Published at 26th of March 2019 12:07 am

Volume 1, Part 11

1st time

"I am Aya Otonashi. I'm pleased to meet you," says the transfer student with a faint smile.

Astonished by her amazing looks, the girls start to chat noisily while the boys are left completely bereft of speech.

Of course I'm no exception. I don't think I've ever seen anyone as attractive as she is before. I couldn't avert my eyes even if I wanted to. Our eyes meet. I am instantly captivated by her eyes. The transfer student acts as though she is used to my reaction and smiles softly at me.

It almost makes me dizzy.

Falling in love with her is probably impossible. We are just too different. It's almost as if we live in different worlds. This may sound a bit mean, but I think anyone would agree after seeing her.

"I'd like to make a declaration," Aya Otonashi says without losing her perfect smile.

"Please—do not make friends with Aya Otonashi—with me."

The classroom sinks into silence at once.

This declaration is enough to silence our entire boisterous class like magic.

"Please do not take offense at my comment. If possible, I would love to make friends with everyone. However, that is not possible. Because—," she says in a firm, yet sorrowful voice, "—the existence of Aya Otonashi has to be an illusion."

I swallow even though I still have no clue what she's talking about.

"We are a poor match anyway. We are just ships passing in the night. Because I am the 'transfer student,' I am not acquainted with anyone, and no one is acquainted with me—and I will continuously return to this state. I will have to endure and maintain this relationship-less state for a long time. So I think it's accurate to call me a phantom. But even as a phantom I still have a sense of self. I feel sad about my state as well, but I have no choice but to accept it. Because as soon as I stop being able to accept being an illusion—as soon as I cannot endure it anymore—I am going to be taken in by this false recurrence."

I still don't get it at all. The only thing I understand is that she's dead serious and that no one is able to make fun of what she's saying.

"In order to become an illusion, I abandoned my real name inside this box. I fear that if I use my real name, I will become my own burden. And if I get taken in by this false recurrence, you will most likely all be erased."

She continues with a steady voice.

"Therefore, I—have to remain an illusion by becoming Aya Otonashi."

I see. I don't know what that means, but she isn't 'Aya Otonashi' yet.

She is going to become 'Aya Otonashi.'

She probably doesn't want to. It's not what she wishes for.

Still, she has no choice but to become 'Aya Otonashi.'

"But I am not strong," she says bitterly. "I suppose there will be times when I will want to complain. However once things get underway, I will stop being 'Aya Otonashi' as soon as I show any sign of weakness. Since this is my last chance, I will permit myself to display a bit of my weakness right now. I—"

It's by chance.

Yeah, I guess it's just by chance, but without a doubt—

—she is looking at me when she says:

"I—want someone to be by my side."

And then she smiles at me.

"Well then, please let me introduce myself once again," she says as if to convince herself.

"I am 'Aya Otonashi.' I hope we can be on good terms as we walk the long road that lies ahead for us."

Aya Otonashi bows very deeply.

Unsure of how to react, we all remain silent.

So, I start to applaud.

My clapping is the only sound that can be heard.

Finally someone joins in. Another person begins to applaud as well. The applause grows louder and louder.

When all of our classmates are applauding, she finally raises her head again.

But she's not smiling anymore.

Fists tightly clenched, she looks straight ahead with fiery willpower glowing in her eyes.

The weather is magnificent, and the sky is a deep blue.

As soon as I woke up, I confirmed today's date on my cell phone. 'April 7th.' Today's 'April 7th.' I also checked the newspaper and the TV to confirm that it's really 'April 7th.' Of course I realize that I'm being irrational, but ever since I was trapped within the Rejecting Classroom, I get very anxious if I don't go through all these rituals.

I retained the events of the Rejecting Classroom in my memories. However, my ability to recall those memories is imperfect – it feels like I'm looking at pictures of a place that I've never seen or visited. The box, Maria, O—I know what they are. But the corresponding emotions are not there anymore. No anger, no sadness—nothing at all. So even if I'd been in love with someone, I'd probably have forgotten about it by now. Maybe I'll gradually forget those memories because they were so faint to begin with.

Including Maria.

I mean, we weren't supposed to meet to begin with, so I'm sure we won't meet again.

Anyhow, today's 'April 7th,' the day of the opening ceremony.

I've become a second year student.

