Published at 26th of March 2019 12:07 am

Volume 1, Part 7

"I'm Aya Otonashi. I have no interest in anyone but Kazuki Hoshino and the owner."

The classroom gets noisy at this point.

Umm, Otonashi-san? You're a transfer student, so sure, you can distance yourself from your classmates on your first day. But I've been in this class for almost a year, so it doesn't work like that for me, you know?

"What does she mean by 'the owner'? Who's the possession? Does she mean 'the person that possesses Hoshino'?"

"Isn't that simply his 'girlfriend'?"

"Which means that Kazuki-kun has a 'girlfriend' and the transfer student Otonashi-san is searching for her? Why?"

"I guess there was something between him and Otonashi-san. Maybe they're going out... so he's two-timing them?!"

"Exactly! That's it without fail! That version seems funnier, so let's go with it!"

"So while having complex feelings of love and hate for Hoshino, she's chased after him and transferred to our school. I'm sure that's it."

"Which means Hoshino has... seduced such a beauty?! Damn it!!"

Our classmates carry on as they please while ignoring us, the actual parties involved. Where the heck do they get these ideas?

"So, Hoshino actually... only toyed with me..."

"What?! You were the other one?!"

"No... I was probably just an extra... the third, no, there must have been more."

"Wha...that bastard!"

Kokone pretends to cry while Daiya uses this opportunity to raise his voice in a way that he normally wouldn't. Geez, why do those two only cooperate at times like these...

"...How bothersome," Otonashi-san murmurs. "Thanks to you, they got even more interested in me rather than being put off."

Err... how is that my fault?

✵

Right after the first lesson, Otonashi-san and I rush out of the classroom. While some of my classmates naturally cheer me on, I also sense some bloodthirsty glances from some of the guys—but there's no time to worry about stuff like that.

We arrive at our usual spot—the back of the school building.

We won't bother to attend class anymore.

"I see. Working with you means that I automatically get dragged into your relationship network. Jeez... that's impractical."

No, I'm pretty sure the problem is what you said to them.

"But it's the first time within these 27,755 iterations that rejecting them has had a negative effect. This is truly amusing!"

"Umm, I don't know if you should find this amusing..."

"Don't be like that. Even to me new experiences are kind of exciting. Also, the circumstances have shifted a lot just because we started working together. That's a welcome change."

"What do you mean?"

"There may be a new clue that I didn't pick up on while I was alone."

From that perspective, it's definitely worth it to cooperate, but...well...

Surprisingly, she may be right. After all, she doesn't know how class 1-6 functioned before today. She can't compare today with previous days. For example, she doesn't know that my love for Mogi-san evolved between today and yesterday—in other words, during the Rejecting Classroom.

"But what should we do now, specifically?"

"...about that, Kazuki. I mulled it over and arrived at the conclusion that you may still be the key to the Rejecting Classroom."

"Eh? So you're still suspicious of me?"

"That's not it. Let me ask you: how are you able to retain your memories?"

"Eh... who knows?"

"It's a mystery, isn't it? Sure, I can sense certain differences between you and the others, but isn't it still strange that you're the only one who can retain his memories?"

"Well... of course."

"Thus, I assume that your ability is also driven by the goals of the owner."

"E..rr...?"

"You're dull as always. In other words, it might also be in the interest of the owner that you keep your memories."

It's a goal of the Rejecting Classroom that I keep my memories?

"That's not possible. I don't always retain my memories, do I? If it weren't for you, I probably would have kept losing my memories like everyone else."

"Indeed, you can say that's the flaw in my hypothesis. However, it's possible that your memory retention is just as corrupt as this world's reproduction of the past. You could explain that behavior if you consider this contradiction: the past cannot be perfectly reproduced if you retain your memories."

That might indeed be possible. But for some reason it doesn't make sense to me.

"In the first place, what meaning is there in letting me retain my memories?"

"How should I know?" she bluntly answers. "But I know what feeling moves people the most."

"What?"

Otonashi-san looks deep into my eyes and speaks.

"Love."

"...'love'...?"

