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Utsuro no Hako to Zero no Maria (Light Novel) - Volume 7, Part 7
Volume 7, Part 7
124,622nd time
I'm confined to the now purposeless Flawed Bliss. Ten iterations have passed, but I'm still alone. It goes without saying that I have continued to kill myself during that time.
After crossing a large bridge, I arrive at the bordering prefecture. Ever since people disappeared, I've been walking around all day. Why? In search of people. Why? Because I have to be alone. I need to kill every last person. Kill? Yeah, kill. Even though I'm craving for someone to observe me? No one is allowed to be here or I won't be able to meet Maria. But I want someone to look at me, don't I? Yeah, I do.
I want to talk with someone. No matter who. I can't tell for sure if I really exist otherwise! It doesn't matter if he's the worst person alive, just give me a reaction. Being alone means losing anything and everything. Quick. Quick, let me out of this world! Do I … do I have to destroy even more? I take out a knife and cut my body into shreds. Still not enough? I thought so.
As my consciousness fades away, I die yet again.
124,628th time
—Clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank.
Solitude: this kind of torture is different from what I imagined. I thought it would be silent and slowly fill me with despair.
But I was wrong. The torture of solitude is much more violent and direct; it keeps beating my head like an iron bat.
—Clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank-clank.
It hurts. Stop it. Unable to bear the pain, I vomit and start to cry. How many times has it been? But the solitude won't show any mercy. It keeps beating me until I lose consciousness, and whenever that happens, I go on a trip through time that takes forever to recover from.
The Flawed Bliss imposed many trials. I had to kill myself countless times, I had to kill others countless times, and I even had to kill my beloved ones. That was incredibly difficult. Those were some difficult trials to bear. However, it is also true that I grew accustomed to those forms of suffering.
But solitude is different. Its overwhelming weight is growing time after time. It's simply not possible to get accustomed to it.
I keep thinking. If I don't, the person that is me will disappear because of the lack of any observers. I try to come up with something meaningful, but that's pretty difficult. Meaning does not exist without the presence of another living being. Solitude even deprives me of thought. Meaningless. Everything is meaningless. I am meaningless. There is a limit to deceiving myself by counting prime numbers.
One time, I tried to avoid commiting suicide, hoping that everything would reset itself. Yeah, I tried to erase my retained memories after all I've done, fully aware that it would render my efforts null and void. In other words, I admitted defeat. I gave in to solitude.
But even when I refrained from killing myself, I was still alone in this world. Solitude attacked me immediately after I awoke in my classroom and reminded me of everything I've done. I cannot escape from solitude. I'm not even allowed to accept defeat. It keeps pouring poison down my throat.
124,645th time
I decided to hop on a motorbike and tour the world in search of people.
Delusions are the only things left that barely hold my mind together: the delusion that there's still someone else on this planet other than me, or the delusion that this other person might be Maria. Thanks to these delusions I can still count myself as part of the group of living beings. I will be done for once I admit that there are no other people in the world. I will become unable to think. If I stop having delusions, I will effectively turn into a living stone.
That would be worse than death.
I step on the gas. Obviously there's no point in accelerating, but the solitude keeps pushing me from behind.
Unable to make a sharp corner in time, I crash into a guardrail and get launched into the air. My left leg is broken and bent the wrong way, but to my horror, there is no pain. My brain scrapped that function because there is no meaning in feeling pain in a world without inhabitants.
I try to scream out—and fail because I forgot how to scream.
124,750th time
I can no longer ride a motorbike because I lost the ability to handle sophisticated tools. This world maintains my body in its initial state, so there shouldn't be a problem with my brain, but my intellect is clearly withering. I'm also starting to have trouble with reading and writing. My consciousness is so fragmented that I don't know how many iterations have passed since I've been left alone.
My will power is undergoing even more severe degradation: I can no longer walk around in search of people even if I want to. I'm increasingly losing the power to stand up and often spend all day lying still in the classroom.
