Published at 25th of August 2019 8:39 pm

Chapter 42: 7 – The Eternity of Kaliarya Ignis – 2

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“Rya”

There was only one person who called me like this. I don’t know why she gave me that nickname. I didn’t ask her and she didn’t tell me either. I think there might not be any significant reason. But, I should have asked.

… … Our encounter was unexpected. It was dramatic but also very normal. In short, for us it was a very important incident, but for the rest of the world it was a completely inconsequential event.

I picked her up as she had collapsed by the road side.

It happened when I was on my carriage, on my way back from a little shopping trip to a slightly distant town. While I was crossing through a forest, I discovered her lying down covered by weed. It was purely by chance that I happened to see her who was rolled up into a ball under the very dim light. Because she was unconscious and didn’t move at all.

Some people would call this encounter fate. But at that time, I didn’t think about this at all. Maybe most people would, but I think “fate” is only something you realize afterwards. Actually, if I must describe my mental state when I picked her up, then I could only say that I thought, “Oh, an unconscious person collapsed by the roadside, ignoring her would be inhumane.” So I did what was natural as a person. That was all. It was also why I brought her back to the mansion and took care of that girl who continued to sleep soundly. There was no special meaning behind it…. There shouldn’t have been. I intended to do that no matter who was the other party. No, to begin with, it’s the servants of the mansion who looked after her.

And yet, she repeatedly expressed her gratitude to me.

“… I left my hometown with my mother, wanting to go to the royal capital but mother… passed away from a disease.”

After hovering between lethargy and awakening, before long she completely woke up and told me about her circumstances. Her story was a typical reflection of the society at that times and wasn’t unusual at all. The royal capital carried great splendors, but on the other hand, the agricultural villages scattered in various regions were struggling in poverty. It couldn’t be helped that people would abandon their hometown and go to a new land in search of employment, but it didn’t always turn out well. There were many who, like her, would use up all their travelling founds while looking for a better place and would collapse. Even that young girl who had narrated her past must have known about it. Rather than mourning and regretting her mother’s death, she surely felt a sort of resignation toward the fact she was the only one to have survived. I remember how her face was beyond pale and looked ashen. It was my first time seeing a so-called “person on the verge of dying” and that might be why her expression was so clearly etched into my memory.

And also, I remember her hand. It was so covered in wounds that it was shocking. Her cracked nails told the severity of her life. Her eyes that seemed exhausted like an old person when she was probably still in her teens were reflecting my own face. I don’t know why but I instinctively averted my gaze. My eyes fell on my own pure-white hands and I unintentionally sighed. Those hands of mine that had never experienced any hardship. There were too different from hers. This difference was that of our environment itself. Even though we had both lost our parents, we didn’t have anything else in common. You could maybe say we weren’t far in age if you were to truly want to find another similarity. Unlike her who had collapsed by the roadside, at that time I was leading a life everyone would envy.

My father who obtained a peerage thanks to wedding my mother had passed away and inevitably, I had succeeded him as the family head. But the things a child like me could do were limited and it was actually my mother’s younger brother who took care of all the affairs regarding the management of my territory. According to him, he had been doing that even when father was still in good health, so he wished for me to not worry about anything. That’s how it was. In short, father had obtained a court rank through his wedding with mother, but he didn’t receive anything apart from that. I understood that in this hierarchical society where lineages meant everything, this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Whether it was the territory or its population, or the gains that came from them, just about everything belonged to my mother’s side of the family, only the nobility rank was granted to father. That and nothing else. So it was logically the same for his successor, me. I succeeded his peerage, but it was only a document, my name was simply put at the end of the aristocrat register.

But the reason I could live so comfortably without missing anything was thanks to father’s inheritance. As a magician, he amassed this whole wealth in a single generation. Moreover, on top of this I was able to receive a compensation for each and every magic that was developed thanks to father’s research. It was either the country, a wealthy individual or the army that gave me these rewards. It’s for this reason a person without a single relative like me was able to lead such a peaceful and comfortable life.

My parents had already passed away and yet, I still had a house to live in and never lack food to eat. I was very aware of how blessed this life of mine was. If I had been an ordinary child, even if I had discovered an unconscious person I couldn’t have saved them. Maybe I would have been able to reach out to them, but that was all. I would have looked for someone who could save her and things would have ended there. Because ordinary children could only do that much. But I was excessively rich. Even if I picked up a child the same age as me, it would barely trouble my usual life. In the first place, if I wasn’t confident, I would not take home a person who looked to be about to die. Fortunately, there were a lot of servants who knew how to take care of sick people, I didn’t suffer any loss.

At that time there were countless servants in my estate. They were hired after father’s death. His former colleague did a really good job on this matter. He made all the arrangement from gathering people to selecting them as employees, finding reliable and trustworthy people.