The fearsome look on her face keeps me from linking that word with its meaning right away. Aah, love?

"Otonashi-san, that was quite cute of you."

Otonashi-san gazes at me with cold eyes.

"What is? Sufficiently intense love doesn't differ from hatred in any way."

"The same as hatred?" I'm taken aback. "...t-they're completely different!"

"They're the same. ...No, they are certainly different. Love's a worse feeling than hatred because people aren't aware of its filthiness. It's just repulsive."

Repulsive, huh...

"That doesn't matter now. Kazuki, is there anyone who comes to mind?"

"You mean someone who's in love with me, right? No way, there—"

I am about to say there's no one like that, when I suddenly remember.

There is one person.

If she wasn't joking when she confessed to me over the phone—there is one candidate.

"Looks like you thought of someone."

"......"

"What is it?"

"...err, well. The girl that's in love with me doesn't necessarily have to be the culprit, right?"

"Of course not. This piece of evidence alone is far from enough to conclude whether that person is the culprit or not. However, there is no reason not to investigate this possibility."

"No... well... there's no way she could be the culprit."

"What makes you so sure that she isn't the owner?"

I simply don't want her to be the culprit. I'm aware of that.

"We have an unlimited amount of time as long as we're inside the Rejecting Classroom. We shall take every opportunity to get closer to the owner."

"...but so far you haven't been successful using that method, right?"

"You're quite offensive today, huh? But you are correct. However, we have the new clue that your ability to retain memories is part of the designs of the owner. I have never investigated with that in mind before. We might be able to obtain new information this way."

"But—"

"Shouldn't you want to clear her all the more because she's someone you want to trust?"

Right. Otonashi-san is spot-on.

I must have my doubts about that person as well, which makes me not want to investigate her.

"......I got it. I'll help you."

"You shouldn't just help me; rather, you should take the lead."

She's right. I'm the one who wants to escape from the Rejecting Classroom.

...Still... something has been bothering me rather strongly for a while now. Something feels off.

"Well then, let's go."

"W-Wait a sec!"

"Why are you wavering?! My patience is beginning to wear thin, you know!"

What is it that bothers m— ah, I see.

When I recognize the source of this strange feeling, my ears start to burn.

"Mh? What's wrong, Kazuki? Your face is all red."

"Ah, no, it's just, you're—"

Why did she start calling me 'Kazuki' instead of 'Hoshino'?

"What? What are you talking about? ...Hey, why is your face getting even redder?"

"...S-Sorry. Never mind."

When did she start calling me by my first name? Not even my parents address me that way. [1]

I guess my face is turning even redder now.

"...? ...Okay, I guess? Anyhow, let's get going."

'Otonashi-san' turns her back to me and starts walking.

"Y-Yeah..."

Should I respond by calling her something other than 'Otonashi-san' as well? If I followed her example, I would have to call her... 'Aya'?

...Nonono!! I can't! I can't! That's out of question!!

Make that 'Aya-san' at least... no, that's still unacceptable. But 'Otonashi-san' is too reserved. I should use something that's easier to say and a bit more casual.

"Ah..."

One possibility comes to mind. It's also quite embarrassing to say, but since I've used that name several times already, it should work.

"......Maria."

When I murmur this name in a low tone, 'Otonashi-san' stops and turns around. Her eyes are wide open.

"Uwa! S-Sorry!!" I apologize instinctively after witnessing her unexpectedly sharp reaction.

"...Why are you apologizing? You just surprised me a little."

"...So you're not angry?"

"Why should I be angry? Call me whatever you like."

"I, I see..."

Otonashi-sa... no, 'Maria's' mouth relaxes.

"But still, you chose Maria of all things... Heh."

"Ah, well... if you don't like it..."

"I don't mind. I just affirmed something once more."

"Err... what did you affirm?"

For some reason, Maria smiles gently.

"That you, Kazuki, are an amusing fellow."

✵

I am rummaging through something.

We've returned to the classroom, and now I am rummaging through the belongings of the girl who seems to be fond of me.

