Published at 26th of March 2019 12:09 am

Chapter 7

The following days were peaceful and disciplined. There were no classes so I made infrequent trips to the library to source for research material. I would then photocopy the relevant pages before returning home to study them more thoroughly.

Then I would study until I ended up gaming on the computer.

Cousin was nearing his National College Entrance Examinations and it was a critical time for him. Seeing me lounge about all day seemingly free made him envious. I comforted him “I’ve to work soon, there won’t even be winter break for me then whereas you have four years of fun in store for you.”

Cousin replied in disdain “Jie, I’ll be putting in my best effort in university. Dad has already amassed the capital; I’m going to be a successful entrepreneur. Do you think everyone lacks ambition like you?”

“Sigh, when I was your age I was equally ambitious. Why do you think I made damned sure I got into this prestigious university? However, I know better now. Jiang Rui, I hope you’ll never have a similar revelation like me and that you’ll continue to strive and labour to bring in the dough. I’ll be depending on you in future.”

Cousin wore an expression of agony “If you can’t find anyone to marry, I’ll look after you.”

“It can’t be Jiang Rui … You have a secret crush on me.”

Cousin was enraged “Nie Xi Guang, what kind of twisted logic is that?”

The phone rang and I was giggling as I raced downstairs to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Xi Guang, it’s me.”

I paused, “Oh, Si Jing, is anything the matter?”

“Can’t I seek you out even when there’s nothing important? Are you some big shot?”

I forced a laugh. My mood had been improving bit by bit but on hearing her voice, dark clouds seem to gather on my horizon once again.

No one spoke up for me that day in the hostel. Obviously, they weren’t obliged to do so. Obviously, our friendship was not enough for them to trust in me unwaveringly.

My heart chilled at the memory.

“Xi Guang” Si Jing continued after a short pause, “Xiao Feng returned from Shanghai yesterday. She said she was the one who answered the call. That day, she had already reached the train station when she realised she didn’t bring her identification documents with her. When she came back to the hostel to retrieve it, she was just in time for the call. When she hung up, she had wanted to leave a note. However, as she was rushing out, she forgot. Aye, this little nut has screwed up royally. Rong Rong does not blame her but nonetheless, she has to treat us for starting this mess. When will you be back? We’ll rip her off for sure.”

Si Jing’s tone was unusually cheery and animated. I suppose she wanted to engineer an atmosphere of “This matter has since blown over, what’s the big fuss.” However, her treating the episode so lightly made me even more upset. I replied with a strained voice “Oh. Got it. I won’t be returning, I’ll have to prepare for the oral defence of my thesis at my uncle’s place.”

Si Jing cajoled “You can still prepare for it over here. Furthermore, all of us can offer up suggestions on how to deal with the questions.”

“I’ll pass. It’s too warm in the hostel. There’s air-conditioning in uncle’s place.”

I was lying through my teeth. It was not even May – the blistering heat was not yet upon us.

Si Jing had nothing more to add.

In the subsequent days, Xiao Feng and Ah Fen would intermittently send messages about some meal or other. I declined all of them with excuses. I was suddenly very lazy.

It was like nothing mattered anymore.

Besides …

Graduation was almost upon us. Even if it hadn’t yet ended, it had to end now.

In the later part of April, my professor rang me up to instruct me to pick up my marked thesis. Hence, I woke up bright and early to cycle cousin’s bicycle to A University.

Perhaps it was an inauspicious day to be out; to avoid hitting a stray that dashed across my path, I swerved wildly and fell heavily. If I returned to change, I would certainly be late for my appointment with my mentor. Thus I had no choice but to carry on my way in my sorry state.

After locating my mentor’s office, I knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

I entered with trepidation. To my utmost surprise, the first person I saw was Zhuang Xu. He was standing beside my mentor. When he heard someone entering, he looked up but his gaze quickly shifted away.

I lingered hesitantly in the doorway. What was he doing there?

My mentor was the faculty’s vice dean and was well known for his stern nature. He took one glance at me, adjusted his glasses and instructed “Wait at the side for a minute.” before resuming his conversation with Zhuang Xu.

From eavesdropping on their conversation, I could tell they were also discussing a thesis paper. Did that mean Zhuang Xu and I had been under the same professor all this while? Although we weren’t in the same module, we belonged to the same business faculty. Sharing the same mentor wasn’t impossible, just that the odds were very low.

