited for me in front of the school gate. Walking side by side with her, I was on the mundane way home like always. Druing that, a gust of wind might have been the trigger for it.
In the cold wind of winter, Elni swayed her silver hair that was tied up in twintails… She mentioned that she planned to go somewhere warm, because she was bad with the cold. That she could relieved go on a trip, since her worries was gone.
…Elni’s worries. It must have been Machina and me.
Machina had tried to return to the demon realm, thinking that she would lose an important person again like with her mother, due to her being an hybrid devil. She received the feelings from the people, who watched over her close by, and now tried to live in the human world.
Moreover, I believed that I too could grow up a bit from my weak self with an inferior complex. And while she didn’t speak it out, Elni’s worries might have not been just Machina and me. For example, the reliable older sister of our house: Luna. My precious friend, Gogyou Hijiri and her maid, Kaorun aka Kaoru.
Each of them had their own worries or doubts. Even so, they eagerly moved forward. Thinking back on it, meeting with everyone and spending time together brought about a little change. Surely everyone, me included, was changing in a positive way.
However, I wondered what Elni was thinking when she saw her friends like that. Did she think we could live on smiling like always, even without her?
…There was no way it would be like always without you, Elni.
Instinctively I bit on my lips and stopped, whereas Elni softly narrowed her red eyes and looked at me somewhat sadly… smiling faintly.
“Shinobu, don’t make such a face. You don’t need to be sad. I expect everyone to forget me in no time.”
“No way we’ll forget you.”
The weird girl that called herself a Goddess. One of the freeloaders at our place. Elni always did stupid things and made us all laugh. If we wouldn’t see each other ever again from now on… When I thought so, I couldn’t bear it any more and squeezed out my voice.
“Did you not have fun with everyone? Why do you say such—”
“I told you before, right?” With that, she cut into my words and forced herself to smile.
“I cannot… become your family.”
…Just like back then. Previously, when a typhoon hit the city, the tent she was living in was blown away and on my invitation, Elni lived with us for a while. But she soon tried to separate herself from us. She said that she couldn’t become family with us…
I suddenly noticed at this point. While everyone changed with the passing of seasons, only Elni might not have changed the least. Maybe her distance from back then still existed even now? I most likely wanted to deny that. So I quietly lent her my ears, as to not miss any of her words.
“Sure, it’s fun with everyone, but I’m better off alone after all. I like being alone. That won’t ever change.”
Then why did she smile like she was about to cry?
“To begin with, I don’t settle in one single place. I always thought about leaving this place one day. I’m different from all of you. Even when I stay with you all the time, it’ll only make the parting painful. So I’ll go on a trip again, like I have always done. That’s the right way.”
Then why was her voice trembling so much? Why did she try to leave, saying she liked being alone?
Elni’s invariant feelings. I didn’t want to accept that no matter what, so I tried to find a lie in her words, but even so I couldn’t find her real intentions and kept biting on my lips while standing around. Despite that,
“Hey Elni, can you postpone your leave a bit?”
Wanting to tie her down, I slowly brought up the matter.
“You know, it’s Christmas soon. Let’s have a party with everyone this year. So until then… stay with us.”
“…A Christmas party, huh.”
As she either noticed my intentions or pretending not to notice them,
“Sounds kinda fun. Okay. I’ll stay at your house until Christmas is over. I’ve a lot to prepare anyway.”
Elni erased the earlier sadness from her expression and brightened her smile. While stimulating her voice brightly, but clenching her small fists… she showed her usual smile. And like that, she started to walk down the road home full of energy.
…My house. The words from Elni. She might not consider the place we were returning to now her home. Elni proceeded, still smiling. I could reach her right away with my hand… yet for some reason, I got the feeling that the distance to her was widening. Elni’s back looked so small that it seemed like she would disappear on her own like this.