Of course I'm not doing it because I want to, and I also feel extremely sleazy.

Her class is in P.E. at the moment. Maria decided that instead of speaking to her directly, we should use this opportunity to search her belongings for clues.

Since I've silently come to the same conclusion, I obeyed her while feeling sleazy nonetheless.

By the way, this search is only likely to yield fruit if I'm the one doing it. Maria has already searched through everyone's belongings several times. Judging by the current state of affairs, she hasn't found anything useful yet, which is fair enough. Maria won't pick up on any potentially significant changes since she's only known us for a single day.

"Huu..."

The girl has used clean and colorful lines to bring some structure to her textbooks. Her notes are neatly written with small and rounded letters. And she has also used lots of colors here. At the left edge of one page is a drawing of a cat. And there's another drawing on the next page in the same spot. The same cat on the next page... at that point I realize this is meant to be a flip book. When I try flipping through it, the cat flies away on a rocket that it has built from a tin can. I start smiling before Maria's scowls rein me in.

All in all, I find a lot of girlish things. The colors of her belongings are generally pink or white. Her iPod is filled with J-Pop. Her wallet isn't inside her bag, so she's probably carrying it around with her.

"Oh!"

I find a neatly decorated cell phone- a treasure trove of personal information.

I've been hoping to find some clues, but the cell phone is locked so I can't dig any deeper. ...on the other hand, I'm relieved that I can't do so.

I check out the makeup pouch next to the pink hand mirror. This should be the foundation, this is the colored lipstick, this is the eyeliner, these are the scissors that she uses to trim her eyebrows, and finally an object that seems quite new... mascara, I guess.

"—"

Oh?

Something's strange.

"Did you find anything, Kazuki?"

"......I don't know yet..."

I rummage through the contents of the makeup pouch once more. I don't think there's anything special in there.

"Maria, does anything in this makeup pouch catch your eye?"

"No? I've searched through it already before, but I didn't find anything special—"

Her face freezes in the middle of her sentence.

"—wait, that can't be. She shouldn't have that item. There's no way I failed to notice it over these 27,755 loops. But... as a matter of fact—"

"Eh? Did you find something?"

"...Kazuki. After seeing this, you should have felt something."

"...eh? ...mhh, well, I thought that using makeup doesn't really fit her image."

"Good grief!"

Maria contorts her face bitterly.

I go on searching the bag for further clues. Inside it, I feel something familiar and take it out.

"Ah—"

They're getting triggered…

When I see the familiar wrappers, my memories resurface.

"Could you possibly have accepted my confession if I'd chosen a different approach?"

"Aah, okay. So I just need to continue confessing until I succeed, right?"

No way.

No way.

No way.

I won't believe such nonsense.

This is just a coincidence. It has to be a mere coincidence, but the memories that surface in my mind are way too ridiculous to be a product of my imagination—

"—Maria, what's your favorite food?"

"...Why are you talking about that right now? " Maria looks at me and frowns. "...Hey, what's wrong, Kazuki? You don't look good!"

"...You know, my favorite snack is Umaibō."

I reveal the object that I've just removed from the bag.

It's an Umaibō package.

"I especially like the Corn Potage flavor. But I haven't told anyone because no one cares. I often eat Umaibō in the classroom, I'm quite unfaithful, so to speak, when it comes to flavor, and eat different ones all the time. No one should know that I like Corn Potage flavored Umaibō the most!"

"But you don't like the Teriyaki Burger flavor that much?"

"Which flavor do you like best?"

I pray that I'm just mistaken and look at the snack package again.

No matter how many times I look at it, nothing changes.

It's not Teriyaki Burger flavored. It's a Corn Potage flavored Umaibō.

The memories that have resurfaced are screaming at me.

Even if it's just coincidence that she has a Corn Potage flavored Umaibō in her bag—the images from my just-retrieved memories are undeniable.

She is—the owner.

"Kazuki."

Maria firmly grips my shoulders. Her nails bite into my flesh and bring me back to reality.

"She is definitely the owner. We've finally arrived at our goal... well, not quite."