If such a coincidence were to happen in the past, I would be overjoyed. Now, I could only mope about how unlucky I was. Especially since I knew I was here for a shelling. I earnestly hoped he would take his leave when he was done.

After a few minutes, Zhuang Xu was about to make his move when the professor urged him to stay. “Don’t be in such a hurry to leave, I’ll explain everything to you in detail. Just allow me to speak a few words to this student.”

Then, he beckoned me over “Nie Xi Guang is it?”

I nodded.

My mentor ruffled through a stack before fishing out my thesis. He then stared long and hard at it. For a few minutes, the office descended into deafening silence. I was so nervous, I thought I would die.

Finally, he spoke. “Of all the students I’m mentoring, you’re the last in submitting the first draft.”

“Sir, I …” I knew I would be questioned over this so I had prepared a few excuses. But with Zhuang Xu standing off to a side … my voice caught in my throat and I simply couldn’t voice out any of the excuses I had weaved beforehand.

“It’s also the paper with the weakest structure. It’s cobbled together shoddily.”

Such scathing comments made my face flush furiously. I really wished I could bury myself right there and then.

He still wasn’t done. “You definitely will not pass. I will not allow you to attend the oral defence with this standard. Give up this year and prepare well for next year’s.”

Although I had heard rumours about how this mentor liked to frighten his students with harsh words, to hear his disparaging comments with my own ears still frightened me senseless. Furthermore, that Zhuang Xu should witness such a humiliating episode made me both enraged and embarrassed. I wanted to defend myself but I could not bring myself to plead for a chance.

Right then, Zhuang Xu who had been silent all this while spoke.

“Sir?”

I looked at him in suspicion. Hadn’t the truth come to light? Surely, he wouldn’t kick a dog when it’s down?

“Sir, maybe her second draft would be good? Afterall, all theses improve only after editing .”

It was the same low voice but it took me a while to grasp its contents. Was he …. Speaking up for me?

I should have been over the moon but somehow, I was bubbling with indignation.

Who did you think you are? I don’t need your help!

I retorted “Sir, I’ll just attend next year’s.”

Zhuang Xu and my mentor stared at me with a uniform dumbfounded expression. Zhuang Xu’s gaze was conflicted as he retreated once again to the side. He never spoke again.

My professor was exasperated as he rapped on his wooden desk. “Look at your reaction. Students these days, each batch worse than their predecessors. What good thesis can emerge from mere cutting and pasting? What’s worse, all of you have such fiery tempers.”

Prof shook his head and sighed as he placed another thesis in front of me. “Look, the same topic yet someone else can write it so informatively and breathe new insight into the topic. Also, others are more or less ready for submission, yet you are only on your first draft.”

Printed neatly on the cover page were the words “Zhuang Xu”. Indeed, Zhuang Xu and I had the same topic. Initially I chose it precisely because Zhuang Xu was writing on it. Back then, many events had not unfolded and I wanted to create more opportunities for interaction.

Prof obviously wouldn’t let me peruse someone else’s work; he took it back before tossing mine at me. “I’ve written my comments on the cover page. I have nothing else to add. Edit as you deem fit. If the second draft doesn’t cut it, I will most certainly not allow you to attend the oral defence.”

After being dismissed, I breathed a sigh of relief. There was still a sliver of hope for me, that I need not be retained. I walked slowly to the lift landing. It took a while before it came. When I had just pressed the ‘close’ button, I could faintly make out someone yelling ‘wait’.

Without thinking, my fingers hopped over to the ‘open’ button. By the time I make the unfortunate connection that the familiar voice belonged to a certain someone, it was too late.

Zhuang Xu walked in.

Before reaching past me with his long arms to press ‘1’.

The elevator began its decent.

It was so still that I could almost make out the loud thumping of my heart. I stared at the numbers on the LCD without blinking. It was the first time I felt that the school elevators were absurdly slow. So much time had passed yet we were only halfway through our descent.

“Perhaps I can help.”

I almost thought I had imagined it. I hesitated before looking at Zhuang Xu.

There were only the two of us so he must have been speaking to me. But helping me? In what?

Perhaps he sensed my puzzlement. His line of vision fell on the document I was clutching as he said simply “Thesis”.

My face reddened. Prof had just demeaned my thesis and he had heard every word.

I had been a spectacle once again.

But I had nothing to say. When the lift reached the ground level, I strode out of it quickly and never looked back.

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