Published at 26th of March 2019 12:07 am

Volume 7, Part 4

In my dreams, a spider was spinning sticky webs that would never release anyone unfortunate enough to get caught. The spider would never rush. It would slowly devour any prey that got caught in its web, all the while emitting a paralyzing poison from its fangs that would delight the victim. Indulged by a sweet illusion, the prey would be gradually consumed. Oh … is the spider feasting on a person? Is the victim wearing a cap? Or is it Yamash*ta-san? …No.

It was me.

I was squirming in rapture as the spider devoured me, as it nibbled away on my fingers, my legs, my head—even as it started eating its way into my insides.

"…H … ah … hah … hah!"

I woke up.

Ever since that incident, I had been haunted by nightmares on a nightly basis.

"I must get an answer…"

Why had Aya-oneechan shown me such an awful scene? What was the point of doing that?

I knew that until I got an answer, I wouldn't be able to get rid of my nightmares, but I lacked the courage to pursue that answer.

"Ew…" I uttered while holding my head. My head was aching horribly from my lack of sleep. I covered my eyes with my hands and recalled Aya-oneechan's face.

I recalled that—incredibly charming smile.

While I couldn't predict exactly what would happen, I knew that we would no longer be normal sisters once I asked her for an answer.

It was a muggy summer night. I immediately started to sweat once I left my air-conditioned room. The abrupt change of temperature gave me a brief fit of dizziness and breathlessness.

I had come to a decision.

Summoning up my courage, I knocked on Aya-oneechan's door. Never before had I knocked on this door while in such a gloomy mood. Normally, I would be excited because of my deep love and affection for my sister.

There was no response, but I entered the room nonetheless.

I was greeted by a mix of various scented oils—the smell that never failed to calm me down.

When I looked at the bed in that dark room, I saw Aya-oneechan lying on her side with her back turned toward me.

"Onee-chan," I said.

She turned around and looked at me. Her clear, jewel-like eyes stared back at me. That alone was enough to make my thoughts an open book.

"Come here," she said as she beckoned me over to her bed.

I'm sure that under normal circumstance, I would have happily leapt at her invitation.

"What's wrong, Maria?" she asked when she noticed that I wasn't budging.

"Um, you know … I was meaning to ask…" I said, clenching my fists. "W-What was that all about?"

"Hm…? Do you want to know why I showed you that incident? Is that your question?"

I nodded.

"Maria. I have been answering your question all this time. Ever since I came to this house, I have been telling you that I am only seeking to achieve one thing."

"Is that—"

There is one thing that Aya-oneechan was always talking about from when I first met her. It was her utopian pipe dream.

"I want to make everyone in the world happy."

What she said matched my expectations word for word.

I shook my head.

"I don't get it, Onee-chan … what you did caused the exact opposite of happiness … no?"

"On the surface, yes. But Maria … you haven't heard about how my class has behaved after that incident, have you?"

"Huh?"

"My class was in an abnormal state. I was the source of great conflict that caused a stifling atmosphere. My classmates must have felt horrible. Eventually, those hard feelings spread out throughout our school and the problem could no longer be ignored, since everyone was involved. Everyone was thinking about a way to settle the dispute. And here's the question, Maria: Why did all this happen?"

She had said more than enough for me to figure out the answer.

"Because of my guidance."

Yes, that was the underlying truth. She had deliberately aggravated the problem.

"But that big problem collapsed all at once after that incident happened. The students are enjoying their school life to its fullest now that they have finally been released from their worries," she explained with a gentle smile. "By confronting them with such a problem, they also gained a lot of life experience. I am sure that they will never again make a similar mistake. In effect, I increased their happiness by provoking this incident and made sure that their lives will proceed more smoothly in the future."

I pictured how all the students in her classroom, and even her teachers, smiled awkwardly around Aya-oneechan.

…I didn't know whether or not that could be called "happiness," but there was a more crucial issue to be raised anyway.

"But to get there, you ruined that boy with the cap and Yamash*ta-san … no, you must have brought ill fortune to many other people, didn't you?"