My memories are fading. I don't know who I am. Well, I do somehow remember my name: Kazuki Hoshino. But I can't remember what kind of person he was, what he liked, what he disliked, and what he lived for.
I only recall the names of my friends from time to time. The name "Mogi" keeps popping up occasionally, but I can't for the life of me remember that person's first name. I think it was a really important person. Suddenly, the name "Haruaki" crosses my mind, so I try pronouncing it, but I can't think of that person's face.
I'm sure I will soon forget how to speak. That frightens me, but there's nothing I can do. I've long since forgotten how to express emotions with my face. Even if someone were to look at me, he would certainly be unable to know what I'm thinking.
But.
But, there is one thing I mustn't forget.
I shout.
"Maria!"
"Maria!"
"Maria!"
When I chant that name, my body mysteriously starts to move without any intervention from my will. My mind and my body are separated from each other. All I can do is watch myself as I move. It feels like watching myself through a camera.
Where is my body going? There is no meaning to be found anywhere in this empty world, so where am I going?
After walking along a familiar path, I arrive at the apartment complex Maria used to live in. I climb the emergency stairs to room 403, take out my key and unlock the door.
The room is filled with a scent of peppermint. That's just a hallucination, though; there is nothing in this room that would smell like that. My memory is playing a trick on me.
But it calms me down even though it's just an illusion.
It gives me hope.
124,753rd time
After that, I formed the habit of going straight to Maria's room after waking up at school.
I would arrive at her room and find comfort in the peppermint scent.
Rinse and repeat.
125,589th time
i wake up at school
i go to marias place
"Maria," i say
im trying to say "Maria" but i dont know if im really speaking aloud
i arrive at her room. i smell something. i dont know what its called but its Maria's smell
i suddenly feel good
why arent you here Maria? im lonely, i wanna see you, please come out, i do not wish for anything else, i want to see you, i want to see you, i want to see you
—Bang, bang!
i slam against the wall. answer me. let me hear your voice just for a moment. please, while i still can understand words
—Bang, bang!
my fists are starting to bleed. i dont care. i cant sense pain anyway
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
125,770th time
i walk. same place like always. i slam wall
—Bang, bang!
i want to see you
soon, i will not understand word anymore
i want to see you
126,779th time
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
127,888th time
—Bang, bang!
"Color me impressed."
—Bang, bang!
"…Oh, you're not even going to look at me even though we haven't met in 350 years from your point of view? Well, you seem to have lost the ability to perceive other beings, let alone recognize me. You lost your mind, you forgot how to speak, you can't keep a single thought in your head, you have no will. You keep pounding on the wall for a single reason—the desire to reach Maria Otonashi. Madness is the only way to describe this. How can you keep up the act of pounding on the wall when you have degenerated to a being devoid of thought? I suppose it is similar to how insects keep collecting nutrition. The act of seeking Maria Otonashi has turned into a basic need."
—Bang, bang!
"You seek that girl so desperately that you are tearing at your soul and threw away the essence of your humanity."
—Bang, bang!
"You're a truly fearsome opponent, but this too shall pass. Even your soul has a limit. Once there is nothing left and your attachment to Maria Otonashi disappears, this world will vanish. I shall be here to witness that moment."
—Bang, bang!
"…I have to admit, though, this noise is getting on my nerves."
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
128,000th time
—Bang, bang!
130,000th time
—Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
"Unbelievable. You are still at it? This noise is seriously getting on my nerves."
140,000th time
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
"…I know this is impossible, but could it be that you will never stop? That there is no end to this process? Will you keep banging on this wall? In that case, you are neither man nor beast, and not even a machine or a thing, because neither of them is timeless. But you cannot be described as a god either, because gods come and go as the cultures of their worshippers evolve. And yet you keep banging on the wall."
—Bang, bang!
"What are you…?"
—Bang, bang!
"Who are you?"
150,000th time
—Bang, bang!
"I am the very personification of this box and bound to it. Therefore, I cannot get away from the sound of your banging on the wall."