After Maria spits out these words with great bitterness, I ask, "What do you mean?"

"Someone who makes such a stupid mistake could never have deceived me for 27,755 'School Transfers'."

"But Maria, you have to admit that you didn't know who the owner was, right?"

"That's not true. I probably discovered her identity several times already, but I couldn't retain the knowledge that she's the owner."

"Eh? Why not?"

"I can't say for sure, but I'm guessing that's another function of the Rejecting Classroom. It would make sense. The Rejecting Classroom works as long the owner herself believes that she's inside an unchanging loop. But if someone knew that she's the owner, this prerequisite would crumble away. Hence, as soon someone discovers that she's the owner, that memory gets erased."

"...But we know who the owner is this time."

"Certainly. But that's no cause to rejoice," Maria says in a vexed tone. "If we don't do something about it this time, we're going to lose this clue yet again."

I see. Unless we defeat the owner during this round, we will forget everything we found out during this iteration and begin our search for the culprit from scratch once more.

Maria is clearly annoyed and chews on her lips. Having only one chance to accomplish something might be very irritating, since she's gotten so used to being able to redo everything.

"...But Maria, life's a contest decided by a single round, isn't it? No matter how small the matter is, there's no reset button to return to the last save point."

I'm pretty fond of that line myself, but Maria stares at me with cold eyes.

"What's this misdirected encouragement supposed to achieve?"

She even sighs.

"S-Sorry... you just looked a little irritated."

Upon hearing my apology, Maria relaxes a tiny bit.

"Yeah, I sure am. But not because our situation is unfavorable."

"...but rather?"

"Don't you get it? Although I repeatedly discovered that she's the owner, the Rejecting Classroom has not ended yet. Don't you get what that means?"

I tilt my head.

I don't know if it's directed against me, the culprit or herself, but Maria then spits out some words with great irritation:

"I've lost to the owner many times already."

✵

"Kokone."

"Oh, the master of love, Kazuki Hoshino, has finally arrived!"

As always, Kokone is jokingly teasing me.

It's lunch break at the moment. Maria and I ended up skipping all of our morning classes together, so everyone started teasing us. But thanks to Maria's complete silence, our classmates gave up on teasing us very quickly. Their curious glances are still focused on us though. Well, that's only to be expected.

"Listen, Kokone. To tell you the truth—"

I stop myself. Because Kokone's face has shifted from soft to serious, and she's tugging me by my sleeves.

After taking a peek at Maria, Kokone leads me out of the classroom.

"Kazu-kun, please don't evade my question and give me an honest answer instead."

Right beside the door, Kokone lets go of my sleeve and continues speaking.

"What's the nature of your relationship with Otonashi-san?"

"...Why do you ask?"

I say, despite already knowing the answer. Kokone drops her gaze, and fails to reply.

"I can't describe my relationship with Maria very easily."

Kokone remains quiet, still staring at the ground.

"But I love someone other than Otonashi-san."

Kokone widens her eyes when she hears my words and looks at me.

"So—"

But Kokone doesn't say anything else. She does shift her gaze—which I pick up on right away.

She peers into the classroom and searches for someone.

Her eyes stop moving.

And they are focused on—Kasumi Mogi.

As of March 1st I haven't fallen in love with Mogi-san yet. And during this iteration, the 27,755th, I haven't come in contact with her in any way.

"Kokone, to tell you the truth, there's something I'd like you to do. That is—"

"Yeah. You don't have to say it. I think our conversation up till now has clarified everything for me," Kokone says with a smile. "The cooking room after school—does that work for you? I'll tell you everything then and there!"

Why the cooking room, I wonder for a moment—but right, Kokone is a member of the home economics club.

"We'll probably be the only ones there today."

When I nod, she looks at me again. I can't guess at the thoughts hidden behind her face.

"Kazuki."

Maria, who has been watching us from beyond the door, calls out to me. That's probably the sign for me to back off.

I tell Kokone "later," and am about to turn around.

"Ah, wait a sec!"

Kokone stops me. I stop moving and look at her again.