They were hired through this process so their personality and disposition had been evaluated. They were honest and sincere, patriotic, they disliked cutting corners and worked themselves to the bones. Even if they sometimes advised me against doing something, they never denied me head-on. They respected our relationship as servants and master and always would abide by my decision ultimately. It’s because they were here that the young me who could still be called a “boy” wasn’t put in a difficult situation, at a loss to what to do. I was very lucky to have been able to meet those people.

But what existed between us was only a relationship of employer and employees. Hence there were barely any mutual emotional attachment. We were only tied by a kind of faith based on money. This relationship that was clearly divided into “the one who give” and “the ones who receive” gave birth to the recognition that “it’s justified to give” and “it’s natural to receive.” No matter how friendly we became with each other, we couldn’t cross over that frame, that restriction. It created a kind of frustrating and was a hard to describe relation. It didn’t mean I was dissatisfied with this situation, but I wasn’t satisfied either. I thought something was lacking, yet I didn’t understand what it was. It was when I was harboring such gloomy thoughts that… … I found that girl.

“I’m glad I was saved by you.”

Laughing reservedly, Emma wasn’t frugal with her words to express her gratitude. It was a bit refreshing. Because around me there were only people who wait upon me. That’s how servants were. They could express their gratitude, even to an excessive extend, but that was only a round-about-way of expressing a hypocritical courtesy and what needed to be expressed wasn’t conveyed. I understood I was being thanked, but I couldn’t honestly accept this feeling. There was almost no such thing as to simply say “thank you.” I didn’t know how much meaning was contained in that single word.

Seeing the girl crying while saying again and again “… Thank you for finding me,” somehow made my chest tightened.

I felt more confused than happy. But I didn’t dislike this feeling. An unnamed emotion gradually spread in the depth of my chest. Until that moment, I hadn’t known that feeling. A fire was lighted in the deepest part of my frozen body. While that sensation warmed me up until my fingertips, I could only stare back at her small face in silence. To such me, she once again said “thank you” with a smile. It’s at that moment I discovered for the first time that words could shake one’s emotions so much.

I might have been in need of a person who would not act according to their own interests. A relation where we were tied by money had its pro and cons, its strengths and weaknesses. Currently the servants were earnestly doing their best to serve me, but if I became penniless, they would surely leave. Even though I understood, but such relations felt futile and empty.

“By the way… you won’t ask for my name?”

Through her lips that had lost their colors, she questioned with a somewhat dubious expression. Even though the question she asked didn’t seem that important to me, she made an expression as if it was very significant. That surprised me and I bent my head in wonder. Was it because inside the mansion, I only came in contact with a limited number of persons? Or because I was unconsciously afraid of getting deeply involved with someone? I couldn’t comprehend what she was brooding over, why she was making such a worried face. Seeing me like this, she kindly explained that in human relationships, nothing would begin until both parties knew each other name and face. She explained that calling someone’s name held a meaning.

“Usually, it’s the first thing you ask” she said with a smile. But none of us did, she added. “I thought you weren’t interest in me. But I was wrong. You just didn’t know. … … If you think you want to learn more about someone, first, you must ask for their name.”

The girl looked at me with a wry smile. I felt I start to see the importance of the thing I had forgotten and I lost my words.

“My name, is Emma.”

Your name is? She asked, but at that precise moment words wouldn’t come out. Because I was “the master”, or “the young master,” or even “that person’s son.”

“… Kaliarya Ignis.”

My own name I said for the first time in a few years felt dry. There were words I would not say usually. However… … “Then, it’s Rya” she said while smiling happily from the bottom of her heart. At that instant, for the first time, my name carried a meaning.

Now that I thought about it, I realized father didn’t call my name very often. But I also thought it no longer mattered. … … it wasn’t important. “You see, Rya sounds kind of cute.” In front of her narrowed eyes, the discord between father and me seemed very petty.

“Once again, best regards, Rya.”

And like this, we gradually reduced the distance between us. We knew our name and by talking together, our understanding of each other deepened. That was the way to live with a person who wasn’t a servant. I had to make an effort to know what my partner sought and what she wanted to do. I didn’t like putting up with anxiety but I had fun.

… … Then, a few years passed since we started to live together.

Emma made up her mind to study at the academy. She told me she would pay me back someday and ask to be allowed to enroll. It was a shame, but she had less magical power than average. At least I want to raise my knowledge, she appealed to me with a sense of urgency in her gaze. When I was puzzled as to why she was so desperate,

“I want to be helpful to you,” she said, lowering her despondent eyes.

Until then, I thought that I had racked my brain in order to understand Emma. But that being said, it didn’t mean I could read her mind. I could more or less guess what was on her mind. I didn’t know if it was truly the case, but she seemed to have compared herself with the servants living in the estate. That was probably it. The servants seemed to view Emma as a child who couldn’t do anything. They never ridiculed her, but they certainly continued to treat her as a young child. Maybe, the fact Emma was someone who had wandered on the border between life and death once played a big part in their attitude. It wasn’t surprising that the people in our surrounding became overprotective. But Emma could not accept it.

I thought very fondly of that attitude of her.