My classroom is now on the 4th floor instead of the 3rd floor. The scenery hasn't improved just because I'm on a different floor, and located more to the west. Nevertheless, the air feels completely different as I enter the room of class 2-3. I'm so excited that I even press my hand to my chest.

After checking the seating chart placed on the teacher's desk, I sit down in my new seat. When I lightly greet my new classmates with a 'Let's all get along,' their replies are lively. Yeah, I'm getting some good vibes.

Another person enters the classroom.

He sees me and raises his hand.

"Heyho, Hoshii! So we're in the same class again!"

Even though his comment is totally generic, the other fifteen people in the room focus their attention on us. Yeah, Haruaki is as loud as ever.

"...Haruaki."

"Mh, what's the matter?"

I look at him with suspicion.

"Are you the real Haruaki?"

"...why, do I look like a fake? Did you perhaps think I'm my own twin? Were you influenced by that super famous manga [1]so now you think that all high-school baseball pitchers are twins?!"

"...no."

For some reason, I start to wonder if I can trust a single thing he says...

"Ah right, Hoshii! Come to think of it—"

"'Morning, Haru and Kazu-kun!"

A new voice interrupts Haruaki.

Kokone is standing by the door of the classroom. Daiya is next to her.

Ah, did those two affectionately accompany each other to school today as well? If I mention that, Daiya will punish me with psychological harassment all day long, so I don't say anything.

"Getting greeted by a girl, my heart beat faster for a second—but man, it's just you, Kiri? What a waste of my excitement."

"Hey Haru... What's with that reaction? Who do you think you are?"

"Er, well, I'd just like you to stop being so obsessed with me that you'd chase after me just to be in the same class."

"Haa... so you try to hide how embarrassed you are because you're obsessed with me by using such phrasing? You wea~~lly are a child, Haru-chan, awen't you? Ah, right. Can you finally stop filling your mobile phone with my Moe voice?"

"Who would do such a thing!?"

"'My Masteer~'... come on! Now's the chance to add some new data to the Haru Moe-Moe voice collection! Shall I give you one more chance? If you like, I can add a 'Welcome home~' this time?!"

What's with this conversation... Please stop it, it's embarrassing.

"Haa... hey Kazu, do you happen to have any firecrackers? I'd love to jam some in Kiri's mouth and set them off right now."

"And then what about you, Daiya? You're jealous that I provide my Moe Moe voice only to Haru? Don't worry! If you bow down and kiss my feet, I'll say 'Onii-chan' to you, you little-sister fetishist. Aren't I the best?!"

"How about a 'Sorry for being born?'"

...nothing at all has changed in the new classroom.

But this is what I wished for.

I feel a bit lonely without Maria and Mogi-san, but regaining this everyday life is the reason I fought the Rejecting Classroom.

"...why are you grinning to yourself? That's repulsive, Kazu!"

Daiya calls me out.

"Ah, really. Kazu-kun's grinning. How horny he must be. I bet he's imagining some girl sitting beside him, stumbling around clumsily—"

"I'm not."

I deny it immediately, causing Kokone to pucker her lips.

"But who's sitting there anyway? Do you know? Is it some cute girl?" Haruaki asks me while shamelessly sitting on said seat. Since I checked out the names of the people sitting next to me back when I looked at the seating chart, I know whose seat it is.

"Yeah. It's a cute girl!"

"For real?! Who is it?!"

I'm glad she has a seat. Because she has a seat, the possibility of her sitting there also exists.

Her seat won't be next to mine anymore by the time she returns, but I don't mind.

With a smile, I declare the name of the girl sitting beside me:

"It's Mogi-san!"

✵

I thought the rain would never stop on that day.

I headed to the hospital right after Daiya told me about Mogi-san's accident, and took a day off from school. I had to take a taxi since her hospital was outside the city. This was extraordinary behavior for me, given the priority I place upon a peaceful life.

But I had to do it. Since I fought against the Rejecting Classroom, I had to know the outcome.

No one beat me to the hospital, not even her family. After being mistaken for her lover, I waited together with her family while she was being operated on.

The operation succeeded... it seemed. But Mogi-san didn't regain consciousness that day.

Since I'd been barred from the ICU, I was finally able to see her two days later. By then, she'd been moved to the general ward.