"The number of people who have become happy is greater than the number who have become unhappy. But your objection is absolutely valid. Since my goal is to make everyone in the world happy, there should be no sacrifices. I had to resort to such measures because of my incompetence," she explained.

"So you can live with sacrifices like making someone a criminal or having someone's house burnt down?!"

"Even though I might not be able to approve of such a sacrifice, if it leads to more people being happy, I will always choose it. Besides, the experience I gained will open up new possibilities in the future."

"That's wrong … that's just wrong…!"

A normal person wouldn't make such a decision; this was just plain wrong. Aya-oneechan seemed to lack something on an emotional level.

"How is it wrong? Would you mind elaborating? All I'm saying is that I will sacrifice 10 people if it saves 100 people, even though I'm not content with that solution."

"B-But … it's still wrong!"

I was sure that she was wrong. I had confidence in my morals, but I couldn't produce a convincing argument. All I could do was shake my head like a little child.

"Urm … urm…! There should have been another way…! I can't think of anything offhand but someone as smart as you should have no problem finding a way, Onee-chan! For instance … could you not use positive feelings like trust and affection to make everyone happy in some way?"

"I tried that in elementary school."

"Huh?"

"The lessons I learned were that giving people what they want only results in temporary delight, and that you can only make a select few people happy that way."

"…I don't know what you mean!"

"I suppose words alone do not suffice. Fine. Would you open the drawer of my desk? The one at the top."

Anxiety made me stay put; whatever I was going to find would shatter all of my beliefs.

Since I wasn't moving, Aya-oneechan stood up. She turned on the chandelier and opened the top drawer of her desk.

From the drawer, she produced a notebook and handed it to me. It was the notebook the boy with the cap had given her when he came to our house. "I had him steal it for me, but don't tell anyone," she said with a grin. Even a comment like that wasn't surprising to me anymore.

The notebook was titled "Diary."

"Go ahead, read it."

I had a bad feeling about this, but I did as she said and started reading the diary.

"It's a forbidden love."

The diary started with that line and, while not mentioning the name of the beloved, was clearly about Aya-oneechan. The notebook was completely focused on her.

He wrote that it was love at first sight, but that he decided that he was not allowed to confess his feelings. However, because she had noticed his stares and responded with interest, he became unable to suppress his feelings. The diary then described how delighted he was when he invited her on a date and got an OK. The date went "splendidly." He was ready to devote the rest of his life to her. He confessed his love and they started going out. The diary also contained a number of poorly written poems and observations concerning love.

I turned pale while reading the diary. The blind love described therein struck me as incredibly repulsive. Even though the author was watching Aya-oneechan all the time, he lacked the slightest understanding of her. It was as if he had made up a character description for some pretty doll named Aya.

But worst of all, I knew about the ultimate outcome.

"Maria," my sister whispered. "I could make a single man happy if I wanted, but I realized that nothing could be further from my true goal."

The diary started to take an alarming turn.

He wrote about how Aya-oneechan treated him coldly even though they were a couple. His love for her had somehow been noticed by the entire class, it became a huge problem at staff meetings, everyone in his class started to ignore him, and Aya-oneechan was the one who spread the rumors about their love.

The writing was no longer meticulous; it had turned into a furious scrawl.

The diary went on to say that he was rejected when he asked her to marry him one day. Apparently, his proposal had been recorded and the recording of him proposing to an elementary school girl was spread about in class. Everyone—the students, their guardians, his workmates—started giving him dirty looks. He was urged to quit his job, and his parents disowned him.

And then he broke into our house.

It was the love diary of Aya-oneechan's class teacher from her sixth year of elementary school. It ended with the following scrawl:

"I'll kill Aya Otonashi."

The ferocious feelings dwelling inside the diary left me nauseated; I flashed back to that horrible break-in in far greater detail.

However, I couldn't blame him.

After all, my sister had predicted that "her class teacher would quit his job."

In other words—she had seduced her teacher when she was in elementary school and cornered him mercilessly.

"…W-Why did you do that?!"

"I tried to make him happy. Doesn't he seem happy to you at the start of the diary? Alas, he was bent on having me all to himself. He did not approve of my attempts to make other people happy. Had I respected his desire to monopolize me, I would have not been able to pursue my goal, and that was out of the question. He was under the delusion that I would not love anyone other than him. It was troublesome to get rid of him; in the end I had to resort to drastic measures."