When she came to the mansion at first, she gave the impression to be living simply because “it couldn’t be helped,” because she had survived purely by luck. Now she was ashamed of herself, she felt she was lacking something. This looked like a proof she was trying to grow……. She was looking at the future. This made me feel relieved.

“Since we are taking the trouble to enroll you, maybe I’ll also tag along.”

“…eh? You too? But, you don’t need to attend the academy, do you?”

“Not needing to go and not wanting to are two different things. I want to go to the academy together with you.”

Apparently, I seemed to be like father and possessed an enormous amount of magical powers. It was said I would maybe surpass my father who wanted to be called a genius. So I naturally planned to become a magician like him. To that end, I requested to be taught by several private tutors and there was originally no need to attend the academy. But, in order to formally become a magician, you needed to take the examination prepared by the country. It had age restrictions and I had to wait several years before I could take it. Therefore, going to the academy wasn’t a bad idea to waste time until then.

Besides, I simply thought it would be fun to go to school together with her. There was no problem with paying the entrance and tuition fees for attending the academy and it was a perfect opportunity for me who had gotten bored of living secluded in the mansion.

“You’ve changed. But that’s all right. I’m sure it’ll be fun.”

Emma laughed in a light voice. The servants who were watching us at a distance also smiled. It was a scene that couldn’t be seen when I was living with father. Just a single girl named Emma stayed at the mansion, yet I felt the relationship between me and the employees was changing.

…….. To speak with words from those days, I think that at that time we were surely basking in the light of the thing called “happiness.”

I never felt uneasy about the future, on the contrary my hopes and expectations for it were bright.

And also, I believed and never doubt that I could realize the ideal I had envisioned.

*

*

Naturally, life at the academy wasn’t all fun. Especially for me who hadn’t interact much with people of the same generation until now. Of course, the academy served as a school, but at the same time it was also a place were the sons and daughters of noble families could deepen their ties. In the first place, a school with an enormous enrollment fee could only be attended by people above the middle class. Since most of those people were aristocrats, inevitably a division by social ranks also appeared inside the school. Memorizing these complex human relationships required a huge effort.

However, my mother was a noble and I had inherited her blood, so it was inconsequential for me. I’ve probably had times where my attitude toward the higher ranked nobles was disrespectful, but it didn’t turn out to be a problem and I was forgiven. I’m sure the fact father had been such a great magician to the point of being called “a hero” played a huge role. That and also the fact he had been acknowledged by the king himself. I think my standing in the academy was considerably high. In that respect, there was no mistake that as a commoner, Emma couldn’t hope to be compared with me. I don’t really know how she felt about this because she skillfully hid her feelings. I never asked her why she did that. While we were almost the same age, she might have sensed something from me who acted like I was her guardian. Now that I thought back on it… I wonder if Emma didn’t simply want to stand on the same position as me, to be my equal.

That’s how we lead our academic life and its ups and downs. Then before long, we graduated. Like always, we continued to live in the same mansion, but we started to have our own jobs each.

I became a magician like I had desired, and she became a puppeteer. “Puppeteer” was the occupation of making doll as a living, but of course it wasn’t just normal dolls. By making a portion of her scarce magical power flow into them, she could make her dolls move as if they were truly alive. But since they didn’t have their own will, they could only move according to a fixed way. For example, they could follow a few simple actions such as standing up, sitting down or bow and greet. They reacted to their owner’s voice, they were like mechanical dolls. The difference was just that they moved thanks to magic and not a mechanism. Some people sneered in ridicule, saying that even though she had taken the troubles to attend the academy, the knowledge she learnt there wasn’t put to use, but she didn’t let that stop her. She laughed, “Going to the academy was to widen my alternatives, to live you need all the knowledge possible. I went to the academy to learn other ways to live.” She sounded quite philosophical. It was true she learnt many things at the academy, and because this place was like a miniature copy of society, I think there were many things to gain from it. I also fully realized that to become a magician, just having magical powers wasn’t enough. In order to work and earn a living, you must acquire customers. For this, you need to widen your personal connections. It wasn’t possible if we stayed confined in the mansion

Maybe Emma gained some self-confidence after getting a job, but she started to engage more actively and positively with the employees of the estate. Eventually, she became involved in the most important job of our house… that is, she became the one in charge of the assets management and paperwork that came in pair with it. She became “the mistress of the house.” So you could say it was the natural course of events for us to get married. No one opposed it. It was accepted as a matter of fact, and we also didn’t feel any discomfort to becoming spouses. Looking at her while she laughed and said, “let’s become happy,” I thought such a wish was absurd. After all, I was already happy…… extremely happy.

If I could go back in time, then I would return to the days I spent together with her, any one of them was fine. Any point in time was fine, I would turn back time without any hesitation. Even a single day was fine. No, just an hour would be enough. I would do anything if I could return to when I was laughing with her.

But, I knew that time couldn’t be turned back.

I was keenly, painfully aware of that.

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