Published at 26th of March 2019 12:07 am

Volume 2, Part 8

May 4th (Monday) 12:35

I stand in front of Miyazaki-kun's room and take a deep breath.

Maria has already slipped into the room next door. She confirmed that it was unoccupied last time.

I breathe out and ring the chime to Miyazaki-kun's room.

There was no reaction. That's to be expected, though.

But I'm sure.

That Miyazaki-kun is in there.

"Come out."

I knock on the door.

"Come out, please come out—"

What I'm going to do will hurt him terribly. I realize that, but continue anyway.

"Please come out—Nii-san"

I address Miyazaki-kun like Riko Asami did over the phone.

"Save me, Nii-san!"

Miyazaki-kun was probably planning to spend his time until May 6th secluded in his room without contacting [Riko Asami].

But I'm sure he can't ignore [Riko Asami] when she directly seeks his help.

The door opens.

Miyazaki-kun lookes even worse than he did yesterday.

"......Is Otonashi nearby?"

"No."

"...What did you do until now?"

"Maria Otonashi caught me... But I was able to deceive [Kazuki Hoshino] and slip away! However, why did you not answer my phone, Nii-san?"

"—Well... ...Anyway! Why are you calling me 'Nii-san'? Didn't you stop that?"

"Err..."

Asami-san called him 'Nii-san' in that earlier phone call, so did she stop doing that?

I suppress my burgeoning nervousness and quickly counter with a random explanation off the top of my head.

"I thought it may be weird to not call you 'Nii-san' though Maria Otonashi is calling me 'Riko Asami' by now... Leaving that aside, why did I get caught, Nii-san? What should I do now?"

I ask him a question before he could doubt my explanation. Miyazaki-kun kept silent in response and bites his lips.

His expression convinces me that Miyazaki-kun believes that I'm [Riko Asami].

"Will you save me, Nii-san?"

Of course I don't want to drown Miyazaki-kun in bitterness.

I want him to say that he won't save [Riko Asami] anymore. I want him to say that he will help us. That way I won't have to torment him anymore.

Still, Miyazaki-kun smiles stiffly at me and says: "Yeah, I will save you!"

I proceed to the next step.

"Save me? Could you please stop that?"

Unable to grasp the situation, those words cause his eyes to open wide.

"......Huh?"

"I'm telling you to stop saving [Riko Asami]!"

He still doesn't grasp the situation and stands completely still.

Thus, I clear things up for him.

"I am [Kazuki Hoshino]."

"Hoshino...?" he murmurs. He stays dumbfounded for a while, but at last he notices that [Kazuki Hoshino] is imitating [Riko Asami] and seizes me by the collar with wild anger flashing in his eyes.

"What are you up to, you bastard?! Is it fun to tease me?! Do you know just how repugnant you're acting, HUH?!"

"I know..."

"So what is this?! Try explaining yourself!"

I start wavering before opening my mouth, because the words I'm going to say will definitely hurt him.

"Miyazaki-kun, it's just that you try to help [Riko Asami] instinctively when she seeks help. Maria told you, didn't she? You haven't chosen anything."

The sharpness remains in his eyes, but his grip on my collar weakens slightly.

"......Didn't I tell you? I'm just saving my sister."

"You were about to save her again right now after all. But it wasn't your sister, it was me who was seeking help, you know?"

After he hears those words, his eyes open wide.

"Tell me, Miyazaki-kun. Is a mysterious being you can't even distinguish from me really so important to you?"

I'm sure he wants to counter my ill will. But unable to object, he just keeps biting down on his lips so hard that they turn white.

"Feel free to save your sister. I can't do anything about that! But you know? [Riko Asami] is not your sister. Come on, Miyazaki-kun, tell me once again:"

I pose my question.

"Who will you save?"

Miyazaki-kun scowls at me.

I scowl back at him.

"......Damn it!!" Miyazaki-kun roars and furiously releases my collar.

He raises his fist to take his anger out on the wall... but stops and slumped over.

"......Just do what you want," he says while gazing at the ground.

"Just do what you want! If you want to stop the Sevennight in Mud, do it out of my sight. Don't bother me anymore. I won't interfere anymore."