—Bang, bang!
"How is it possible that I'm the one who is losing patience when I'm not even human? How can you outlast me when I'm only formless power given the ability to think?"
200,000th time
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
"Stop it already!"
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
"I told you to stop!"
—Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
"Are you trying to open a hole in the box? That's not technically possible. It's like cutting the planet into halves with a spoon. If you had success with such a primitive method nonetheless, there would be only one way to refer to it."
—Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
—Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
"A miracle."
400,000th time
—Bang, bang!
"…Oh, who would have thought that it would end like this? It seems like I can no longer maintain my form. While I do not know if you should be happy about it…"
—Bang, bang!
"…you win."
forget
—Bang, bang!
i
—Bang, bang!
do
"Maria"
not
"Maria"
i reach out
〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓
If I abandoned you, I would be released from this pain. I would live on. But before long, I would end up seeking you again, for all my actions are ultimately devoted to you and only you. All I want is to stay on target and walk straight ahead—ignoring the losses and opposition, and even the results. That's all I can do. Some people might call it an obsession, others may deem it a miracle—but to me and many others, my driving rationale couldn't be more obvious and natural. There are people who understand this and there are people who don't, and I simply happen to belong to the first group. The only difference is whether they have noticed that they don't need boxes to make their wishes come true, and what it means to fulfill a wish.
My commitment to find you comes with great suffering. Not once have I thought it's easy. For your sake, I laughed, cried, and yelled. Because of you, I destroyed my heart, my body, and the world. Still, I'm only really alive when I'm touching the fragment of you that I carry within me.
Even if I don't reach you in the end…
Even if I know the horrible outcome that awaits me…
I will keep searching for you, who dwells inside Maria.
I'm going to vanish. Maybe I'm getting my just deserts for being too greedy with my wish. To be honest, part of me regrets that we met, but if I were to choose between a life in which we met and a life in which we didn't, I would always pick the former. Always. I'm sure of that, even though I may be hesitating over, wavering about, and regretting my choices all the time.
I will not have accomplished anything by the time I vanish, and I'm certainly not mature enough to say that I can accept that.
Even now, I'm still dreaming—
…that my efforts might be rewarded with some kind of happy ending.
—Bang, bang!
I may have some mental issues. Ever since I destroyed Deadlock Among Mirrors, I've repeatedly heard someone banging on a wall. This has gone on for a whole week now.
Something tells me that I mustn't ignore this sound. While I'm aware of how silly it is to obey a hallucination, I can't seem to ignore it any longer; I will search for the origin.
Even though the sound seems to be coming from somewhere nearby, it takes me quite some time to reach its source. I end up traveling through two prefectures before arriving at a decrepit train station in a disappointingly unspectacular suburban town.
While the area is quite generic, I feel at home for some reason. I've probably been here before, although it doesn't matter since I can't remember it anyway. It … shouldn't matter.
—Bang, bang!
The noise has grown louder. I must be very close to its source.
I walk through the streets of this familiar yet foreign town and stop before a relatively new apartment complex. There's no doubt about it: the sound is coming from one of the apartments. Guided by the sound, I climb the emergency stairs.
Aah … I'll finally see him again.
Aah … I'll finally see him again.
—Hm? Who?
It turns out that the sound is coming from room 403. I try turning the doorknob and notice that the door is unlocked. After making up my mind, I open the door.
I immediately recognize the figure in front of me and yell:
"—O!"
The non-human being turns around and smiles at me. Apparently, O was expecting me.
"What is the meaning of this…?"
O has the appearance of a woman with long black hair who, upon closer inspection, doesn't look much older than I am. Her youth, however, is overshadowed by how charmingly beautiful she is.
On top of that, O's appearance slightly resembles mine.
—Bang, bang!
How surprising—the sound is coming from inside her.
"…So you're the source of that noise? What's your goal? To draw me here? What a roundabout way to go about it…"
Suddenly, I notice that O has become slightly transparent. Deep lines of exhaustion are carved upon her face.