Aya-oneechan shook her head weakly.

"As you can see, the experiment was a failure. But at the same time, I got to know the close connection between love and hate, and learned that I could fine-tune my control of others by making use of both feelings. I stopped concerning myself with individuals and instead tried to tackle my goal in a roundabout way by making use of hate. In fact, this approach yielded the best results so far! That being said … the solution is still far from sufficient. I have a long way to go until I reach my ideal, but I won't stop here."

She pressed her lips together with strong resolve.

"I will continue to search for a way to make every single person in the world happy."

After making that declaration, Aya-oneechan smiled at me.

—Ah.

I finally understood why her smile had struck me as so charming back then.

It was because—

—Aya-oneechan was a true saint.

It might not be obvious at a first glance. After all, she didn't hesitate to sacrifice others and the virtuousness of her achievements was debatable. On top of that, she was clearly acting unethically.

However, her actions weren't driven by a single grain of her own desires.

She had set aside her personal desires and was only concerned with the welfare of everyone else.

I have to admit that I genuinely saw her mindset as beautiful.

Aah … am I also strange for thinking that?

"I got what you are trying to do … I think. But you haven't answered my question, Onee-chan!"

"Yes, you are right. I have yet to explain exactly why I showed you what I've been doing. But if you think about it, didn't I once predict something relevant?"

Predict.

"You will become me—you will have to."

The thought of the meaning behind that prophecy had me a-tremble.

Aya-oneechan gently touched my lips. "You will also live for the happiness of others, just like me. I wanted you to learn from me."

Me? I will do the same things as her? Abandoning my personal desires and feelings for the sake of the world?

"B-But that's impossible for me!"

I was not a superhuman like my sister. I was a weak child who could not even attend school properly because I was unable to blend in.

"This is not an issue of 'impossible or not.' You cannot defy your destiny."

"W-Why?! Isn't it enough if one of us is doing these things?! Don't get me involved!" I yelled in denial.

Aya-oneechan sighed in response, "…I was unsure whether I should say this or not, but it seems like there is no way around this matter."

"W-What do you mean…?"

"You kept Michishige-san and me together. You're my angel," she said, quoting my mother.

Those were the words that had always been my greatest reassurance.

"W-What of it…? Why bring up those words now…?"

"There seems to be love in those words. They seem to be the exact opposite of what my mother told me. But is that really the case? I mean, if you put it another way, you get:"

"You served your purpose once you were born."

My mother's words had formed the bedrock of my security. My entire identity was built on those words.

There was no way my bedrock would break with a single sentence.

"——Ah…"

—And yet.

"Ew … AAAAAH…"

I could not withstand this assault.

A single sentence was enough to shatter the one thing that had sustained me.

Like a house of cards, it all fell apart, never to be restored.

Aah … it happened so quickly, I must have had suspicions all along. I must have sensed that my parents didn't care about me. I must have sensed the true message behind those words of "love."

"—U … gh…"

It wasn't like I had been mistreated or subjected to excessive restrictions. There was absolutely nothing tangible that I could complain about to my parents.

But I could not deny that we were nothing but unneeded annoyances for Michishige-san and mother.

Right—

We were not needed.

Aya-oneechan cuddled my head in her arms and comforted me.

"You are special, Maria," she said while embracing me in a gentler manner than usual. "You are still an untouched, hollow shell. You have boundless possibilities. You are so exceptionally pure that if there were a god that grants wishes, he would appear before you, not me.

"However," she added, "that also means that you are empty."

"W-What should I…"

"We are empty, both of us. But if we keep looking for our purpose, we will eventually be able to fill that void in our hearts. Let's make our purpose an enormous one, Maria. Let's make everyone in the world happy. If we succeed, everyone will need us," she said and whispered into my ears: "There will be a meaning to our birth."

However, I muttered, "…Maybe … I'm gonna find another goal…"

I was not yet willing to devote myself to something like Aya-oneechan had.

