Published at 26th of March 2019 12:09 am

Chapter 6

On encountering the chilly night breeze after sprinting out of the hostel, I became more clearheaded. I vaguely pondered what they thought of my hasty retreat?

That I was acknowledging my guilt? Or avoiding punishment?

I can’t speak for the others but based on how Zhuang Xu viewed me, I was highly certain he would think that.

It was so laughable. Before today, I naively assumed that even if Zhuang Xu didn’t like me and despised me for lacking direction in life, he would at least be grateful and think me a decent human. After all, I had help him previously had I not?

However once again I was proven an idiot.

Ever since I became acquainted with Zhuang Xu, I seem to be sliding more and more into idiot territory. It must have been a comedy when I wooed him initially; me the presumptuous unsuspecting clown. When I had finally gotten my facts right, I quickly withdrew from the love triangle and texted him an explanation and apology, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware you and Rong Rong are together. If I did, I wouldn’t have said what I did. I hope I didn’t cause you any trouble.”

Apologizing for my crush, just thinking about it made me feel small.

But I simply couldn’t allow him to misunderstand that I was intentionally being the third wheel.

That text met the same fate as the majority of texts I sent him – there was no reply. Now that I thought of it, maybe he didn’t believe me.

Why would he?

How could he believe that I wasn’t aware of their relationship when I was hostel mates with Rong Rong? Why would he believe that even when I clarified with Rong Rong back then, she merely answered nonchalantly “Although we grew up together, we don’t really know each other.”?

My eyes started to smart and I dabbed at it in a bid to stop crying. Alas, the tearing became more torrential. The ache in my chest also threatened to erupt in ugly crying. I always assumed that being in love would be a wonderful feeling, so was why it so unbearable?

I sat in a secluded spot in school until it was late. By then, I was so hungry, I couldn’t bear it any longer. I noticed that the sky was completely dark. I didn’t have any inkling of what time it was and I hadn’t my phone nor wallet with me. Fortuitously, I had some spare change in my pockets. Otherwise, I would be both maligned and starving and that would truly be a sorry state to be in.

I jammed my hands in my pockets and slowly ambled out of campus. The night market outside the North gates was still lively, blasting the latest hits in a cacophony of voices. It lifted my spirits immediately. I inhaled deeply, calming my emotions somewhat. However the glaring lights hurt my eyes. I escaped to a beef noodle eatery that I usually frequented and ordered a bowl before spinning the chopsticks in my hand absent-mindedly.

Spinning pens and chopsticks was a bad habit I picked up in senior high. I hadn’t dabbled in it for so many years but somehow it came back to me naturally. The chopsticks spun swiftly between my fingers; my skills were not at all rusty.

However, when a certain couple walked in, my fingers stopped abruptly and the chopsticks landed on the body of another female customer seated opposite me with a loud thud.

It was Zhuang Xu and Rong Rong. She was holding onto him and smiling cheerily.

I finally experienced the idiom “the paths of enemies crossing”.

It was no surprise that they should visit this store because it was a frequent haunt of A University students. The beef noodles here was unparalleled and was famous even in Nanjing. But why now of all times?

Rong Rong led Zhuang Xu to another corner of the shop. They hadn’t noticed my presence. Even from afar, I could pick up on Rong Rong’s buoyant mood as she smiled gaily and conversed with Zhuang Xu. It was a stark contrast to how terribly I was feeling.

It was my first time seeing them behave so intimately in public. Rong Rong usually acted with decorum and would only refer to Zhuang Xu as a friend no matter who probed. I couldn’t have been the catalyst that led them together could I? If I was, I was too efficient for my own liking.

I laughed at my foolishness and the bitterness started to swell from within once again.

I apologised to the female stranger before retrieving my chopsticks.

It was just in time for my noodles. I bowed my head low as I stuffed myself, hoping to make my getaway before they spotted me.

However, God had other plans. When the stranger had finished eating, she bumped into the waiter who was laden with dishes as she got up from her seat. It was chaotic for a second as both of them steadied themselves. Although the waiter maintained his professionalism, his voice was still rather loud as he boomed “Be careful!”, attracting the attention of the diners.

Even though they hadn’t looked in my direction yet, at the rate the waiter was going, it would only be a matter of time. Besides, I had lost all appetite. So before the waiter could continue with his speech, I grabbed a twenty from my pocket and called for the bill.

Without waiting for my change, I promptly got up and left.

Ultimately, Rong Rong saw me. Our line of vision met just as I was getting up. She sneered and looked away, as though she couldn’t stand the sight of me.

I clenched my fist and suppressed the urge to stomp up to her and engage in verbal sparring as I forced myself to leave.

My mood was spiralling to the pits.

I had no desire to return to the hostel so I headed for the bus-stop and Uncle’s place.

When I reached, cousin had already completed his evening revision and was indulging in supper and television. The moment he saw me, he hugged his plate of snacks tighter in his embrace “Jie, why have you returned today? I’m starving, don’t snatch my food!”

“It’s all yours.” I simply hadn’t the mood and ran upstairs to my room.

I had just laid down on bed when cousin came a-knocking “Hey Nie Xi Guang, I can’t finish this after all, would you like some? Aunty Zhang made these buns, it has meat in them.”

I ignored him.

Cousin was relentless with his knocking. “Jie, it cannot be you’ve fallen out of love again right?”

Why was the whole world so irritating today? I hopped off the bed and opened the door with an expressionless face “So what if I have?”

“Again?” Cousin’s jaw dropped. Then, he started sniggering “It can’t still be Zhuang Xu right? Didn’t you let go of him already?”

Under my intense glare, he finally comforted me insincerely “It’s alright! At least you didn’t lose your virginity.”

“…” After being stupefied for about two seconds, I kicked the door shut in his face.

I was the proverbial cowardly ostrich in uncle’s place for two days but in the end, I had no choice but to return. My notes and laptop were all back there, along with the draft of my thesis.

I didn’t know if I was being overly sensitive but I felt I was the subject of much unwanted attention along the way back. I was baffled to see acquaintances from my course staring at me but despite my curiosity, I wasn’t about to collar them and demand an explanation. Much later, Ah Fen clued me in. She said the rumour had spread like wildfire and people even took the liberty to sensationalize the matter; there were many versions of how Nie Xi Guang was a backstabbing love rival. It was indeed a fantastic exercise at stretching the imaginations of my batchmates. News had spread so far that even the career guidance counsellor had phoned Rong Rong up to console her.

I had chosen to go back at three in the afternoon, a time no one would usually be in. When I pushed open the door, I saw that unfortunately, many of them were present. Rong Rong was right in the centre smiling broadly although she tensed for a moment on seeing me before she broke out into smiles again.

“Nie Xi Guang, with regards to that incident, I’m letting it go. Afterall we’re batchmates.”

I no longer had any interest in explaining so I stared woodily at her.

She toyed with the handphone in her palm “This was Zhuang Xu’s gift to me yesterday, an advanced birthday gift. As with all things, you lose some and you win some. Why go to such lengths to scheme when it may backfire?”

Her innuendo silenced the room. I stared hard at the flashy handphone before saying calmly “What’s there to boast about such an ordinary phone?”

Her face reddened before it returned to normalcy “Indeed the phone is ordinary, it was barely a thousand dollars. Miss Nie may not care for it but haven’t you heard?” She paused before placing emphasis “A lover is rarer than a priceless treasure.”

I paused before replying “Yes, a lover is rare. Congratulations.”

There was absolutely no way I could remain there. I packed everything before fleeing to uncle’s place.

I never should have moved back to the hostel.

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