"I'm afraid to say—that's not enough."

Miyazaki-kun looks up to me.

"...What is not enough?!"

"It's literally as I said. This much determination, this much resolution is not enough. You will have to actively destroy the Sevennight in Mud for us."

He screws up his face in anger.

"You bastard—are you aware of what you're saying?! You seriously want me to help you torment her?!"

"I guess so."

"Don't fuck with me!! There's no way I could do that! You should know that I've hit my limit by promising not to interfere!"

"Well, yeah, I know. After all, you were about to help her a few moments ago, right?"

"......"

"That's why I'm saying that it's not enough. Nothing will change with just this level of resolution! [She] will still come to you and depend upon you without doubt. And you would eventually hold out your hand again; you'd basically be supporting the Sevennight in Mud!"

Hearing my words, Miyazaki-kun averts his eyes and murmurs:

"But... I can't abandon her so easily."

"But you have to make a decision. [Riko Asami] will come here soon."

"......What?"

"[Riko Asami] urged me to escape from Maria by threatening me. I decided to act as if I obeyed her demand. [She] will definitely come to you when she thinks that I complied with her demand."

".....The next switch occurs at 13:00, huh."

"Yes. Until then you have to decide how you treat her. If you save [Riko Asami] and the box is completed, only [Riko Asami], who is noone at all, will remain. If you reject her, we will recover Riko Asami."

"You want me to believe you? Haha... this is quite a stupid trade."

"So you don't mind the former outcome?"

Miyazaki-kun clenches his fist after hearing my words.

"...of course I do! I'm aware of it all this even without your comments! But rejecting her... that's just impossible, isn't it...?"

He may say that, but he is still not able to decide.

This is troublesome. Miyazaki-kun must reject [Riko Asami]. He must make her fall into despair. Therefore, I go on to the last step.

"I was always wondering. Why do you, Miyazaki-kun, believe in the existence of the Sevennight in Mud? I mean, isn't it quite unbelievable for someone who has never obtained a box that [Riko Asami] is inside me?"

He raises his head and peeks at my face.

"Tell me! How could you believe in something so unrealistic?"

"......what are trying to imply?"

"Can you not come up with the reason? Okay, I'll tell you! I can only think of one reason to believe the existence of the box. Tell me, Miyazaki-kun, you have—"

I ask him a certain question that I didn't mention to Maria.

"—met O, haven't you?"

Miyazaki-kun's expression stiffens up severely.

"I don't know how you met him. But I know that O wanted you to help [Riko Asami]."

"——"

His face turns paler and paler in mute amazement.

I guess he didn't understand right away who I meant by O. O is originally only perceptible by an owner. I was only able to perceive O when I was told his name.

…And then remembered what he had done to me.

"—Ah"

Miyazaki-kun holds his head, eyes still wide open.

"I know what you feel since I know O. It's not like you forgot about him. You just can't remember him. Therefore, you may not be able to remember what he told you, but it has entered your subconscious. That's why you were able to believe in the box. And he made you think that you must help [Riko Asami]."

"......W-Wait a moment. Why... Why do you know about this anyway, Hoshino?!"

He raises his head, voice all a-tremble, unable to hide his fear.

"As I said: I don't! But I know that O won't achieve his goal if you don't help [Riko Asami]."

"His goal...? What on earth is his goal...?"

"His goal is to observe me. ...Well, you probably won't understand, but it's the truth. But this box, while interesting to observe, is very frail. [Riko Asami] is just at too much of a disadvantage. Possessing the body of someone else is undoubtedly painful. She wouldn't be able to oppose me unless she at least has information about what's happening when it's not her turn. O had to arrange things to allow us to have a proper fight, or else this box would just be destroyed without any enjoyment for him. Thus, O used you to achieve a balance."

After hearing my words, Miyazaki-kun slowly lowers his head. Then he stops moving completely.

"...That's all I can tell you!"

This is the last spell thats shackling him. A spell unknowingly implanted in him that made him protect the box. Now that I explained everything to him, this spell should be broken.

"Okay, I'm off then. It's almost 13:00. I leave it to you to decide how to treat [Riko Asami] when she comes to meet you. Since [I] won't be there then, I can't stop you."