While I'm still trying to figure out what's going on, she slowly walks up to me.
"Maria."
I wrinkle my brow. O has never before called me by my name, and yet it makes me feel nostalgic.
Unable to cope with these feelings, I lose my composure.
O gently wraps my cheeks in her hands.
"I wanted to stay by your side, Maria. I really did."
"What are you talking about…?"
"But it seems like I can no longer do that. The time has come to say farewell."
"Seriously, what are you talking about?!" I shout, confused by her nonsense, but O just keeps gently smiling at me.
"It's time to give up."
"…Huh?"
"It's time to give up your wish."
I get even more confused.
"W-What…? I will never give up on my wish to make everyone in the world happy. Never."
I'm sure she's just trying to confuse me with pointless banter, like she always does.
Still, I can't bring myself to shake off the hands that are warming my cheeks. Despite all the ordeals I've overcome and all the advice I've ignored in pursuit of my wish, I can't seem to shrug off her words.
—Bang, bang, bang, bang!
The banging noise coming from inside O grows even louder.
"We have been defeated."
"…Defeated? By whom?"
O just smiles silently, as if to indicate that the answer should be obvious.
"Maria. You can no longer avert your eyes from the past," she softly warns me with a smile. It reminds me of—
"—Ah."
Now I understand. So that's who O was imitating…
"No…! Don't you dare…!"
Memories of the past are being forcibly shoved into my head.
The past.
The past.
I frantically shake my head. Stay away. I don't need my past. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to recall it.
But O won't release me and tightens her hold on my cheeks.
"Maria. You have to go to battle; you have to face your strongest enemy. I'm afraid it's a battle that you can't win. I know that from experience. He is going to utterly defeat you."
I can't think of my enemy's name, but I know with an odd certainty that he is willing to sacrifice himself and all of his friends in order to crush my wish.
What's even more terrifying, however, is the fact that my heart is warming up for some reason.
I'm frozen in place in the face of this terrifying discovery. O suddenly embraces me, and I can't shake her off.
Aah … I must be hallucinating, but a mix of various scented oils and perfumes—a mix of aromas—is tickling my nose. This nostalgic fragrance, it's—
—It's Aya-oneechan's scent.
"Now, Maria, do your best."
I slowly sink into Onee-chanO's body. It's like I'm getting caught up in cobwebs. Bit by bit, I'm consumed by her body.
This place is our sanctuary. Our world that no one must intrude upon.
However.
There is still a sound.
—Bang, bang!
—Bang, bang!
I'm falling … falling … falling ever so slowly, but the bottom is still far away. It's as though I were floating in the depths of the ocean, yet it's as bright as day—I can clearly make out little bubbles in the transparent water. This place is so pure, so just, so fair. Aah, what a comfortable place! It might be cold and suffocating, but it's still my paradise.
I can hear voices: hahahaha!, they laugh, hahahahahahaha! they laugh with joy. Though flawed, this place is full of bliss. While sinking deeper into the ocean, I pass by several little worlds. Since every single one of them is brimming with happiness, I start to smile. My actions weren't futile, after all.
As I sink deeper, I suddenly touch one of these little worlds. I find myself surrounded by light and get drawn in.
Like God himself—if I may say so—I'm floating in the sky and can view the entire world in a single glance.
The world is built around a loving couple. It's their little world.
The two of them are sitting on the bank of a lake, leaning against each other. I can faintly hear the tweeting of wild birds from the deep green forest that surrounds the lake. The surface of the lake is twinkling in the sunlight as if to celebrate their love.
Yeah, call it flawed if you will, but this is undoubtedly a world of happiness.
"Hm?"
As a side effect of using the Flawed Bliss, I should have forgotten about this couple, but for some reason—maybe it's because they're right in front of me, maybe it's because I'm inside the Flawed Bliss—I recognize them. I used my box on them in the real world.