"Um, can I ask? Ah, but you don't have to answer of course..."

"What is it?"

"Who is the person you love, Kazu-kun?"

I answer on the spot.

"Mogi-san!"

The instant she hears that, Kokone looks down and hides her face. But I noticed her expression already.

Kokone was smiling.

✵

School has ended.

We hear someone screaming inside the cooking room. As we enter, we immediately realize that everything has gone awry.

We missed this exceptional chance.

As planned, Kokone Kirino and Kasumi Mogi are in the cooking room. No, more precisely—Kasumi Mogi and what was once Kokone Kirino are present.

The cooking room is stained in blood.

The culprit is holding a blood-stained kitchen knife.

"Kazu-kun."

Even though she has noticed me, her expression stays exactly the same.

"...W-why—"

I don't get it. Why did she do something like that?

Covered in blood, Mogi-san looks at me. She's as expressionless as always. But I notice a light that flickers in her eyes and condemns me.

Aah, yeah. Right. I'm definitely also to blame for this situation.

"Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die"

Mogi-san restlessly murmurs something resembling a curse.

I don't want to hear that. I just want to cover my ears. But I can't even do that. I lost control over my body as soon as I saw Mogi-san's blood-stained body. Her words invade my ears. I desperately try to avoid grasping the meaning of those words. But it's futile—the words overwhelm me like an avalanche, they descend upon me and cover my paralyzed body.

Mogi-san is speaking.

She is speaking the words that condemn me.

"Die!"

27,755th time

"This may be a bit overdue, but I noticed that I no longer need you."

She tilts her head. Maybe this is all happening too quickly for her.

"Actually, I noticed long ago that you are a hindrance, you know? But I didn't want to be cruel. After all, we were originally 'friends'."

But we are not friends anymore.

I guess she still considers me a 'friend'. Until yesterday, we were so close that we would discuss the trials and tribulations of each other's love lives. But now that I have changed, I can't think like that anymore. Therefore, we are no longer 'friends'.

But I'm not entirely to blame here: no matter how I treat her, she is incapable of retaining any doubts about me. Even when I speak to her completely differently than I did before, she's incapable of noticing.

—Nobody can disturb my transformation.

That is the rule of this world.

Let us assume that, in the normal world, I change while others stay the same. She thinks of me as a friend. So if I change, she perceives it as something unusual. That alone already restricts my freedom to transform myself. It's similar to the reaction that people would have toward someone who suddenly dyed his hair blond during summer vacation. My options would be limited when I'm placed in an environment where I cannot freely evolve.

In that case, I would not be able to achieve my one and only wish, 'spending today with no regrets'.

That is why this convenient rule exists.

Right. This world was created solely for my convenience.

And yet—

And yet... what? I cannot think of what lies ahead.

I get the feeling that I must not think about that subject.

So I bring up another subject instead.

"Don't you think that 'love' is like spilling soy sauce on a white dress?"

She doesn't seem to understand my metaphor and tilts her head quizzically.

"Let's say you spilled soy sauce on your white dress, okay? Well, try to wipe it off: the dress will still be stained. Those stains are eternal. Thus, you will always remember 'aah, I spilled soy sauce there...' whenever you see them. There is no way you can forget about it since the stains remain there forever."

I open a drawer in the cupboard.

"You know what makes me sick?"

I tightly grasp the handle of a kitchen knife inside the drawer.

"That it was a stain like that that broke me!"

"That it was a stain like that that broke me!"

I take out the kitchen knife.

I have used this kitchen knife several times already for the same purpose. This particular kitchen knife happens to be the sharpest.

She turns pale when she sees that I'm holding the kitchen knife. She asks me, "What are you going to do with that?" although I bet she has some idea of what's about to happen. But she cannot believe that I would ever do what she is 'predicting'.

"You want to know what I am going to do with this? Ufufu..."

But you know what? I'm really sorry to say this, but it's probably—

"I will reject you!"

—exactly what you expected.

I f*cked ******(censored) with a *****(censored).