Mogi-san lay on her bed, looking quite pitiful. The sounds of the electro-cardiogram and artificial respiration made my eardrums vibrate. Her feet and arms were pinned in place, her face was covered with bruises and the IV drip had turned one of her arms violet.

Seeing the lonesome and wounded body of someone I knew in a hospital almost made me cry. But I knew I wasn't the only one who wanted to cry. I wasn't allowed to cry in front of her. I held back my tears and looked at her face, staring for just a little bit.

Mogi-san seemed a bit surprised when she saw me. I'm not too sure, though, since she didn't move her facial muscles.

Her family had told me that she had regained consciousness, but due to shock, she hadn't spoken a single word yet.

But Mogi-san opened her mouth and tried to tell me something with all her might. I told her not to strain herself, but she ignored me and tried to speak anyway.

Mogi-san darkened her oxygen mask with her breath, and directed her first words at me.

"—I'm so glad. I survived."

I couldn't understand her that well, but that's what it sounded like she was saying.

Mogi-san burst into tears after saying just that. I had no idea what to do, so I let my gaze wander. Beside the bed lay her dirty bag, and I saw something silver inside it. I knew what it was, and instinctively picked up the silver-wrapped object. It was a Teriyaki Burger flavored Umaibō, crumbled and no longer pristine. As I kept thoughtlessly touching it, I suddenly couldn't hold out any longer and burst into tears.

I didn't know why I started crying at that point. I remember that she gave me that Umaibō in the other world, but I couldn't recall why she did it.

But my tears were real.

I visited her hospital room in the general ward several times after that. Mogi-san tried to act as cheerful as possible when we talked.

"While I was unconscious, I had a long dream," Mogi-san told me one time. Apparently she believed it was all a dream.

A thought suddenly crossed my mind. Mogi-san couldn't escape the fate of getting run over by a truck in that world. And her repeated survival each time didn't change either. That might have been why the Rejecting Classroom remained intact, no matter how many times she was run over.

Though she survived, she was paralyzed from the waist down. A blow to her back had damaged her spinal cord, so the likelihood of a full recovery was not just hopeless, it was actually impossible.

I had no idea how to respond, so I just stayed silent. To bridge the uneasy silence, Mogi-san said:

"I always believed that in a situation like this, I'd be better off dead. You understand why, don't you, Hoshino-kun? I won't be able to walk on my own two legs anymore, and even something as basic as buying a little dessert at the convenience store next door won't be a carefree decision for me anymore. I can only do it if I depend on someone else or if I take my wheelchair. All kinds of hardship just to buy a dessert! Isn't that cruel? But it's kind of strange. I don't think of suicide at all. I wonder why? I think, really, from the bottom of my heart—"

—that I'm glad to be alive.

Mogi-san said this without the tiniest hint that she was bluffing or lying.

"So I'm alright. I won't quit school either. No matter how much time it takes, I will recover. Maybe I won't attend the same school as you guys anymore, but I won't give up."

She smiled and weakly flashed her biceps at me.

It's embarrassing to admit, but at that point I burst into tears in front of her. I was glad. Glad that her most important wish was granted.

—can I do something for you?

I asked her that with complete sincerity, because I wanted to help her as much as possible.

Mogi-san started off with, "I'm very happy that you offered" and bashfully continued,

"I want you to save a place for me to return to. I want you to build a place for me to exist once more."

—Once more? Did I ever build a place for you?

"......within that long dream of mine you did."

After that response, Mogi-san averted her eyes for some reason.

✵

I'm at the entrance ceremony in the gym.

Something comes to mind as Haruaki sighs and moans during the principal's ceremonial address.

"By the way, Haruaki, weren't you about to tell me something this morning?"

"Mh? ...aah, right! Right! I've heard some rumors that there's a super cute girl among the new students!"

Haruaki smacks my shoulders and winks at me.

"Well, then I don't care. As her senior I won't have any reason to talk to her anyway."

"Are you an idiot?! Just being able to watch a cute girl is already happiness itself!"

I don't want to believe that this is how the common man thinks.

"But when did you hear this rumor? Today's the first time we're going to see the new first years, right?"

"Will wonders never cease! It's Daiyan's information!"

"Daiya's?"

I can't really believe Haruaki. I've never heard Daiya talk about girls that way.

"You don't believe me, do you? But there's a reason Daiyan knows! You know that he only made two mistakes on the entire entrance examination, right?"