It's Nana Yanagi and Touji Kijima. They were a couple, but their relationship was already broken by the time I met them. There were simply too many issues standing between them.
They were suffering because of their dysfunctional relationship. Nana Yanagi was in a particularly horrible state; she even considered killing her lover because their relationship was going to end anyway. Simply preventing that violent act would have only attacked the symptoms without addressing the underlying problem. Therefore, I concluded that there was no way to ease their suffering and used the Flawed Bliss.
They were saved and now they live in this peaceful world.
"This…! This is exactly the peace I wanted to grant them!"
There won't be any problems anymore—only nice and gentle things exist here, after all. Their affection toward each other will stay pure and undistorted for eternity.
At the moment, my box may be flawed and only able to create happiness in little secluded worlds, but if I manage to create a perfect version, I'll be able to truly fulfill my wish.
(I won't let that happen.)
"Huh…?"
It's as if a voice is speaking directly into my head.
Splat!
Suddenly, a grotesque something falls down from the sky, even though only nice things are supposed to exist in this world.
"Eeeh? What's that?" Nana Yanagi asks as she inclines her head, noticing the ugly thing that just appeared.
It's a dark red lump of meat that resembles a tangle of internal organs, and is pulsing in an eerie manner like a heart. Thump thump thump!
"Eww … that's disgusting."
She had little time to say anything more: the pulsating dark red lump of meat starts growing rapidly and fills the entire lake in no time.
"Eek! No…! Stay away! It's disgusting!"
The lump causes the trees to rot, turns the water into sludge, and charges at the two of them. As they let out a blood-curdling scream, they are buried under the lump.
In a matter of moments the beautiful world transforms into a grotesque lump.
"What the hell is going on here…?"
Everything happened so fast I could only watch. It's over. My ideal has been destroyed. A fiendish, grotesque lump has spoiled it all.
Unable to maintain its artificial bliss, the world bursts and I get thrown back into the brightly-lit ocean.
"What happened…? What's happening…?"
—Bang, bang!
There's that sound again; I turn around and discover a hazy, undulating shadow that is shaped like a person and seems to be on the brink of dispersal.
(A … ah…)
His voice resembles the voice that I heard in my head earlier.
"Was that you? Did you destroy that world?"
(Stop it!)
"Hm?"
(Stop it!)
I keep listening, but the shadow won't say anything else. I then try reaching out for it; the shadow falls apart and disappears.
"…What was that all about?"
It clearly wasn't created by me. But while the shadow was tremendously fragile, I'm certain that it is the creator of that dark red lump of meat.
I look around. There are human-shaped shadows all around me that I didn't notice when I was focused on the beautiful worlds.
When I perk up my ears, I hear their voices:
(Save me…) (I'm lonely.) (I don't want to be alone, I hate solitude.) (Anyone? Please, anyone?) (Just kill me already.) (Stop it stop it stop it stop it!)
"…Seriously, what the…"
There is nothing but agony in their voices.
While I'm deep in thought regarding the identity of these shadows, my vision turns white again. I've been drawn into yet another little world and find myself once again in a position where I can look down at everything.
I see a spacious, tranquil park with gleaming fields of golden wheat nearby. In the middle of the park, two boys and a girl are playing catch together. The black-haired girl, who is wearing glasses, is clearly a horrible player; the two boys are throwing the balls in gentle arcs, but she still doesn't manage to catch anything. That being said, they are enjoying themselves anyway and laughing non-stop.
I didn't need to watch closely to recognize that the handsome boy and the girl are in love with each other. The second boy, who is taller than the first one, is watching them with a warm smile.
Aah, I see. This is—
"Daiya Oomine's happy world."
When he became an owner, Oomine tried to change the world by making fools aware of their sins, but he eventually failed. He committed a number of sins during that time, ended up getting cornered, and was stabbed by a fanatic believer before he could come up with a way to atone for his mistakes.
I ran into him as he was dying, and used the Flawed Bliss on him.