"…Hey, Maria. I have the ability to control people to a certain degree, even if I just met them, right?"

"Yeah, you do…"

"How many years have passed since we met, Maria? How many years have we spent under a single roof? How can you be so sure that you have not been influenced by me?"

"…Ah…"

"…Right, Maria. You are already under my control. I have manipulated you to wish for universal happiness. You can resist as much as you want, but in the end you will arrive at the same decision."

She continued:

"Maria Otonashi will become Aya Otonashi."

The instant that she said that, I saw the semi-translucent spider webs. I saw the cobweb of my nightmares that would not let me go.

I was caught up in the cobwebs, unable to escape. I was going to be devoured like the teacher who had written that diary, like the boy with the cap, and like all other people who associated with Aya-oneechan.

She smiled at me.

"Let us begin, Maria! We may not bear a grudge against anyone, but we have a formless enemy who torments our minds. His name is emptiness. Let's show him—"

With a charming, ever so charming smile, she continued:

"How we take revenge!"

✵

Their funeral was held on a rainy day.

I was standing in my school uniform without speaking to anyone, embracing Aya-oneechan's funeral photograph.

When I looked at myself in a mirror, all I saw was an empty shell that could be easily crushed under the lightest of pressure.

"Maria, when I'm 14, I will leave this place!"

Why did she choose to die together with our parents? I wondered. She could no longer achieve her goal, after all.

But clearly, she had planned all this beforehand, or else she wouldn't have predicted it.

In other words, Aya-oneechan had planned all along to entrust me with her ultimate goal of making everyone in the world happy. That's why she had made me witness the arson incident and showed me the diary.

She must have come to the conclusion that she had finished transferring her mandate to me.

On her 14th birthday, Aya-oneechan manipulated the hatred of her former teacher so that he'd cause an accident that killed all parties involved.

Revenge.

She had said to take revenge.

Aya-oneechan must have loathed her family for creating the inner emptiness that tormented her. Taking revenge on them was another goal of hers that she never told me about. She had planned for their deaths from the very beginning.

I was also a part of the family that she wanted to take revenge on, but in my case, she did not avenge herself through murder, but by taking my heart captive.

As proof of that, I had nowhere else to go.

My relatives were busy making a fuss about who was to take the cursed child of an affair, who was to inherit the money, who was to inherit the house, who was to inherit the other property, and so on. The inheritance dispute that occurred outside of my awareness resulted in their taking all our property, including the land and the house, while leaving me to my own devices.

I was only given the insurance money from my parents' deaths, which was enough for me to survive on until I came of age if I lived humbly. Apparently, my relatives thought that their duty was already fulfilled.

There was no way they could provide a place where I'd belong. I figured that I was better off withering away in the abandoned cobwebs.

Before I knew it, I was left alone. Surprisingly, the impression was the opposite of being locked into a narrow room—I felt as though I had been thrown into a vast area without walls. In this colorless world, I could walk and walk, but the scenery wouldn't change and I would never arrive anywhere.

However, there was one thing that could serve as a guide.

It was a frail and transparent shadow of Aya-oneechan. Having no other place to go, I was happy to follow it.

—Aya-oneechan.

Suddenly, I noticed a big, muddy spider scurrying through the rain. Without much conscious thought, I picked it up and, like my sister had once shown me, let it crawl onto my palm. I clenched my fist.

When I opened my hand again, the big spider was still on my palm. I could not bring myself to squash it. The spider, still alive, crawled off my hand and disappeared somewhere, leaving my hand dirty with mud.

It was at that moment that I strongly felt that—

—I was going to become Aya Otonashi.

When I finally came to, I found myself standing in the pouring rain. I didn't remember how I had gotten there, nor did I remember how much time had passed since the funeral.

I was in an unfamiliar place. My uniform and my skirt were drenched.

The downpour washed away my feelings, left me bereft of warmth, abraded my form, diluted my blood, and melted me into the soil.

How long did I keep walking? Probably not that long, but the aimless trip tore at my soul.

I kept walking—

And by the time my soul had been completely eroded—

—I was surrounded by light.