"......I will save her. Did you not hear me?"

I don't reply, because I realize that he just doesn't want to admit his defeat.

I close the door without checking on his expression.

"......"

I walk toward the stairs. I immediately hear someone rushing toward me from the next room. But I don't turn around.

"Kazuki... why didn't you tell me that O had been interfering!"

It's not like I chose not to tell her. It occurred to me right before we got here. There was no time to tell her.

"Why do you not answe—Kazuki???"

But her anger pleases me. I lay my head on Maria's shoulder.

I am the enemy of [Riko Asami]. Thus I have to make [Riko Asami] surrender, even if this means I must use Miyazaki-kun.

I have no other choice. I must do so. But still—

"Distressing someone is quite... distressing," I whisper, unable to raise my head.

But I chose to regain my everyday life.

I was about to sacrifice someone for my own sake. That's why I longd for someone to blame me. To scold me by saying "You're repulsive!"

However, Maria keeps silent for some reason.

Even worse, she gently stroked my hair.

"......"

I wonder why?

Why does this feel so pleasant, despite being the exact opposite of what I was hoping for her to do?

May 4th (Monday) 13:00

There was no fragrance of peppermint. AtashiI was holding a weekly manga magazine in my hands as I did once before. I was able to slip out of Maria Otonashi's room.

"Haha!"

I succeeded! My threat succeeded!

The feeling of being cornered vanishes into thin air. Everything's all right. I can still fight now. First I have to meet Ryuu Miyazaki.

I leave the shop and make sure of my whereabouts. I know this main street. Ryuu Miyazaki's apartment should be nearby.

I go to his apartment and ring the chime.

Ryuu Miyazaki instantly opens the door.

His face is pale. The rings under his glasses have turned even darker. And he does not say anything. He just stares silently at me.

"...hey, what happened?"

"......Nothing."

His denial shows me, however, that something had definitely happened.

"Did Maria Otonashi do anything to you?"

"No... she didn't do anything."

His answer has no intonation whatsoever and sounds almost mechanical. Something was obviously wrong. Well, he seemed strange already before, but this strangeness is a step further.

"Won't you come in for now?" he plainly urges me. I do as he says while regarding him somewhat suspiciously.

"...What's that?"

I notice right after entering that his window was broken.

"Aah, Otonashi broke it."

Nii-san answers dispiritedly. Maria Otonashi must have done something to him. There isn't any other explanation.

"...did our strategy fail yesterday?"

"Yeah."

Another halfhearted reply. ...Honestly, what's wrong?

"Why did you not answer Atashimy call?"

"...'Atashi', huh."

"Hah?"

"Didn't you use to call yourself 'Boku'?"

[Note: Again the matter of Boku/Atashi. See above for details.]

...Right, I have to fix that again.

"...Just a little mistake. BokuI am no one after all."

"......It's after 13:00, huh," he says while looking into the distance.

"Well yeah, but why so out of the blue...?"

"You stole this block of time frame on the third day. Therefore it's definitely you. That's why I can be sure. But if it were 14:00... I would probably assume that Hoshino is trying to deceive me again and wouldn't realize that it's you. Unlike Maria Otonashi, I cannot distinguish you guys by the usage of your facial muscles, you know."

"......You've lost me there."

"Tell me, what do you call me?"

"Hah? 'Ryuu Miyazaki' of course; haven't I been saying that this all the time?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Right."

"Stop that weird talk. You better tell me what happened yesterday!"

"Okay."

After he nods, Ryuu Miyazaki sits down and stares at the black monitor.

"I executed our strategy. As you can see, it proved to be a failure."

I expect him to continue, so I wait while he stares at the monitor without moving. However, he doesn't speak.

"Eh? That's all...?"

"I don't know any more! Our strategy failed and Kazuki Hoshino was taken back by Maria Otonashi. I don't know anything about what happened thereafter. I have no idea what happened between them!"

"......What? That doesn't help me a bit."

"Well, I guess it doesn't," Ryuu Miyazaki says coldly, still without looking at me.

"......Are you planning to abandon me?"