His playmates are the middle school versions of Kokone Kirino and Haruaki Usui. Oomine and I teamed up to accomplish his wish, but now I know better; what he really wanted wasn't a revolution, but only this: a simple place where Kokone Kirino can smile without care.
His wish has come true in this world.
There's no hope for this to happen in reality. For one thing, Oomine can't survive, and for another thing, Kirino has taken too much mental damage as it is and wouldn't be able to cope with the news of Oomine's death. Usui would also continue to suffer from their tragic fates.
Reality is way too extreme and way too cruel.
Even if it's just a sweet dream, it's the happiest outcome there can be.
Ah, and still—
"And still you want us to face reality?!"
Splat!
Again. Again, a grotesque foreign body invades this happy world.
"Don't … Don't…!"
Don't try to destroy a happiness that can only come to be with the help of a box!
"Oomine's your friend, right? Right?! You should be able to understand that Oomine needs this box even if it's flawed! Please stop … please!"
I scream—
"Kazuki!"
—His name.
"Ah!"
Right, I remember now. That's my enemy.
"Hm? What's that?"
By the time the younger version of Oomine notices the foreign body, the lump of meat has already started expanding.
As the lump grows, the golden wheat fields rot away and lose their luster, and the healthy ground turns into mud. The sky above them is stained black and purple, and the three of them are constrained by the ever growing meat. No matter how loudly they cry, the red lump keeps growing. Before long, it absorbs them and grotesquely covers the entire world.
This world has ended as well.
Daiya Oomine's world of happiness is no more.
Again, I'm thrown back into the bottom of the sea.
"…Why, Kazuki…? Why…?"
In front of my eyes is yet another hazy shadow. It's not Kazuki, exactly, but I know that it's related to him.
"Cut it out…! Who do you think you are?! What gives you the right to ruin the happiness of others?!" I yell angrily, but the shadow keeps repeating the same thing.
(It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…)
I touch the shadow and it disperses again. That probably means that my words haven't reached him.
"Kazuki … what in the world have you done to my box? What are you doing right now…?"
I look around. The eerie shadows have started to assemble around me as if to hunt down their prey.
However, the shadows just meaninglessly repeat the same words.
(No … no…) (Save me) (Kill me) (I'm lonely) (I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry) (Anyone, please, anyone look at me) (Ughhhhh) (I want to see you!)
(Maria!)
(Maria!)
(Maria!)
I clench my teeth and shake them off.
The shadows disperse at once.
I keep sinking deeper into the sea. Endlessly.
How long have I been wandering around here, I wonder? Quite some time must have passed.
As I sank and sank, I visited various little, blissful worlds. All of them were pleasant and filled with continuous laughter, and every single one of them was corrupted by this grotesque red lump of meat.
At first, I was angry. Why would Kazuki do something like that? What's so great about getting in my way? But then I slowly started to get scared; I noticed the horrible madness hidden behind the methods he must have employed. I began to grow worried about Kazuki. Was he okay after doing all this? Could he maintain his sanity?
After seeing another world getting devoured by the meat lump, I whisper:
"Kazuki … I want to talk with you."
What are you thinking? What are you doing? I want to know.
I thought I would keep sinking deeper, but apparently I was wrong: the water is no longer transparent, but has started to assume a dark color and turned sticky, much like coal tar. All the negative emotions that were born within this box have settled here; this sedimentary layer of distress forms the bottom of the sea.
I discover yet another little world here.
It seems like this world is to blame for the strange incidents and for the accumulation of distress.
Making up my mind, I enter this little world.
Right from the moment I entered, I felt a fundamental difference from all the other worlds. Its air stings my skin as if there were sand grains floating about, and the sky is stained blood red. The ground is covered by countless lumps of meat right from the beginning, but none of them are growing or pulsing.
As expected, I'm just a spectator here as well. Suddenly, however, something approaches me as I'm floating in the sky. It's a distortion in space, a "sediment", that barely looks like a human being.
(Maria)
That voice and that name…
"Kazuki! It's you, isn't it?!"