I couldn't find another way to describe it. There was no sky or ground there and I was naked as the day I was born. I felt my spirit start to disperse into the light. That place did not allow for my individuality to "exist." Every being was equally valuable and equally valueless.

Suddenly, I sensed a soft stream of air that corresponded to my movements. However, I could see no point in controlling the breeze and prepared myself to disappear from this world.

Ah, but wait.

There's something I have to do.

I must "make everyone in the world happy."

Although I was supposed to be empty, there was still a direction for me to go in. All at once, the stream of air acquired a direction and started to gather around me.

Light!

Light!

Light was all around me!

Before I knew it, I had left the world of light and found myself in an unfamiliar forest. While listening to the cries of owls and insects, I stood up.

However, I didn't know what to do next. I stood there, unable to move. My heart lacked a driving force.

After standing there until the color of the sky changed, I slid my hand into my pocket and took something out.

It was a small gift bag. It contained a bottle of scented oil that I had planned to give my sister for her birthday.

I opened the lid.

A subtle scent of peppermint started to spread around me and I regained enough sensation to feel uncomfortable in my mud-smeared uniform.

Suddenly, I noticed that I was holding a box.

It was a beautiful, translucent box shaped like a cube. However, the box looked terribly fragile, as if made of thin glass.

I instinctively knew that this box would grant a wish. I had the chance to make any wish come true.

Needless to say, there was only one wish I could make.

I named my box "Bliss."

However, it ended up "flawed."

✵✵✵

—Bang, bang!

I wake up to the sound of someone banging on the wall.

"…Hm…"

I rub my eyes. I think I had a nostalgic dream, but I forgot about it the moment I woke up.

The scent of peppermint fills my room; it's the aroma that spurs on my body and heart even though I've long since reached my limit.

"Okay then, time to go."

I stand up so I can continue to seek a new box. Whether or not I will find one, I must fulfill my task of making everyone in the world happy, even though I may have forgotten about my past.

That's the only meaning to my life.

I stagger after taking just a few steps. My slimmed-down legs have been carrying me for a long, long time—more than an entire lifetime—but I'm not allowed to stop. There's no reason to, either.

I have devoted my life to others. No one is allowed to stop me.

—Bang, bang!

Ah … that banging is getting on my nerves.

Shortly after seeing Daiya Oomine for the last time at school, I received an e-mail from his address. The message didn't include a single sentence, let alone a greeting, but contained an address located in a distant prefecture that I had nothing to do with.

While I didn't know why Daiya had sent me this e-mail, I knew that there was more to it.

I caught the next train on the Shinkansen line without waiting for the weekend. The address led me to an affluent neighborhood with luxurious buildings, but the house I was looking for was the biggest of them all.

However, the building didn't quite live up to the splendor of the surroundings. The wide garden was not exactly well maintained and left me with a lonely impression.

It didn't take long before I ran into a surprise.

The name plate said "Otonashi."

—This is where Maria grew up.

I immediately rang the doorbell, my hands shaking with excitement. A middle-aged woman answered in a listless voice. Without missing a beat, I asked her about Maria, but when she heard Maria's name, her attitude changed at once; she cut our conversation short.

There was no doubt about it. Unlike me, the woman had known Maria before her first encounter with the boxes.

In that case, there was no way I'd quit here. After all, I was even willing to sacrifice my friends for Maria. I kept ringing the doorbell until I realized that the woman had no intention of answering. Instead, I climbed over the gate and killed the pedigreed dog that I found on the property. It didn't take the woman long to turn up after she had heard the death cries of her dog, so I showed her the torn insides of her pet.

She realized how much of a lunatic I was and finally answered my questions, weeping in fear. She told me about Maria and her sister, Aya Otonashi.

Apparently, the woman was Maria's aunt. I learned from her about the deplorable accident involving the Otonashis that had left Maria alone in the world. I also found out that none of her relatives knew about Maria's current whereabouts.

It's just as I expected—Maria only has me.

I will find and save her no matter what it takes.

However, my resolve on that day has long since been obscured by the mists of time and does not matter to me anymore. Instead, I will live happily ever after in this false, colorless world, hand in hand with Mogi-san.

Aah—

I would have been so lucky if that were possible.

Share