"Yeah. He's always boasting that he set the school record."

"That record was beaten after just one year!" Haruaki says with great glee. He's hopeless...but I can understand his amusement.

"Err? What does this have to do with Daiya knowing about this cute girl?"

"You're really really slow, Hoshii. I'm saying that this cute girl has beaten his record by getting a perfect score in all subjects. Some teacher told Daiyan about this, since Daiyan was the previous record holder. The teacher also said, she was so beautiful that even as an adult, he felt flustered in her presence."

That's just exaggeration. Why would he feel flustered when he obviously has so much more life experience than any high school student?

The principal's ceremonial address ended while we were talking.

The chairman turns on his microphone.

"Thank you very much, principal. ...let's proceed with the freshmen representative's speech—"

"Finally—a chance to see that hot chick everyone's been talking about!"

I see. Since she's the top student, she's the freshman chosen to speak.

Even I'm starting to develop some interest, so I start looking around.

"The representative of the freshmen—Maria Otonashi."

Maria—Otonashi?

A name that seems extremely familiar to me. ...no, no. That can't be. Maria was called Aya Otonashi, after all.

"Yes."

But this voice is definitely hers. It's Maria's voice.

Aah, I see. I finally got it.

'If you've forgotten, remember it now. My name's 'Maria.

Hah. So she was just telling the truth back then.

...oh? So I was calling Maria all this time by her first name...? UWAA! UWAAAAAA!

"...why are you getting all red, Hoshii?"

She mounts the platform more elegantly than anyone else. Having lived longer than anyone else here, she already possesses enormous presence.

The very sight of her causes everyone to start murmuring.

A face I know very well. The face that's been beside me for the longest time.

She's wearing a brand new uniform.

Yeah, that's just plain wrong—I never thought she'd be younger than me.

While standing at the platform, Maria lets her gaze wander around. Her eyes meet mine. And her wandering gaze stops on me for some reason.

Then she smiles.

My body is instantly and completely paralyzed.

Maria begins her speech without releasing me from her gaze. Even the noisiest students quiet down upon hearing her imposing voice.

"Isn't she staring over here? Oh sh*t, maybe she fell for me?"

Haruaki cracks jokes, but I am so absorbed by Maria's gaze that I can't even respond.

I am only looking at Maria.

Maria is only looking at me.

"—and so, I conclude the freshmen's speech. This was the representative of the freshmen speaking, Maria Otonashi."

Maria steps down from the platform.

And right as she does so, the students start getting noisy again. No, not only the students—even the teachers are in a tizzy.

But I am, without a doubt, the most confused person in the room.

Because Maria doesn't return to her original place, and instead heads straight toward me.

The students automatically get out of her way, repelled by her aura of authority. Maria takes full advantage and makes a beeline for me.

She's creating a direct path between us.

Aah, geez. Has she still failed to shed her habits from that other world? It might be okay to act without reservation there, but the real world doesn't work like that, does it?

I already realize that my everyday life is about to be destroyed.

"Haha—"

But I laugh, nonetheless.

It's really bothersome.

It's really bothersome, but no... it somehow doesn't feel that bothersome.

At last, the students in front of me move aside. Haruaki also moves away from me. Maria and I are surrounded by empty space, as if we're in the eye of a hurricane.

In the middle of that wide, gaping space, she stands directly in front of me.

I thought we'd never meet again.

But on second thought, there's no way she wouldn't join me.

After all, it's her goal to obtain a box. She has no choice but to approach me, the one who O has targeted.

Maria smiles, and starts to speak.

"I'm always by your side no matter how much time passes—that's how I declared war on you, once upon a time, but it seems that our war hasn't ended yet."

After making her speech, she introduces herself once more.

"I am 'Maria Otonashi.' I'm pleased to meet you."

The freshman girl bows very deeply, just as she did long ago.

In response, I applaud, just as I did long ago.

For a few moments, my clapping is the only sound in the gymnasium.

Then Haruaki starts to applaud without understanding the situation at all. Drawn in by his applause, someone else starts clapping. Although Maria and I are the only ones who understand what just happened, the applause grows louder and louder.

In the midst of this magnificent applause, Maria raises her head.

But she's not smiling anymore.

Fists tightly clenched, she stands before me with fiery willpower glowing in her eyes.

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