But the sediment just says:
(I'm afraid I can't respond to you, since this is just a message I left for you in the hope that you might come here someday. No … I didn't actually leave this message on purpose; it's really just an echo of the past.)
"Where is this? Ah … you can't answer me, huh?"
(You must be wondering what place this is, Maria. It is the world I was locked in by the Flawed Bliss and where I was supposed to be happy.)
The sediment cuts off its explanation and floats away as if to guide me somewhere. I silently follow it.
We arrive at the roof of the school building.
I look down and start to observe. As in the other little worlds, I'm a spectator who can "see" more than just what's in front of my eyes. It's hard to describe this peculiar sensation, but I can feel the world with all my body.
The school is noisier than I remembered. Apparently, a school festival is going to be held, and the students are busy with the final preparations. Among them are faces that I recognize.
I also discover Oomine and Kirino; they seem to be on very good terms in this world.
I reluctantly continue to look for someone else; there is only one person I want to see right now.
"Kazuki!" I shout, finding him as he leaves the school building. "Ah…"
I don't want to admit it, but my heart starts to pound faster just from seeing him. I can't get rid of the urge to be with him, no matter how many times he gets in my way. I want him to notice me – to turn around and see me.
But then I notice something else: Kazuki is pushing a wheelchair occupied by Kasumi Mogi. They are happily navigating the festival like a couple.
"…"
Mixed feelings well up within me. It's only natural that Mogi would be by his side; she always wanted to confess her love to him, after all. While she would have met with an accident either way, she would have eventually won Kazuki over if not for the boxes.
"Yeah … that's right…"
Kazuki doesn't need me.
I'm not needed.
"I do not exist in a world where Kazuki can be happy. No—"
If anything, I'm an obstacle.
Kazuki used to believe that there is no despair that can't be overcome by everyday life, but his belief was taken from him when a foreign body invaded his life and drove him insane. I got him involved with boxes.
In other words—
"I brought calamity upon Kazuki."
Therefore I have no right to be by his side.
But even though I may have realized this, neither the world nor the sediment release me; I feel depressed as I'm forced to watch them spend the day together.
The festival ends and the campfire ceremony begins. The students start to dance to the tune of the Oklahoma Mixer. Kazuki and Mogi are side by side, peacefully watching the flames.
Mogi gently—almost as if trying to capture a soap bubble—takes Kazuki's hand and looks into his eyes.
I immediately realize what she is going to say.
"I love you, Kazu-kun."
After gazing deeply into her eyes, Kazuki smiles and answers:
"I love you, too, Mogi-san!"
With the most beautiful of smiles, Mogi says, "Let's be together forever."
"Absolutely."
Yeah, there's nothing here for me to see anymore.
Kazuki has found happiness. In that case, I should leave now.
I look at the sediment again.
"I've seen enough. Return me to the sea."
The sediment remains silent.
"Don't worry. I'll leave Kazuki alone. I will hold no grudge against him even if he breaks the Flawed Bliss beyond repair. Actually it's the opposite: he has all the reasons in the world to loathe me. He has earned the right to forget about me and start over. But I won't change. I will keep searching for a way to make everyone in the world happy, with or without the Flawed Bliss."
I didn't expect an answer, and yet the sediment opens its mouth to provide a response:
(I bet you're getting silly ideas right now, Maria. You must be suffering under the absurd illusion that an everyday life together with Mogi-san is supposed to mean happiness to me, and that you should leave.)
"What?"
(Don't underestimate my madness.)
Suddenly, the world gets painted over in dazzling white.
"What happened…?"
An instant later, the world has returned to normal. The sky remains crimson and the red meat lumps are still where they were before, but something feels different. The campfires in the school yard have gone out and the students are again preparing for the festival.
After a while, I finally realize what happened.
"Did time just reset? Are they experiencing the day of the festival once again…?"
Once more, Kazuki appears before me, pushing a wheelchair.
"It won't … just end happily?"