He still doesn't look at me.

I see. That's what he's up to. He will again just cover his ears and ignore everything.

"You regret it, don't you?"

He finally looks up at me when he hears those words.

"You regret that you noticed Riko Asami's misfortune when you rushed to her because of her plea for help—and that she involved you in this matter, right? Exactly! If you remained ignorant, you would have been able to live carelessly, just lamenting your own misfortune. If you didn't answer Riko Asami's call that time—"

"I don't regret that!"

He cuts me off.

"I only regret that I didn't notice sooner. If I had, I would have been able to avert all of this. Therefore, everything from the origin to the outcome is all my fault. I don't want to make a mistake like that ever again!"

He finally fully turns his head toward me.

"That's why I decided to continue helping Riko out. No matter what, this decision won't change."

"......Nii-san."

My chest warms up.

Nii-san is saying this with complete honesty.

"Thank you, Nii-san... Continue to help me out!"

"'Nii-san,' huh."

Nii-san nods slightly.

"Hey... let me reconfirm your goal."

"Why so late? —Well, I don't mind! My goal is to obtain Kazuki Hoshino. To make [Kazuki Hoshino] surrender for the sake of this goal. To torment Kazuki Hoshino so much that he scratches his own neck open, to make him succumb so completely that he submits his own body with the words 'Please be my master' while genuflecting."

"...I see, so that's it without doubt?"

"Of course. Haven't I told you several times?"

Nii-san murmurs several times "You did, you did," lowers his gaze and stops talking. This seems weird to me, so I peek at his face.

"—Eh?"

He is crying. Nii-san is crying.

"N-Nii-san, why are you crying?"

It seems he didn't notice until I mentioned it; Nii-san confirms that he was crying by touching his cheeks in surprise, and wipes his tears away roughly with his arm.

How long has it been since I've last seen Nii-san's tears? I probably last saw them when we noticed the our parents' deception. Nii-san stopped crying entirely after that. To be able to continue fighting against an invisible something inside him, he stopped showing any weakness to others.

This person is crying.

"......I will save her."

He murmurs.

"I made this decision. I decided to help my sister out. My weak Riko. I decided to help her out at least this one time, because I had failed to support her when I was busy with my own issues. I decided. To save her. To save her, save her, save her, save her, save her, save her. I did decide this, but—"

He raises his head and looks at me.

"—Who are you?"

My breathing stops.

"Riko is the one I decided to save. But—who are you? Tell me, who on earth are you!?"

"...W-What are you saying, Nii-san? I am—"

"No one. You said so yourself a few minutes ago, didn't you?"

...I did. I indeed said that.

"Exactly. You can't be Riko. If you were Riko, why would you look like Kazuki Hoshino? But you aren't Kazuki Hoshino either. So who are you? Tell me... why should I help out a completely unknown guy? I don't give a fuck about you!!"

This is wrong.

I knew that these cannot be Nii-san's true feelings.

"For me you're just a fake copy of my sister, who I cannot distinguish from [Kazuki Hoshino]!"

These words are only intended to hurt me.

And to hurt himself.

"N-Nii-san—"

"Stop that!" Nii-san says in order to suppress the emotions rising in his heart.

"Don't call me 'Nii-san,' you damn stranger!!"

Like that he crushes his heart and—

"Aah—"

—Atashimine, as well.

Nii-san won't save me. Because I'm not Nii-san's sister. Yeah, that's right. I am not Riko Asami. So who am I? Kazuki Hoshino? No. Not yet. Wait a sec... in the first place, did I really wish to become Kazuki Hoshino anyway?

"Aah—"

What is it that I really wanted?

Actually, I might have known since I obtained the box.

I recall the time before my parents divorced.

I thought we were quite a happy family. At holidays, we often went to the shopping district, watched movies or went to all-you-can-eat shabu-shabu restaurants. We were that kind of family. My father always visited my room right after he came home from work, whereupon I used to urge him unsuccessfully to knock before entering. My mother always made refined and cute boxed lunches for me. I quarreled all the time with Nii-san, but even so, we always played together.

I thought that on the whole, we were all on good terms. I never doubted that we would always be together like other families.