I try to avoid comprehending the dark and painful feeling that's about to arise. Even though resistance is futile, even though it's required for my goals, I try to resist…because I don't want to feel this way; because I want to keep acting like I didn't understand this feeling.

She has collapsed and is spitting up blood.

She must be suffering. How pitiful.

I probably failed. I should have f*cked her as painlessly as possible.

"You know, failing at this can turn out to be really scary. Boys develop an absurd power when they're desperate. Even a slender boy is much stronger than I am. Being struck with such strength is very painful. But the looks in their eyes when they hit me are far scarier. They look at me as if I'm trash. Why did I fail again? ...ah, right. Because I used a cheap knife just because it looked cool. It's pretty hard to kill people with such a thing, you know? And it's unpleasant at that. Stabbing or cutting people is... It's gross! I could vomit because of it. I've also cried, asking myself why I have to do such unpleasant things. But you know? In the end, the same thing will happen over and over as long as the person in question takes the same actions. And because of that, my desired future will never arrive. So I have no choice but to erase that person, right? It can't be helped, can it? Isn't that just cruel? Why do I have to do such things?"

She's looking at me with powerless eyes.

"But to tell you the truth, maybe I wouldn't even need to stab you like that. In the end, 'rejecting' is just a matter of mindset. But you know? I couldn't find any other way. I couldn't 'reject' anyone except by killing him or her with my own hands. It's not that easy to 'reject' someone from the bottom of my heart. I placed a burden on my heart. And by creating these feelings of guilt, I forced myself to flee from that person. Thanks to that, I can truly feel that I don't want to meet the person anymore—I've 'rejected' them. Nobody will be able to remember that person anymore, no matter what happens."

Her head droops. She seems unable to hold it up any longer.

"I know! It's my fault, right? It's all my fault, right? But tell me, what should I do then? ...Sorry. You have no idea, do you? Aah, why am I even talking so much? I know why. I'm so anxious, so anxious, so anxious, I can't be quiet. I'm secretly hoping that you might forgive me after I explain myself. But there's no way you'd forgive me, is there? I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so selfish. But you know? I'm the one who suffers the most, after all. I'm properly accepting the blame. I know that I'm doing something bad. So, to be honest, I couldn't care less about what you think of me."

I wonder who I'm talking to?

But I have a hunch that it doesn't matter. I've never talked to anyone in particular, anyway. I've never even considered the person who's collapsed on the floor a 'friend'.

I'm alone anyway.

"N-No—"

And yet, I don't want to admit it.

Even though it makes me all the more aware of just how alone I am in such a place, I can't help but scream:

Please come!

Come quickly!

"Kazu-kun!"

I wonder when... when I started to address him so casually? Although I've repeatedly gotten his permission to address him that way during these time loops, he never remembers.

Just now, the door opens.

He's here.

The one I've been longing for, Kazuki Hoshino, is here.

Kazu-kun loses his ability to speak upon seeing this terrible spectacle. Next to him is that annoying girl, Aya Otonashi, who's living in my box like a parasite.

"...so you've finally come, Kazu-kun."

I'm amazed at my own words.

Just how stupid am I?

Just how many times did Kazu-kun betray my expectations? Didn't I give up on him several times after the uncountable number of betrayals?

It's not even a coincidence that he appeared here. I decided to invite him here, in order to show him this scene.

And yet I can't help but expect a miracle from him because he showed up, just like that time long ago. I'm starting to expect that he will return me to the real world.

Although—there's no way that would happen.

Kazu-kun's eyes are wide open.

"Kazuki. I can guess how you feel. But you should have known."

The redundant girl says something.

"That the owner is—Kasumi Mogi."

Kazu-kun turns his widened eyes to the collapsed ******(censored).

What was her name again? Oh well. I forgot. I even forgot when I forgot.

"...w-why—"

You want to know why I did it?

I can't hide my irritation at Kazuki's slowness.

Reproaching him with my eyes, I scream my thoughts out loud at him.

"Die!"

It's not enough.

"Die, die"

It's still not enough.

"Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die"

I just don't want to—

"—die!!"

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