But this was all a lie.

Our household didn't crumble. It had been a lie from the start.

I remember that Nii-san once said this to me when they told us about the divorce:

'That's great. So we finally don't need to act like a happy family anymore. And I'm released from these feelings of guilt.'

I couldn't grasp the meaning of those words right away. But after a while I understood. I mean, why did my parents look like they were on good terms though they would be divorcing? Why did they smile awkwardly after treating me kindly?

It was all just pretense to deceive me and make me think we were a happy family. But not even for my sake—they just did it to soothe their own feelings of guilt.

That's why I thought that 'happiness' can only be attained by stealing it from others.

But is it really something you can steal?

So, what did I want to do? I don't know. I have no idea. No clue. I don't want to know. I don't have the box anymore, after all.

But for now I ought to escape. I must escape.

I ought to slip out of this room quickly. I just have to slip out of here. Then I can still escape.

I try to quickly escape, but stumble instead. Standing up somehow seems like a waste of time, so I half-crawl toward the door.

For some reason, slender, beautiful legs, like those of a model, appear in front of me.

I look up.

"W-Why—"

The person standing there is—Maria Otonashi.

Such timing... don't tell me...?! I turn around and look at Nii-san. He is holding his head in his arms and secluding himself from everything around him. Nii-san knew that Maria Otonashi was nearby. He had already decided to abandon me. Knowing that I would come to him, he had already decided from the start to hand me over to Maria Otonashi.

"—It's unreasonable anyway."

She says in a monotone.

"One can't possibly throw oneself away. Even if you did, your self would come chasing after you. You knew this since the beginning. That's why you cannot throw yourself away even if you have the box. What you can achieve with your wish in the box doesn't go further than this. You cannot gain anything using the Sevennight in Mud. You are just slowly swallowing mud as you sink deeper into the mud."

The person I adore says this to me—the person who was unable to emulate her.

So what about you? Are you also unable to gain anything because you have thrown yourself away?

I look up at her face. Her glance seems sorrowful to me somehow.

I have to escape. But where to? This room isn't my refuge and Maria Otonashi is blocking the way in front of me. I'm still just crawling on the floor and can't do anything. I can't go anywhere.

I, can't go, anywhere.

"Let me ask you a question. I asked this already once long ago, but answer me once more. Tell me—"

She posed her question.

"—Who are you?"

I'm—

"Who am I...?"

I'm the one who wants to know that.

She takes her cell phone out for some reason and holds it out to me, as I sit on the ground.

"Let me tell you who you are."

It was [his] voice, the voice of the one who doesn't doubt his identity, no matter how hard I rattle his existence.

[Kazuki Hoshino] answers my question.

"You are nobody at all; You're just an enemy who only exists to be defeated by me."

"No......"

I am not such a being.

I don't live for your sake! As if I'd accept such an absurdity!

"—I am Riko Asami!!"

I admit it, but then I realize that I just made a big mistake.

I mean, I cannot possibly become Kazuki Hoshino anymore, now that I admitted to being Riko Asami. I cannot make myself believe that anymore. My retreat was just cut off.

The moment I realize that—

"Aa, aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

The box suddenly starts to swell up. It rushes through my veins like a bullet and hurts my whole body, it hurts, aah, I can't endure it! Stop it, it hurts, stop it, someone save me! I want to take it out! But I cannot take it out, I can't, I can't. The box doesn't exist in this body! But then why does it hurt? Stop it, stop it stop it!!

"I got it... I got it already, so stop it..."

It's because I understood that I cannot be anyone but myself.

I made a mistake. I sought the wrong wish from this box. I don't need such a body. That doesn't make any sense. I... I only—

"I only wanted to attain happiness!"

But this is not possible anymore.

Happiness doesn't await me anymore, since I am on a blood-stained path.

I clung to the girl who succeeded in becoming a different self, who called herself a box.

I won't make that mistake anymore. I won't make that mistake anymore, so please!

"Save me!"

May 4th (Monday) 14:00

Strangely enough, I immediately notice that my vision is blurry because of the tears in my eyes.

I wipe away those tears, and see Maria standing in front of me, suppressing her feelings.

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